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suram

@suram

Voyager

Posted: 17 years ago

#1091

This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.

Edited by suram - 17 years ago

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girivanam

@girivanam

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1092

😆 😆 Suram

Here is one

Mini Meanie

The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition.

"Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win."

"Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily.

When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?"

"Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.

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suram

@suram

Voyager

Posted: 17 years ago

#1093

Welfare applications

For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments.

1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.

2. I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

4. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?

5. I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.

6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.

7. Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows.

8. I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.

9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.

10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see.

11. My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.

12. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

13. You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?

14. I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.

15. I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

16. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

Edited by suram - 17 years ago

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suram

@suram

Voyager

Posted: 17 years ago

#1094

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.

"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

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girivanam

@girivanam

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1095

Camoflauge Clothing

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.

"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."

"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.

"Get my brown pants."

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girivanam

@girivanam

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1096

How love matures with the years of marriage ..........

6 weeks: I love you , I love you , I love you
6 months: Of course I love you
6 years: If I didnt love you , would I have commited the mistake of marrying you

After coming back from office

6 weeks: Honey I've taken half day and come home
6 months: Don't you realize I've come home
6 years: Get me tea and something to eat

Gifts

6 weeks: Sweetheart did you like the ring?
6 months: I've bought a nice painting for you. It will look good in my study
6 years: Take this money and buy something for yourself

When the phone rings

6 weeks: Honey , there's a call for you , see who it is
6 months: Your phone!!!
6 years: Can't you hear the phone ringing?

Cooking

6 weeks: I've never eaten such tasty food before
6 months: What is there to eat today?
6 years: Oh God , the same thing again?

Mistakes

6 weeks: Don't worry , why will I ever get angry with you for such a small thing
6 months: Look here , don't repeat this again
6 years: When are you going to learn things?

New dress

6 weeks: You look beautiful in this new dress
6 months: Is it new?
6 years: Now how much money have you wasted from my salary for this new dress?

TV

6 weeks: Which serial shall we watch sweetheart?
6 months: Keep the match !!!
6 years: I'm going to watch this movie for another 1 hour , you can go to sleep

Amazing ...........