Part # 32
So as Adil drove away, Ashna locked herself in the empty mansion and surrendered herself to the tears!! She cud finally cry to her heart's content as he wasn't there to mock her!! Ashna suddenly felt a rush of anger within her. She wondered how cud he even say such a thing!! That her love was an infatuation? Did he actually take her to be so nave? Cudnt she know it herself wat she felt and wat she did not? And how cud he be so heartless? He crashed down her entire world and didn't even feel a tug!! Was he that emotionless?
Here Adil didn't drive back to his home!! Rishabh had called up to know where they both were and Adil had said they were together!! Adil wished to believe that he hadn't gone back home to avoid answering questions about Ashna, but he knew how lame the reason actually was!! He wouldn't have left anyways, not abandoning her like this!!
So leaving the car a lil away from Ashna's house, Adil chose to walk along the desolate street. He kept walking aimlessly for a long time without knowing where to stop. Soon he realized he had come a long way and decided to stroll back. But he noticed an image of himself sitting by the corner and smirking at him. Adil shook his head and attempted to move away, but he found another similar figure standing before him, with a teasing smile on his face. Adil angrily looked away while the image spoke up.
You can look away but I'm never gonna disappear. I reside in you!!
Adil doesn't say anything and keeps listening. He felt too tired to retaliate. And here the image let out a mocking laugh.
Apne aap ko dekho zara!! Kya halath hai tumhari. Kitna bebas, kitna haara hua hai...Adil Raichand.
The image pauses for a minute to take a look at Adil's reaction. But he was unmoved, unaffected. Even the usual wincing at his own name felt tiring at that moment.
Yehi wo naam hai na jisse tum itni nafrat karte ho!! Jinhe iss nafrat ke bare me pata hai unhe lagta hai tumhe apne surname se dikkat hoti hai, lekin main janta hu "Adil" tumhe apna ye naam kitna chubhta hai. Jab jab koi tumhe pukarta hai, jab jab tum ye naam likhte ho, isse bolte ho tumhe yaad ati hai kii ye naam bhi kitna khokla hai. Tumhara to kabhi koi naam tha hi nahi. Jab Baba ne naam puchha tumhe bas ye shabd yaad aya aur tumne keh diya, hai na?
Adil shuts his eyes to avoid reliving the moment right before him, all over again. He hated the way his every good memory was entwined with an aching reality!!
Tum to hamesha se hi jhooth ko jeete aye ho Adil, lekin iska ye matlab to nahi ki tum sabko apni tarah jeene me majboor kar do. Tumhe naa to khushi ka ehsaas hota hai aur naa hi gham se fark padhta hai. Lekin har koi to aisa nahi hai na? Ashna aisi nahi hai na? Tumhe pata hai wo sensitive hai, chhoti chhoti baaton se hurt hoti hai aur chhote chhote lamhon se khush ho jati hai. Itni buri tarah se usse chot pohuchane ka kya haq hai tumhe?
Adil looks down but still keeps quiet and the image continues to speak.
Maine har kadam pe, har ek kadam pe tumhe toka tha lekin tumne meri nahi suni. Agar pehle se usse sab bata dete to aaj usse itni takleef nahi hoti. Magar nahi, tumhe to darr tha kahin sab kuch tumhare mutabik nahi hua to? Par dekho na, itna kuch karke bhi kya haasil hua? Hamesha ki tarah baat ulti padh gayi. Ab Ashna tumhe chhod kar zarur chali jayegi (at this Adil looks up and struggles to find words in protest, but nothing comes out) Kyun yehi darr khal rahi hai na mann me? Kahin wo chali to nahi jayegi?
Kitne selfish ho na tum? Hamesha bas apne bare me sochte ho. You knw wat tum chah ke bhi kabhi kisika bhala nahi kar sakte. Tumhe to koshish bhi nahi karni chahiye, kyunki khushi dene ke chakkar me tum bas ansoon de dete ho. Lekin ab? Ab kya karoge? Jitna dard dena tha de diya. Ab dur bhaagna chahte ho?
Aur kar hi kya sakta hu main? She has to get over me!! Uski ye chahat, uska ye attraction sab kuch khatam karna hoga. She cannot live like this. Aise nahi jee payegi wo!!
