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Now i say at this at my own peril, but being the last one to write is always a difficult task, coz even if u have a thousand things in mind, someone has invariably already said it! but i am glad, coz it just shows how much joy SNT and AA can bring into people's lives, just as they do mine! At my own peril , coz i am just asking for trouble here from my darling anuster aka meeeeeeooooooooowwwwwwwwww!!!
🤗🤗Muahhhhhh!🤗🤗🤗It's all good, sweetheart!
🤗🤗🤗before i start, let me also say that i completely disagree with your answer to shona's first para and completely reiterate what she has said...deny if u will, but that's how it is! LOL😆😆😆
You know how i feel about SNT, about SNT's AA and above all about your writing. i want to take a moment to talk about the way you have written this part and for that matter every other part. i have said this after every part that your writing is what literary dreams are made out of, but what i want to say today is that the unique quality of your writing is its honesty and its simplicity, which makes it sooooooooo highly real and palpably descriptive. every time i read snt, and esp esp this time, its like i am watching scene after scene unfold before my eyes, till i forget that i am actually reading, not watching . i think that is one of hte biggest triumphs a writer can aim for, and u achieve it not once but every single time. but never like this time , never like this part my girl....Oh thank you so much, Sonali yaar🤗🤗That is a lovely compliment! Muahhh! Maybe it's like that cuz when I write it, I sometimes feel like I'm watching it in my head and then writing out whatever I see😆😆😆....so in way I'm just narrating, that's all yaar😆
i almost feel i can hear the dialogues, see the expressions, feel the intensity of hte scene, see anjie's sobbing heaves , and hear the silence while anjie is crying!
and now back to our anjie who waited all day in eager anticipation only to have her hopes dashed and her heart broken...You picked up on that🤗....yes, I wanted to highlight the contrast of that...how happy she was, and what it came to and how it ended.
strange are the ways of hte heart and the logic it follows! They sure are! what makes a daughter identify an award as the only way of finding the way to a father's heart and hang on to this hope in single-minded persistence. what complicates our relationships so much in our hearts and in our heads, that we have to resort to tortuously convoluted methods of trying to reach out to each other instead of resorting to simple communication. *sigh* But then I think it's all about 'ifs and buts' and perceptions yaar...and I think it's so ironic that for an otherwise very 'logical' person who usually thinks from her head...when it comes to her father, all logic gets tossed out the window.why does communication become soooooooo difficult that it begets so much pain, and yet why is it soooooooooo easy to cry on a most unlikely shoulder, in our moment of greatest grief and defeat! and why do we lash out in anger and scream and hurl insults , when the only thing we really want to do is to cry inconsolably like a little girl while someone holds us tight and gives us a shoulder and arms to cry on. 🤗🤗🤗That is what I wanted to portray.
there are people in this world who have the felicity of freely expressing their emotions, their loves, their needs, and their joy or sorrow . there are other unfortunate souls who , though no less emotional, and often far more sensitive, are unable to express their deeply felt emotions,angst , affections, love, despair, or insecurities. it is a much more difficult way of life, a much harder existence , for usually the intensity of their feelings become almost unbearable without an outlet . the fear of rejection makes them hide behind a stiff, often hard exterior the feelings and emotions which may be far more sensitive than they care to admit. such people have a very very difficult life indeed. and so is our anjie in such a state where she desperately, desperately needs to reach out to her dad, show him how much she hurts , how lonely she is without him, how much she needs to have his love, appreciation and approval, how much she needs to make him proud of her...she needs to measure up, to be the apple of his eye, and to know that he loves her, she needs to tell him that look i am your worthy daughter...i am your daughter, worthy or not! Exactly...that is it in a nutshell...and I could never express it that well🤗
in her inability to reach out to him, she has tied her hopes to this tenuous thread ie the IOTM award. it seems to be her only or atleast the most immediate/direct way at present to reach out to him , to be noticed, and she has far too much laid out weighing on it. and her hope of winning it is what has kept her going for a while. her professional ambition is just yet another indirect, under wraps effort to win her dad's attention and appreciation. oh the travails of not being able to throw your arms around your dad's neck and tell him u love him! oh the misery of not being able to give in to emotional exhibitionism! And that is so the tragedy in Angie's life, isn't it?
and atul, the insightful, knows this...he knows how brittle is the tough exterior, how thin the veneer...and he knows exactly how much rides on this award for Anjie. he has grave doubts if she will be able to face defeat in this if it comes her way, because it will take away more from her than anyone else other than him realizes. and he is scared for her! he has seen the girl buried deep inside, and he knows how sensitive and scared she is! and so he fervently prays for her to win it , to retain the slight opening he has forced in her shut doors. and he is rightly worried!
aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh, u took it away from her! it had to be i guess, though i had begged u in the last part not to , even then knowing how it must be! When is life fair, and yet it gives back in some way what it takes away! Yes exactly....life is not fair....I'm sure there isn't a single person amongst us who hasn't had to learn that harsh truth of life the hard wayit took away anjie's supposed route to her father's heart, only to make a route into her heart for someone else.I love how you've put that...guess that is what happened😆..as atul opens the door to that fire escape, the creaking of hte door is the knocking on anjie's heart as he quietly , gently , firmly and lovingly reaches out to her and tries to soothe away the hurt and the tears that lie locked deep inside her heart. sometimes, we dont need someone to tell us to hush! we need someone to hold us and hug us and tell us to cry on their shoulder...someone to tell us that it will be okay, that they will make it okay for us, and anjie's someone has been brought to her in her moment of depair by life.
atul hesitates at the door, because he knows that it is not easy to console Anjie, or to reach out to her . he recognizes a moment of intense grief and hopelessness, of shattered expectations, of depair when he sees it. he knows not if he should intrude upon the privacy of a world collapsing around anjie's ears. he is scared to tread amidst the broken shards of her heart, her h opes and her dreams. and yet, when a loved one cries as if her heart will break, there is apoint , perhaps just a sob, which makes all fear, or hesitation fly out of the window and the only thought remaining is how to console, reassure, soothe and support the person. Oh you've described this so well, sweetheart🤗🤗 That is IT! Exactly it! A dilemna...he almost left...but that one sob pushed him over the edge...and so a twist of fate.atul knows what anjie's reaction to his intrusion might be, but he doesnt care for he cannot bear to see her like this.he is willing to take her lashing.
anjie's hurt and despair has finally burst out, and all the emotions inside her chest are fighting with each other to come out. at moments like this , the only thing and yet the last thing you want is for someone to come and hold your hand. she needs an outlet, a vent, a punching bag to vent her anger, her frustration, her pent up emotions, her feeling of being cheated by fate ,at the unfairness of the whole thing-and atul knows it and presents himself to be punched and then to be leaned on. and seeing atul, anjie goes from icy coldness to anger, to hatred , to fear at being pitied,to disgust at being seen in her vulnerability, to finally giving in to the greatest need of the hour for some affection and comfort from a kind and kindred soul. that tear that drops out of atul's eyes, finally crumbles her defences totally and the smile forces her to give in......it is truly said that what smiles cannot bring together, will be bonded by tears. and today the union of anjie and atul's tears have forged a connection which is beyond words or description...Oh Sonali yaar...you've explained the entire graph of that scene so well!🤗
anjie finally lays her head to rest on a shoulder she somehow knows is not a pitying one, but a caring one. it has no condescension,no conditions, with a strange unspoken reassurance of never leaving or inflicting hurt , of understanding beyond words and an empathy that she was scared to hope for her. this was a moment of coming to rest for her, a home coming, a refuge where she could feel protected and taken care of. a branch , no a solid bank in the midst of the tumultous stream of her troubled life,where she could finally come to rest. and for him, a completion he had only dreamed of and had perhaps dared to reach out for. That's exactly what it was....a homecoming of sorts...in ways she doesn't even fully realize yet.
u say two different people? but where is the difference? when two parts join to make a whole, when two beings meet and merge to complete, complement and fulfill each other, it is as if it was meant to be...two parts of the same entirety who have finally found each other to make up the whole again. one was meant to find, touch and complete the other, so that both could find their peace. And I guess that is what love's all about, hmmm?
i repeat this again, that what cannot be completed with laughter will find completion amidst tears. that is how the world goes round...And for some reason, the tears do so tug at our heart in ways that the laughter a lot of times can't, nahin? Ofcourse the one combination that cuts straight thru is that of laughter thru tears...really gets me anytime I see it.
i have space only for a word about mili, but let it not be an indication about the amount i enjoyed that part. she reminds us all of mini who we adore, and yet we alll see immediately she is different, more like a little anjie. and may i say , almost more believable! atul seems to collect all these complicated, disturbed , affection-hungry souls on the way and heals their hearts as only he can...i am waiting eagerly to see how this one progrsses! LOL@ Atul collecting all these complicated affection hungry souls😆..I guess he is doing that in a way😆....Well, Mili is fun to write...yes she is Angie in some ways and Mini in many others...let's see where I can take her from here....😉
its a special part for u, its a spl part for AA and snt, and a very spl part for me...may your pen prosper and heart flow over with more of this wonderful tale that regales us so. thank u my meoooooooowwwwww! Muahhh! Thank you so much for always encouraging me, sweetheart🤗What would I do without you?🤗
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