THANKS A LOT for understanding when i posted the note about putting this fic on hold almost 7 months back. I am continuing this fic now after a Longg time. Don't know how many of you readers remember this fic & are interested to read it.
A small part for now.Hope you like it.
I will try to update the next part soon.
PART-4
Riddhima stopped reading unable to control her tears. She closed the diary and hugged it close to her heart crying. Few minutes later, she looked at the clock and saw it was nearly twelve o' clock. She wiped her tears and stood up from the bed taking a deep breath. She kept back her diary in its secret place and went out of her room changing to her night clothes. She saw armaan's room's night light was on and went down to the living room thinking to watch some movie or cartoon coz she didn't feel like sleeping. She looked through the DVDs and took out one. She inserted it on the player turning on the television. She went to kitchen to drink water and smiled seeing something in the freezer. Armaan was lost in his thoughts in his room. Now he knows riddhima had understood what is in his heart. But she is scared to accept that he loves her. She is scared that her heart will be broken again. He realized it is The main reason why she is not accepting him. He had wounded her emotionally with his words, silence and actions. He thought he should be patient with her. The only way to bring back His riddhima basket is to show her how much he loves her through his words and actions emotionally and also physically. He knows her emotional defences are not there now. He had broken it with his care, his words and his actions. Now it is time for him to go ahead and convey his love to his wife physically along with doing it emotionally. He must heal the wounds and make her believe he truly loves her by expressing his love in words and also physically. But he should be very careful though. He doesn't want to scare her more. Even though they love each other and are married too, they are not a normal newly married couple. It is very hard for him control his love and desires for her. Only he knows how much self-control it takes for him to take things slow both emotionally and physically. He just wants to hug her tight and keep her in his loving embrace forever. He wants to tell her how much he loves her in words and make her feel it physically. He sighed deeply and a tear rolled out of his closed eyes. He heard television sound in the living room and stood up from the bed.
Armaan went downstairs and saw riddhima. His lips curved to a deep smile seeing riddhima sitting on the couch in her sleep wear pajama and top, her legs were folded on the couch and she was hugging a cushion, with a small bowl and spoon in her hands. Taking a closer look at the bowl he saw it is choco vanilla ice-cream and shook his head smiling. She was so engrossed in watching tom & jerry that she didn't feel his presence or didn't see him coming. He knows how much she loves tom & jerry. He cannot forget the first time he saw her watching it. He was amazed to see such a kid inside the thoroughly professional and efficient intern. Armaan stood there staring at her capturing her laughing images in his heart. He had not seen her laughing in a very long time. He climbed down the remaining stairs and stood near the couch which she was sitting in. She felt his presence and moved aside in the couch leaving some space for him to sit with her eyes on the tv screen. Armaan was shocked for a moment with her silent invite. He doesn't want to miss the opportunity and sat beside her. While riddhima was engrossed in laughing watching the cat and mouse relishing her ice cream, he was lost in his wife. Suddenly she turned to him and forwarded the ice cream bowl to him. He accepted it with a smile. They both enjoyed the ice cream. When there just one spoon of ice cream left, she gave the bowl to him. He took the spoonful and relished it looking into her eyes. She lowered her lids with a shy smile coz of his intense gaze. Armaan leaned close to her and held her arm kissing her red cheek. She shivered when his cool lips touched her skin and clutched his arm tight. Armaan smiled seeing and feeling his effect on her as he lingered his lips on her cheek. She tried to take out her arm from his hold but he held her in a tight hold and made her face him holding her chin. "You still love me. Don't you? See how you are reacting to my touch" he whispered looking into her eyes which were screaming her love and passion for her husband. She couldn't tear his gaze away from hers. Armaan eyes lowered to her lips making her heart thud against her chest. She closed her eyes feeling his breath on her lips. Unable to control his desire, armaan captured her lips in a kiss. She responded to him immediately making him smile. They shared a tender passionate kiss, as their palms cupped each other's face.
Realizing what they are doing, she pulled back suddenly and ran upstairs to her room. Armaan followed her and saw her sitting on the bed crying. He sighed deeply and sat closer to her. He held her face in his palms and felt her shivering and her deep breaths. Riddhima closed her eyes trying hard not to let the tears flow out of her eyes. He kissed away her tears and her forehead. She couldn't push him away, at the same time she couldn't accept this. She clutched the bedsheet in her palms tightly. A tear rolled down her cheek feelings his lips on hers. He didn't kiss her. He just pressed his lips above hers waiting for her to kiss him. When she didn't respond for more than a couple of minutes, he sucked her lips softly. He hugged her securely leaving her lips and stayed like that for few minutes. He yearned for her to hug him back and respond to him. But she didn't react at all. Her hands were in her sides not hugging him back. He parted from her after a few minutes placing a soft kisses on her face. He stood up and went out looking at her with tearful eyes, who sat on the bed like a statue.
