Pyar Ka Intezaar (Waiting for Love): Arshi FF: Thread 1 Completed - Page 15

"Aakash is your bhai Arnav babua". That's the sentence ringing in everybody's ears in that room. After buaji revealed, Arnav and Aakash are brothers, Khushi was the first one to come out of that shock. After she came back to her senses, he found Aakash thinking very deep by rubbing his temples and Payal was in the state of hibernation, still taking time to digest the fact, with her one hand placed on the Aakash shoulder. Buaji looks like she was lost in the memories leaning on to the head rest. She looked all around the hall but couldn't find Arnav anywhere in the room. She instantly knew where he will be when he was aloof. Ignoring everyone in that room who are equally in need of some fresh air to calm themselves down, Khushi silently exited from there to be with her Love, Arnav.

After he heard the sound of the front door shutting loud, Aakash stood up sluggishly and walked towards window to get some fresh air and started talking with heavy voice, "Buaji, what you just told, is it true? Really, is ASR my brother. Is he the one whom we are searching since many years. Is really ASR is the son of Ananya maasi, tell me buaji. I am not able to believe it. Are we searching for him all over the city keeping him in front of our eyes".

When he didn't get any response from buaji, he sustained his talking, "You know that my mom tried every possible way to find him. She lived her entire life with the guilt of ruining her own sister's life. She gave that responsibility to you and me to find him before she dies. When we found he is living in Delhi we all moved here to find him one after the other. We tried every possible way to find him. All we knew about him is, his nickname, Chote. When we were about to give up the search for him,... unexpectedly today,... We cannot bring what he lost because of my mother. But we can give him what he needs, a family. But, will he accept us that easily, buaji. Will he forgive us for what we took from him, Will he.

Still buaji looks like lost in her brooding. He took few moments of silence and continued, "Buaji, whether he accepts us as his family or not, we should tell him the truth, Truth about how his parents died. He deserves to know the truth buaji. We should tell him, his parents didn't died because of accident. We should tell him, he is the rightful owner of the Raizada Khandan in Lucknow. And there is lot of property waiting in Lucknow, for him. You should help me in finding a way to tell him, I need you buaji. Without you I can't talk to him. I need your succor buaji, will you?". Finally seeing buaji moving and he ceased his talking and went towards her.

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When buaji asked about his parents, Arnav tried very hard to not lose his composure. The fake smile he got used to since tewnty years is turning to a heartfelt smile since Khushi entered his life. His ruthless ASR mask is starting to slip since his Khushi came into his life. When he felt Khushi's comforting hand squeezing his firm shoulder lightly to easen him up, he took a deep breath and told his parents names out loud after twenty years.

But when buaji revealed Aakash and him are brothers, Arnav felt like he was been dragging into the chasm very brutally like he felt when his parents died. His feet involuntarily hauled him out of the house and cessated at the lake in the park. He has very strong connection with water. His mother always used to sit near pool in their house when she was upset. After spending sometime and talking to the moving water, she would come back with a fresh start.

From the day he lost his parents he started doing the same like his mother does. but to his surprise, he started to become calm. Because he could see his mother's face in the moving water, he could feel his mother's presence near the pool. He could hear his mother's voice in the air which touched that water. Because every ripple in water cajoles him like his mother does. So, his heart obviously led him to the water where he can get some answers.

He is not at all prepared for this. He is not at all ready to face anyone from his parents extended family. He couldn't accept the fact of him having a relation in this world other than his parents. He overcame all the feelings about the relations, after everyone left him alone in this earth. How can he? Who came to him when he became alone after his parents demise. Who came to help him when he needs it most. Who came to him to embrace him and say simple words like, "Sab Theek ho jayega", to make him feel better. Who came to him?

Now all of a sudden if someone come to him saying his brother, how he should accept him. Why he should think him as a brother. Where he was all these years. Where was everybody when he really needs someone. Where was everybody when he lost everything. He fought alone with the entire world for living. He grew up alone between strangers with bellicosity. He built an empire with his hard work and became who he is now with his belligerency.

What's the point of knowing about the family who didn't even know he exists, who didn't even bother to find him. Now if someone comes and says he is his brother all of his buried insecurities warning him to hide somewhere. To run away from these selfish people. But he didn't know why he is still sitting here and thinking about what happened few minutes back.

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While he was pondering and scuffling with his thoughts, he felt the presence of Khushi near him. But he didn't move a little nor he acknowledged her presence. She started moving towards him asking, "Arnavji, tum theek tho hai". He didn't feel like answering. When his mind was trying to recall all his buried memories, Khushi held his arm circling her hand around, squeezing a little to comfort him.

When he felt her hand around his, his memories flinched at that moment to come into his muddled mind with her touch. When he is grappling with his thoughts to choose from his mind which is trying to fight with his memories or his heart which is telling him to hug her to get solace, he saw her resting her head on his shoulder as gentle as possible. Instantly his heart became as heavy as possible. The walls he built around his heart crumbled for her simple gesture. He stood calm for so long trying to cherish that moment with her and to forget what happened few minutes back.

