It should have been you(ArSH/AR/DMG3 FF) Updtpg148 - Page 10

Shilpa took her seat at the dining table and tried her best to compose herself before Armaan showed up. All this nervousness would end in a matter of hours, she said to herself. Very soon Armaan would be heading back to Sanjeevani and Shilpa could begin her life all over again, get herself back on track. Well, at least try to.

It was strange she thought that she had originally gone to Sanjeevani for her sister and her father and now when she left all that Sanjeevani seemed to have given her was the pain of a one sided love and nothing else. She had gone there to find some happiness and to rid herself of her loneliness yet, somehow she walked out feeling more alone than ever before. She couldn't recall anytime in her life where she felt so unhappy and yet so anxious at the same time. Just knowing that Armaan was in the same house as her was driving her crazy. And all she wanted to do was to not think about him and yet that's all she was capable of doing these days. Having him around, even if it was just for the night forced her into holding onto that tiny string of hope that he might, just might care for her. But every time that hope started to grow she reminded herself of Armaan's expression when Riddhima had called.

Massi: kya soch rahi ho beta?

When asked that question, Shilpa realized that she didn't want to admit what she was thinking about, not even to her Massi. She had taken pride in the fact that Shilpa was a strong and confident girl. One who wasn't so easily hurt by other people, especially not by some guy. That was the kind of person Shilpa had worked so hard to become, and somehow Armaan had managed to break that barrier. But no more, she decided, she would put up a brave face in front of everyone, hide all her feelings and suck it up. When Armaan left tomorrow morning he would leave with an image of a head strong and unmoved Shilpa. Not the emotional wreck that she was starting to feel like.

Massi: Shilpa…Shilpa…SHILPA!

S: huh…kya hua?

Shilpa was startled. Once again, she had been sucked into her thoughts so much so that she didn't even realize what was happening around here. At least she didn't talk out loud this time, she thought.

Massi: array Armaan…aa jao beta…take a seat

Shilpa looked to the door and saw Armaan. He walked in and took a seat right opposite Shilpa and shot her a smile. She returned the gesture. She couldn't let him see what she was really feeling he couldn't know how vulnerable she really was. But when Shilpa's Massi brought the food to the table, it was obvious that his concentration lay elsewhere. Armaan literally attacked his food! He was hungry! Shilpa chuckled and then finally spoke.

S: bhuk lag aayi…Basanti?

Armaan stopped eating for a second and looked up at Shilpa and smiled a big wide smile, a smile that was totally genuine. She was sure of it.

A: bahut… [He winked and went back to his food]

M: basanti? ab iske peeche kya raaz hai?

S: bas aise hi Massi [Shilpa looked to Armaan, who still wasn't really looking at her] …Armaan ko aur iske nakhron ko dekh kar Basanti yaad aati hai…aur woh kya hai na…Armaan bahut bolta hai!

Armaan looked up at Shilpa and she was smirking at him. But the silence was followed up by laughter. Shilpa's Massi laughed, and quite a lot actually.

A: aap bhi hans rahi hain mujhpe?

M: nahin beta…nahin…

S: toh phir?

M: ab agar Shilpa kisi aur se kahe gi ki woh bahut bolte hain toh hassi hi aaye gi!

A: matlab?

M: har din ke har ghante mein joh har ek ek minute hain…us har ek minute mein Shilpa ko kuch na kuch kehna hota hai…

S: Massi!

Shilpa looked at her Massi and then to Armaan who was trying his best not to laugh, rolled her eyes and kept eating. Armaan had always found it amusing to see Shilpa irritated and angry, she always made a face, a face that he could never describe but it was pretty hilarious.

A: waise…sahi kaha aapne…bahut bolti hai

There was a short moment of silence. Armaan looked to Shilpa and smirked, she just gave him the "look" and both went back to their plates.

M: thi…

A: jee?

