SanDhir SS :: As Long As You Love Me *Day 4 Updated*

But what we let die inside of us while we live"

-Norman Cousins

Sayunkta

The bright light entering her room not only got her out of her thoughts about her perplexing past but also made her realize she was awake the whole night. Reminiscences of the past just don't seem to let her move on with her life or let her be happy just for once. Every time she thinks of enjoying, her mind goes back to that day 25^th January, on that fateful day, did she not only lose her parent but a part of herself with them. The reason for their death was all her childishness, only she was guilty for it. If only she had said other things instead and they didn't have to gust back, only to be met with an accident. Why does life have to be obfuscated? Is dying the only way I can get away from this never ending throbbing?

She sat at her window in the orphanage thinking about the night when the unthinkable ensued. She seems to always loss the person she values the most in her life; it's as if an inevitable curse. The only way to make the curse vanish is to just disappear from the realm and let no one come near her. "Randhir, this guy is someone who tends to infuriate me by his strangely cheerful character but he is also the one who tends to bring the other side out of me. Was I beginning to ruminate about the many reasons I could live after all? But what if I grow attached to the guy or his friends? What if I lose them too? No.. I won't let it happen. It's got to stop. I can't get any closer to them." Thinking so she starts to get ready and leave for her class before anyone sees her.

Randhir

Meanwhile after a blissful night's sleep, Randhir wakes up with a smile thinking of progress in their relationship. Wait relationship? More like acquaintance, nothing more. I just cant see someone go through depression and she sure seems to be in one such state. Well whatever she had seems to pass away from that stage. Was easier than I had thought it would be.

College

Randhir was fervently waiting for his new friend. "Where is this girl? Planning to ditch college already?" "or did she manage to get in class before he arrived?" thinking so he left for his class as he was already late. As he stepped into the class he strode to his regular gang of friends. Before he could say a word to them, he noticed Sayunkta in her usually seat. She looked as though she had been crying and hasn't slept all night. "Just as I was about to talk to her, the teacher walked in and I had to take my seat" he thought cursing his luck. Throughout the class he could help but ponder what happened to her all of a sudden. Why is she back to the old depressed self? He couldn't help but notice how she kept her head down throughout not looking up even once. The sight startled him; he didn't like what he saw. "But why am I even so worried about her? What is it about this girl that has got me all worked up" He thought as he restlessly waited for the class to termination. Once the moment had arrived, he hurdled from his seat and walked toward Sanyukta only to watch her push past him and walk away. He followed her and finally held her hand, causing her to turn. "What's wrong with you?" he questioned. "Nothing. Now if you are done, let me go I have got to go and I am in no mood for you crap" as Randhir looked into Sanyuktas eyes he saw they had no emotions in them. He couldn't help but drag her with him to the terrace, despite her screams of telling him to let her go and not to kidnap her.

Randhir: What the hell is wrong with you Sanyukta? Just yesterday I could see you smile and enjoy yourself and today you are back to sad Sayunkta.

Sayunkta: Randhir just let me go. I really do feel the need to tell you anything. As if you care.

Randhir: You think I don't care about you? Huh!! I care damn it more than you think. I can't see you or any of my friends sad. So why don't u quit being stubborn and tell me what's wrong?

Sanyukta: Randhir, just stay away from me. I won't suicide as I don't back-out from challenges.

Randhir: So wont I. I am Randhir Singh Shekhawat and he never loses. But what do you know about losing, all you do is hate life and sit and crib about it. Why not try living and smiling like I had suggested to you just yesterday night?

(He knew this would her as he was tired of hearing the same damn thing)

Sanyukta: Shut up!!! Just shut up! You think I don't know what the pain of losing is? You think I haven't tried to live a happy life? Every damn time I have tried to move on, destiny brings my life to a dead end.

Randhir: What are you talking about Sanyukta Agarwal? Pain of losing? Destiny? Sanyukta you should make you own destiny not curse it.

(Tears seem to roll down her eyes for the millionth time today and she couldn't stop no matter what. She didn't want to cry in front of the jerk but tears just continued as she finally spoke.)

Sanyukta: Since you're so curious, I am cursed Randhir. Everyone one who I value just leaves me or dies. My parents died when I was 7. All because of me, if I hadn't insisted my parents to rush back they would be still alive. If only I had died in their position.

(Memories of the treacherous day although blur seemed to flash as if it was just yesterday it all happened. While Randhir was shocked and numb that she was blaming herself for this unavoidable circumstance. He felt this is the first time she is opening up and she should let it out. So he remain silent as he heard her continue)

All my relatives didn't want me so I grew up in the orphanage. I met Jay who was a year elder and we became best of friend. A few days back he told me to sleep with him and when I repudiated he walked away saying he hated me and I was useless. I did try in the past but I got nothing. Why should I try now? Why become your friend? What guarantee I have you won't leave me when the time comes? Don't answer it as I won't believe you even if you will try just waste of your and my time"

Watching her expose her past, stunned him. The sight of her was heart-wrenching, he knew he had traversed his limits and didn't feel the need to ask her further about anything to increase the pain she already was in.