Meanwhile the bright evening sun silently sets down letting the darkness occupy the sky allowing him to hide his red and shiny and tear filled brown orbs. But he is not trying to camouflage his vulnerability now. Finally he felt like talking to her. His heart is yearning to share his deep hidden memories to the one who made him realize he is waiting for Love and this care since all these years of his loneliness.

He took a deep breath and looked at the reflection of the moon in the lake. It instantly remembered him of his mother and his loving family. After he calmed down his raging thoughts he took few minutes to collect all his memories to phrase into a complete story finally to let it out to the only person who touched his heart by breaking the strong built walls of ruthlessness around his heart.

When the stars twinkling bright and moon started glowing in the sky,... Arnav finally initiated talking about his parents first time after twenty years, looking at the reflecting image of the moon in the lake, like he was talking to his mother.

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"Ma and Papa, are the only family I got.. Khushi. I am their only son. They loved me so much. I was an apple of their eyes. I was very close to my Ma. We used to live in Shimla when I was little. We have a beautiful cottage out there with swimming pool and big garden. Ma was very fond of gardening". He chuckled while saying, " I guess I got the habit of gardening from her. Ma is a beautiful and selfless woman I have ever seen Khushi. Those eight years of my life I have spent with my parents were the most precious moments".

Khushi raised her head from his shoulder when she felt him trembling when the memories of his childhood shook him. Arnav turned his head towards Khushi who is now looking deep into his brown orbs, indirectly asking him whether he was ok to speak right now. He smiled at her and spoke, "I am ok Khushi. Actually, I wanted to talk right now. I buried these memories in myself all these years without sharing to anybody. I feel like it's the time for me to let it go of those. Please Khushi, listen to me".

Khushi silently took his hand into hers and raised his hand to her lips and gave a feathery kiss on back for his palm by still holding his hand. Then she kept her other free hand on top of his hand and spoke, "Arnavji, I am listening, I will be there for you always". Arnav threw a half smile at her and said, "Khushi, after my parents died, few years later, I found my Ma's diary in her treasure chest, with my old photos and my childhood memories when I was packing my stuff to move to Delhi. And I found the complete story of my family from my Ma's personal diary. Then his memories starting from their eyelock with love to the anytime started playing in front of his eyes in live characters while he was narrating the same sequence to Khushi.

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Eight years.. Those eight years were the beautiful days my life. If anyone asks when I had my happiest moments in my life, I would say my first eight years of my life. I am the most pampered kid. They gave me a wonderful life which I can cherish all my life even though they were not with me any more. They never gave me a chance to think about my anyone else other than them. They never give me a chance to think, why we were alone in Shimla. They never gave me a chance to think why no one visited us, except few of my Dad's colleagues.

My Mom, she used to spend all her time with me or my Dad. If she found some free time, she used to do gardening. Mornings were very busy to her. She used to juggle between me and my Dad. I used to yell before going to school, Ma I want socks, Ma I couldn't find my homework books. Ma where is my milk. Dad used to call her before going to office asking for, Annu,... where is my tie, Annu where are my files. Annu where is my morning coffee. I used to wonder why my Dad is asking for coffee again after he finished having coffee.

I used to feel bad that we are torturing Ma by making her do all those things. But when I returned from school She used to hug me and shower me in her kisses saying I miss you my son, I miss you so much Chote, so many times. And after my dad returned from office she used to repeat the same thing she did to me. Then I understood that for my Mom we were her world. She doesn't need anything else. Everyday when I saw Ma happy, I used to promise myself that I should make her happy after I grew up big. I have to earn lot and I should look after my Ma and Papa. Me and Dad used a form a team to fight with my Ma... And again When we need to fight with my Dad, me and my Ma used to cook up silly pranks against him.

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When all my days are flying away with so many laughs and naughtiness. One day, just three days before my birthday, while I was playing next to my dad, Ma came to Papa and told him that, his mother called her on that day after so many years. I remember very well, how his face fell instantly when he heard that. But soon Ma changed the topic and fought with him unnecessarily to divert him from his thought process. Even though I was small I could figure out their mood changes

After Ma went away, I asked papa, "Papa, you have a mom, I didn't know that. Is she sweet like Ma. Why she didn't come to see you anytime. What should I call her". Papa took me into his lap and told, "Daadi Chote..., she is very old to come to me. I should go to see her. She lives in Lucknow, so far from us. I will definitely take you to Lucknow one day to meet your grandparents". I was very happy after listening about grandparents. Next minute he stood up and called his mother, after so many years. I could see how happy he was while talking to her.

After ten minutes he cut the call and called Ma, "Ananya,... Ananya... we are celebrating Chote's birthday very grand this time. Mom said she will be coming on that day to see Chote for the first time". I didn't see my parents that happy before. They took me in their embrace and showered me with kisses and uttered, finally we are going home our home in between their laughs.

The next two days flew away with lots of shopping to buy gifts for all the family Papa has in Lucknow. That time I couldn't understand why they never visited us. Why they didn't even call us once. Why my parents didn't took me to them. And what is the reason for them to be so happy.