[Shilpa's Massi looked to Shilpa and took a hold of her hand]

M: …ab nahin bolti…pata nahi kya ho gaya hai isse…sehem si gayi hai meri bachi

Armaan intstantly stopped eating and locked his eyes onto Shilpa she too stopped and was looking at him. It was him, he was the reason. All those feelings that he had when he was in front of that table came rushing back. His fears seemed to be coming true. Unknowingly, he had done this to Shilpa. He was the reason that she wasn't happy, it was because of him that she stopped being her bubbly loud self. He looked at her even more closely now, and realized what he was doing. The closer she got to him, the closer she was to becoming him. By being around her, he thought, he was turning her into someone like him, a miserable and unhappy person. He had to stop it. Shilpa was far too wonderful to be subjected to that kind of pain.

After that point there wasn't much talking at the table, dinner past by pretty quickly and rather silently. When it was time to get up go, she tried to talk again but it was of no use.

Armaan tried his best to avoid making eye contact with Shilpa and when she walked out of the room, all he did was smile and look away. His guilt had taken over him, guilt for being so weak, so miserable and even more so, there was a guilt for passing that on to someone else. The entire time while eating all he kept thinking was what on earth was he doing here? It was an established fact that Riddhima is the one he loves, the one he will always love, than why was he so keen on coming here? After putting away his dishes, he began to walk back to his room. Thoughts, things he had said, things Riddhima had said, what Shilpa's Massi had just said, all buzzed around in his head. When he got to the room, he just stood at the door he didn't think he could go inside right now, not with that table and that name so apparent in the room. He decided it was probably best to just lie on the grass outside and sort out his thoughts.

Back in her room, Shilpa could not stop thinking about what she had said to Armaan in the cab at Sanjeevani. She basically told him that she was leaving Sanjeevani because of him. Was that fair? That's probably why he came here, she thought, no body wants to be the reason for someone else's anguish. Why would he? And then what Massi had said earlier at the table probably ended up giving him the same message. Why did she think she had the right to put that kind of burden on him? She had to let him know, before he left. She had to tell him that she didn't hold anything against him and that she had no hatred or anger towards him. She was the sole reason for her unhappiness. She was responsible, not Armaan and he needed to know that.

The stars in the night sky, and the cool breeze did definitely help to calm Armaan down but they didn't make him feel any better about himself. He cursed himself time and again for not being able to get Riddhima out of his head, but then every time that he decided he would try, the same thought came through his mind. How do you forget someone you love that much?

A: riddhima…

He sighed. Saying her name out loud in the darkness made it even more obvious that she wasn't here. It was just him and no one else. He couldn't have anyone else, he wasn't capable or deserving of that. The one person who actually managed to bring smiles to his face seemed to have lost her own in the process. He knew that he needed a friend right now, desperately, but he also knew that this need was perhaps too much of a task. He couldn't ask that of her. Could he?

S: neend nahin aah rahi?

Armaan literally sprung up at the sound of her voice, she startled him. What was she doing out here?

A: Shilpa…tum?

Shilpa looked at him, gave him a nod and sat down on the grass. Why was she so great, he thought, and why was he so fragile? He sat down beside her and neither of them said anything for a while. Even though they had so much to say, so much to clarify before the morning, words didn't seem to make sense at the moment. The breeze was calming and very soothing they didn't want to disturb that serenity, but someone had to speak, the night couldn't pass by in silence. The stakes were too high for that to happen. Both of them knew this and maybe that's when they did speak, they spoke at the exact same time and uttered the exact same words.

A/S: I'm sorry…

Armaan and Shilpa looked to one another and each was as confused as the other. Why was Armaan apologizing, he hadn't done anything wrong, she asked herself. He had a similar thought.

A: tum kyon maafi maang rahi ho? Galati toh meri hai…

S: kaisi galati?

Armaan looked away he couldn't face her while talking.

