FF : I Feel Nothing. Updated Part 40 - Page 34

Khushi looked back at Arnav as the car drove away...after the last few days of him constantly being around her, she felt a bit worried...but Shyam was back at RM and she had Anjaliji and Payal with her...so now it was just time to sit back and let everyone enjoy their shopping...Anjali and Payal were having a great time looking at everything they could possibly find...Khushi wasn't really interested in "things", she was just truly relishing the fact that she was out with family, and they were including her in their lives again...this was the best gift...she was gazing out the shop window and didn't hear her sister and Anjali say , "we're going to the change rooms would you like to come?" when she didn't respond they just said, "we'll be out in a few minutes...and then we're going to take you out for sweets!" they walked off...she turned when she noticed how quiet it had become around her...she quickly started wandering round looking for them...in the changing rooms Anjali and Payal had been planning..."i think this one would suit khushiji more...and then we should look at bangles, and then we go eat sweets till we feel sick " they both laughed...and went out to Khushi...who was no where to be seen...Payal quickly asked the sales lady who was helping them before, "have you seen my sister, the lady who was also with us? She was wearing yellow..." the sales lady had seen many people..."a girl dressed in yellow just left in an auto about 15 minutes ago..." the lady said curtly and rushed off to help other customers...Anjali and Payal looked at each other and shook their heads..."she's gone back to see Chote..." said Anjali shaking her head...then they both started giggling..."i never thought i'd see Chote so in love...he always denied it...always avoided it..." Payal still a bit concerned for Khushi said, "still, should we call home and ask if she has arrived there safely?"..."Yes i think you're right" Said Anjali dialing for Arnav...

Back at the RM, Arnav and Akash had burst into Shyam's room. He was sitting on his bed with a first aid kit tending to his bleeding face. Arnav spoke first..."Akash and I are both going to make sure you do NOT hurt Di. And I am here to personally make sure you don't EVER hurt Khushi again. That you never go near her again."...Shyam started to smirk and Akash had to interfere to stop Arnav from attacking him again..."Listen, we are both going to make sure you stop causing trouble. You will not be leaving this house. You will be staying in a separate room to Di. You will say it's because you aren't well and don't want to infect her while she's pregnant. You will stay in your room. Or Bhai and I will make bloody sure that you go to jail." Arnav now calmer said, "security has been updated and will be recording your every move so don't even THINK of trying to approach my wife. You're time of deceit and destruction is going to end. Now."...Shyam stood up wincing in pain, spoke..."you think that i need to leave this room in order to carry out my plan???" and with that Shyam just started laughing...Akash had to practially drag Arnav away before he killed Shyam...slamming the door and locking it Arnav was trying to control his breathing..."Bhai, there are security cameras everywhere. He is locked in this room. We have an excuse for Di. It will all be okay..." Arnav tried his hardest to believe what Akash just said...when he felt his phone start to ring...Arnav quickly thanked Akash for all his support and walked off to his room to answer his phone..."hello " Arnav said calmly..."Chote?? Payalji and I just wanted to make sure Khushi made it home ok..." Arnav's heart stopped. "what. She's not here. Where is She!?! How did you lose her?! " Arnav was yelling and his face was burning with fright..."Chote, it's okay, she may still be around here somewhere" Anjali said motioning to Payal to keep looking around..."we were in the change rooms and came out and, well the sales lady said that she saw a girl in yellow get into an Auto...we just firstly assumed that she was going home to you...don't worry, i'm sure she's..."

"DON'T WORRY!?!?!?! Di you and Payal go and look for her. NOW" Arnav hung up and dialed Khushi's number, but heard her phone ringing on the dresser in their room...starting to rush downstairs to his car he remembered Shyam's words..."you think that i need to leave this room in order to carry out my plan???"...Arnav got in his car...called the police to start looking for her...called security at the shopping complex to look out for her...he slammed down on the breaks outside the shops and left his car and ran inside...

Anjali heard Arnav hang up..."he's frightfully worried...i think he's going to come down here and search for her..."

Payal thought for a second..."Khushi would probably go to the nearest snack place..." so they both set out to where any food would be...Anjali suddenly saw a bright burst of yellow appear in the distance...

and there stood Khushi..."There she is!" Anjali said to Payal...they both breathed a sigh of relief and approached Khushi who started to say, "i'm sorry i coudln't find you both and so i just came to the nearest snack stand...i was watching the exit though incase i saw you both leave..." Anjali smiled and put her hand on Khushi's cheek..."it's fine Khushiji...but..." Anjali looked at Payal..."Chote is probably on his way here in a panic..." Khushi's eyes went wide..."Why!? Why would he panic? Is he okay?" Khushi was worried now..."He's fine, but when we couldn't find you we were told that a girl dressed like you got in an auto and we thought you may have gone home...so i called chote to see if you arrived safely...then he realized that we didn't know where you were..." Anjali had an *oops i've done it now* look on her face...Khushi just smiled..."it will be okay. I will explain everything." Anjali started to dial Arnav's number when she saw him run in and immediately lock eyes on Khushi. He bolted to her and, nearly knocking her to the ground, clung to her..."Oh my God..." he breathed heavily..."Khushi...you're ok...i'm sorry...i thought..." he couldn't stand it...he held her shoulders and moved back so he could look at her...she just looked up at him, her mouth open almost ready to say something when he yanked her forward and planted a hot, wet kiss on her open mouth...

