Arhi FF: Protecting the Past (Chapter 6 updated)

Chapter 3: Little Things

As a child, I would often look at my parents and wonder if they truly love each other. My father never got lost in my mother's eyes or my mom didn't become shy every time he came near her. It was nothing like what they showed in movies. As I grew older, I realized love and all other emotions are much more complicated. Love comes in all different forms; it presents itself not just in someone's touches or smiles or kisses but also in someone's anger, someone's silence, someone's tears.

As I sit here in Arnav's living room looking at Aakash, watching him go through all these emotions, I realize to what extent his love for Payal goes. Arnav told me briefly about Aakash and Payal and I couldn't help but feel sympathy for both. It's easy to romanticize the relationship between people who come from different backgrounds but to actually be in one, is not that pretty. The hurdles are much bigger and the differences too huge. And a lot of times, things don't work out and people fall apart.

I don't doubt that Aakash loves Payal from what Arnav has told me and what I witnessed after Aakash learnt about Payal's marriage but does he love her enough to go against his mother who loved him throughout his whole life unconditionally? Does he love her enough to give up the life his parents dreamt for him in India and settle in the US? And what about Payal? Despite not belonging to a conservative family, will she be willing to give up her faith and convert to hinduism as Aakash's mother had asked? Is she willing to keep mum while Manorama aunti keeps taunting her about her religion and her upbringing in the US? How about her self respect?

It would be so much easier if it was just about two people but it's not. A single life is attached to so many other lives. I can understand this better than anybody; and this is exactly one of the reasons why I would never tell anyone about me being bisexual. I knew I was attracted to girls since I was a teenager, when my body started understanding certain feelings. For a while I though it was only girls but soon I found myself developing feelings for a George in 10th grade. After some research on the internet, I came to know there is a term for people like me "Bisexual". I hated putting a label on myself as if I was a commodity but that is how the world would tag me and that was my identity; a part of me.

The internet is a great place for learning about many different things and it is also a great place for learning how much the world hates you; sites dedicated to curing homosexuality and the comments section filled with prophecies of homosexuals going to hell. True there is more awareness now but coming from a small conservative town in India, I know that it will be long before I can be true to myself. It is suffocating to hide from your loved ones about who you truly are but I'm walking on a egg shell. There are too many "what ifs" in my head and I don't want this shell that I have built around me to break, or so I though until I met Arnav. I haven't told anyone about my sexuality including the guys I date. Especially because I am worried of being judged or them turning it into something kinky. But for some reason, I felt like I needed to tell him on the first day we "hung" out.

I was expecting some kind of dramatic reaction when I announced, "I'm bisexual!

He stopped the fork wrapped in spaghetti that was about to enter his mouth in midway and said, "Ok but I knew." He shrugged his shoulder and continued eating.

I couldn't decide whether I was relieved or mad. I had spent so many nights crying myself to sleep. I have hated myself my whole life for being who I am and here this guy made it seem like it wasn't a big deal. He made it seem like all of my self loathing was for nothing. But then, maybe it isn't. Maybe if he doesn't think it's a big deal, my family will accept it too. Maybe...just maybe

That night he gave me hope but the thing called self confidence, once lost is hard to gain back. That night, I kept asking myself a lot of questions including "What if he is taking this casually? What if he doesn't want to see me again and just didn't want to make a big deal out of it." But he cleared all my doubts when I got a text from him next evening asking me how my day went. We have been meeting twice or three times every week for the last month and yesterday, he took me to an official date. My roommate called at midnight begging me not come to the apartment as the guy she is seeing is come over to our place. I rolled my eyes and said ok.

When I told Arnav, he said I could crash at his place. I normally don't trust people that easily but with him, for some reason, I wanted to let go of my guard. This was something very unlike me because I am very practical when it comes to things like this. Next morning, Aakash, Arnav's friend knocked on his door looking like a mess.

Right now, as I am watching Arnav listen to Aakash patiently, I can't help but admire him even more. This guy is an enigma. His passion and dedication towards his work inspires me and his love for his family and friends makes me want to be part of that circle. With the humbleness he has, it is hard to guess that he is the CEO of one of the biggest companies in the world. I happened to glance at his calendar on his phone and it was packed throughout the week. Anyone with packed schedule like that would want the weekend for relaxing but I haven't seen him complain even a bit throughout the whole day as he sits next to Aakash listening to him.

Seeing the sun going down, I tell both of them that I should get going when Aakash says he wants to go back to his apartment. He thanks me for staying with him and listening to him. I hold his hand and say, "It's no problem."

I had met Aakash and Payal at Lavanya's wedding and talked to both briefly. Despite of just meeting them for the first time, I had felt comfortable with them.

All three of us freshened up and left the apartment together. Arnav was dropping me off and Aakash was going back to his apartment. When we reached the main door of the building, Aakash hugged Arnav and then me. It was as if he was saying bye for the last time. I thought maybe I was overthinking things so I let it be. Then, he went towards his car and we went towards Arnav's car.

Once inside the car, Arnav turned to me and said, "He told me he is returning back to India this coming Friday." I could tell it was painful for him to see Aakash in this situation. Even though he didn't show his emotion, his eyes are so easy to read. I hold his hand gently and caress it. He turns to me and gives me a soft smile.

Turning to the front, he starts the car and we fall into a comfortable silence; each lost in her/his thoughts.

Once we reach my apartment building, he looks at me and asks, "What's your plan for tomorrow?

"I have some work and then I'll probably catch up on Game of Thrones," I say.

"You wanna come over to my place? I have work I need to finish as well. We can do work together and then we can watch the show together, he seems little hesitant. He shrugs his shoulder a little and scratches the top of his nose and says, "It's cool though if you want to it spend by yourself.

I smile at his awkwardness and say, "I will take the train and be at your place around noon."

I say bye and head towards the apartment building. I can feel him looking at me and I can bet that he is smiling. Once inside the building, I hear his car zoom by. I have a smile plastered to my face as I move towards my apartment.

Like or comment would be great to keep me motivated! 😛(but only if you like what you're reading though 😉).

Originally posted by: coderlady

Khushi in love with Lavanya was a big surprise.

Originally posted by: Uzii

Hi dear just read all parts n its kind of different story khusi being bisexual but its really good that she told arnav beforehand n he kind of knew it.