*******
Riddhima lied down on the bed and kept staring at the ceiling. She drifted to sleep unknown to her. She suddenly sat up panting and sweating badly. Tears flowed out of her eyes uncontrollably. She saw it again, the scene which she witnessed in front of her eyes which had become a nightmare. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't forget it. What she saw that day had Shattered her. It was the day Riddhima Basket Died in her Heart. It was one of the main reasons she couldn't allow armaan near her. It was the beginning of her Hell Life. It was the day she realized the Worst Truth Of Her Life..the Truth to which she was blind to all those days even when it was happening in front of her eyes. It was the reason she came away from the Love Of Her Life. She looked for water bottle in the side table and saw it was not there. She got out of the bed with shaking legs, thudding heart and heavy breaths. She went downstairs and saw him sitting in the living room couch engrossed in reading something. He felt her presence and looked up at her who was walking towards the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and took out a water bottle and drank the water with closed eyes. Armaan switched on the light and went to her front. She opened her eyes feeling his presence. He was shocked and worried seeing her pale face and red eyes. He instantly moved closer to her and cupped her face. She closed her eyes biting her lip to control the tears. She roughly pushed him back and ran upstairs to her room. Armaan was startled with what she did. He ran behind her and she closed the door on his face. "Riddhima what happened? Open the door" "Go away armaan. Please leave me alone" "Riddhima please. Don't do this. Don't push me away from you. I am worried riddhima. Did you see a nightmare? Why your face is pale and your eyes are red? Please open the door. Let me in basket" he said tears filling his eyes. Her pain turned into anger when she heard him say "basket". She opened the door suddenly. "I AM NOT BASKET. Do You Hear That? I AM NOT BASKET. She died the day when she saw it in front of her eyes. Yes. I saw a nightmare. You know what the nightmare was? It was that scene which killed your basket. It was the moment I realized I was a fool to think you will love me back" she yelled at him furiously. He was shocked. He could see the helplessness and pain which she was hiding behind her anger. He tried to go in but she closed the door on his face and slid down the door crying. He sat on the floor leaning on the door crying, scolding himself for everything. They heard each other crying and it increased their pain, making them cry more.
******
Next morning,
Armaan riddhima both didn't sleep. They both were crying all night sitting in the same place where they were last night. They both had taken a couple of days off from their work after the double shift duties. They needed some time for themselves. Around 10 O' clock, riddhima opened the room door. Coming out she saw armaan standing in front of her. They both wear weak, their eyes swollen red coz of all the crying. Tear stains were very much visible in their faces. They felt like thousands of knives were stabbed in their heart seeing each other like that. "I am Sorry" riddhima mumbled audible to him and rushed down the kitchen before he could say anything. He followed her to the kitchen and saw her gulping down cold water. She forwarded the water bottle to him and he drank the water. She took out the milk from the refrigerator to make coffee. She knows he needs his morning coffee badly now. He stood there watching her as she prepared coffee for him. In a few minutes, she poured the coffee in his cup and gave it to him. Armaan stopped her holding her wrist. She stood not turning to face him. He took her cup and poured half of the coffee into it. He made her sit on the mini dining table's chair there and kept the coffee cup in front of her on the table. He sat on the other chair and looked at her. She took the coffee cup and sipped once looking at him. They both finished the coffee in silence and went to their rooms and took a shower. Coming down, riddhima saw armaan sitting in the living room couch reading the newspaper. She went to the kitchen and started cooking. Armaan sighed seeing her going to the kitchen again. He wanted to talk to her. But he did not understand how to start. It was like words failed him. Her words from last night kept echoing in his ear.
