FF:Beginnings and Endings.(Part 5 Pg 11) - Page 7

I stood at the door with tears streaming down my cheeks. My mother stood speechless looking at me, filling in my features as if I would disappear any moment.

She hugged me into a tight hug as if fearing that the moment she would leave me , i would again vanish. We stood there in each other's embrace long not knowing that the whole household was staring at me. Next I saw was my father, the man who had helped me run away to save me from dying at the hands of my own brother.

Before I could gather what was happening around my mom called "Parjayi ji dekho toh kaun aaya hai, meri Beti, Meri Geet aayi hai..". I stood there looking at her dumbfounded. Even after all the rude words I had spoken to her she took only a minute to envelop me into her world again.

That brought everyone out of the house. Daarji, rajji, tito, taiji and tauji came running to see me. The first to approach me was Daarji hugging me and looking outside as if searching for someone. I looked at him with questioning eyes and he asked me ,"Maan nahi aaya tere naal,". There I was caught again. The thing I feared the most was brought up. I had to lie I couldn't tell them all that I had left my house and come here. "Unhe kaam tha, mera aap sab se milne..". "Chal chad yeh sari gallaan aur andar chal," said my mom. Taiji retorted from behind,"Kudi shaadi ke baad pehli baar ghar aayi hai who bhi akeli, mahulle wale kya kahenge," though I was not looking at her I knew darji shot her a glare to shut up.

The moment I had settled myself on the couch I was enveloped in a tight hug by Raji and tito.

Raji seemed to have grown older, she looked mature but Tito still looked the same, the same brother of mine who loved to land me in trouble.

When she left me she chuckled and said,"Pichli baar toh jiju tere ko ek min ke liye bhi akela nahi chod rahe the aur is baar unhone tujhe yahaan tak aane diya, kya baat hai.."

Darji said,"Pichli baar," and he looked at both of us questioningly. "Tu unse kab mili hai Rajji,"

We were caught. Maan had brought Raaji and tito to meet me when we were last time but no one knew about it.

Rajji looked at me and then at daarji. I knew I will have to give an explanation rajji would not be able to.

"Who jab main pichli baar HP aayi thi tab,"

There was a cumulative gasp from all standing there.

I then proceeded to explain about the reason I had come to HP, The goons that had followed us and my meeting with the two kids of the house.

Everybody stood there watching me in silence. I had to break the silence before it became too uncomfortable.

I turned to maa and asked her,"Aaj khane mein kya hai, mujhe bahut bhook lagi hai,"

Everyone took a second to absorb in what I had said and then they burst out laughing.

"Yeh toh aaj bhi utni hi jhali hai, bechara maan pata nahi is ke nakhre kaise uthata hoga,"

I made a baby face and smiled though everytime the mention of his name send chills down my spine and made me want to burst out crying, But I could not burst their bubble and take away the smile from their faces.

It was then my father spoke for the first time since I entered ,"Meri gudiya pehle he waqt se pehli badi ho gayi hai, ab use tang na karo,". I knew what he was referring to but there were many things that were still hidden from them. I smiled at him and held his hand that rested on top of my head.

He smiled at me teary eyed and looked at me with all the love in the world in his eyes.

"chal tu haath mu dho kar aa, main tab tak khana garam karti hoon," said my mom.

I nodded but didn't move from there.

Mom was walking away but she saw me rooted to ground she turned and asked ," Kya baat hai jaa ab,"

I fumbled for words what was I to ask her. Finally I gathered courage and asked her,"Main kahan jaaon,"

Daarji smiled at me,'Puttar apne kamre mein,".

I was still confused. I looked at him and he knew what I wanted to know. "Bitiya tera karma aaj bhi waise he hai jaisa tu use chod kar gayi thi, teri maa na kisi ko us kamre mein ghusne bhi diya hai in 6 maheeno mein,".

I had tears in my eyes. I let them flow and ran and hugged maa. She hugged me back.My tears turned into sobs and I said between them,"Main bahut buri ho na," "Shh meri beti duniya ke sabse pyari beti hai," she said thru her tears.

Darji kept his hand on my head though I could see his tears from the corner of my eyes,"Jhali kahin ki, cha lab jaa is se pehle ki main teri phir se pitaayi karoon, aur waise bhi ," and I chuckled at that through my tears.

He looked at me and smiled. I left my mom and I hugged him. "Geet tu jaa rahi hai nahi," though his hold on me was becoming tighter. I nodded my head and he left me.

I walked back to my room. I saw that everything was same.

I picked up a suit from the cupboard and went into the washroom.

Looking at myself I remembered that today was HOLI. Then I suddenly reminisced that my family was so fond of playing holi why wasn't anyone celebrating. I ran down the stairs without changing and looked for maa.

I found her in the kitchen busy preparing a sumptuous meal for all of us. I looked at her observing that nothing had changed over in the months I was away.

I stood there for a while, and finally entered the kitchen quietly waiting for her to notice me. She didn't take long to feel my presence around. She immediately turned around looking at me with a baffled face.

"Geet, tu yahaan and then she looked at me from head to toe. "Tu theek toh hai na, kuch chahiye tujhe, tujhe chot lagi hai kya, tujhe ghar jaana hai kya," she kept ranting her questions till I told her to relax as I was fine and just wanted to know something.

She took a breath of relief and smiled at me. She turned back to the stove and began cooking.

"Pooch kya poochna hai,"

"Hum log holi kyun nahi mana rahein hai, ghar pet oh kitni dhoom dhaam se holi manate the na,"

She turned back to me with a sad smile, "Ghar mein agar bacche na ho toh kaisa tohayar, na tut hi aur na hi Brij…".

I flinched hearing his name. I knew he was far away but I also knew that hadn't it been Maan at every moment I wouldn't be standing here alive. And today he was not there His name sent shudders down my spine.

She stopped as soon as she said his name. She knew what he had done to me not only when I lived here but also on the day of my marriage.

She looked up at him I forced a half -hearted smile and nodded my head heading back to my room to change.

It took me well above half an hour to take a bath and change.

When I went down everyone was already seated at the table waiting for me to arrive. I apologized for being late and sat at my usual place. Maa served me but I didn't feel like eating.

There was a conversation going on which I could not pay attention to. The dining table had too many memories attached to HIM. I tried eating but all in vain. I could laugh outside but deep within me I was still hurt and weak. The food would not go down my throat.

I kept nibbling with an absent look though I tried my best to be cheerful.

"Lagata hai didi ko Jiju ki kuch zayada he aa rahi hai," chirped raaji.

I smiled at her and shook my head ,"Aisa kuch nahi hai," and told her to shut up with my eyes.

"Toh phir tu khana kyun nahi kha rahi hai," asked Daarji.

"who mujhe bhook nahi hai," I lied. I coulnt tell them I couldn't eat without knowing if HE had eaten or not. His memories and the pain he had given me was too strong to be ignored.

"Yeh sahi nahi hai," said maa.

I looked at her questioningly.

"Is haalat mein tujhe apna khayal rakhna chahiye, tujhe apne andar pal rahi nanhi se jaan ki bhi toh fikar karni hai," I looked at her trying to fight my tears.

"Ab toh 6 maheene hone ko aa gaye hain, par tut oh zara sib hi moti nahi hui, sab theek hai na, dr kya kehte hain," said taiji.

I coudnt fight my tears anymore. I pushed the chair back and ran to my room to seek refuge from the memories I have been trying to bury.