Tum usse kyun nahi decide karne dete ki wo kya chahti hai? Tumhe achhese pata hai Adil ki wo aisa kabhi bhi nahi chahegi. Wo gussa zarur hai lekin iss kadar nahi ruthegi. Not if you tell her everything!!
I did tell her everything. Maine usse sab sach bataya hai.
Lekin jazbaat? Unhe kaun zaheer karega? Usse kaise pata chalega ki tumhe uski kitni parwa hai? Wo kaise jaanegi ki tum uske pyar ko achhese samajhte ho? Aur ab to usse phirse doubt hai ki shayad tum usse nahi chahte. To usse ye kaun batayega Adil ki tum usse kitna pyar...
Don't. Don't say it.
(laughs) Mere kehne ya na kehne se kya hota hai Adil? Kisike bhi zikr karne ya na karne se kya hoga? Jo sach hai wo hai. Tum usse badal nahi sakte.
Exactly!! Sach ko main badal nahi sakta. Isiliye achha yehi hai ki hum usse accept kar le. Jazbaato se sach nahi talega aur isliye unki koi ehmiyat nahi hai.
Here Ashna broke a few pots to calm down her rage!! But what angered her more was the fact that there was too much to think about and she didn't know wat among all frustrated her more!! Was it Adil lying to her? Was it him having a freaking disorder which leaves him with not long enough time to live? Was it him trying to shove her off himself? Or was it the fact that she actually loved a man who cudnt care less?
Soon Ashna dropped on the floor. She was tired of shedding tears and pouring out her frustration on trivial pieces of furniture!! She felt lonely and there was none to look up to for solace!! She hadn't felt this much frustrated since her father's death. Suddenly she felt meaningless and the pain was unbearable.
"Uska iraada mujhe koi sach batana nahi tha, usse to bas mujhe khudse dur karna tha. Mujhe to ye bhi samajh me nahi aa raha ki wo sach keh bhi raha tha ya nahi. Mujhe kuch bhi samajh me nahi ata, I just don't understand him. Kabhi kabhi usse khudke itna kareeb mehsus karti hu jaise ki dur ho kar bhi wo hamesha paas hai. Lekin jab bhi saath hota hai to itna dur rehta hai ki nazdikiya bemayne lagti hai. I don't know mujhe kya karna chahiye. Thak gayi hu Adil. Itni berukhi bardasht nahi hoti, tumhari berukhi bardasht nahi hoti."
Exactly!! Sach ko main badal nahi sakta. Isiliye achha yehi hai ki hum usse accept kar le. Jazbaato se sach nahi talega aur isliye unki koi ehmiyat nahi hai.
Don't lie to me Adil. I know how much you care, how much you feel. Feelings tumhare liye kya mayne rakhti hai wo mujhse behtar aur kaun samajh sakta hai? Tumhare unhi jazbaaton se to wajood hai mera!! Aur main ye bhi achhese janta hu ki tumhare mann me ye umeed hamesha se hai ki sab thik ho jayega. Kahin na kahin anjane me hi sahi tumhare dil se ek dua zarur nikalti hai. Agar kuch kami hai to bas vishwas ki aur himmat ki. Ab tak maine har kadam pe tumhe roka tha lekin tum nahi ruke. Aur ab jab tum rukna chahte ho to bahut der ho chuki hai Adil. Abhi tum pichhe nahi hat sakte. You have to take this step ahead. Darne se kaam nahi chalega. You cant avoid her for the rest of your life, chahe wo life kitni hi chhoti kyun na ho!! Aaj wo chali gayi lekin wapas zarur ayegi, jawab to tumhe usse dena hoga!!
Lekin mere paas koi jawab nahi hai uske sawalo ka. Mujhe khud nahi pata kya karna chahiye.
Sawal ye nahi hai ki kya karna chahiye. Sawal to ye hai ki tum kya karna chahte ho.
Mujhe to wo bhi nahi pata.
