Dear Sakhi,
Buddhu tu kya kar rahi ho!!!
(I just wanted to be the first to say it 🤣)
**Sometimes I forget about being constructive, so I tend to write things as if I'm blaming you when I'm actually trying to remember to write the "I felt this ... or it's not you, it's me stuff" so if you feel something isn't constructive, let me know so I can explain it again. I don't want to kill the enthusiasm for this beautiful project**
What I liked:
* It was like a Cadbury chocolate that's on your tongue. You can taste the chocolate perfection, and every moment is worth it. And once the chocolate is gone, you have an incredible urge for more chocolate that's never ending 😆
I'm not going to spend too much time praising you, since we both know I love everything you write / create.
So here are the things that I noticed:
The way I understand it - the initial silence Draupadi felt was beautiful since she wanted her father to break the silence first, like accepting her. This is why the silence that she once thought was beautiful was so painful when her father did not reciprocate.
But what i didn't understand was the relief she felt when Dhristi broke the silence. The pain from her father's silence seems to have been broken by her brother who came out of the fire too. In other words, I'm not sure why breaking the silence was given so much importance from an "outsider" like her brother and not by an "insider" like say Shikandini.
Something I'm extremely curious about - given the importance of silence - is the trip to the Raj Bhavan. You mentioned that it was through a flower filled forest, but was the walk also in silence or were they chit chatting especially since the silence was broken.
One final thing - I'm not sure how long your chapters are going to be, but since you are in Draupadi's head, you are Draupadi, I'd like to see more descriptions on what she thinks. I want to see what she sees, I want to smell what she smells, touch what she touches. I think that song in StarBharat really touches on what I'm getting at -- think about the scene where Draupadi is looking at herself in the mirror. The audience not only sees what Draupadi sees, but we can sort of feel what she is going through. She has a curious look in her eyes, she touches her cheeks and her expression changes from curiosity to that of awe.
All in all, if there is something to take away from the above stuff -- description, description, description. You do have excellent taste in metaphors and analogies and personification, but there are parts where I feel that needed a tiny bit more description. Unless I analyzed everything wrong and the part where Draupadi in in the Raj Bhavan doing that aarti ceremony -- she blurred everything out except her father because he meant that much to her. If that's the case, you should at least mention something like that.
😃 -- Sakha
P.S. Add me for future updates please
EDIT: aww this always happens ... I write a long post detailing potential ideas for the future and then I realize I'm the only person doing it. 😆😆
Edited by shyam09 - 10 years ago
Arjun