Armaan didn't know for how long he sat there lost in his thoughts. When his chain of thoughts was broken, he saw the time was nearing 1.30PM. He stood up and went to her room. There he saw riddhima pressing one of his shirt. He saw two more of his shirts already pressed and folded neatly and kept in the side table. She felt his presence and looked up at him for a moment and again looked down the shirt pressing it. Armaan sat on the bed waiting for her to finish what she was doing. She stole glances at him from the corner of her eyes. After fifteen minutes, she finished and kept her suits in her closet. She forwarded his shirts to him and he took it from her. He walked to her closet and opened it. He kept his shirts there. She stared at him but didn't ask him anything. "Please go and eat your lunch. I kept everything in the table" she said and took out a book to read. Armaan went to his room and came back in a minute with his other clothes. Riddhima looked up from the book and stared at him as he hung his shirts and arranged his other clothes on her closet. "What are you doing?" she asked him. But he didn't answer and went back to his room. He came back with his watches, wallets, cologne and other things and kept them in the dressing table along with her things. He kept his toiletries in the washroom and came out to see riddhima standing with questioning eyes at him. "This is my room. Why are you keeping your things here?" she questioned him. "Exactly, this is your room. You said you don't want to stay in my room. So from now, I am staying in your room. I am your husband and I have the right to stay in my wife's room" he said walking out of the room. He brought their wedding photo and hung it in the wall. He saw a smile appearing on her lips seeing the picture and it disappearing in a few seconds.
Riddhima looked at him when she heard his voice. "We cannot live our whole life like this riddhima. I want all our misunderstandings to be cleared. Please riddhima, lets a have a heart to heart convo. Lets pour out everything and start afresh. This distance is killing us both riddhima. I don't want this distance between us. I don't want you to stay away from me riddhima.." she interrupted him asking, "You don't want me to stay away from you? Remember armaan. It was the same you who said, "Stay away from me riddhima. Don't come near me". Armaan looked down not able to meet her eyes. Yes. He did say it..that too so harshly. He was a fool then to say that to her. "Will you answer my one question armaan?" she asked him in a low voice. He nodded at her. She sat on the bed and took a deep breath and asked him after a minute. "When I was leaving Mumbai sanjeevani, did you..did you know that I was going away from you..i..i mean did you know that I was leaving sanjeevani and going away from you..you all for forever?" she questioned him in a very low voice, looking down fearing his answer. Armaan closed his eyes tightly. This was one question he was dreading. He knew his answer will break her more than she already was. But he cannot avoid answering this question of hers or lie to her. He must answer the truth. He took deep breath and said, "Yes. I Knew" looking at her. She looked up at him with tear filled, pain and hurtful eyes. "I heard our friends talking about you leaving sanjeevani" he said in a low voice. "You ignored me and avoided talking to me even after knowing that I am leaving armaan?" she asked him unbelievably. "Till now i was thinking that maybe you didn't know I was going away. I was saying to myself that, if you had known it you surely would have talked to me when I was trying to talk to you. But..you..you.." the tears she was controlling till now spilled out of her eyes. She continued, "The way you turned your face away not looking at me when I came to say final goodbye, it felt like you slapped me and yelled at me to go away from you. I agree we had a fight and we were not in good terms when I came to say goodbye to you. But apart from everything, more than anything, we were friends armaan. I stayed away from you and didn't come back to you, coz you told me to stay away from you and not interfere in your life. But why you didn't look for me armaan? Yes. I wasn't in contact with you. But I was in contact with our friends. If you had wanted you could have found me easily armaan. Was your anger so important for you? How could you armaan? Till now I thought you don't love me, but now I understand you didn't accept me even as a friend" she cried as tears flowed out of her eyes uncontrollably. "Riddhima, I was in a misunderstanding. I was angry with you and the anger made me forget everything riddhima. That anger disappeared when I realized you left sanjeevani forever and we might not meet again. And..after that I came to know what actually happened. I was ashamed of myself riddhima. I didn't have the courage to face you. I was scared..your hurtful eyes haunted me. I was not able to erase the image of your crying face. You leaving me..i took that as a punishment to myself for hurting you. I didn't wanted to come back in your life and hurt you more than I already I did. I was in doubt if you will forgive me for what I did. But when I met you again, that very instant I understood you had forgiven me" he said not meeting her eyes.
