PART-3
Riddhima pulled out of their hug after a few minutes and lied on the bed quietly, covering herself with the quilt fully. Armaan looked at her and sat beside her caressing her head. She closed her eyes feeling him do that. "Armaan please go from here" "Riddhima.." "Armaan I don't want to talk to you now. Please go from here" "Then when you want to talk to me riddhima? Why are you not accepting me?" he asked her defeated. "Why am I not accepting you? Don't you know the answer for it armaan? I cannot accept you. How can you expect me to accept you after what you did armaan?" she shouted angrily. "Don't you love me riddhima? Can't you forgive me and accept me? I know what I did is not forgivable. But I know your love is way more stronger than the hurt I gave you. Your love for me can overpower anything in this world. I thought you married me because you forgave me. But..then why did you marry me?" "I married you because my parents chose you for me. You don't know what I went through armaan. After coming away from you, I am nothing but a living corpse. Loving you is the Biggest Mistake I ever made in my life MR.Armaan Mallik. Sab kehte hai pyaar bohut khoobsurat ehsaas hai. But I will say it is the Most Painful feeling ever. I was not wrong in falling in love. But i was wrong in falling for you. I was wrong in falling for the man who doesn't love me back. Who sees me as Just another girl. All you gave me is hurt armaan. Nothing else" she shouted crying with angry and helpless tears. Armaan was stunned. He didn't expect she will say something like this. Her words hurt him breaking his heart into innumerable pieces. "Did she really said that? did she really said falling in love with me is the Biggest Mistake of her life? he thought looking at her. He looked into her eyes which showed him the opposite to what she said in words. Her green eyes showed him love. Endless love which she possesses for him. He knows what he did have hurt her more than he could ever understand. But he also understood that there is something else which is stopping her from accepting him. Knowing her, he is absolutely sure she had forgiven him for what he did. But for some reason she is pushing him away from her and he have to find out what it is. "Good night riddhima" he whispered and went to his room looking at her. He took out something from his secret locker and lied on the bed hugging it close to his heart. Tears escaped his closed eyes. And it was another sleepless night for them, as they both remembered their first meeting.
*******
She sat in the rock admiring the mesmerizing sunset lost in it heavenly feel along with music of the waves hitting the rocks. She loved the enthralling sight of the sun drowning in the sea and moon coming up from it infront of her eyes. It fascinates her form her childhood. She finds peace in it. She comes to the beach in the evening whenever her father gets time. She along with him and her mother just sits in the rock admiring the magic of nature, unlike other kids who will be building sand castles or playing around. While her parents enjoy their time keeping an eye on her. She enjoys her time with them and plays with the waves then and goes back home. Her father does not get much time to spend with her because of his work. Today they have not come with her and she was sitting there alone. Her dad gone to pune for a business deal and her mother is in home along with her sister Nisha, who is preparing for her exams.
She started to say she wants be doctor when she was studying in 9th. When the time came for her to choose her major subject which will decide her future, her career, she said she wants to study science and take up medicine. Her parents were apprehensive when she said she wants to become a doctor, a cardiologist. Because she is a very soft hearted person. They were worried if she could handle the pressures of a doctor, seeing the blood and seeing people crying and worried, see people losing their precious lives, and the person's family losing him/ her. They told her she might not be able to handle being a doctor. In answer to them she said, "Mama, papa..i agree I am soft hearted person. I cannot handle emotional breakdowns of people and pressures of being a responsible doctor. But think of it this way papa. I will save people's lives, I will be the reason for many peoples smiles. You know I cannot bear it when people cry and it has always been my weakness. Why shouldn't I make it my strength now mama? I want to bring smiles on people's faces who cry papa. From my childhood, you and mama taught me to help others papa. I feel being a doctor and saving lives is one of the Best ways of helping my fellow humans. I want to be a responsible doctor papa. I want to become The Best Cardiologist. When I was in the hospital with mama when nisha was born, I saw the doctors there smiling contently when people thanked them for saving their dear ones. That smile which comes in the doctor's lips which sparkles in their eyes, it shows how satisfied they feel saving lives. I want to feel that satisfaction papa. I want to be the reason for other's heartfelt smiles. Please papa, please mama..i want to become a doctor. Will you allow me to?" she asked them with hopeful eyes. They looked at their daughter surprisingly. She is a girl of few words and they were more than surprised listening to her speak this much today. The smile on her lips and shine in her eyes when she said she wants to be doctor clearly showed them how much she wants to be one and how much she respects doctors. They never said no to any of their daughter's wishes and desires. Her parents nodded at her with a smile saying yes to her. She gave them one of her best smiles and hugged them tight kissing their cheeks, which was returned by them. After years, today she is a first year intern in Sanjeevani, one of the Most Prestigious and Efficient Hospital in India.