Anjali and Payal gasped! Arnav was kissing her! In public! Fortunately they didn't have to intervene since he broke the kiss quite fast...Khushi looked flustered but not angered...

Arnav looked at Khushi and said, "i'm sorry...i know i shouldn't have done that here...it's just..."..She could see his distress and said..."it's ok Arnavji...I'm sorry i worried you..." ...Arnav took her hand and kissed it and then pulled her close..."di, payal... I think i'll accompany you for the rest of your time out...okay?"

Payal and Anjali just looked at each other...whatever they said wouldn't make any difference...Arnav was once again fully attached to Khushi and wasn't going to leave.

So they decided to just go and have some tea together and do what women to best...talk.

Arnav sat next to Khushi and just stared at her in awe...she was jabbering with Di and Payal...She looked almost at ease...His heart was hoping that her pain would soon fizzle into nothingness so that she wouldn't wake up scared, or worry that he would hurt her...he smiled as she took a sip of her tea and some of it dripped down to her chin...he quickly leaned forward and brushed it off with his thumb...

"Chote! All this public display of affection is almost giving me more nausea than this pregnancy!" Anjali said with a laugh while holding her hand on her baby tummy...Khushi felt a stab of sadness...it suddenly dawned on her that after they all find out about Shyam, what if Anjali starts to hate her...she didn't want to start losing people in her life all over again...she suddenly wanted to run into her room and stare out at the sky...starting to labour for breath Khushi said..."Anjaliji, i'm getting quite tired...would you mind very much if ..." "ofcourse she won't mind" Arnav said standing up and taking Khushi's hand...Anjali and Payal got up to hug Khushi saying they'd see her at home later...Arnav, still holding her hand, lead her out of the building towards his car. He opened her door. She got in silently. He got in his car and started driving.

"are you ok Khushi?"...

Khushi just stayed silent...

"Khushi?"...

"What happened today after i left?" she asked quietly...

"Akash knows...he is fully supportive of you. Now we have more support when the time comes..." Arnav started telling her the whole plan...Khushi just nodded...not saying a word. They arrived home and before Arnav could get out and open her door, she undid her seat belt and bolted inside..."Khushi?!" Arnav called out to her...he quickly ran after her...he soon caught up to her just as she ran into their room...he held onto her saree and she spun from the force of him holding it, and swirled right into his waiting arms...Khushi started pushing him trying to get away..."Khushi...Khushi..." Arnav kept saying, his hands moving firmly up around her waist, and her back until she finally gave up , tired of trying anymore...

"what happened today jaan? You seemed to be happy...tell me what happened...you know full well that i won't be letting you go until you tell me..."

Khushi looked up at him..."i...um..." Arnav just nodded gently, "you don't need to be afraid of me...i promised you that i wouldn't hurt you ever again...i will keep that promise till the day i die..." Khushi looked up at him..."when...when Anjaliji...finally finds out...she's going to hate me again...i can't come between you and her..." she quickly tried to squirm out of Arnav's arms but he was holding her so firmly she couldn't budge...

"Khushi..." His tone low and serious..."Di won't hate you. I know her. She will see that you are the victim as much as she is...and now..." he took a deep breath...

"I won't ever stop telling you this, because i need you to realize this...my family are the most important people in my life. But if i don't look after myself, how can i look after them...this is why i take care of myself first...but do you what is an equal part of me?...you. You hold my heart. So if i don't look after you, I die. Khushi, when I look in your eyes, I see the man I've always wanted to be...my happiness doesn't have a damn thing to do with work, money, or winning anymore... It has everything to do with you. Being with you has changed me. Changed my life. You are my life...and if i don't look after my life, I die...and you are my life...therefore i put you first. Always"

Then his mouth was on hers, making a mockery of every passionate kiss they'd shared before that moment... When they were locked together, body to body, soul to soul, breathing the same humid air, everything seemed right.

