Polemic Jackanapes#3: Complete [NOTE + BLOG LINK Pg69]3rd Jan - Page 34

Originally posted by: 1chilly

Twiggy, its been ages since you update!

Waiting!

Originally posted by: vgedin

Last chapter hai naa, it's taking time to write this one. Should be up on Tuesday :)

PS - Its a Maha Update 😊

Chapter 35:

Part A:

Arnav usually enjoyed his time at the Guptas', but today he couldn't wait to get away. With Khushi, of course. He had offered to come and pick her up from her place to go to the farmhouse. On Garima's insistence, he had stayed back for lunch. He didn't have the heart to refuse; after all he was whisking away their daughter just a day after her return from a very long trip. But now his impatience was increasing by the minute. And from what he could sense, it was the same for Khushi. She had held his hand under the table throughout lunch; stifling giggles every time she was amused at her own, erm, cheesiness. Then she'd placed her hand on his thigh and he had been a dead man.

Only he knew the effort that had gone behind holding himself back from kissing her face off when she'd come to receive him at the door. He had missed her dearly, and didn't think he could wait much longer to show her just how much. Another painfully long hour later, they finally said goodbye to the Guptas. They didn't utter a word in the elevator, for neither knew where to start. It was only once they were sitting inside the car that Arnav pulled her to him for hug, one that almost crushed her ribs but she couldn't care less. There were still no words exchanged, but they didn't need them, as time stood still. His hands roamed all over her, as if he wanted to feel every inch of her body to believe that she was finally there, in his arms. She tugged at his hair and nipped at his neck when he looked up. And then their lips met, tongues clashed, teeth nipped. When he felt her trying to shift and climb across to the driver's seat, presumably to sit on his lip, he allowed his senses to finally return and held her still. "As much as I'd love to have to have you right here,", he breathed, "I think we should wait till we get to the farmhouse? I want you for my eyes alone."

She felt his words as much as she heard them; and it made her skin tingle - with anticipation, with excitement, with happiness. She wished he would drive faster. He stopped himself from driving too fast knowing she disliked it when he did that. When they finally reached and entered the farmhouse, Khushi decided there was no time to waste on the niceties. She threw herself on him, quite literally; hands around his neck, legs wound around his waist, her lips on his. If he was taken aback by the force with which she had done that, he was further surprised by the absolute lack of hurriedness in her kiss. Her kiss was languid; intoxicating as she took her time to tease him, taste him, consume him.

He had wanted to first tell her how much he'd missed her - her touch, her laughter, her companionship; the warmth with which she held him, her presence that was most precious to him in his life. He wanted to tell her about his trip, even the things he couldn't really put into words. He wanted to hear about her trip, and ask her about the decisions she had made. He wanted to tell her in words how much how much he loved her before going on to show her just that. But the talking would have to wait, as she made clear what she wanted when her hands found their way inside his T-shirt, her nails clawing at his back.

She didn't care if she was behaving like a sex-crazed teenager, she really didn't. She had been surprised at the intensity of her need to be close to him; she wanted the comfort of his presence all around her, inside her. Khushi had thought of him throughout the trip, but there was much that had kept her preoccupied; the sheer exhaustion of the days had kept her from realising just how much she missed him. It was as if the full impact of the separation had hit her during that painful wait between her place and the farmhouse.

He carried her inside and gently laid her down on the bed; he took off his T-shirt and joined her. It was only when she saw his face distort with worry that she felt the warm tears in the corner on her eyes.

"Whats wrong, Khushi?", he asked, his voice strained with worry. She smiled through her tears at his words, overwhelmed with love for this wonderful man.

"Nothing", she said and wiped her tears with her palm. "I just missed you so much."

In response, he bent to capture her lips in a searing kiss. Hooking his hands around her neck, he drank her in; he was a dying man and she, his elixir. When he broke the kiss, he held her head in place and spoke, "I missed you too. More than I can ever tell you. More than your wildest imaginations."