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She has finished her second day duty and had come to the beach. As she said to her parents, she did make her weakness her strength and prepared herself to be a doctor. Somewhere in her heart she fears she might not be able to handle the pressure of a doctor. But she knows her fear is not more powerful than her confidence which she has brought up in herself. She sat there lost in the breath taking view infront of her. She was disturbed by the ring of her phone. She talked to her mom who was on the other side and ended the call. That is when she noticed a guy in his early twenties sitting in a rock beside her lost in looking at the view infront of him as her. She couldn't see his face properly and turned away from him to again get lost in her favourite thing to do. What she didn't know was the guy was looking at her from a long time. She turned to look at him again and saw him looking at her. They smiled at each other simply, which meant they share the same like. After sometime, he moved a little near her, still maintaining the distance and started a conversation. She looked at him. She didn't know why she didn't get the usual fear in her heart when a guy comes near her. He seemed decent and she felt a good vibe about him. "You like seeing this view?" he asked her bringing her out of her thoughts. "Yes" she said hesitantly. He understood the hesitance in her voice. "I am Armaan Mallik. I am from Delhi. I came here today and I am going to join as a first year intern in Sanjeevani" he said trying to make her comfortable. She smiled hearing him. She felt relived knowing he is going to be her colleague and felt a little free to talk to him. "I am Riddhima Gupta. First year intern in sanjeevani" she said smiling at him. "That means we will be colleagues" he said smiling and she nodded. Then they sat in silence admiring the moon glowing on the sea. After sometime, riddhima looked at her watch and stood up. He too stood up with her. "It was nice meeting you armaan. See you in sanjeevani tomorrow" "Same here riddhima. See you tomorrow. Bye" "Bye armaan" they talked to each other with a smile and they went towards their homes.
*******
A week had passed since that night. Armaan and Riddhima both had double shift duties in the hospital the whole week and they were very busy. He will not be in home when she comes and vice versa. They met in the hospital, but talked only about their work and patients. Armaan tried to talk to her but she was adamant on not letting him talk to her about their personal life and always avoided it somehow and was very professional with him. Riddhima wasn't listening to him when he said her to take careful of herself and not skip her meals. He too started skipping his food with her and that's when she started eating properly, coz she didn't want him to spoil his health. They will have silent breakfast, lunch, evening coffees or dinner in her cabin. Armaan never initiated a talk at those times because he doesn't want to make her upset and he knows she will stop eating with him if he did so. He doesn't want to risk her health and also lose the little Precious time he gets to spend near her. It was their last day of the double shift duty for the month. Armaan sat in the caf sipping his black coffee. He heard someone saying riddhima's name and looked at two of his colleagues sitting on the table behind him. His back faced them. "I guess there is some problems between Dr. Riddhima and Dr.Armaan" on of them said. "Why?" the other person asked. "They are newlywed couples, but they don't behave like one. They are coming in different cars to the hospital. They are always engrossed in their work. It looks like they are keeping a distance between them" said the first person. "hmm..i guess you are right. I have noticed that too. Dr.Riddhima is not her usual self after they got married" said the second person. Armaan's pager rang and he went out of the caf, lost in his thoughts of what he heard his colleagues talking about him and his wife.
*******
Riddhima opened the door with the spare key and entered the house. Her double duty has finished in the evening. Armaan's shift already finished with last night's duty and he is in home. She didn't see him in the living room and thought he will be in his room. Locking the door, she went to her room. She slumped on her bed exhausted with all the works. After few minutes, she took a relaxing warm shower and came out in her bathrobe. She took out a skirt and top from her wardrobe and wore it. She didn't see him from yesterday and was missing his presence around her. She heard the door bell ringing and went down to open the door. She opened the door and looked at the pizza delivery boy, who said MR.Mallik had ordered for it. She took the pizza from him paying the cash. She kept the pizza box in the dining table and turned on the tv and started browsing the channels. Her eyes constantly drifted to the stairs to see if he is coming down. She stopped in a music channel and closed her eyes listening to the songs. She thought he must have hear the doorbell and will come himself and eat his dinner which he has ordered. After four songs when he still didn't come down, she thought to say to him his pizza is here. She stood up from the couch and climbed the stairs to his room.
