Chapter 3 this part is in Angad's point of view.
September 13, 2004
Most of our classmates came to meet us and said sorry for our loss. They can never feel what we feel. They will never know what we have lost. We have lost the soul, our reason to stay alive especially mine. I have lost every thing in my life and I never expected to loose the love of my life. I never expected to lose someone who knew me better then anyone, someone who accepted me as who I am.
They all left after saying what ever they wanted to but I never paid attention to what they said and why should I? They will never know the pain that I am going through but I know that sitting in heaven she can feel my pain, my agony, my hope, my heart that still beats for her. As I was thinking that it rained. It wasn't rain for me it was her tears. Tears that fell when she heard my thoughts and felt my pain. I knew her too well. I opened my arms and welcomed the rain I wanted to hug her one last time but knew that the rain was all there was left of her. She is never coming back no matter where I go and what I do. I have to live without her but for how long? I knew I won't be able to survive. Who can survive without air? Now all I know is that she is the air I breathe, the rain I feel and my heart that still beats for her and her only.
"Angad, the class is going to start lets go or you will be late." Naina said pulling me away from the rain and towards the campus. I left her arm and stood there. For a second I didn't know how to tell her I am leaving this college. I knew I had to somehow. So I told her.
"Naina stop," but she didn't I said it again.
"Naina please stop," she continued walking without listening to me.
"Naina stop will you? Naina I am not going to college any more and don't force me to come there." I said in a loud roar.
"Why not?" naina asked
"I just can't. I don't want to come any more naina and I wont come." I said and started leaving when she spoke again.
"She was my sister angad, my sister. She meant the world to me and her death effects me too. Do you hear me Angad!!! She was my sister." She said falling to the ground crying her eyes out. I stopped and ran to her. I fell to the ground and hugged her while Amar was just standing there like a statue.
"I am sorry naina. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. Its just that every where I look I find memories of her. I can feel her standing at a corner looking at me smiling and as I began to smile I suddenly realize that she is not there. She will never be there. I don't want to get away from her memories but I don't like the fact that she is DEAD. DEAD. She left us as if we meant nothing to her. We meant NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL." I said trying to keep my anger in control.
"I can feel her around me naina. I need some time alone. I need sometime to get used to the fact that she is really gone and if I stay at the campus it will be very difficult for me. So that's why I am leaving the college and ill start working somewhere or with dad's company." I said calming down and rubbing my hand on her shoulder to make her stop crying.
I got up and made her get up. I turned towards Amar and searched his eyes for a hint if understanding. It was there but with sadness. I cupped naina's cheek in my hand and wiped her tears. As I began to leave Amar spoke.
"Angad this is not how she would wanted you to react. I know how you feel because she was special to for me as well. Angad if she is looking down on you right now she would be hurt. She would be very hurt. You know she wanted you to become the best lawyer this world has to offer. Angad she lived for your dream. Now can't you stay in this college for her dream? Her only dream was to see you becoming the best lawyer in town, no in the country. She loved you angad and no matter where she is she will always love you. Sometimes we don't live for our dreams but we learn to live so we can make others dreams come true. She is not alive angad and won't come back but you are. You can make her come alive by finishing college and earning your self a degree. Please angad for her sake stay in college. make her alive again and only you can do that and no one else." Amar said putting his hand on my shoulder.
I saw tears forming in his eyes and tears welled up in my eyes as well. For the second time after her death I cried. I cried hugging Amar. I cried to let the pain, the agony and the anger out. At that very moment I promised my self that I will now live for her dreams, for dad, and for my friends. I broke the hug and walked away from there. None of them stopped me because they knew that I will come back to college first thing tomorrow morning. I wasn't ready to give up on her dreams.
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Edited by zarna - 19 years ago
Anupamaa
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