Slowly and deftly, he undid the buttons of her shirt, placing feathery kisses down her chest and belly. She arched her back in pleasure as he dipped his tongue inside her naval, biting the spot right next to it and then soothing it with his tongue. Moaning his name, she urged him her eyes to take things faster - he was being painfully slow and she was already delirious with desire, her body more than ready to receive his. There was no playing demure; she wanted this as much as him. Her hands moved down his chest and unbuckled his belt; she undid his jeans and dipped her hands inside them to find his bottom. She pulled him closer, and her skin rippled with pleasure as she felt his hardness against her soft body.

Unable to hold back any longer, he pulled back a little and undressed her in swift moves. He sighed when they were finally skin to skin; basking in the warmth of her presence. She moaned in pure longing under the magic of his fingers as he touched her with brazenness, taking her higher and higher. He entered her just before she hit the pinnacle; he wanted them to be joined when she hit that high. Her body rocked with tremors of pleasure for many long minutes after their lovemaking as she held him close to her, his head against her breast right above her heart. Even as her mind buzzed, she smiled as she heard him whisper a soft "I love you" close to her ear.

***

"So, how did Shashi react?" asked Arnav as her stirred in some sugar into the two steaming cups of coffee.

The two of them had fallen asleep after the rather tiring romp, and had woken up after sunset. Arnav had offered to make them some coffee as Khushi went to take a quick shower.

She had told him about her decision to take up the job at SunEdison over the phone a few days before her return. Though taken aback at first, he was later amazed at his lack of surprise; the two of them had been exchanging emails regularly and he had sensed a change in her attitude towards her work. What had started as mere obligation had transformed into passion. At first, he feared that her decision may have stemmed from an impulsive excitement, or as an emotional response to all that she had been witness to. Her ability to be sensitive to the sufferings of others' had been a strength as well as a weakness throughout her life. But the calm conviction with she had spoken had forced him to let that thought go. She had done enough in the past few months to prove that she was no more a young girl who was still discovering herself; there was nothing impulsive about her now. She was a grown woman, confident and sure of herself. He believed her, and he believed in her. She had been with him through thick and thin, through the best days and the worst, on days when he was wise and those when he had been a fool. She had loved him unconditionally, her faith in him unwavering. It was his turn now, and he wouldn't let her down.

"It was unexpected, to be honest.", Khushi's voice forced him out of his reverie. "He was feeling rather guilty anyway, about forcing me into this program. So when I first told him what I wanted to do, his guilt sort of increased manifold. I hope I have managed to convince him that he isn't to blame for any of this, really. In fact there's no one to blame. But the one I am worried about is Amma... I just hope to god she believed what I told her. I spoke to her this morning and she just...lost it. She couldn't stop crying, like it was beyond her control. She seemed convinced that she has officially ruined my life. Only I know how hard it was to make her see my point." she sighed.

Placing the two mugs on the centre table, Arnav took a seat beside her on the couch. "That's hardly surprising. I too was taken aback when you first said it." You've always wanted to pursue writing." he said as he sipped his coffee.

"And I am not abandoning that!" she explained. "Why does everyone assume that I will ditch writing entirely if I take up this job? That is exactly what I've been trying to explain to Amma. Its not like I have changed over night, I have just discovered something new about myself. In fact, I feel that this will truly enrich my writing as well. And that's supposed to be a good thing, right?"

Smiling, he pulled her closer to himself. "That's a great thing", he said and placed a kiss on her temple.

"I thought my decision would relieve them, you know. I was so excited about telling them about it. I expected some level of surprise, but this... guilt ridden mess is NOT what I was prepared for."

"How did Payal react?" he asked.

The creases on her forehead eased at that question. "Jiji! I didn't even have to explain anything to her. She just...got it, you know? I spoke to her and Amma at the same time, and she was the one who helped me explain things to Amma. You know how she is, right? Clear, straightforward... jiji has a way of saying things that leaves little room for doubt or debate. That often spells trouble but today I was grateful for it."

She blew softly on her coffee to cool it down before taking a small sip. "Hmm..., This is lovely." she hummed.