A: tumhe apne jaisa bana ne ki galati...tumse tumhari hassi lene ki galati…

S: Armaan tum…

A: please shilpa…bolne do…tumne meri bahut madad kari hai, tum ek bahut achi dost ho…

Oh lord how those words pierced her. "Dost"

A: …jitni bhi koshish karloon apne mann se usse nahin likaal pata, apne aap ko khush nahin kar sakta…aur tumhe bhi dard de deta hoon…kya karoon Shilpa? Kya karoon?

It didn't take her long to understand what was happening, Armaan wasn't apologizing. He was pouring his heart out to someone, finally. He was asking for the help that he so desperately needed. She let him talk, let him say what was in his heart, not so that she could hear it but so that he could hear it himself.

A: …ab aur nahin saha jaata, kya ho gaya hai mujhe, sharam aati mujhe apne aap par, apni baton par…uski shaadi ho chuki hai! woh kisi aur ki hai! Lekin…lekin…

S: …aaj bhi bahut pyaar karte ho uss se.

Armaan looked at Shilpa. The tears in his eyes made it obvious to her that he was hurt, beyond explanation. And the smile on her face and the calm in her eyes showed him that she was there, listening, and understanding. The fact that she could sit here and listen to him say all these things, despite being in love with him herself, made Armaan appreciate Shilpa so much more than he had anyone else. He also realized, at that very moment, how desperately he needed her help, her support, and her friendship.

A: …bahut…par ab aur dard nahi sehe sakta

S: tumhe pata hai tumhari problem kya hai…tumhe lagta hai ki saari duniya ka dard tumhare paas hai aur tum bilkul akele ho…apne aap par taras khaana bandh karo Armaan!

There was silence, for a while and then Shilpa spoke again.

S: iss sabh ka ek mature adult ki tarah saamna karo, aise majnu ban kar yaan apne aap ko dard de kar kuch nahin milne walaa...samjhe

She didn't even realize when her concern had turned into anger. She was angry at him for ruining his life, for being so miserable out of choice and then having the audacity to complain about it. She had had enough, it was about to time to end this.

S: …agar tumhe madad ki zaroorat hai…toh poocho aur dekhna tumhara harek dost tumahre saath hoga…ughhh….tum sach mooch ek ladki ke jaise ho…. apna toota hua dil le kar ghoom te rehete ho…aur….aur sach mein Basanti ho tum!!!

Armaan was shocked no one had ever been so direct with him before. Everyone always sympathised with him, no body had ever said what Shilpa had just said. After all that venting, she was out of breath. Oh lord, what had she just done? She had come out here to apologize but ended up yelling at him and spewing anger towards him. She looked at him and his eyes were fixed to the ground and he was in an obvious state of shock. She decided it was probably best to leave him there and walk away before she said something more. She got up and started walking away. So much for a clean goodbye she thought. He would probably never speak to her again.

A: tum karo na meri madad…

[She stopped walking, turned around and looked at him.]

S: kya?

A: help me…mujhe tumhari zaroorat hai…waapis chalo….please

He was right. She had seen Armaan hurt before, emotionally and physically, she had seen him be heartbroken over Riddhima, she had even seen him shed tears but this was a different side of Armaan. She could see an Armaan who was vulnerable, scared and terribly lonely. When someone, especially a strong young man like Armaan asks you for help, you know he needs it. If she truly loved him then there was just no way in hell that she could leave him alone, not now, not when he was so broken. Her heart knew what needed to be done. Her heart knew that she needed to swallow her pain, and be there for a friend.

S: kal subah 8 baje ki bus hai…agar tab tak tum nahin ready hue toh tumhare bina hi cahli jaaongi….

[With that she walked off to her room and he began to make his way to his own]

So much gratitude in such a short time span had probably never happened to anyone before. He couldn't believe how absolutely wonderful this girl was. But at some level he was also worried, he knew, or at least he thought, that he would never be able to feel for her what she felt for him. However, he knew that he absolutely needed her, and if she wasn't there with him there was no telling what he would do. So, he looked back to see if she was still visible, all he saw was her shadow in the distance but that was enough and for the first time in months Armaan didn't feel alone, he wasn't alone.

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