FF: War Path (Aslok fight it out)

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Namrutha

@namrutha

Navigator

Posted: 12 years ago

#31

Wow beautifully written and the costume selection is so cool👏. Shlok will definitely love it as its kinda dark and Astha will look pretty in it.

The burgundy and gold trimmed prince coat looked incredible on his little brother, thought Varad.

Varad hardly has a dialogue which cracked me up as the same happens a lot in most of the episodes..how apt 😆

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lmathew77

@lmathew77

Explorer

Posted: 12 years ago

#32

I loved your Avenging Angel 1 and 2 and am really excited that you've started a story on my new favorite couple. The story looks interesting so far especially because this part was from shloks pov. Shlok is a complete mystery on the show so it was nice to read what you imagine him going thru. At least he has a hint of conscience and knows he's not doing right by Astha. I loved the last line! He's a bit attracted to astha!!

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fabsomearshi

@fabsomearshi

Beginner

Posted: 12 years ago

#33

very well written... i would love to read this FFyaar... 👏

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janestone6

@janestone6

Navigator

Posted: 12 years ago

#34

I'm looking forward to it. Sounds amazing.

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writergrl1992

@writergrl1992

Explorer

Posted: 12 years ago

#35

When I realised your EBP FF was out:

Yay the outfits or (let's be elegant and call it couture ) are amazing and perfect as ever!

Aah Papa Agnihotri is despicable as ever; his plans are so much more important than the life of a mere hapless innocent girl, and there's definitely no problem in twisting and manipulating his family. He's so awesome... ain't he

However let's forget about it all and concentrate on one thing: the protagonists are getting married! And Shlok has no idea about the bomb that's gonna go off in the family; he has an inkling yes, but I think he's just seen the tip of the iceberg! He really should have paid attention to signs..

But anyway this is a story just beginning, and what a beginning it is 👏👏 I can say I'm gonna love it! So here, @Marybarton: 😆😆😆

Edited by writergrl1992 - 12 years ago

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923171

Hibernated

Posted: 12 years ago

#36

This is the first time I am reading one of your ffs the prolouge was shaped beautifully

i especially like your portrayal of shlok's feeling

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Marybarton

@Marybarton

Rocker

+ 8

Posted: 12 years ago

#37

Originally posted by: writergrl1992
When I realised your EBP FF was out:

Yay the outfits or (let's be elegant and call it couture ) are amazing and perfect as ever!

Aah Papa Agnihotri is despicable as ever; his plans are so much more important than the life of a mere hapless innocent girl, and there's definitely no problem in twisting and manipulating his family. He's so awesome... ain't he

However let's forget about it all and concentrate on one thing: the protagonists are getting married! And Shlok has no idea about the bomb that's gonna go off in the family; he has an inkling yes, but I think he's just seen the tip of the iceberg! He really should have paid attention to signs..

But anyway this is a story just beginning, and what a beginning it is 👏👏 I can say I'm gonna love it! So here, @Marybarton: 😆😆😆

First time ever, I had a gif comment! Love it!

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Malangan

@TeriMalang

Sparkler

+ 7

Posted: 12 years ago

#38

interesting start
Would love to read further

Cont soon :)

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Marybarton

@Marybarton

Rocker

+ 8

Posted: 12 years ago

#39

Chapter 1

Niranjan put his hand on Shlok's shoulder and led him toward Astha.

Astha grabbed Gauri's hand as Shlok started walking toward her. Her best friend had promised to be fixture at her side today and she was grateful.

Gauri was looking very pretty in a pastel lehenga.

Astha whispered: I am doing the right thing na, Gauri?

Gauri whispered back: Absolutely! Kyu tension le rahi hai (why are you worrying), you have made your Ferrari match, heheh!

Astha: Oh Gauri, please be serious!

Gauri: Don't worry dude, you said he liked you. He gave you all the signs. And this was going to happen sooner or later anyway. Waise (anyway), these marble houses are really cold, no?

Astha nodded absentmindedly. Shlok stood in front of them now.

Astha looked down at his hands. She loved his hands. They had such raw power.

He was holding a small, blue box with a white-knuckled grip. Her ring. This was really happening. She looked at him to confirm. His eyes were dark and stormy, saying so much and yet saying nothing. Astha was convinced that she lost her hearing because nothing around her registered anymore.