"It isn't. You've just not had coffee for a long time.", he smiled.

"Arnav?", there was a slight quiver in her voice.

"What?"

"Everything is going to be okay, right? Between us, between me and my parents?"

He hated to see the doubts cloud her face; placing his mug back on the table, he held her face between his palms. "Shashi and Garima understand, Khushi. Give them time to deal with their guilt, and the fact that their little girl has risen above all odds. About you and me... we are forever. I'm not giving you a choice. I want you, all of you, and I will settle for nothing short of eternity."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

The deal was sealed with a kiss.

PART B:

Garima turned off the television when she saw Shashi come out of the bedroom. He'd decided to take a quick nap after lunch, something he usually avoided. But he looked fresh now, his eyes wide open and his walk brisk. She, who usually preferred to catch up on sleep after lunch had been unable to do so, just like the past few days. Sleep eluded her.

"Would you like some tea?" she asked, getting up from the couch as he walked into the living room.

He gestured with his hand, asking her to sit back down. "Sit, I'll make some for both of us."

"You look rather happy today.", she remarked.

"I am happy.", he said instantly. "Is it that obvious?"

"It is." she said. "I just don't understand how." she admitted, her head bent.

"Garima?" he came and sat next to her. "Is it still bothering you?" he asked, concerned.

"How can it not, Shashi?" she demanded an answer. "I'm just not able to wrap my mind around this. Till yesterday, all Khushi wanted to do was write. We forced her into this and she made no attempts to hide just how hurt she was. And now, all of a sudden she wants to take up this job full time?"

"It is her decision, Garima. I spoke to her myself, and she has reassured me that she isn't doing this under any kind of pressure!"

"But how did this happen? I mean...have we let her believe that she really doesn't have a future as a writer?"

"If that were the case, why would she repeatedly insist that still plans to pursue writing? That she is starting work on the final draft of her manuscript this week itself? Her passion for writing is unchanged, know that."

"But this still doesn't answer my question. One doesn't change overnight, Shashi. Is it possible that she thinks we'd be disappointed if she didn't do this?"

"Garima, listen to me.", said Shashi, his voice firm and serious. Holding her shoulders, he urged her to turn towards him. "I spoke to her myself. I assure you, this isn't about us. I feel just as guilty as you do about what we did, perhaps even more than you. But try to understand her actions from her perspective, not ours."

She finally looked up at him; he felt her muscles relax under his palms and knew now that his words were finally making their way to her. He took that as his cue to continue. "We have our entire lifetime to deal with our guilt, Garima. But this is a moment of pride; please open your eyes to see that. Our daughter has risen far beyond what any one of us expected. She has discovered herself... didn't you listen to her talk? How could you even think she didn't feel the words she spoke! I could feel the rush she felt, the belief she had in her choice, in her willingness to serve. She wants to do something for people; her genius and her generosity of heart will now benefit society. You should be thrilled!"

"I know, I know", she rubbed her palms against her eyes. "It's just so hard to believe! Not that Khushi is doing this... she is just... so strong. I am just amazed at just how kind fate has been to us this time. We did something that was terribly unfair to say the least. And yet...I cannot believe this is happening. I have been bracing myself to face the consequences of our actions and this is far better than even the best-case scenario. Such things don't happen to us very often, Shashi. We are blessed."

"This is not the blessing, Garima." said Shashi as he contemplated on her point. "The blessing, is our daughter. Both our daughters. Don't give fate the credit for the incredible actions of Khushi. This was no divine intervention - it was her decision, her own goodness."

"We are blessed, Shashi. The life we have shared together. And like you said, our daughters. We make mistakes and our children forgive us. They are strong even when we are weak. I don't know how God let us off the hook so easily after what we did."

"God doesn't need to punish us, Garima. Our punishment is what we have to live with. The truth that I became weak, that we hurt our daughter, that we took a chance that had every possibility of going wrong. Even if it was the safer choice in our opinion."

"True. But I am ready for it, I am ready for anything. As long as my daughters are happy."

