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S: CHALO!
A: Shilpa...suno to...tum yeh kya kar rahi ho?
It was no use. Shilpa took a hold of his hand and pulled him up. Looking at his face she could see that her tactic had started to work already, he wasn't upset anymore. He was absolutely confused but at least not heartbroken. She tugged at his arm some more, until he finally gave way and started to walk.
Her determination was obvious and he decided that any sort of resistance would be useless. He let her do whatever it was that she wanted to. Besides, for some odd reason he liked to see this childish excitement on her face. It was the look that a ten year old has when they have finally solved a math problem or something. While they made their way through the hallway the looks they got were of pure shock and confusion. Shilpa was pretty much dragging Armaan through the halls, until she stopped at the doors of the fire escape. Armaan too abruptly came to a halt, Shilpa turned and looked at him, there was nothing childish on her face any more.
S: Armaan tumne kaha tha ki tumhe meri help chahiye?
[The seriousness in her voice was almost scary, so he didn't really say anything rather just gave her a nod.]
S: toh phir...woh karoge na joh mein kahoon gi?
[A nod sufficed once again]
S: tumhe andar jaa kar apne woh saare khushi ke pal yaad karne honge... yeh asaan nahin hoga Armaan...par...mujhpe bharosa rakho
Shilpa looked to Armaan with such care and concern that he couldn't help but trust her completely. There was nothing she could do that would hurt him, he thought. After about a moment of silence Shilpa pulled Armaan into the fire escape and it was like a storm of emotions erupted. All those moments, all those smiles, all that love just came rushing back. He could feel it all. How much life had changed he thought, how he had changed, how much Riddhima had changed. The reality of the situation always stung much more when he came here. He wasn't quite sure how Shilpa thought being here would help him because the heaviness he felt in his heart at this very moment couldn't be described. He remembered the old Riddhima and then he thought of the Riddhima he had seen this morning and the piercing feeling in his chest grew to be agonizing.
Shilpa let him feel whatever he needed to she could see the tears building up in his eyes but she didn't say a word. She stood on the top step and watched him take a seat and put his head into his hands. His pain was unbearable. But she had to have faith in herself and in him. She truly believed that she could help Armaan become the Armaan that all the staff of the hospital spoke so fondly of. After waiting for about a minute or two she took a few steps down and sat beside him. She took a deep breath and put one hand on his shoulder to show him that he isn't alone. It worked.
He looked up at her, and seeing his face her heart sank. She let out a deep breath and her eyes too became moist. It was so unfair, so unfair that someone as great as Armaan had too feel so low. His eyes were so full of pain, and his face seemed to have lost all joy. Why was he unable to let go of all these feelings? Why was he so utterly incapable of bringing in some happiness to his life? Unfortunatley, Shilpa knew why.
S: bahut yaad aa rahi hai na?
He gave a nod, and tried his best to wipe his tears.
A: tum yahaan kyon lekar aayi ho Shilpa?
S: tumhe tumhari khushi ke pal yaad dilane ke liye...
A: par...
S: par kya?
Armaan didn't say anything, he couldn't think of anything. It was true that he was reminded of his happy moments, but with them he was also reminded of the fact that those moments were just that, memories. He looked away from Shilpa and got lost in his thoughts, until a smile emerged on his face. She could see that he was thinking of a good moment he had spent with Riddhima here.
S: kya yaad aya?
A: [Armaan smiled and then spoke]...ek baar pata nahin kyon Riddhima mujhse naraaz thi aur mujhe punishment di thi...
S: punishment?
[Armaan chuckled and the way his face lit up instantly was unbelievable]
A: haan...punishment...500 push-ups...pagal thi...aur ek baar…
Armaan was so excited while telling Shilpa of all the moments that he and Riddhima had shared in this very place. Shilpa listened, and actively so. She would ask questions here and there, laugh at some things and just be a good friend while the love of her life talked to her about the love of his life. After about 20 minutes of talking Armaan finally took a break, there were no more tears, just lots and lots of good memories. The smile on his face was priceless, she thought. It was infectious as well.
S: kuch samjhe?
A: nahin...kya samajh na tha?
S: Armaan...main chahati thi ki yahaan par bheth tum yeh mehsoos karo ki pyar mein aise hona chahyie jaise ki tum abhi ho, haste hue...woh locker room waale Armaan ke jaise nahin joh dard mein tadap raha tha...
