ArHi OS: Unanswered Questions (part 21 page 88)

Arnav: What if I had lost you?

Khushi: So what if it had been like that? It would have been my accident, what difference does it make to you?

Arnav: Ofcourse it affects me! Damn it!

Khushi: why? Why does it matter to you?

Her voice kept echoing in his head as he drove back home, why couldn't he answer this question. He continued to give her sidelong glances as if ensuring she was right there beside him. She looked peeved sans her usual chirpy attitude, he didn't like it but there wasn't much he could do about it.

Who does he think he is? Why does he always want things to be the way he wants them to! Aaargh! Only if NK's car hadn't broken down she wouldn't be here, she sighed loudly and looked out of the window.

So she doesn't like to be with me now, he pressed hard on the brakes making the car come to a screeching halt. Khushi gave him a questioning look to which he replied silently and merely pointed at the signal that was red. And the blind jealousy that overtakes me whenever I see Nk and her together, what about it? Why can't I bear their comfort with each other? He too looked out of the window.

Khushi looked at the tense outline of his face, she remembered the last time he had said the same words, it was after the worst Diwali of her life when she had told him about her engagement. The memory of the proceeding events brought tears to her eyes, how she wanted to hate him at the cruel way he had insulted her at the boutique. "No way Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada, I know I can't hate you despite wanting to but no way am I going to let you know how you affect me," she thought as a tear rolled down her cheek unnoticed by Arnav.

He started the car again as the signal turned green, he drove fast not wanting agonize her any further by being with him. He felt her go rigid as she took in a sharp breath. He turned his head swiftly to come across a face flushed with fear, eyes wide in horror. He slowed down at once, remembering her fear of fast driving and muttered, "Sorry for that." They continued in silence till the next signal when a roadside peddler ran up to the car and showed the bangles he had. Arnav tried to get rid of him getting irritated at his insistence. When he saw Khusi's empty wrists, he remembered that her bangles had broken. Without thinking he bought some for her and gave them to her.

Khushi was too surprised to react at all and took them silently wondering at his sudden mushiness, which was soon corrected when Arnav said roughly; "Don't let your imagination run wild, he needed money that's it!" came the matter of fact answer. And it had been just that for him, it was a simple demand and supply situation and nothing more. He looked at her as she slowly wore the bangles, one after the other, all of them clinking in her wrists. He could feel his heart beat with the same rhythm, this was something he couldn't fathom. One of the many things that had gone awry with him ever since he had met her, there was so much he couldn't explain to himself; his reactions, his yearning to see her, to hold her, to''' and he thought of the Diwali night.

Khushi knew that bangles meant nothing at all; she remembered the past too clearly to even attempt to give any meaning to the bangles around her wrists. Sighing, she again looked out trying her best to forget that he sat right next to her. She had now become used to the feeling of emptiness that had filled her on the night of Diwali and had stayed with her ever since. She had laughed and smiled with everyone but deep inside she had been aware of the void where her heart had been. "You don't exist for me!" his cruel roar reverberated in her mind and sadness engulfed her, tears welled up in her eyes, she couldn't stop them from flowing but tried her best to hide them by making sure her head was turned away.

Pressing the brakes he brought the car to a stop in front of the Raizada Mansion and was surprised at how swiftly Khushi opened the door and stepped out without even looking at him, without saying anything, and ran inside but through the back door. He quickly got out, threw the key towards the guard and followed her. He stopped dead in his tracks when he found her crying uncontrollably with her hand on her mouth trying to suppress her sobs. Going forward slowly, he softly said, "Khushi! What happened? Are you okay?"

She turned around aghast at being caught like that but quickly regained composure, "no I am not okay! As if you care! Got your answer? Now leave" she said with as much rudeness she could muster, trying unconsciously to hurt him the way he had hurt her. "But why will he get hurt?" she reminded herself and turned her back to him as if dismissing him.

He swore under his breath, his heart felt as if it had been punched. "What exactly do you mean by that?" he demanded to know and tried to turn her towards him. She curtly shrugged off his hand and started to walk away only to have her path blocked by him. She looked up at him questioningly. "you can't walk away like that!" at the threshold of his anger, he almost growled at her.

"I do not exist for you, I don't mean anything to you remember? I am not important so stop wasting your precious time on me and let me go!" she chewed on each and every word as if willing to register them in his mind. Wiping off her tears she went past him into the house to dash for a quick touchup to hide the storm that had just left her shattered.

Arnav stood in the hallway, recalling all the words he had said to her, his deliberate cruelty to her on diwali night, the sinister insults he had hurled at her uncaringly. In his attempt to maintain control on himself he had wounded her emotionally, he had no right to tear her up like that, she hadn't done anything, it was him who had always crossed the line but had taken revenge from her for his loss of control because he was unable to handle all that was happening to him. He cursed, his fist balled up, he punched angrily at the stone wall nearby scraping off some skin from his knuckles. He didn't even wince for he was beyond feeling his own hurt, he could only feel hers. He went in.

In the hall he found everyone sitting for the Havan, Khushi sat near Di, her face all cleaned up with no sign of the earlier storm. She then raised her hands for prayers and he winced when he saw her empty wrists''

Khsushi had again cried her heart out in the bathroom, taking off one bangle after another. When she had taken off the last one she collected them to throw them in the dustbin. She couldn't although she wanted to with all her heart. She felt miserable at her inability to hate him, she tried to gather disgust and hatred for him but failed. Finally she kept them in her handbag and set about getting ready for Havan.

Slowly Arnav turned around and walked up to his room, thinking some questions need to be answered''.