Someone urged them to sit down in the couch, the men's-only couch. Neither of them could tell who it was, all Astha knew was that it must not have been his saas-to-be.

Ayi bent over and gave her a large silver band.

She whispered in Astha's ear: Put it on his ring finger.

Then, she kissed the side of her head and stood up.

Astha started trembling. How in God's name was she supposed to find the ring finger? She could hardly tell left from right.

He extended his left hand toward her, easing half her battle.

Shlok watched with fascination as those small, flower-like hands took hold of his large one. They were trembling. She did not know which finger to put it on! The thought made him want to smile, but he stopped himself.

"Second from your right," he said gruffly.

Astha's head snapped up, he looked away guiltily. Sitting this close to her really brought their stark differences to light for him. She looked very small and fragile there in front of him. What was he taking on?

Niranjan intervened, as Anjali sniffed in frustration: Go ahead beta, Astha.

Astha tentatively put the ring on his finger. She had done her part. Now it was his turn, Shlok realized with a start that he couldn't. He started sweating.

God knows how much time passed. His Baba's voice suddenly registered in his ear.

Shlok looked up at Niranjan, alarmed: Baba, I...

Niranjan smiled reassuringly at him, took the box from his right hand and placed the ring on his now frozen hand. God, was he really holding on to that box so tightly? He was afraid he was going to drop the ring now. This was not right.

Astha put her warm hand on his. Shlok looked up and saw her Ayi had helped her decide which hand was the right one. He smirked, despite himself.

Their eyes met. Her big hazel ones looked as terrified as he felt.

His hand was unnaturally cold. He was afraid too, she thought. Thank God she was not the only one.

He put the ring on her finger. Everyone started clapping.

Her parents sighed in relief, Shlok noticed. They have been very worried since the blow-up back in the puja. He felt guilty now for causing them so much stress.

Varad hugged him: Congratulations!

Astha turned and hugged Gauri.

"Congrats yaar!" She said enthusiastically.

Their eyes met for a second. He was not happy, a small voice said in her head.

The small voice disturbed her thoughts all night after that evening. She could not fall asleep, she worried that she might have misread his feelings. Either now or before. Maybe he didn't want to marry?

The engagement ring glinted back at her.

But then, why would he go through with this engagement if he was not into her? After all, he was the one locking her in his arms when everyone saw them. He wanted her close!

Astha's head was filling with a million thoughts.

Astha: No, this will not do. I must get answers. Let me call him.

One ring was all it took. He picked up the phone, much to her surprise.

Shlok: What?

Astha was startled: What matlab (meaning)? This is Astha!

Shlok: Why are you calling 4 am in the morning?

Oh my God, she hadn't prepared any speech!

Shlok: Well!?

Astha blurted out: I wanted to ask if you were having doubts!

Silence.

Astha pressed on accusingly: Cause it looked like you were! And what are you doing awake at 4 am? It means you were up thinking too.

Shlok: We are not married yet, don't think you can tell me what to do.

Astha: You didn't answer my question.

Shlok: You misunderstood.

More than you know, he thought.

Astha: How...?

Shlok: I was...I was NOT having doubts. You were having doubts.

Astha: Me!? No! Why would I...? (She caught herself, embarrassed). I mean, it's not like that.

Shlok: You were shaking.

He noticed!? She freaked out. Now he would make fun of her.

Astha: What nonsense! I was NOT shaking. I was a little nervous, that's all. I didn't know the ring finger.

Shlok: Anyways, good night.

He abruptly cut the call. Astha was astonished. They were getting married! Even now he had to behave like a total Rakshas!

Please comment and like.

Chapter 2: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/93480809

Edited by Marybarton - 11 years ago

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Sofna

@Sofna

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#40

I loved the engagement part. Although Shlok's motives are incorrect now, the moment one is about to place the ring on the finger is a very nerve wracking moment...and u have conveyed that fear, tension, perfectly.

Yr story is like the serial..every update a suspense novel in itself😆...It feels like teh calm before the storm?

Edited by Sofna - 12 years ago

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FF: War Path (Aslok fight it out) - Page 4

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