Armaan didn't say anything to her rather he just locked his eyes onto her. She was the only one who seemed to know what he needed to hear. And oddly enough what she said seemed to be making sense. He hated it when he felt the way he did this morning, but what Shilpa seemed to be implying was that he had a choice. Did he? He wanted to hear her say something else he needed to hear her talk.
S: ek baat poochon?
A: poocho
S: tumhari yaadon waali Riddhima...kya tumhe aaj ki Riddhima woh Riddhima dikti hai...
The intensity in Shilpa's eyes was almost as deep and painstakingly obvious as Armaan's. He could see that she wasn't going to let him go until he answered her question. At that moment what surprised Armaan wasn't the question that Shilpa had asked rather he was shocked by the fact that he actually wanted to talk to her. She was perhaps the only person to whom he could spill out all his feeling without any fear of judgement or pity. The last thing he needed was pity. What was important about how Shilpa saw him was that she understood him. Even at that very moment it wasn't pity in her eyes it was a genuine concern for a friend.
S: Armaan...jawab do...
[Armaan took a second to think and then finally spoke]
A: nahin...
S: kya farak hai?
A: yeh Riddhima meri Riddhima nahin hain...
S: kya tum usse badal sakte ho?
A: nahin...
S: tumhari yaadon waala Armaan...kya tumhe aaj ke Armaan mein woh Armaan dikhta hai?
Armaan had never thought of that before, whenever he reminisced about the past his concentration was always on Riddhima. Now when Shilpa asked him that question Armaan remembered himself and in an instant he had a definite answer for her.
A: nahin...bilkul bhi nahin...
S: kya tum usse badal sakte ho...
A: pata nahin...
[Shilpa smiled and even though it was perhaps the most painful thing she had ever done she took her hand off his shoulder and reached for his hand. She took his hand into her own and looked him straight in the eyes.]
S: haan...
A: haan?
S: haan Armaan...badal sakte ho, main jaanti hoon ki tum Riddhima ko nahin bhool sakte...main yeh nahin keheti Armaan ki usse bhool jao, woh tumhara pehla pyaar hai...lekin Armaan
A: aage bado...I know bahut baar sun chukka...
S: nahin Armaan...aage bado yaan na bado lekin please...phir se jeena seekho Armaan
This was new for Armaan he had never heard this before. "Aage Bado" is all he had heard for so many months. What on earth was Shilpa saying? "Aage bado yaan na bado". What was it with this girl he thought? Where did she come up with these things? How did she manage to find the right things to say at the right time? He looked at her in bewilderment. She could tell that he needed further explanation.
S: Riddhima ke aane se pehle bhi toh jeete the tum, toh ab uske baad bhi jeeo...
A: kaise?
S: apne kaam pe dhayaan do...Armaan jitni concentration tum in sabh cheezon pe dete ho na, agar tum isse aadhi concentration aur energy bhi apne patients ko do ge na toh dekhna kitna pyaar mila ga tumhe...
A: itna aasaan hai?
There was a certain level of innocence and at the same time a profound maturity in the way he had asked that question. His eyes at that point were pleading for help. But Shilpa wasn't upset at the way he had looked right now rather she was pleased. She could see that he wanted to move past this and the very fact that he had asked that last question meant that he wanted to live his life once more. She was happy to see that he was willing to do what she had suggested and all he needed now was some more encouragement. And she gave him just that. She tightened her grip on his hand and smiled at him. That was enough. His way of showing that was by tightening his own grip on her hand.
With his eyes locked on to hers and his hand in Shilpa's Armaan silently accepted her help and her suggestion. He decided that he would work hard, very hard, to move past the Armaan that he had become. And he would do it not for anyone else but for himself. The smile on her face and the belief in her eyes was more than enough support.
After a moment of silence and complete stillness Shilpa twitched, she had just realized that she was sitting hand in hand with Armaan! That realization soon passed onto Armaan as well, he tried his best to quickly but as calmly as possible let go of her hand. A sudden awkwardness replaced that sense of understanding that had just been there between these two. They took their gaze off one another and were desperately hoping for a distraction. But thankfully Shilpa being the amazing girl that she was handled the situation quite well without any help.
S: Haan aasaan hai...koshish toh karke dekho...aur waise agar kabhi kabhi actual Doctor ka kaam karlo ge toh koi nuksaan nahin hoga
Armaan chuckled. Just like that she did it again, not only did she help him realize something so bitter but she made him smile instantly. It was magical, and that's no exaggeration. But he still had one more question.
