Jokes - Page 41

Boss: I am giving you job as a driver. Starting salary Rs.2000/-, is it ok?

Sardar: You are great, Sir! Starting salary is ok, but... how much is driving salary...?

The Ant & The Grasshopper

The classic old version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

MODERN VERSION:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

AAJ TAK, STAR NEWS, INDIA TV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The world is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

ARUNDHATI ROY stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house

MEDHA PATKAR goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter

KOFFI ANNAN criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper.

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a judicial enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the hear so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

LALU PRASAD allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the "Grasshopper Rath"

Finally the Judicial Committee drafts the "Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act" (POTAGA) with effect from the beginning of the winter

ARJUN SINGH Singh makes "Special Reservation" for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with the POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremoney covered by AAJ Tak, STAR NEWS & India TV.

Arundhati Roy calls it "A Triumph of Justice"

Lalu calls it "Socialistic Justice"

CPM calls it the "Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden"

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN Gerneral Assembly.

Many years later................

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley.

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India

As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country !!!!

Kavi nice one 👏

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous
young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to
Morris
and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur;
be careful.'"

Caryn, that was fantastic 👏 😃

yosikka yosikka reality sinks in. politicians 😡

"Doctor, I have an ear ache."

2000 BC - "Here, eat this root."

1000 BC - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."

1850 AD - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."

1940 AD - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."

2000 AD - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."

2050 AD - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together.

"Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back...."

Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. What d'ya say?"

Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.

However, two days later, St. Peter got a call.

"Pete, Lu. Hey, you gotta come get these three clowns.
This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody,
the Graham guy is saving everybody,
and that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."

A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what
'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: "Rye. Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them?

Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes'
means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine.

Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad! ?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on
sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."

i have read this one before caryn and it never fails to put me in splits!!! this one is cracker isn't it???