Riddhima hesitantly, softly knocked the open door calling him "Armaan". Armaan who was sitting in the couch turned to look at her feeling her presence and hearing her soft voice. "Come in riddhima" he said and she Very hesitantly went in. "You don't need to knock to come in riddhima. You are my wife. You can come here without knocking" he said as she walked in. She didn't react to what he said or look at him. Her yes fell on the album which was in his hands. It was the album of their intern gang during their internship. Armaan saw the smile on her face and gave the album to her. She shook her head in "no". He took her hand and gave the album to her. "Sit and see it riddhima. These pictures are the Everlasting memories of our life" he said with a wide smile, as if living those days again. She looked at the photos with moist eyes and smiling, remembering the moments these pictures were captured. He is right. Those days were the Happiest and Unforgettable days of their life and for her, those days are Very Precious. She cherishes those days in her heart. The smile on her lips disappeared as the pictures passed and her slightly moist eyes filled with tears. Armaan who was admiring her smiling face frowned seeing the smile disappearing. He moved closer to her and looked at the album. He immediately understood the reason why her smile disappeared. She gulped back her tears and looked at him when she couldn't remember when some of the pictures were taken. He understood her questioning eyes and said, "These were taken after you went away from me..i mean from everyone". She nodded with a blank face. "I don't have some of the pics in this album which was taken when I was with you guys. Can you please give me a copy of them?" she asked him in a low voice. "Sure riddhima. But what is the need of copies? I mean we are together now. Then why do you want separate copies?" he asked her who was not looking at him. "For how long armaan? We are going to go our separate ways in the near future" she thought and said, "Your pizza is here. Have your dinner" and walked out of his room keeping the album in the couch taking a last look at it.
*******
Riddhima was sitting in the kitchen slab, sipping her coffee, lost in her thoughts. "Maybe he really loves me. He is so caring from the day we met again. He has changed a lot" she thought as she remembered what happened before few nights. A shiver went down her spine as she remembered his words. His eyes were speaking volumes, the determination in his blue-grey eyes when he said he will bring back the riddhima, it stunned her. His care, his touch, his kiss made her tremble even now as she thought of it. She felt his touch on her skin and his lips still lingering on her. Their first kiss was so Soft, yet the way his lips moved on hers showed his Passion. She felt Possessiveness in it. His touch on her was very limited before. The way he held her by her waist close to him showed her how is yearning to touch her. When he hugged her, caressed her back soothing her showed how much he cares for her. She could see the love in his eyes for her when she looks into them. She could feel his love for her in his every single gesture, word, touch and his kisses. Everything he is doing is weakening her defence. He is breaking the invisible wall she has built around herself. Or to be honest, she felt it is not there anymore. He has come near her more than she imagined he ever will, emotionally and physically. Yes he was close to her in her heart from always. But for him, she was not. She always was just another girl for him. That is what he said. How can she forget those words from his mouth?. Her thoughts were disturbed when she heard him hissing in pain. She got down and rushed to him. She saw a bandage in his finger and got worried. Armaan was heating the pizza in the oven. "What is this in your finger? What happened armaan?" she asked him worried tears filling her eyes. "Its nothing riddhima. Woh..I cut my finger when I was chopping onion in the morning. I looked to it. Nothing to worry. I just touched the hot plate when I was taking it out from the oven. Don't worry". "Are you mad? Why were you chopping onions? I cooked for you and kept everything in the table. You didn't see it?" she asked blowing air on his finger trying to sooth his pain. "Why are you getting so angry? I saw it. I wanted to eat omelette and was chopping onion for it and cut my finger" he said pouting. "How can you be so careless armaan? How did you become a doctor?" she said angrily trying to hide the smile which formed on her lips seeing his cute pout. But he saw it and it made him smile wide. Riddhima who was trying to sooth his pain looked up at him feeling his gaze on her and they were lost in each other's eyes. Everything around them ceased to exist. She was drowned in his blue-grey eyes which showed lots of emotions in it. Armaan looked back into her hazel eyes which showed immeasurable love and pain.
