ArHi FF! Gravity - Thread 1 - [Completed] - Page 19

My heart went out to Khushi for the previous chapter when she stepped back from hugging Lavanya due to fear of rejection. I love Lavanya for being such a wonderful friend not just to Khushi, but Payal and Arnav as well.

Chapter 9: Kaleidoscope of memories

I cease to be earth bound and unburdened by practicality as I watched his car disappear around the bend. My breathing became normal with more moments spent in open space and watched life withdraw into its shell as night unfolded. I had believed Shyam's theories, witnesses and substantial footing on the notes he had prepared and then there were photos of the incriminating kind. But every shred of so called evidence had managed to invade my semi-peaceful life in Africa and I began to see the tiniest of the loopholes in so called concrete evidence as I started to re-analyse every shard of paper. It was already two years after I had retreated from any sort of normalcy. Yet, I made that first phone call to ma, my dearest mother when the absurdities and the intricacies of an elaborate and madly brilliant lie became appallingly translucent. It took me five more years to garner enough courage to mend my ways.

I had royally f**ked up. And I had to, had to at any cost fix it.

I hesitated at the door for almost a minute when I hear Lavanya's monologue about a fashion suicide she witnessed the previous day. There is tinkering laughter as an undertone to her story. She tells good stories, as I remember. Something is making me stop from entering the house. I will myself to remain still so that the felling washes over completely and hope that it releases from my system. But it remains in every pore making my skin tingle. Payal laughs at something Lavanya is muttering incoherently and seconds later, ma and papa join. I ignore the alienation I have felt all these years and enter the house. This is my house, they are my family... I repeat it in my head like a mantra and reach the dining area where everyone is seated.

The laughter drops a notch, Payal erases the laughter from her face completely and a steady flow of silence encapsulates the house. I have been living in a house of silence for far too long to do the same with people. But like a coward, I don't say a thing. I just smile in general direction and pull a chair at the dining table.

The faces in front of me merged into an incoherent mass of colour, emotions, feelings and all such things bubbled inside a perplex wrap of discarded reality which I once believed are too normal and too blithe for my taste. I was peering through my own personal kaleidoscope as the world offered different colours and shapes unveiling in front of me. My pulse raced and I succumbed into an immune zone of another age, another era when same scene played in front of me with smile on everyone's face and the weight on my shoulder was practically non-existent. Arnav is there sitting right next to me and playing footsies. It's so silly and so juvenile but a part of me is exhilarated at his contact. He turns around and winks at me and it is so sudden that before I realize his flirtation, it's already over. I hyperventilate when he catches my knee and slowly kneads using the heel of his palm. It sends delicious shivers throughout my body and I wriggle in my seat. I can see him laughing silently and eating his food while I am looking like a flaming flamingo. Payal smirks at me and Dev is trying not to laugh. Ma and papa are unaware of the handlings under the table and are nonchalantly talking about inflation and bad TV shows. I elbow Arnav's arm making him retract his hand. I am both relieved and irritated at the loss of contact. I sprout something incredibly unintelligent and the whole table erupts into laughter. I sigh in surrender and laugh along with them. They are my family after all.

Not are. Were. Were. A voice screams loudly breaking the haze I am in. "They were you were family Khushi-" The voice screamed some more.

The kaleidoscope of memories and bottled happiness shatters suddenly; the faces become sharper and vivid and the voices are clear. Reality managed to find me yet again as if I was its only companion. Didn't it know that I was a lonely, lonely person being its only friend? Really, reality should shove me off its turf and let me dig a hole and bury myself in its absence. Arnav, who means everything in this life, isn't sitting next to me anymore.

"Khushi? Do you want more curry?" I see ma holding a bowel in front of me. There is kindness in her voice but her eyes are restless. I shake my head. She holds the bowl for a moment longer in front of me as if waiting for me to change my mind but I don't change my decision. She doesn't mind much and pick up the conversation she had halted on my behalf. I don't mind it either as far as the spotlight isn't on me. It's best that way.

I smile away into the evening eating what is on my plate, nodding when I was asked something. Dinner was slow and the conversations ebbed and flowed.

I stand up suddenly making the lull go quiet. I know everyone is looking at me but I am concentrating on my feet. "I am heading to bed." I whisper hoarsely and skip to bedroom. I am deaf to the words directed towards me as my craving for silence and escaping to my personal cocoon is overpowering my sense to be in tandem with reality.

'Reality be damned', my heart says. I agree and close my eyes.

Memories barge into my dreams. This time, I welcome them and become a part of them.