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Vibhuti

@SparkleV

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#1091

Originally posted by: dristi64

Y do u torture yourself??🤣

I was having Dinner! (ya we eat 7.30)
One of the Crappy dinner now!

but it hurts yr...what they HV done!

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Errantnomad

@Errantnomad

Inactive

Posted: 10 years ago

#1092

Originally posted by: Nisha0604
Kalpana
Very poignant note
While I sympathize with the young man unfortunately unable to "take his side"

I feel "paavam" for his parents. They in their wildest nightmare could not have imagined their son talking so harshly about their upbringing of him
How cruel
I am not saying like typical Desis we should keep everything bottled up and neither do I appreciate this disgusting "honesty"There will be NO human being on earth that will care for this young man AS MUCH as his parents, I am sorry, his wife wont either. I just shared a incident from my town

The parents did what THEY thought was good for him. They lived in TRICHY. Chances are they are not "uber cool" and greedy. I have plenty of relatives in Trichy. Its a simple life. Where there is no or little money parents hope education will fill the gap
I dont think they would ever have imagined it would traumatize the young man so deeply

Tomorrow if he breaks his back "trying to be cool hiking the Yosemite" see how they fly over and waste away by his hospital bed
Its very smug and self serving of him to dismiss their earnest prayers and wishes this way

I LOVE SUJATHA
HE WAS SO REAL

Today morning, I felt a strange sense of loss after reading this.
Things got to a point where the parent had to write twice to Sujatha. Such a loss of connect
Second time around he had to call him again asking his son to call him for Deepavali.

One thought that arised in my mind is
Was he not able to make any friends and memories as such that connects him to his town.

But this is a learning that makes one reflect

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kalavathi5

@kalavathi5

Navigator

Posted: 10 years ago

#1093

Nisha what a wonderful update!!! Loved II and Vandu together again!! II is such a sweet sister to offer to take care of Vaishnavi!!! 👏

R&B taking the effort to stay for dinner and generally being non confrontational - just goes to show how mature he is and how empathetic he is to his wife's desire to spend time with her parents!!

About the Trichy father and the son in America note---I would hate to think that any parent would be so goal oriented that a child felt his childhood was wasted and that he doesn't want to see his parents more than 5 days a year. In most Tam Brahm households-education takes up a very important place and I remember having to miss out on fun outings to the beach and movies etc. bec I had the SATs or AP exams or something going on with school. Sure there are times I feel bad about it, but I know at the same time, my folks did try to make things enjoyable as much as possible for me and the push they gave was for me to succeed. By my becoming something, they were not going to gain anything except pride that their daughter was successful. At least, this is how I feel about it now looking back. Maybe if you asked me this while I was younger, I would not be thinking this way. 😃

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Nisha0604

@Nisha0604

Sparkler

Posted: 10 years ago

#1094

Swathi

As a parent I can only hope when my kids look back on their childhood the focus on education and good grades doesnt epitomize their whole growing up years. There is more to parents love than their need for you to be academically accomplished.

While they could have "gone easy" a bit
I am hoping he would learn to look at the positive things too
He lives in a greedier more materialistic world now, its very easy to mock and ridicule his parents. I can bet my non existent fortune that where he is right now he will be ALL OVER his child/kids trying to make him the next Sundar Pichai.

Atleast his parents had a financial compulsion in Trichy
He cant even hide behind such "silly" rationalization

I would be curious to know if his parenting is all "bohemian" and if he is letting his kid drop out of school at 6th grade and encouraging him to serve burritos at Taco Bell because "its his heart's calling"

I DOUBT it

Edited by Nisha0604 - 10 years ago

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swathi1990

@swathi1990

Voyager

Posted: 10 years ago

#1095

Originally posted by: Nisha0604
Swathi

As a parent I can only hope when my kids look back on their childhood the focus on education and good grades doesnt epitomize their whole growing up years. There is more to parents love their need for you to be academically accomplished.

While they could have "gone easy" a bit
I am hoping he would learn to look at the positive things too
He lives in a greedier more materialistic world now, its very easy to mock and ridicule his parents. I can bet my non existent fortune that where he is right now he will be ALL OVER his child/kids trying to make him the next Sundar Pichai.

Atleast his parents had a financial compulsion in Trichy
He cant even hide behind such "silly" rationalization

I would be curious to know if his parenting is all "bohemian" and if he is letting his kid drop out of school at 6th grade and encouraging him to serve burritos at Taco Bell because "its his heart's calling"

I DOUBT it

[bold] Nish I am asking for the same...go easy on ur kid...I am not saying that the parents should never admonish/guide their child...but life is not just about securing future...there is a level for everything...u will not want ur child to serve burritos...but I would like to belive that this generation has come forward to accept it when the child wants to become a chef...