Armaan found confusion in her eyes. Her green pair showed him she is tired of everything. And he was right. She indeed is tired of everything. She is fed up of running away from herself and him. She is tired of the never ending battle which she is fighting with her own heart, one part of which saw the love in his eyes and felt it. The other part which is opposing it and saying no he does not love her. She hated herself for hurting him. She hated herself for not accepting him. She wanted him beside her and wants to spend time with him. The moments she could add to those memories which she already has of him which she cherishes more than her own life. He was there with her, but she is not able to accept him. Something was stopping her from doing so or to be precise, more than one thing. Her habit of locking herself inside her and not letting her emotions had cost her so much in life. But still she couldn't let go of that habit of hers. Coz the lose made her more introvert than she already is. It increased the fear in her heart thousand folds then it already was. She hates herself for being what she is. She is person of few words and she has always been like this from her childhood. That is what her character is. She is Very Sensitive, Emotional, Very Fragile, Introvert, but instead of all this, she very well knows how to hide her pain and true feelings from others. She is a good actor. She will easily make others believe that she is fine even when there is tornado in her heart. And that is what she is doing from the moment she met armaan again. If he was the old who didn't understand her before, he would have believed her act. But he si not that armaan anymore. Now he knows to read her eyes and look into her heart. Before he could read her eyes more, she broke their eyelock realizing what she is doing and rushed out of the kitchen.
*******
Riddhima opened the locker where she has her Precious belongings. She took out a white diary from it and key along with it. She caressed the diary and unlocked it with the key. It was the diary where she pours her heart out sometimes. It has many secrets which only she knows. She sat in the bed and kept a pillow on her lap. She opened the diary and started to read a random page in it.
A billion words cannot say what a single tear drop and silence says armaan and you know it. You didn't understand my silence and pain armaan. Because we understand the silence of those we love. You did not love me and that is the reason why you didn't understand mine. I accepted it and came away from you armaan. I didn't wanted to be a hurdle in your life. You are a Very Good Human. A man who cares and loves everyone around him, who makes sure everyone is happy. A man who will do anything for his dear ones' happiness. And I am not one of those dear one of you armaan. I am just another girl for you. It is not your fault you don't love me. And I am not angry about it on you. Love Happens Armaan. It can't be forced on anyone. Sachaa Pyaar rooh se aur dil se hota hai. Mujhe tumse woh pyaar hua aur us pal se main tumhari ho chuki hoon. I don't hate you armaan. I can never do that. You have hurt me unknowingly and knowingly. But that hurt is not strong enough to destroy my love for you. Kya karoon main? Is dil ko sirf tumse mohabbat hai armaan. I hate the fact that I love you so much that I am ready to hurt you to make you go away from me. But I don't regret loving you. I never did and I never will in the future too. When I realized I am love with you, I thought finally I found someone, the one for me, with whom I can be myself. With whom I don't need put the mask of fake smiles and laughs and you will read my eyes to understand me when you will love me back. But at that time I didn't know that it is with you who I will be putting up my fake smiles and hide my tears the most. I thought I know you. But you proved me wrong armaan. I don't know you. After our first fight, I saw a different armaan whom I don't know at all. Even you proved to be a selfish like others armaan. You were not ready to even see me once after that night when we fought for the last time, which became our last meeting. After that you misunderstood me for something I didn't do. You know what hurts me the most armaan? That you thought I will hurt you and do something which will make you a laughing stock infront of others. And that day I realized its just that much you know about me and understood me. That moment I realized you were right in saying I am just another girl for you and you meant it. You stopped talking with me. You avoided all those situations which bring us face to face. You were very careful not to face me. I understood it and made sure you don't see me at all. I did not want to do anything which makes you uncomfortable armaan. I couldn't take your cold harsh behaviour anymore and came away from you forever. The way you turned your face away from me to avoid looking at me when I saw you for the last time still haunts me armaan. I don't know if you knew I was going away from you forever. I still don't know if you knew it. I don't know what happened after I came from there.
This diary, the darkness of the night, my pillows which gets drenched in my tears, the walls of my room which hears my sobs and muffled cries, the sky, the stars and moon in it, all these non-living things only know what did I do after that. How I supported myself, how much I cried, how much I tried to forget you, how much I craved to see you atleast once, see that dimple smile and blue-grey eyes which makes my day and much more about me. And you know what armaan? In a way that is good too. Coz my parents can't tolerate it if they ever come to know that their daughter has so many things buried in her heart. They have struggled in life to give me and nisha a good life armaan. I don't want to hurt them.
Many times I took oaths to myself that I will not think about you anymore and move on in life. I eventually realized the truth which I already knew but ignored. That I can never forget you till my last breath and if possible even after that. I knew it before too. But I tried to convince my heart that I can forget you. I tried to cheat myself that you hold no place in my life and heart anymore. But I couldn't do it armaan. I was not able to do it. My heart which belongs to you defeated me everytime. To others I made it seem that I am living happily and peacefully. But I couldn't cheat myself armaan. My heart questions me everytime i say to myself that I forgot you and moved on.
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Edited by Redrose21 - 12 years ago
Arjun
42