"I don't think you need to worry about that any more, Garima. They have both found what makes them truly happy."

PART C:

"I'm at the door"

Payal read the message on her phone and checked the time again. It was 11:30 PM. Was he really here? They hadn't done this in months; she didn't know whether she was supposed to be happy or worried.

Aakash, though unfailingly kind and supportive, had been unusually quiet even after they had decided to forgive each other and be together. His reaction to the arrival of her visa was also ambiguous at best. He seemed genuinely happy for her, but his demeanour had been reserved, as if he was holding something back. She had decided to wait for him to come to her himself; perhaps it was time.

She tiptoed to the front door and slowly opened it. Payal beamed at the sight of him. Aakash stepped inside; closing the door behind him, he leaned forward to place a kiss on her cheek. Payal was confused; the look on his face was sombre, but he wasn't angry, or he wouldn't have kissed her. Is that why he avoided her lips? Or was she being foolish and reading too much into things? As they walked towards her room, "Why...how come...how are you here tonight?" she asked and chided herself for being so awkward about it.

He walked till her room in silence and closed the door once they were both inside. Taking a seat on the chair next to her study, he took off his spectacles and placed them on the table. "Don't you miss this, Payal? Our midnight meetings? Those were the best moments we shared, don't you think?" he asked.

"True" she smiled as she thought of those nights. "They were beautiful nights. Delicious too, you used to bring me desserts. Remember?"

"I do." Said Aakash. "I'm sorry I don't have anything today. I hadn't planned on coming, it was just spontaneous."

"Oh that's okay. I'm actually happy you came. I've been wanting to see you as well... we haven't even met since my visa arrived." She wanted to smack herself for bringing that up. Here he was, trying to recreate the early days of their relationship, when everything was simple. And she had managed to bring up the one thing that always managed to bring them to an impasse. She looked at him anxiously, waiting to see how he responded to it.

"Are you happy, Payal?" he asked softly.

"About what?", she was confused. What was he on about?

"About the visa. It's come much before you expected it to, right?"

"Oh that!" she sighed in relief. "Yes, of course! It's such a relief. In fact they have a few courses before the program starts for those who want to do some prep work. I think I might take it up, some of what we'll be taught there are things I have never learnt before." her excitement shone in her eyes. "Might get time for house-hunting too; my scholarship covers my tuition fee but the accommodation I need to take care of. Oh I am so excited Aakash! The more I think about, the more exciting it looks. There is so much to learn, so much to do. Everything is happening in such a short time. Oh I've intimated my boss at the clinic, she'll relieve me at the end of the month. So that gives a good month at home before I have to leave. You know-"

"I can't live without you Payal." he stopped her mid-sentence.

For a second she thought she hadn't heard him right. Then she looked at him, really looked at him for the first time since they had entered her room. She saw it then - the sheen on unshed tears in his eyes. That's why he was looking so lost; how hadn't she noticed it before?

"What are you saying?" her voice was frantic now. "What happened?"

"I am saying I cannot live without you." he repeated, his voice calm and deadpan.

"I.. I don't know what to say, Aakash." she managed to say. She was beyond shocked and unsure how to handle this. She knew how to argue, she knew how to discuss things, she knew how to explain. But this felt completely unfamiliar, and tears in his eyes pricked her heart.

"You could say you couldn't live without me either. But that wouldn't be true, would it?" his lips curved into a sardonic smile. It felt like a punch in her gut.

"What do you mean?" hissed Payal.

"Is it difficult to understand what I said or is it difficult to accept? You can live without me, Payal. But I cannot live without you. That is a fact."

"I have no idea what you're trying to prove here.", she said even as her felt her throat throb painfully. "I love you! What do I have to do for you to believe that?"

"I don't doubt that for a second, Payal. I know you love me. But you don't need me. At least not the way I need you."

She felt helpless; she didn't know what she was supposed to say, she didn't know what she was supposed to do. She had let herself believe that things were finally okay between them. Clearly, she had been wrong.