Khudse jhooth mat bolo Adil. Tumhe achhese pata hai tum kya chahte ho. Tum uss ladki ko chahte ho jisne tumhe dil se samajhne ki koshish kii, jisse naa to tumhare Raichand naam ki shauhrat se matlab hai aur naa hi uske khoklepan se. Tum uss Ashna ko chahte ho jo tumhe tumhari wajah se chahti hai. She loves you for just being you!! Aur tum khudko usse dur karke iss pyar ki insult kar rahe ho. Is that what you want?
"But fine!! Agar wo aisa hi chahta hai to aisa hi sahi. If he wants to stay away, then let it be. Main uske paas bilkul wapas nahi jaungi. Jab wo meri chahat ko samajhta hi nahi hai to main kyun...kyun jau uske paas? Usse to mera saath chahiye hi nahi."
No, that's not what I want. But then who cares what I want? Main kya chahta hu kya nahi isse koi fark nahi padhta. Who better than you knows that? Maine jab jab koi khwaish kii, tab tab thokar khayi hai. To phir Ashna ko paane ki khwaish kaise karu? Aur phir ab inn sabka matlab hi kya hai? Kya fayda usse kuch bhi batane ka? Uske feelings ko encourage karke kya haasil hoga? Kuch nahi. Mujhse judke usse kya milega? Kuch bhi nahi. Kisiko kuch nahi mila, usse bhi kuch nahi milega!!
To main usse kaise keh du ki—Ashna, main tumse bahut pyar karta hu. Itna ki kabhi kabhi tumhare liye jeene ka bhi dil karta hai, lagta hai ki kabhi tumse dur na jau. Kyunki mujhe iss soch se bhi darr lagta hai ki mere jaane ke baad tum par mera iss kadar haq nahi rahega.
Maine kaise keh du ki—Tum sirf meri ho Ashna. Tumhe kisi aur ke sath sochne se bhi mujhe takleef hoti hai. Main nahi chahta koi soch bhi tumhe kisi aur ke saath jode. Main rahu ya naa rahu tumhari soch bas mujhse judi honi chahiye. Agar tumhari muskaan nahi ban sakta to tumhari aankhon ki boondon me hi sahi, tumhare karib sirf main rehna chahta hu Ashna, sirf main!!
Kaise kahu usse ki main utna mahaan nahi jitna wo mujhe samajhti hai. Mera pyar to khudkarz hai jo usse hamesha mujhse bandh ke rakhna chahta hai. Iss pyar ka izhaar kaise kar du main? Kaise zahir kar du apni khudkarzi?
When Adil lifted his head, he found himself alone in the deserted street. He wasn't surprised at the whole thing, he has had many such confrontations in the past. Its just that none had lasted this long.
"Dekha Ashna, main to khud apna hi sath chod deta hu, tumhara saath kaise de du? Mujhse nahi hoga Ashna, kabhi nahi hoga. Main tumhe ek pal ki khushi nahi de sakta kyunki mujhe to ye ata hi nahi. Kuch der ke liye main shayad tumhare aage kamzor padh gaya tha, isiliye aaj itni takleef ho rahi hai tumhe. Agar puri tarah se tumhare aage tut gaya, to kaise bardasht karogi?"
Ghalti kar rahi ho Ashna!!
Ashna looks up to find her image in front of her, the same one that made her realize her love for Adil.
Not again!! Ye sab tumhari ghalti hai, you got me in this mess. Mujhe ye sab sochna hi nahi chahiye tha, but you made me...
Phirse ghalat.
Of course, main hi to ghalat hu. Tumhare liye to sirf main hi ghalat hu aur Adil sahi. Becoz u're that stupid part of me who loves him too much. Aur kuch waqt ke liye shayad main bhi puri tarah se tum jaisi ban gayi thi.
Kuch waqt ke liye? C'mon Ashna, tum hamesha se main thi and main hamesha se tum!! We're one!! So stop complaining aur apni dil ki uss baat ko suno jisse tum na chahte hue bhi unsuna kar rahi ho.
Ab bhi dil ki sunu? Kyun? Kuch haasil to hota nahi.
Kuch haasil karna itna asaan bhi to nahi hota na!! Tum janti ho ye baat, aur ye bhi ki tum Adil se dur jaana nahi chahti. Does it really matter that he lied? If yes, then why don't u think abt why he revealed it all?
Matlab?