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dristi64

@dristi64

Voyager

Posted: 10 years ago

#1096

NISHA

I believe you are being more empathetic towards the parents because you are one yourself. You are presuming that those instances of sacrifice existed because you would do all that as a parent. But when those parents were grooming their son, were they this unconditional?? They expected some form of comfort from him in their old age, too. And that is perfectly okay. And he seems to have lived up to that. Has he thrown them out on the streets or ill-treated them in any physical manner??

Our home is our first school and parents, the teacher. We learn by example. If we were not taught or shown how to love, we cannot automatically have those feelings for such people. The parents now seek that companionship which they failed to give the son. He probably sympathizes with them and does have gratitude and respect. But where does he create that love from, in such a late stage?? It doesn't come easy.

I really don't know if there can be a middle ground here if the father doesn't even understand or refuse to understand what his son wrote in that first email. Its again a case of the younger ones putting aside their issues and pacifying the older ones who refuse to believe in something different than what they have lived with.

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Sonal Gupta

@sonalgupta2004

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

#1097

Hey everyone, as the discussion going our is
Till now a bit of conservative thinking or should I say
Upbringing is like that ki u hav to make ur marriage work for one or the
Other reason be it children or family of ur or your on laws.
I don't know but I think at a point some sort of boundation
Is necessary in every relation to make it work.
And if it is betterment of the relation and society I don't think
Any harm in it!

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shidin0117

@shidin0117

Dazzler

+ 4

Posted: 10 years ago

#1098

Kalpana thanks for posting the biography snippet ...a lesson to us all...but I dont think the son was right in blaming his parents for everything. The world, people, society, circumstances keeps changing. We would not be able to lead the life of our grandparents or parents. The world is not what it was and will not be what it is today.

I think most of our parents and to an extent we too impart the same to our kids. Our times were different ...I mean we didn't have so much money to spend, technology was not so advanced, we used to play outdoors or read books, whatever trips we would take would be once in a year or sometimes once 2-3 yrs all carefully budgeted, we knew the value of money, parents would always advise to study well, get degrees, become graduates, get good well paying jobs so that we wouldn't have to face the same difficulties as them. So in a way its natural for them to say study. I personally could never read novels, my father used to scold me, even after i finished my graduation if he ever caught me reading fiction, he would say technolgy keeps advancing u have to keep with it, so stop reading these novels. Its a totally different scenario now...wishes are like horses...it keeps galloping, we have wishes and kids have different wishes. Invariably the world and people have become more selfish.

I dont know where i am going with these thoughts, but i try never to burden my kids with regards to studies but invariably during exams I will start off saying study...and I feel so bad when my son gets tensed if he is not able finish his lessons during the time he has allotted himself. and how tensed he will be on result day...

So nowadays I say study whatever u want but whatever u do do it well and I know there is something wrong in this. I mean we cant just blame parents for everything and their mindset...it all depends on the circumstances, situations.

Before in our parents and grandparents time there were no books on parenting but now we find books on everything. Each one will give different views and opinions which may or may not be right for everyone, but I just hope we pass as good parents. I would really hate my kids saying I did not do good job as a parent, being blamed would really cut me down I think.

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monalisa123

@monalisa123

Navigator

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

#1099

Prejudice:

As I mentioned earlier, everybody has their own experiences.

I have always been accepted with open arms by all americas I know. All of my bosses have been goras. My previous boss supported me from the day one of my career with my company. My current boss was fighting with HR. Director to make sure I get fair salary based in my grade.

May be because I have been lucky or may be because I am married to an American.

prejudice is something I or me and my husband experience from our fellow Indians. I have a South Indian couple, older, staying across from my home. As soon as they see me or my hubs or both us, they close their garage door. We wave to them, they turn around and leave.

We go to invite them to festivities, they never answer their door.

We go to indian grocery store, the owner would leave the cash register and sends a Mexican worker to check us out. We ask them a question, they act like they don't understand English.

I give a hoot for their behavior. I still be like kaise ho uncle from across the store. I still wave to the neighbors across.

My family adores my husband and that's all matters to me.

So nazariye nazariye ka fark hai.

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Nisha0604

@Nisha0604

Sparkler

Posted: 10 years ago

#1100

Kala

How poignant
My oldest child is not in college yet
I tear up wondering how it will be when I no longer see him every morning and evening. VERY TRUE
What do I want?

"A phone call everyday"
A trip home for Deepavali"
A trip home for birthday if they can"

THAT IS IT
We would sell ourselves to bail them out of trouble
You can stop being a husband or wife or an employee, you never stop being a parent

"Oru phone pannu porum koral ketta manasukku nimmadi" (just call us ONCE the voice itself shall soothe us) I feel a lump in my throat as I recall my MIL's teary diktat at the airport when we would return from vacation

Shittt!!! They absolutely dont want anything from the riches we earn

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