Riddhima listened to him and stayed quite not saying anything. He kneeled in front of her and took her hand in his which she pulled back immediately from his hold. Her heart pierced seeing the tears glistening in his eyes and she looked away. He tenderly held her one cheek and made her face him. He put his other palm on her other cheek making her look into his eyes. She closed her eyes not wanting to lose herself in his eyes. He kissed her eyes making her open them and "I Missed My Riddhima Basket. I am missing you every second. Please come back to me. I know she is hiding behind your mask. And she is coming out sometimes now. But I want My Riddhima Basket to come back to me for eternity" he whispered looking into her green eyes painfully. She was shattered seeing the agony in his eyes closed her eyes gaining control over herself. "You lost your riddhima basket. She will not come back to you armaan" she said looking away from him and stood up pushing his hands away from her face. She began to walk out but armaan stopped her holding her wrist from behind when she was near the door. She turned to look at him and he pulled her closer to him gently and held her by her bare waist coz of her saree. He pinned her to the wall leaving just few inches distance between them. She shivered with his touch and their proximity. She closed her eyes to gain control over herself. "Say what you said just now looking into my eyes" he said calmly. "Leave me armaan" she protested to come out of his hold. "Say it looking into my eyes" he said in the same tone. She gasped feeling his breath caressing her face. She cannot say it looking into his eyes. She doesn't have it in her to lie to him looking into his eyes. He had broken all the defences she built within herself to not allow him near her. As if the emotional torture wasn't enough, now their physical proximity was also affecting them.
Riddhima struggled with herself to keep herself in control emotionally and physically. She cannot deny the truth to herself that she fears she will lose herself in his love and that is why she is trying to keep him in distance and is failing terribly. Armaan smiled seeing her closed eyes and rapid breathing. He had not known before that she is so stubborn. They both know she still love him. Looking at his wife's quivering lips, he felt the desire to kiss her like no tomorrow and convey to her who she is to him and what she means to him. She was becoming tired of struggling. She wanted to stop struggling and live the moment in his embrace. She wanted to forget everything and accept his love, emotionally and physically. She wanted to love him the same. She wanted to lose herself in his love and live with him. But the fear in her heart and one more thing stopped her from doing it. She came out of her thought hearing armaan saying, "Say it looking into my eyes" again in the same calm voice. A tear rolled on her cheek and he kissed it away making her close her eyes with a smile. She opened her eyes. "I am losing to you armaan. I cannot lie looking into your eyes. I can lie to myself but not to your eyes" she thought tearfully. Armaan smiled to the fullest understanding her thoughts looking into her eyes.
Armaan kissed her forehead saying, "I know you cannot lie to me looking into my eyes. I want to say something to My Riddhima Basket. Something which she yearns to hear from me. The words which I always wanted to tell her but had not told her then coz of my foolishness" he whispered looking into her eyes. She understood what he is meaning to. Her heart pounded against her chest. "As I am seeing her now in your green pair of eyes, I am going to make her feel it and I will tell it to her only when she comes out from behind the mask and back to me for forever" he said passionately staring deep into her green eyes. Riddhima was losing herself in his eyes and the love she is seeing in them. Her breath hitched feeling his other palm sliding inside her saree. He held her close to him his by both hands on her bare waist on her sides. She moaned out his name as he softly pressed his body on hers. He licked her slightly parted lips sending shivers down her spine. He groaned as she hugged him and dug her nails on his back. She listened to her heart which was craving for his love. She was already lost to him emotionally. Today, she wanted lose herself in the love of the man she loves, her husband, pushing away everything. He smiled as she began sucking his lip. He did the same to her. They nibbled each other's lips passionately. He licked her lips sensuously asking for entry to her mouth. She parted her lips and gasped as his tongue touched hers. He caressed her tongue with his making her go weak in her knees. She tangled her fingers in his hairs and kissed him back zealously, as he pressed her bare waist with his one hand and drew circles around her navel with his other fingertips. They kissed each other with all their love and passion and parted to breathe. He began kissing and licking her slender neck ardently. She trembled and kept moaning his name. Her hands trailed down from his neck to his chest and abs above his t-shirt making him groan. Their lips met again and they kissed fiercely. It took all his self-control to not carry her to the bed and love her with all his might. He knows his wife is lost in their love and passion. He don't want to take advantage of it and make her his in every sense now. He knows she is his. But he should wait a little more for her to say it to him herself. He will make her his only when they sort out the mis-understandings, talk out everything and she asks him to make love to her when she is in her senses. Then he will make her lose her senses in his passionate love. They kept kissing each other not wanting to let go. But had to stop for breath. They leaned their foreheads on each other and they opened their eyes. He grinned seeing her crimson cheeks. He hugged her and she hugged him back smiling. They stood hugging each other happily with wide smiles on their swollen lips.
*************
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Madura
Edited by Redrose21 - 12 years ago
Udne Ki Aasha
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