C'mon Ashna!! Itna to janti ho na tum Adil ko. Stupid is his middle name. Aur uske saath reh reh kar tum bhi stupid banti jaa rahi ho.
I still don't get you!!
Kya aaj tak Adil ne koi kaam sidhe raaste kiya hai? Just think of it Ashna!! Tumse shaadi karna, tumhari safety ke liye fikr karna, guards bhejna, tumhe responsibility ka ehsaas dilana, tumhari care karna...koi bhi kaam usne sidhi tarike se nahi kiya. To aaj wo aise hi sach kyun bolega?
I knw. Isliye mujhe slightly lagta hai ki shayad usne jhooth bola, mujhe khudse dur karne ke liye!!
There you go!! Dekho, hamein nahi pata usne sach bola ya jhooth, we can find it out later. Lekin ek baat zarur hai wo tumhe khudse dur rakhna chahta hai, that's why he has been always cold to you!!
Itna to main bhi samajhti hu aur isiliye mujhe uske paas wapas nahi jaana. How can he want sumthing like that?
Yehi to sochne wali baat hai. Uske chehre pe dard aur shikand saaf nazar aa raha tha. You cud tell he wasn't enjoying whatever he was saying. Lekin phir bhi wo kehta gaya, hurt karta gaya jabki tumhe chot lagne par wo hamesha pareshan hota hai. Then what makes him hurt you so much?
I don't know!! Mujhe uski chahat mehsus to hoti hai lekin wo kabhi nahi kehta, kuch zahir nahi karta. Its like something stops him.
Then we need to fight that something, not him!! Ryt?
I'm not so sure!! Usne aaj tak jo bhi kiya unme se kuch bhi sahi nahi tha. He has been so wrong!! I don't know if I still love him!!
Pagal ho tum bhi. Agar usse pyar nahi karti to main kahan se ati? Tumhare iss pyar se hi to mera wajood hai. Aur phir, tum ye kaise keh sakti ho ki wo ghalat hai? Har wo insaan jo sahi nahi kar pata, kya wo ghalat hota hai?
Lekin usse mera saath chahiye hi nahi.
Usse kya chahiye kya nahi iski fikr tum kyun karti ho? Waise bhi usne kaha hai iss baar decision tumhara hoga. To tum wo karo jo tum chahti ho.
Mujhe...Adil chahiye. Sirf Adil chahiye mujhe!!
Then don't you think you shud be with him? Usse dur jaane ki soch se tumhari ye halath hai Ashna, how can you possibly stay away from him?
I know I cant. Lekin mujhe uspe bahut gussa aa raha hai. How cud he say I don't really love him aur ye mera infatuation hai? Usse kya pata mere pyar ke bare me?
I know. That hurt!! A lot in fact. Lekin ye gussa uske sath reh kar dikhao to achha hoga, coz usse dur rehna...mere liye impossible hai. And that means...a part of you is gonna be lost without him!!
The image disappears with an assuring smile while Ashna compares the weight of every situation. It felt right to leave Adil at the moment and not be with him for he had been lying to her all along. But Ashna wondered if this option felt 'right' coz it was 'easier' to leave him than to be with him and convince him of their love.
Here Adil was getting back to Ashna in order to check on her, when he receives her call asking him to pick her up!! He deliberately takes a while to reach there and finds her waiting for him!! She looked exhausted and her eyes were swollen. It had definitely been a long night.
Adil didn't know wat to say to her or in fact if he shud say anything at all. So he just avoided talking abt last night.
Adil: Chale?
Ashna: Kuch kehna tha tumse.
Adil closed his eyes for a second, anticipating her decision. He somewhat knew what it wud be, still a part of him hoped for otherwise. Shutting down that vague desire, Adil nodded his head for her to continue.
Ashna: I just wanted to say I'm sorry!!
As the words came out, Adil was stunned. An apology wasn't even the last thing he expected from her!!
Adil: Sorry? Kyun?
Ashna: Actually maine kuch zyada hi react kar diya kal. Sach puchho to I don't care what you did or rather I don't want to care how it all happened. Kyun hua, kaise hua, kisne kiya ab inn baaton ka kya matlab? Mere liye isse zyada zaruri hai hamara sath hona. I just want to be with you and that matters the most for me. So I'm sorry abt...