As she finished speaking, unable to stand plunged to her knees as tears fell uncontrollably from her eyes. Randhir couldn't help but engulf her into a hug and held her as she cried her heart out. The entire evening seemed to pass in a blur as Sanyukta finally seemed to calm down and spoke

"Now that you know, can I go now? I am done and tired for the day and don't want any more of pity from you"

Randhir was exasperated by her sudden change "Do you see pity for you? Yes I feel bad definitely for you but you're the only one with problems Sanyukta Agarwal. Everyone's life has its ups and downs. You don't even know anything or should I say bother to find out anything about me but you freely judge me unceasingly. Damn you know what u infuriate me more than anyone has but I can relate to you and that's why I am still here wanting you to let go of your past and work towards a new beginning. Here is the third reason: live for your parents. They wouldn't like what they see from above. Like you are blaming yourself, they would blame themselves. I don't think you want that." Saying the last few words he strolled away as he had to get away for there.

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DAY 4

Sanyukta

For the first time since ages Sanyukta was up with a smile that had replaced her usual frown. "What is wrong with me? Why am I so excited all of a sudden? I am sure that annoying Randhir will be there as usually waiting for me and to irritate me" Discerning so she made her way to the college. For the first time in last 4 days she didn't see him waiting for her outside." Where is he? Given up already I guess" she thought. She made her way to the class right on time. She kept telling herself not to thinking about the annoying boy and shouldn't she be happy but something about the situation didn't feel right. She knew somehow something was wrong. Throughout the class she noticed that the usual gang of Randhir was silent and a gloomy atmosphere was spread about in the class. "Strange...! What is today?" she made her way towards them silently wanting to find out what had ensued today, that made them this way all of a sudden.

Sanyukta: Hi guys. How are u?

Kaustuki: hey we all are fine. Where did you disappear yesterday we thought you would be joining us?

Sanyukta: Nothing much was kind of busy. Where is Randhir?

Yo-Yo: Don't you know today is the 22^nd June. On this day every year Randhir chooses to be alone.

Sanyukta: What? Why?

Yo-Yo: Its...

Kaustuki: Sorry but I think its best you ask him yourself.

Sanyukta now knowing something was undeniably wrong swapped her goodbyes and left. She left for the terrace as she usually met Randhir there; just maybe this is her chance to be there for the guy who was always there for her without questioning anything. Reaching there she found sitting on the barricade of the terrace and scrutinizing at the sky was a young guy who seemed to be in a wretched state. "Randhir" she whispered as she saw him in this state for the first time. Dullness and tears had replaced the once happy and shining face.

"Why Dad did you have to go? Didn't you promise to always stay besides me and be there for me like every other father has to their Son? Its been 3 years and yet the emptiness can never go away?" he cried out, little did he know Sanyukta was behind him.

-Flashback-

City Hospital

Randhir: Dad.. You know today I won the best student award in my class

Dad: I am proud of you Son. You must always remain this ways. Always stay happy.

Randhir: Why are you suddenly telling me this Dad? I know in just a matter of days you will be fine and be back with us.

Dad: Randhir when time comes you will know. For now just promise me that no matter what happens you wont stop smiling or enjoying your life.

Randhir: What is wrong dad? Tell me

"Randhir? Are you okay?" Sanyukta called out, bringing Randhir out of his reverie.

"Sanyukta? What are you doing here?" Randhir responded.

" I wont ask you what happened as I myself wouldn't like someone intruding in my life. All I wanted was to be there for you like you were for me last night. Am sorry.. I will leave if you want" Sanyukta replied. She didn't like the gloomy Randhir but was also scared of his reaction.

"Sanyukta its alright. You can stay if you like." Randhir responded.

Sanyukta went and sat beside him. Both lost in their own world. "It doesn't suit Randhir to be sad and lonely. If only I know what happened" little did she know she has spoken out her thoughts.

Randhir who heard it was surprised to hear it "Sanyukta I didn't know you missed me." He smirked as he let out trying to lighten the mood.

"Randhir..Why would I miss such an annoying jerk?" retorted Sanyukta frowning.

"Oh really? Then what dragged u here? Definitely my thoughts isn't it Ms. Agarwal?" He spoke. "Shut up Mr. Shekawat. I guess I like you better when you are silent" Sanyukta retorted.

Randhir:"Too bad...isn't it that I refuse to shut up now."

Sanyukta: Well I came to ask if you would be my friend? After everything that happened.

Randhir: I thought we already were friends.

Sanyukta: Ohh..then why don't you share what was wrong with you?

Randhir: Not today Ms. Agarwal. Sometime soon when I am ready to talk about it.

Sanyukta: Its alright I understand.
Randhir: Now that I am your friend I guess I have a right to tell you that you shouldn't sit blaming yourself. What happens occurs for a reason and it's in Gods hands. My Dad always told me that life and death isn't in our hands. Its in Gods and its all destined to happen.

Sanyukta: Really?

Randhir: Yes Sanyukta. Here is the next reason for you. Reason number 4: live cause we all are here for a reason and life and death isn't in our hands. Who knows the one reason you are still life will be so beautiful when you find out that it will soon make all the pain disappear.

Sanyukta: Randhir...

Randhir had by now gotten up as soon as he had told her the 4^th reason and walked away, discerning "Sanyukta has already been through enough she doesn't need to know about what happened as of now. She seems to be happy. I don't need to take that smile away from her"

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