Arshi SS: Chiron CHAPTER 3 | UPDATED May 9| pg 25 - Page 9

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Zeffy thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#81
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A few things,

1. Your style of writing is lovely, has a certain sense of confidence infused into it. You take up a challenge and give it your 100%, this case an idea shared by your friend is implemented creatively as well as showcasing the might of your "limited" vocabulary. You never cease to improve and improvise 👍🏼

2. You are a prime time news watcher, Arnob seems to be getting on many nerves.😆 I liked how you highlighted, or rather intricately discussed how the media hassle people for a snippet to get a breaking news. It is tough being a celebrity whilst maintaining your cool simultaneously. Things and times have drastically changed as far as reporting, journalism is concerned.

3. Jyotish ji's alleged involvement in a racket no less than a natural disaster/calamity? Media tend to connect the dots rather quickly. 😆

4. Liked how you give equal importance even to the smallest characters - Mohan, Inspector Bhushan, the Receptionist. They are written well, showcases their worth, irrespective of the role. Light dialogues are enjoyable.

5. Aman seems to be the most experimented character in write-up/fictions, guess his off-screen presence seems to be appreciated more than the expected on-screen one. His chain-smoking habits are made a distinct feature. Like the back and forth he shares with Arnav, isn't restricted to being a manager who works under, rather is scheming, warning, advising Jyothish ji. Something to look forward too, would Aman turn against Arnav at the time of need, (during the trial)?

6. Khushi in a retro look is wonderful, it helps relate to the once golden days. Hope she isn't transformed at a later stage just as to impress the hero. Spectacles, bun? Nice touch, fine detailing. Her confident personality - she walks the talk. It is tough to keep the character strong all through, I am sure she must have a back story, like someone here suggested, a past maybe?
If her posture, movements entice Jyothish ji, it is for a reason, your words, description perfectly take us through his physiological infatuation. The conviction is what takes the cake, one could imagine his thought-process, relate to the intuition, gut feeling all along while you simultaneously describe the reasons for/behind it.

7. Do Rathi, Mr Rawat, Dimple make an entry in the next update? Would any of them interrupt the dumbstruck Arnav who just heard a "no"?

8. Aman and Arnav - What is their venture exactly? How did they meet? Why is Aman worried when Arnav suggests a change of counsel? (described as the lady in the red brio, who "looked" experienced) So Arnav is a risk-taker, hope that hasn't cost him the price to be stuck in the current situation. Aman has a medical history? (Lung cancer)

9. Arnav likes to win, losing isn't something common to him. So does he get a fair chance at the trial? Losing a chess game, makes him want to contact the developer, winning a case would want him to have the best attorney at his side, right? So would values/principles come into the limelight? Khushi teaching him a lesson by becoming a part of the opposing counsel or would she compromise on her rules/values, given he makes her change her mind, impresses her?

10. One could see a lot of Rabba ve's had this been shot. Arnav lost in her thought, she oblivious.
Then he being able to detect her presence at the office, somewhat of a role reversal in these situations. One thing is for sure, the BG hums amazing descriptions, and are no way cliched.

11. Jaya Ma'am? So is she elder to the amateur Jyothish? He is 30 something, she is 20 something, maybe touching 30. So after careful analysis, as of now, he is elder.

12. Imagining Arnav before your description did not hinder my imagination, I knew for certain he would be a modern baba. Nissan Sunny own karte hai, that was my clue. Jeans wale is quite interesting! 😆

13. How close is Dimple to Jaya, is she the La version we need to watch out for?

14. Arnav is concerned about what Jaya thinks about him, even before they have formally met? Is he interested in her counselling wisdom or her thoughts in general? He indeed has been impressed with her personality, knows with assurance that she would be his savior in this dire situation, Don't mind me, having a romantic entanglement between a future client and the counsel is something explored too many times, so I am sure you must have thought out a unique bond that these would encounter, keeping aside the romanticism, like you mention - keeping it platonic.

15. Him -
Some random theories
a. Is He in charge of the ashram?
b. a psychology professor who encouraged Arnav and Aman,the then college buddies to take up the venture.
c. As simple as his dad, who he deeply respects, but has never been truly appreciated by.
d. Is Jyothish ji seeing a shrink?

16. Is K. Jaya Gupta's past affecting her to take the instant decision, rejecting a probable client? Does she know him, have they interacted in the past (Arnav forgot the once gol-mol chubby girl)?

Okay sorry about over-thinking things, I enjoyed the session, update. It isn't surprising to see so many positive comments, encouraging you to wrack your witty brains in order to have us wrack our brains!

Take your time yaara, no rush,

Kyunki Bhaiya ji bhi kabhi jyothish the..

Shubh mahurat ke intezaar mein,
Zeffy
Edited by zeffy2k2 - 10 years ago
Vibranthues thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#82
The flow and eloquence of your writing depicts your intelligence. The intrigue you've built is delicious. Now why would Khushi refuse Arnav so blatantly? Isn't he supposed to be the astrologer? How can she just deem him guilty? And why...
I like your Aman. Of late, I seem to come across many interesting, handsome and humorous Amans. Waiting to see where you take this. I'm lost in the details of your um, details.

Waiting to see how Chiron fits into this.
Lumos_Solem thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#83

Originally posted by: ...ASB100...