Khushi's mind was buzzing with thoughts...her husband wasn't relenting. He was being steadfast, kissing her soundly, his tongue touching hers, exploring her mouth unhurriedly...she started feeling more and more every day...but she was terrified to trust him...after all this...after seeing him THIS way with her, she feared that if he ever reverted back, that she would die. Literally. She started to cry...small sobs echoing into his mouth via hers...as if Arnav knew what she was thinking, he kept his lips on hers and spoke softly..."...the way i was before...i will never be like that with you again...i know you can't trust me straight away, but Khushi...i will win your trust again...i know your heart loves me...and i will not lie to your heart..."

Khushi whimpered against his mouth as he caught her in another hard sensual kiss...much more desperate than the first one...his kiss was making it hard for her to hear her own thoughts...her whole body starting to push closer to his feeling need of her own starting to quell in her core...remembering all the times she wished this would happen...begging God to let him want her as his wife...

*flashback*

"remember, to the outside world we're married, but all this is fake to me..." Arnav said to her the night they got married...the night she lost her family...the night she lost her dignity...

*end of flashback*

She felt Suddenly stricken with pains in her heart...Finding all the strength she could muster...Khushi pushed Arnav away from her...not in anger, not in fury...in total, utter despair...she fell to the floor and screamed so loud that she was sure the dead would hear her...Arnav quickly going to her side to calm her was only harshly pushed away again...

"i lost... everything that...that... night! EVERYTHING! My amma! My Buaji! My ...my...babuji! Your family probed me with... insulted questions! And...you... you were NO WHERE! No! I will never be able to forget this...let me go back to the way i was...i don't want to feel! I don't want to feel anything anymore...hate me again Arnavji! Hurt me again! Please!!!!!" she grabbed his shirt, unaware of the tears streaming down his face and his inability to speak..."please, just tell me you hate me, tell me to leave you alone, push me out of your room, squeeze my arms till they bruise...i want to stop feeling again...i want...i ...i..." Khushi finally fainted in his arms...

Arnav just held her limp body and cried. He cried for her. He held her close to him burying his face in her hair, near her neck...he started to whisper , "i will bring such fierce love into your life that you WILL forget this pain. I will make THIS my life's work...you will NOT be a corpse of the Khushi i love...you will come back to me...i know i don't deserve to be forgiven...but i will die a thousand deaths before you let your heart convince you that you aren't enough...because you ARE enough...you are everything to me...and though i wasn't there for you before...i will always be there for you now..."

Arnav lifted her to the bed and laid her gently down...he got a cold compress and wiped her face free of tears that tried to blotch her ...he sat by her side...15 minutes passed...30 minutes passed...he heard a knock at his door...he got up slowly to see who was there...it was Payal..."we just got back home now and Anjali is preparing food...how is Khushi?" she looked over to Khushi was sound asleep..."she was very tired wasn't she..." payal said with a smile..."i'm glad you're taking so much care of her...she's very stubborn...she usually wants to take care of everyone else...we'll call you when the food is ready" and with that Payal left the room...

"Arnavji...Arnavji...please believe me...please..." he heard his name being called...he bolted back to her side and held her hand when he saw that she was dreaming..."i'm here...I'm here Khushi...i do believe you, i believe everything you say...nothing is going to hurt you..." she opened her eyes with fear...not fear of Arnav... But fear of a different kind...she sat up and clung to him with newfound strength..."please believe me, i didn't know! I didn't know he was your jijaji! I didn't ! i'm sorry i didn't tell you! Please please don't hurt me for this!!!" Her pleas were Arnav's undoing...he grabbed the back of her head and pushed his mouth on hers, passionately silencing her...when he broke away she started saying

" don't leave me alone...please don't leave me alone..." Arnav pressed her body to his..."Shh...jaan... I won't. Ever...i'm...i'm devestated over what i have let happen to you..." She looked up at him..."you were deceived just as i was..."

They both just gazed at each other for what seemed like years...she finally heard their names being called from outside the door informing them that the evening food had been prepared...Khushi jumped up out of bed and started scolding herself..."what is wrong with you Khushi! You know better than to get all emotional when you should be doing your chores...what is going on in your head!" Arnav stood up and started walking toward her with that same look on his face...the one he had on the night of Diwali...it seem like such a long time ago now...he kept walking toward her as she retreated for every time he stepped closer...Arnav crowded her against the wall. "I want to kiss you. Right now.This is about you and me..."before she could respond, velvety soft lips were brushing hers. Then Crushing hers. His tongue stroked and teased. Coaxing. Devouring. He repositioned his head, taking the kiss down to the depths of her soul.

Yet Arnav didn't touch her. He kept one forearm braced above her head. His palm lay flat by her shoulder. nothing existed but him. And her.

He pulled back from her saying , "i hope this clears up your confusion..."

"what confusion..." Khushi asked...

"For thinking you're a servant, or housecleaner, or cook. What part of MY WIFE is confusing to you?" Arnav said smiling down at her...