CHAPTER 29
ROLI'S'S P.O.V
i don't seriously know how I can understand my own mind. I'm going through a stage where I can neither realize my mindset nor ignore a bundle of feelings that is accumulating in it. Siddhant is occupying my side somewhere, I can see that. I find solace in him; today when I felt really shattered his support felt heavenly. I don't know why I hugged him; I had not done it with anyone else other than my papa, with whom I always feel connected, safe and secure. And I don't know why I feel the same feeling with Siddhant. He makes me deeply happy. But right now, he had done something that had hurt me. I wasn't meant to be hurt, but still I felt bad. The college was over by 3: 30 and I went to parking area where Siddhant would usually wait for me since our marriage. But today as I went there I saw Raksha on Siddhant's bike and I got they were planning to go somewhere. Raksha smiled at me and said "Sorry Roli...you please go home today by taxi...I got to do some shopping and Sid should come with me to help me...So he'd come with me okay...bye...Sid...let's go..." Siddhant just smiled t me. I didn't know what to say. Raksha was holding his shoulders and sat visibly close to him. I don't know why my heart ached as they drove away from my eyesight. I couldn't sense why I felt bad on seeing him with Raksha. I still remember the way he yelled at me when I asked Raksha to stay away from our affairs. He asked me ho dare I talk so to his Raksha'. So that and this one read together made me restless. Was something going on between them? Was Raksha just his friend or...? I seriously don't know, I know I'm not the one to get angry or yell at him because he went with her. But personally I cannot hide the fact that I'm hurt. I have never felt this bad. May be because I'm his wife'...------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------This night, Sid had returned with Raksha. I felt really shocked at first to see them entering the driveway of our house. I reached the hall and opened the door for them. Raksha entered the home without a warning; it seemed that she had a lot of freedom here. Ma and Jhanvi were really happy on seeing her. You know, Jhanvi is very friendly with me, but when she saw Raksha, she's behaving as if I'm not even in her planet. And same was the case with ma too. And even Sid wasn't minding me. He was just around her making her eat, drink and all that. I wasn't hungry. I was; but all these scenes in fact filled my stomach well. I went in to room without saying anything to Raksha or anyone. It was just eight, but I still laid down in the bed to sleep. And strangely I got tears in my eyes!!!!It was like some part of mine was ripped off from me. Without a reason I felt so angry to Raksha, so very much angry. May be I'm not rightful as she is in Sid's matter. May be they were in a relationship or something. And may be Sid just thought me as a friend, just a friend. But I'm his wife...I still I'm. I'm not in love with him, but still I'm his wife. I have the vermillion of his name on my hairline and he himself cannot ignore the relationship of seven pheras. I don't know when I started to believe in these saas bahu like concepts but seriously I respect our relationship now. I still can't believe that it's the same me who used to ignore all these things when my mother used to tell about them. But now that I respect my relationship with him, I want others to respect it.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Much later Sid entered the room, he was so happy, so merry. "I left Raksha at her home...I called you lot...where was you? Why you didn't you come down to say a bye to her?" he asked me. I suddenly felt so annoyed. He taking all those to me felt ridiculous to me. "Why is she Indian president for me to raise and say bye to her? No right?" i was too hard. I knew it. "She isn't..." he said smiling. He went in and changed to his night clothes. Then he came near the bed, kept the pillows between us and jumped to the bed. "You know...we enjoyed a lot today...She just love shopping,...And we went from movie too...And that coffee at the hardrock; that just rocked...overall, the evening was superb... " now I really lost it knowing that they were freaking out all the while. "So what??? Should I stand upside down for that?" and I turned against him. "Switch off the light..." I yelled at him. He did it. I couldn't still sleep, but somehow, sometime, I gradually drifted off to sleep.
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