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On the day of my birthday, Papa got a call and we started immediately in our car to pick my Daadi. When we were on the highway, I was busy with playing with my new video game, which was my birthday present. Ma is sitting next to me on the back seat of our car talking to Dad. They were talking about how excited they were to meet papa's mother finally. Papa was driving very slow as It's getting dark outside. I rushed him to speed up the car and go fast in the excitement of meeting my Daadi. Suddenly, Papa's phone rang and when he was about to lift the phone, we all saw bright headlights speeding towards our car. And before Papa react for the coming speeding vehicle, we felt a colossal impact. I heard rumbling sounds and tire screeches. I felt my body slammed against the sides of the car. And later I felt I was thrown out of the car with the second prodigious impact.

I didn't know how much time passed before I opened my eyes. It was very dark outside. But a blaring of blast was screaming in my ear. Right then I found our car burning to ashes few meters away from us. I couldn't recognize where I was. I couldn't recognize what really happened. I know I should be crying, I know I should be screaming, I know I should be panicking, but first thing I did was to look for my parents. When I was searching for them with my broken arm, screaming Ma and Papa repetitively, I felt a pull at my leg. I found Papa lying on the ground with blood oozing from his head, but still he was in conscious and able to pull him up to stand by holding me. We searched for Ma for ten minutes in that darkness and found her few feet away from the burning car with much more intense injuries than me and Papa.

Papa and me were trying to tend Ma, when we heard loud tire screeches again coming towards us. Soon before we realize, A big truck was coming dangerously close to us with bright headlights beaming unable to recognize the vehicle. Ma and Papa screamed, "Chote" at a time, and Papa pushed me to the side of the road with so much force that I tumbled towards the cliff of the road. By the time I looked at them, what I saw at that moment crushed my heart to pieces. That big truck crushed my parents so brutally right in front of my eyes. The last thing I saw that night was the slowly rising hands of my parents towards me with the love pouring out towards me in their eyes even at their last breathing time. They both left their breath uttering "Chote", at a time for one last time. Next thing I remembered was, I was on the hospital bed and the police asking weird questions.

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I was very small to react to the situation. I was very small to answer the questions they were asking. Only thing I spoke was, Ma, Papa,... where are my Ma and Papa. And I was gone hysterical after what I heard from the officer. "Your parents are dead, you are the only one left behind. You are safe". Doctors struggled very hard to bring me down. I was just screaming I want my Ma and Papa.

After two days, Papa's colleagues and my neighbors helped me to do the final rights of my parents and left me alone in my house. Although I couldn't understand what I was doing, that incident made me realize what I was missing in my life until then. Family.

Family, Where is my family. Where are the people who can comfort me for my loss. Where is the so called Daadi, who called us only to take my parents away. Where are my other grandparents who can take me to their embrace and say, "Main Hoon Na, aapkeliye".

I don't know how many days I spent crying alone between the four walls of my room. I didn't remember how many days I spent without eating anything. I din't know how many days I spent thinking why it was happened what was happened. My heart started bleeding from that day for the guilt of breathing still on this earth. My eyes started burning with the rage towards me for letting my parents die in front of my eyes. I started hating myself since that day, for being left behind by the fate, taking away my parents brutally.

"Your Parents are dead, you are left behind". Those words were haunting me everyday since that horrible day. Every night I wouldn't sleep without those words baring in my ears. It's very hard to be left behind. Losing a family right in front of your eyes through death brings feelings of emptiness that no words convey. The one who continue to live will live with the pain and guilt. Experiencing the death of parents right in front of your eyes was very traumatic. I wish no one will ever experience what I went through all these years.

I waited so many days for my Daadi to come and take me to Lucknow. But as days passed by, I realized it was just a mirage. Only people who helped me once in a while were, Papa's colleagues. But every time they come to help me, they used to take something from the house. Their children wanted to be my friends, But I used to put them in a distance, because I lost trust in every body. I came to a realization of, there won't be anyone for anybody in this world without a reason. Slowly I started building walls around my heart.

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As days passed by I realized the importance of money by the look of my Papa's colleagues giving me whenever they helped me with money and food. Days turned into months, Still I was depended on the help of the neighbors. Papa's colleagues stopped coming to see me after few months. After I became a burden for them they wanted me to join in the orphanage. But I refused to leave my Parents only house which has all my memories with them.

Soon I realized the importance of earning money and I started looking for the part time small jobs which kids can do. I worked as a paperboy, as an assistant in grocery stores, as an helper for gardeners. I did so many small jobs to fill my stomach and to study. I have to fulfil my dad's dream, I have to become an entrepreneur as Ma wished, even though they are not alive. For that I have to work hard and study even more hard.

Months became years and my stubbornness and willpower increased tremendously with my age. When I was thirteen years I wanted to move to Delhi to pursue my education in better school and to find better jobs. I took that decision when one of my employer told me to move to their big branch in Delhi for better payment. And that decision changed my life for good. I found Ma's letter in one of her treasure box. I still think Ma wished me luck by showing that letter to me while packing the stuff needed to take to Delhi. Because, that letter changed me to ASR from Arnav.

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Precap : Continuation of Arnav's Past : Excerpt from Ananya Singh Raizada's diary

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