Adil: Wait. Tum keh rahi ho tum mere saath chal rahi ho, like for always?
Ashna: Haan. Tumhe kya laga? Apna samaan lene jaa rahi hu?
Adil: Aur nahi to kya? You cant do this. Tum kyun? Mere saath kaise...tum...? What the hell...!! Aise kaise bina soche...
Ashna: Mujhe aur nahi sochna. Puri raat nahi soyi main aur bas yehi sab sochti rahi, sahi-ghalat and all. But the truth is I don't care. Aur phir mujhe ghutan hoti hai tumhare bina, I cannot think a life without you!!
Adil: But there cannot be a life with me!! Tum aise kaise...
Ashna: C'mon Adil. Tumne khud kaha tha, this tym its my call. So this is my call. Ab please, ghar chale? Mujhe neend aa rahi hai.
Adil: Ashna tum...
Ashna: Kyun Adil? Mera ye decision tumhare plan me nahi tha? Achha nahi laga? Do you feel at loss now?
Adil: Tum jaan bujh ke aisa kar rahi ho. Tumhe ye koi plan lagta hai? This is serious Ashna!!
Ashna: I know it is serious!! Maine to hamesha isse seriously liya. Plan to ye tumhare liye tha!! But never mind. It doesn't matter!!
Adil: Aisa nahi ho sakta. Tum mujhe bardasht bhi kaise kar sakti ho? You shud be hating the very sight of me!!
Ashna: Ek baar tumhi ne kaha tha, nafrat karna asaan nahi hota!! Nafrat ki aag me pehle khudko jalna hota hai, phir jaa kar aap kisise nafrat kar pate ho!! Agar nafrat aisi hai to main tumse ye nafrat kaise kar sakti hu? Mujhse kabhi nahi hoga!! To bekaar ki koshish hi kyun karu?
Adil: Rubbish!! Bakwas soch hai tumhari.
Ashna: Jo bhi ho, abhi ghar chale? Please!!
Ashna walks past him but he remains still. He was rather bewildered at the turn of events. He failed to understand how everytime everything managed to get away from his grip. Ashna however calls out his name bringing him out of his chain of thoughts!!
Ashna: Tum yaha khade rahoge to kuch badal nahi jayega. So I suggest we shud leave.
Adil: Tum car le jao. Main baad me aunga!!
Ashna: Baad me kyun?
Adil: Kyunki mujhe tumhare sath kahin nahi jana!! Abhi jao aur mujhe akela chhodo!!
Ashna: Okay then. See you later!!
Ashna had felt slightly bad at the way he said those words to her, but she was sure that he was just trying to be angry and harsh!!
"Tum kuch bhi karo Adil, the decision is taken!! Gussa to main bahut hu, bahut takleef bhi hui mujhe, but that doesn't mean I can afford losing you. Itni asaani se to bilkul nahi."
"Tum samajhti kyun nahi Ashna? Main kab tak rukha bartav karunga tumse? Kab tak khudko tumse dur rakhunga? Kitna kuch kiya maine, yaha tak ki tumhe wo sach bhi bataya jisse main kabhi zahir nahi karna chahta tha, lekin phir bhi tum...!! Aise to main tut jaunga Ashna!!"
From this day onwards, Adil would deliberately keep a distance from Ashna, avoiding her in all possible situations. It felt essential for him so that he wudnt have to show much care towards her and reveal his feelings in the process. Though Ashna was confident and his feelings were evident, sealing them with words was never going to be his choice!!
Here Ashna didn't make much effort in breaking the ice between them. Firstly, she was more or so angry with him for his sheer stubbornness and secondly, she realized her silence was being more effective than usual. Her calmness abt the entire situation was piercing thru him better than her anger or tears!!
Three days later...
Ashna: Mujhe baat karni hai tumse.
Adil: About?
Ashna: Tum jab bhi doctor ke paas jao, I want to go with you!!
Adil: Because?
Ashna: I just want to!! (Adil attempts to leave) I need a 'yes' for the answer!!
Adil: Fine, I'll let you know!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Edited by Sumi_162710 - 13 years ago
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Health and Fitness
History
Hindi TV Shows
Bhabhi Ji Ghar Pe Hain?
403