A: abh?
S: abh...hmmm...ab jab bhi tumhe dukh yaan koi bhi dard mehsoos hoga toh tum yahaan aaoge aur uss purane Armaan ko yaad karo ge...benches ki todh phodh nahin karoge...samjhe?
A: samajh gaya Ms. Shilpa Malhotra.
At moments like this awkward silences were inevitable but lucky for these two just when it seemed that silence would loom once again Armaan's pager buzzed.
A: oh shit...Dr. Keerti...I have to go...
Armaan got up, Shilpa did the same. He sprung up two stairs and was almost out the door before Shilpa could even fix her shirt. But he stopped at the last step, turned, and looked at her once again.
A: tumhe pata hai na ki tum jaisa koi aur nahin hai?
S: pata hai...bahut baar suna hai
A: suna hoga...lekin aaj maan bhi lo...tum jaisi dost kahin ho hi nahin sakta...thank you Shilpa...thank you
[She didn't say anything but just smiled]
A: ab aise khadi kyon ho...chalo na...
S: umm tum chalo...main thodi der mein aati hoon
He gave her a nod and walked out the door, leaving her standing there all alone. She turned to face the bottom of the staircase and sat down once again. After about thirty seconds of just staring into space she felt the tears on her cheeks. With each passing second her breathing grew heavier and the tears more frequent, until eventually she put her head into her hands and cried. She heard him say "tum jaisi dost kahin ho hi nahin sakti" over and over again in her head. She remembered the feeling of having Armaan's hand in her own and it sent chills down her back. How cruel life has been to her. She didn't imagine that trying to help Armaan would take such a heavy toll on her and more importantly she didn't realize that she was this much in love with Armaan. And that's why every time she even thought of packing up and leaving Armaan's smiling face crossed through her mind and she decided against it. What kind of a person would she be if she left him alone now?
She must have wept for about five minutes before sobering up and gathering the courage to go back out there and put on that brave face. The only thing that kept her going at that moment was the thought of Armaan feeling better. A thought that was powerful enough to make her go back in front of him and be his friend, just his friend. A deep breath and some words of encouragement to herself before she went up the stairs and out the door to the nurse station for the days duties.
While walking to the nurse station it wasn't Armaan whom she was worried about, it was Riddhima. It wasn't as if she was scared or anything, there was just an apprehension in facing her because she knew what Riddhima would assume. Shilpa knew that she didn't want to hurt Riddhima in any way, especially when there really was nothing between her and Armaan. But even then she wished so very badly that someday she could muster up the courage to confront Riddhima and tell her that she was here to give Armaan the help and support that Riddhima could not. Whatever she would say or do would have to be said or done right now, as Shilpa had guessed Riddhima's eyes were frozen onto her and unfortunately Armaan was no where to be seen.
R: Dr. Shilpa….welcome back
S: thank you, Dr. Riddhima
R: Dr. Keerti ne aapko bata hi diya hoga ki aap aaj rectal exams kar rahin hain?
Shilpa nodded and tried her best to come up with a strained smile. The only consoling factor was the grin on Sid's face at that time. When Shilpa looked onto Sid he gave her a welcoming smile and a comforting wink. He knew exactly what she felt he too had suffered somewhat of a similar pain. Riddhima, however, seemed to be far more rigid.
R: koi problem Dr. Shilpa?
S: jee nahin…
R: toh phir aap kiska wait kar rahin hain….Dr. Armaan already OPT mein hain
Shilpa instantly straightened up and looked to Riddhima, who was staring right back at her. Why would she say that? How could she say that? Even Sid was surprised at this comment. There was a certain level of accusation in her tone, what she was being accused of Shilpa did not know. But the mood was surely uncomfortable, to say the least. Shilpa wanted to say something, anything in her defence but it was of no use. Naturally it's hard to defend yourself when you don't know exactly what it is that you're defending against.
R: get to work Dr. Shilpa…
Shilpa didn't hesitate one bit she literally stormed away and got to work. For once she was glad that she had been locked away in one section of the hospital where there was little, if any chance of her running into anyone. She was quite alright with that, but every now and then her heart would wonder to Armaan. Was he doing alright? Was he still upset? Did he talk to Riddhima again? Did Riddhima ask him something about her? Was he thinking about her like she was thinking about him?
