ArHi OS: Unanswered Questions (part 21 page 88) - Page 8

pls continue soon and pm me when u update next part

It was half done but I posted it to see ur comments. it is a build up towards the actual past...
Part 5

Arnav's Story

Khushi went to her room with her heart thudding in her ears, fortunately no one called for her as their voice would have fallen on deaf ears, and she closed the door behind her and sat on the bed very quietly. The week had been like a year, no a century, she had missed him like she had missed no one before, she went to sleep thinking about him, dreamt about him, woke up with his thoughts in her mind. All through the day she could feel him around her and she walked as if in a daze, everything she loved doing, became boring, she would start making jalebis and leave them halfway through, start reading a book and put it away with a sigh, the winter had just become so bleak like in one of those Charles Dicken's novels. And now she had something from him in her hands, a letter perhaps, but why?

With hands that trembled, she opened the envelope and took out the sheaf of papers from it. Her heart still beating like a drum was hard to control. She unfolded the wad and started to read'''

Khushi, Hi

I would have used 'dear' or even 'beloved' had I the right for it, but since I don't know where I am in your life, Khushi it is. Right now there is a big mess that's between you and me and there is a lot! And in between this mess there are a lot of unanswered questions. Ever since we have met so much has happened that has altered my life in so many ways. You were right in detaching from me, shunning me on that night, your cold response to my emotional outburst was apt considering how callously I have behaved with you in the past.

Everything that has happened between us, from office to the guest house, from working in my home to Nainitaal, to the Diwali night and later on, I have been able to hurt you and hurt you bad. Every time regretting but doing worse than before. I don't know if I deserve being forgiven by you but the state that I am in I don't want to give up before trying at least once.

The first time we met in Sheesh Mahal I used the phrase 'tum jaisi larkiyan' for you and used it many times later on, why? Because I had reasons from my past to believe that to be the truth, I had long time back decided not to fall in love ever for it appeared to be a big drama, an over estimated emotion, a passing infatuation glorified to great heights.

I didn't just wake up one fine day and decided upon this, I went through torture, treachery, scorn, estrangement and what not, even when I was guilty of absolutely nothing! I was looked down upon by the world which didn't mean shit to me but my parents having the same opinion about me killed me and I died a thousand deaths until their death really separated us. And to this day I am appalled at the thought that they left the world thinking of me as a cad. Whatever I do cannot change this fact for me and it will remain with me through my life.

Khushi couldn't stop the tear rolling down her eye blurring the words in front of her, she could feel his pain in her heart. She rubbed off the tears and continued.

I had made certain principles in my life, set certain standards, whoever met those standards got acceptance, whoever didn't I cared nothing for them. Then I met you and my life went topsy turvy! You proved me wrong, not once but twice, thrice and so many more times, your spunk and love for life irritated the hell out of me! You believed in all that I scorned at. But then you began to get to me, I began to expect you, to look out for you, to look at you, until the diwali night when I was totally mesmerised by you, besotted by you, attracted to you as if you were a magnet, my eyes had followed you everywhere and then near the poolside when I put the Payal back on your feet, only I know the effort I put in to stand up and step back when all I wanted to do was to take you in my arms. I was almost successful but you had to turn back and look at me with those questioning eyes, I was pulled towards them as if under a spell. Then I woke up only when the cell phone rang, you have no idea, or maybe you do, how shocked I was at my actions, at my total loss of control. I was taken aback at how I had given in to my emotions, what I had kept in total control up till then. That was Arnav Singh Raizada at his weakest after a very long time, failing in front of an 18 years old, falling for what he feared was love, something he had denied for himself. So I did what I was used to, executed plan B, only this time Plan B wasn't actually planned it just came up in the form of Lavanya who was being targeted by those aunties who have taken upon themselves voluntarily to safeguard the morals of the society, hypocrites!

What I did later on was even more hypocritical! I made you suffer for my weakness, I insulted you to forget that I had weakened, all the cruel things I said were meant to hurt so that you won't ever mistake what had happened, for love. Whatever I did disturbed me and resulted in more anger, you were at the receiving end of it all. While I was the one inflicting it on you, I was the one who also suffered while doing it. I could never be at peace. And then... you said that you were engaged and

I felt as if life had been sucked out of me,

as if everything had come crashing down on me,

as if everything had come to a standstill around me

as if what I lived for had been snatched from me

as if the earth shook underneath me

I couldn't breathe and you breathed,

I couldn't speak and you spoke,

I couldn't move and you moved,

I was shattered and you were not bothered

And how easily you had asked, 'how does it affect you? (aap ko kya farak parta hai?)' and I couldn't answer for I myself didn't know what had happened to me. The rage inside me grew out of control and I didn't know why? I wanted to hurt you badly, and I did, without knowing why I was taking revenge. Your calm and being in total control unnerved me, irked me, disturbed me at so many levels for I was not calm, I was not in control. I was consumed by my will to hurt you whenever I could, and I went too far, I insulted you and your tears tore me apart, I couldn't face myself for I didn't know why was I doing all that. You were decent to me later on, don't know why but I am grateful, you even thanked me for helping with payal and akaash, even if you hadn't you would have been justified.

All along I had been falling in love with you, yes Khushi Kumari Gupta, I am right now totally and irrevocably in love with you and I have this crazy notion in my head that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, in health and in sickness, for better or for worse. Love is something that I had long ago decided was not for me so I wasn't ready to accept it, to recognize it even. That's why I always stopped at Mujhe farak parta hay'. I couldn't finish it because I didn't know. The thought of losing you forever changed the entire scenario for me, for some time I found it hard to breathe, and I realized then when you sat right next to me what exactly it was that was between us, the string that tied me to you, the pull that I felt towards you and then you reminded me of my deeds, of the many times I had feigned nonchalance towards you. That night I didn't sleep much, I had to decide, it was a now or never situation for me. I had to let you know that I love you but I come with a package, my past, it has stories attached to it. Stories that you need to know before you accept me, if you also feel what I do, before I can even declare my love for you, for it is my past that made me what I am, and that was why I had come away, to think straight, to weigh my love, to find its depth, to know whether I can share my past with you or not. Seems I love you too much and that's why I have decided to let you in, into my past'''

"Khushiii, aray ooo Khushiii" Khushi jolted at the sound of buaji's voice accompanied by heavy banging session at the door. Khushi quickly put away the letter in her cupboard and ran to the door to answer a long string of questions ending with an order to make tea for her. With the speed of lightening she made a cup of tea and hurriedly gave it to bua who casually turned and ordered her to get some biscuits as well. She was about to dash to her room after giving the biscuits that she heard Garima asking her to wash some daal and rice for dinner. After that job was done she quietly sneaked into her room and resumed to read'''''.

He put alot of feelings n thoughts while reading this letter

Originally posted by: fallen_star

Awesome story! I read all the chapters in one go!

Please PM me when you update.

thnx a lot for liking 😊
will send a pm when i update

omg!! amazing story read all the chapters .

Officially dying to know arnav past..u sure know how to build suspense..

oh what happens next...
very nice episode yaar...

Are yaar... ye kya... Itna suspense... Heart failure hojayega... lol I feel like being a dramebaaz today... :) I loved it and cant wait for the next update