"So, what do you suggest we do now?" she said after a few long minutes of silence. She made no attempt to keep the despair from her voice. She was done trying to give explanations.

He stood up then, and came to sit next to her on the bed. Holding her hand in his, "I don't think there is anything we can do about it. What we want from life and from each other are completely different. You are much stronger than I am, Payal. You will find gumption even when you are away from me, you will push yourself to do better and better. You will learn to smile, with out without me. I, on the other hand, will be lost. As long as we are together, you are my anchor. I will lose my way as soon as you leave. I need to be on my own, Payal. Else this will tear me apart. We cannot make this work without changing who we are. What is the point of a relationship that doesn't allow us to be true to who we are?"

"Please don't say that! Don't... please don't.", she gasped as the tears now flowed freely. She didn't want this conversation to move forward; she knew where this was going and felt terrified.

"It has to be done, Payal. There is no other way." he touched his forehead to hers; she could feel his breath tease her lips. "Love is supposed to strengthen us. We, on the other hand, have managed to become each other's weakness."

"But you are my strength!" she cried.

"No, Payal. I'm not and you know it. You are... brilliant, unstoppable and so full of potential. There are great things awaiting you... and I don't want to be the person who stops you from doing any of that. It's not that I don't want to be a better person, I just cannot. I am unable to bring myself to be happy for your achievement without being bitter about the fact that it is taking you away from me, even if it is for a brief time. And you - you should have the freedom to do whatever you want without having to watch over your shoulder the whole time! I can't give you that... and I am so, so sorry. We cannot keep punishing ourselves hoping for things to work out some day. It's unfair, especially to you. You should not have to feel guilty about being happy and following your dreams, Payal. I am not the man for you, I am not the man you deserve."

"But, I cannot live without you."

"Can't you really? Even if that means you have to give up piece of yourself?", he asked quietly.

He closed his eyes, unable to watch the sorrow mar the beauty of her face. "But we love each other!" she said, still not ready to let go. She was finally beginning to see the truth behind his words. It was bitter, but true nonetheless.

"I think it's time we both realised that love isn't enough." he said gravely, and finally kissed her lips. Not allowing him the chance to move away, she opened her mouth under his, silently urging him to do the same. She allowed his tongue to invade her mouth; drink in the essence that was she to quench his thirst one last time.

* * *

"It's a shame, isn't it?" she remarked, as she leaned against his shoulder later into the night.

He had held her patiently as she wept and cried her heart out, taking her time to accept what had happened, and that it had been for the better. That it was okay to feel relieved; there was nothing she had to feel guilty about. He would never blame her for not wanting to give up something she held so dear just to satisfy his ego. She was free now, free from the clutches of a relationship that had done nothing but held her back.

"That we didn't work out? It is. But the good times...I wouldn't give them up for anything in the world." said Aakash as he held her softly against him.

"Hmm...those were good times. Is that why you chose to come here at night?" she looked up at him, her chin resting on his shoulder.

"Not really. I was honest when I said this was spontaneous. I had been meaning to talk to you, but the timing - I guess it was a subconscious thing."

"We've come a full circle then."

"Yes, we did." he sighed. "It would be terrible for us to come to a point where we resent each other. At least now, we wish the best for each other from the bottom of our hearts. Our love can be truly unconditional."

"Unconditional, yes. I would like that." she smiled a smile that lit up her eyes.

- X -

A/N: And here we are, at the end of our journey! Thank you so much, my dear readers. Your constant support throughout the past one and a half years is what motivated me to tell my story, write, and write better. Thank you, for all the the love, all the feedback, for the praise and the brickbats. For loving and hating Payal, for questioning Shashi's actions, for liking Arnav even when he wasn't the quintessential ASR. For your faith in me. I could never thank you all enough for all that you have done for me.

There will be an Epilogue after this, which I hope to put up before the end of November. That and a short Author's Note, where I'd like to tell you a little about the inception of this story and the inspiration behind some of the characters.

Really, thank you so much! This would not have been possible without you guys. I love you dammit!