Ria behen! Whattey novel concept. Arnav the Jyotish?! And Khushi the lawyer?! And they fall in love with each other? I can't even...imagine imagining such a unique story. But tussi mahan ho. Your writing is just amazing! And it helps that Arnav is a hot guy wearing jeans and a Polo t-shirt, of course ;)

Can I say that I applaud your bravery and imagination in creating such unique characters? If it were possible to be any more intrigued by this story than I already was because of the prologue, then know that now, I am maha maha maha intrigued!

I love lists, so I am going to make one!


1. So the whole setup reminds me of this sentence from the Harry Potter books--

"The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed". Like I said before, I can't wait to see why Arnav is a jyotish, what he does as a jyotish, and if he really has superpowers. 😆


2. "The time frame in which an extended period of lull transmutes to tumult is imperceptibly fugacious."

You completely blew me over with that sentence! It is just so...poetic and poignant, in some way.


3. "A few stolen moments in the mind's eye often stretch till infinity; I had my infinity there, in the cramped environs of the high court's parking, through the widening gap between the two khakhi shirts still hovering over most of my window."

*Gasp* That explains why the members of the Raizada family never realized that Arnav and Khushi were having eye sex every time they had one of their eye locks! For the Raizadas, it was only a moment. But for A and K, that moment stretched till infinity. Ria Behen, trust you to come up with a scientific explanation for all the discrepancies in the show! 😆

3. "I had to mail the developers of the game that we needed a new version, mine had been depleted of new moves. Winning against the computer could not excite anymore"

So why exactly is V.Anand's chatti aulaad working as a jyotish?


4. "Shakespeare couldn't have been more wrong when he had given the world that wretched What's there in the name.' Trust an astrologer, there's a lot in it"

LOLOL.

5. "It was inherent in us to categorize, sectionalize and label a person with attributes congruous with widely accepted stereotypes."

Guilty as charged. I totally imagined Arnav to be a pot-bellied jyotish. Kaan pakadke maafi to all the jyotish-es in the world. Hmm...I think time for a buzzfeed article about the 10 stereotypes that every jyotish hates?


6. "I had once asked Him"

Uhh...God? The CEO of Jyotish and Co.? Who is this Him?


7. Kostin. Why doesn't Khushi have a nose ring?


8. Is the bracelet around her hand some superstitious thing that some Jyotish gave her? 😆


9. Khushi is such a boss, yo. That "No" was totally Amitabh Bachchan in K3G. "Keh diya na, bas keh diya". 😆😆😆


10. Arnav was wearing a sky blue polo t-shirt. HAHAHAHA.




😆


Can't wait for the next update! :D


Wow. I couldn't have put it any better.

I missed to point out the "him" part in my comment and your guess made me 🤣 although it seems pretty plausible.

Also now I'd be imagining Jyotish ji with a guitar. Chap gayi dimaag mein moment.

😆
bluesky10 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#84
Amazing part dear
Would love to read it
It's something different
Different story
Thanks for your pm dear
Heavens_Flower thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#85

Originally posted by: canapoem

Ria, meri behen!!! Yeh tune kya kar diya??? Arnav ko astrologer banadiya!!! 😆

Seriously Ria, I have been giggling right from the time I have read the update imagining Barun as a Jyothishya prediction guy.

I loved the whole concept of this story!! Mast set up hai!!!!👏

And Arnav is also involved in a sex scandal!!!! 😲

This story keeps getting better with every paragraph. And then Khushi(Jaya) is a lawyer.

By now my mind is like OMG OMG this story is so different from anything I have read about Arshi.

And I love how you are writing this from a first person narration. It gives a more personal touch to the story.

Now eager to know what happens next? What kind of sex racket is Arnav involved in???



Kavi trust you to hit the nail squarely on the head... Are we all not wondering about the "sex racket"... 😉
-ChildOfChrist- thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#86
this looks great can't wait for the next update! P.S. When are you updating a hundred flukes?
...ASB100... thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#87

Originally posted by: tomriddle


Wow. I couldn't have put it any better.

I missed to point out the "him" part in my comment and your guess made me 🤣 although it seems pretty plausible.

Also now I'd be imagining Jyotish ji with a guitar. Chap gayi dimaag mein moment.

😆


LOL the way Arnav said "Him" was funny! 😆

Jyotish-ji likes to break stereotypes na. So instead of plucking a person's hair to read his/her future, he plucks his guitar strings. 😆

Who said a Jyotish needs body contact to predict someone's future? That is a just a stereotypical depiction that Desi television has foisted on the aam, unsuspecting janta. Uff. Definitely time for a Buzzfeed article about all these stereotypes. 😆

JK, JK! 😆
Edited by ...ASB100... - 10 years ago
pravallika thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#88
Waiting for jyothish ji behen
Update plzzz
cineraria thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#89
Update on 4th of March. 😊 Thank you everyone. I loved, loved reading all the replies and speculations. I realize, I really have to work hard to keep up with the expectaions. Thank you once again everyone. I'll try to individually reply to all comments when I update next.

Chapter -2 Coffins in Time.
Polkadots78 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#90
Very intriguing concept...I am not a godman or religion person..and I have been guilty of being the judge and jury in condemning the scandals..
I am very interested to see how you are going to handle such a topic..
Your writing is very engaging while creating and maintaining Very intriguing concept...I am not a godman or religion person..and I have been guilty of being the judge and jury in condemning the scandals..
I am very interested to see how you are going to handle such a topic..
Your writing is very engaging while creating and maintaining an aura of mystery...


Very nice😊
Edited by Polkadots78 - 10 years ago

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