He sure was. As he worked away, the conversation with Shilpa this morning played through his mind. It wasn't really what she said that he was thinking about but it was how she said it all that boggled his mind. The calm and confidence in her voice was incredible. These feelings however, were followed by a sense of sheer idiocy. Had he actually talked about Riddhima with Shilpa? Had he lost his mind? Why on earth had he put her through all this? And most of all why did she put up with all of it? If only he had half the emotional endurance of Shilpa, all this would be so much easier, he thought. He remembered holding her hand, and with it he remembered how comforting that feeling was, so much so that it brought a smile to his face. At that moment he wished that somehow he could return the favour, he wished that he too could remind her of that old crazy Shilpa that reeked havoc in this hospital. A Shilpa that he realized, he had begun to miss.
Too many questions and not enough answers. That was pretty much the mood of the day, contemplation and work. Perhaps, it was a good thing that there was so much work, this way there was no more room for drama and emotions. Shilpa rushed to her locker and rushed out even faster when evening finally arrived. The fresh air in the parking lot was such a relief. She had managed to go through the day without any further confrontations or conversations. She could finally go home and get a good nights rest before she had to come back and do it all over again. But she wasn't home free just yet, as she hailed an auto she heard a voice calling out her name, a voice that she could recognize from a mile away.
S: Armaan?
[He came running and while huffing and puffing tried his best to talk.]
A: itni jaldi kya hai?
S: Armaan…mujhe ghar jaana hai…
A: chali jaana…pehle mujhe baat karni hai….
S: Armaan…
He didn't listen and when the auto arrived Armaan signalled it away. He was right, he needed to talk. The butterflies in her stomach began to flutter about. Here we go again, she thought. Just as she thought she was done for the day he cam and now was about to say something that rile up her emotions for the millionth time. But his charm, especially for her, was such that she couldn't refuse. So she looked at him, trying his best to catch his breath and waited for him to speak.
S: kya hua Armaan…
A: tumhe mujhse woh sabh kehte hue sharam nahin aai?
Shilpa's heart stopped. Her eyes grew to wide circles and her face lost all expression. What on earth was Armaan saying?
A: abh bolti kyon bandh ho gayi?
S: main….woh….tumne…
A: koi jawab nahin hain na, aur hoga bhi kaisa.
Did she actually say too much this morning? Maybe she shouldn't have gotten so personal? If Armaan himself hadn't thought of all these things than what right did she have to tell him what to do? He was totally justified in being angry, she thought. She had been too intrusive.
S: Armaan…I'm sorry…main toh bas…
A: bas kya? Meri madat kar rahi thi? Kya haq hai tumhe?
[She had no words]
A: mujhe keheti ho ki purane Armaan ban jao aur khush raho…lekin khud purani Shilpa ko bhool gayi?
Again, her heart stopped. Remorse quickly turned into confusion. Where was he going with this?
A: Shilpa…
[He looked at her, deep into her eyes and spoke with such conviction that she literally had goose bumps.]
A: tum bhi purani hasmukh, shararti aur pagal si Shilpa ko yaad karona…please
Even though he knew why she had started wearing suits, started to be calmer more often and why her smile had slowly vanished, he didn't dare bring it up. It was enough that he knew that she was in love with him and this was the reason why that old Shilpa had transformed but he didn't have the courage to talk about it. It was something that he couldn't confront, not yet at least. She would have to continue to be the courageous one he wasn't ready for that responsibility yet. She obviously knew this, and that's why she took off all the pressure from him.
S: sahi kaha…Sanjeevani kuch zaada hi shaant ho gaya hai, nahin?
[Armaan smiled]
A: bahut zaada shaant…abh yeh actually hospital lagne laga hai….can you believe it
S: dekh lo kahin Shilpa Malhotra phir se tumahre liye khtara na ban jaya
A: itna over confidence dheek nahin Dr. Shilpa….yahaan ka Maalik toh aaj bhi main hi hoon
With that he winked at her and she smiled back. There was a bit of fun and mischief in that conversation. Two traits that seldom came through these past few days, it felt good. After a little more chit chat Shilpa finally got on to an auto and started to make her way home, Armaan too got on his bike and was headed back. Both Armaan and Shilpa had smiles on their faces and a strange childlike excitement in their hearts for tomorrow.
-Cheers
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