PART 19
Marry him…
The shock of the proposal rolled through Geet's sluggish mind, setting off alarm signals. She hadn't wanted to think of what she'd done with Maan. Much easier to just drift in a haze of feeling, blocking realities out until they had to be faced.
But a proposal of marriage…it was so off the wall, Geet struggled to get her head around what it meant.
She started to shift, acutely aware of his heart drumming like hers—a soothing sound just a few hours ago—a disturbing one now.
'No. Stay with me.'
The brusque command unsettled her further. He had no right to force her compliance to his will, not over anything so personal as this. She'd conceded his right to involve himself with Daksh, but what happened between her and Maan was most certainly a matter of choice. Just because she'd had been intimate with him didn't mean he could do anything he liked with her.
'Don't make this a fight, Maan,' she warned, trying to gather wits enough to understand what had motivated his sudden proposal. 'Let me move.'
'Why do you want to?'
'I've just remembered who you are,' she answered, not caring if it hurt him, instinctively using shock to give herself room for retreat to a less vulnerable position so she could think straight, not be influenced by the strong sexual connection he was pressing.
'Don't give me that!' He whipped her over onto her back to the couch and propped himself up, one arm on either side of her so that she was looking directly into his eyes—eyes blazing with a certainty that poured into passionate words.
'You knew who was hugging you… you knew who was kissing you… knew who brought you to the bed…knew who was—'
'Screwing me again?' she fired at him, angered by the physical domination he was exerting when she had made a clear request to be released.
His face tightened, his mouth compressing into a thin line, with the choice of her words. 'You wanted that, too, Geet,' he bit out, shaking his head over her accusation.
He was using it against her—the far too shortsighted surrender to what had probably always been a fantasy—her and Maan together, their love so strong it could ride through anything. It hadn't. And he'd moved on to other women while she had struggled on by herself. He'd still be moving on, but for Daksh.
'Was it good for you, Maan?' she asked, resenting all his infidelities.
'Yes. And you wouldn't have responded as you did if it wasn't good for you,' he retorted, determined on making her admit it.
'So you think you can capitalise on it, move straight in and take over my life.'
'We're good together. We always were,' he argued.
'A pity, you didn't remember that when it counted.'
'It counts now,' he snapped back, ignoring the past, accentuating the present.
'We have a son. We should be a family.'
Daksh. She was right about what Maan really wanted. 'There's more to marriage than having a child. I don't want you as my husband.'
'You wanted me, as much as I wanted you Geet'.
She couldn't leave him with that weapon to use against her.
'I wanted you to remember what you gave up, Maan,' she said mockingly.
His brows beetled down into a deep frown.
'How many women have there been since me?' she asked, hating him for moving on, leaving her behind, then thinking he could turn around and take her as his wife when it suited him.
'Geet, they were all just…They're irrelevant. I was angry…' It was a fierce mutter, wanting her to forget them.
'When you shared a bed with those one night stands, did you remember me?'
'Geet... No! You are the one, whom I always loved.. Yes, I did mistakes, I admit it. But, trust me on this Geet, there was only you, when it comes to my mind and my soul. Nothing was ever like what we had together.'
For a moment, his vehement reply rocked Geet out of her bitter train of thought. She could only hear, that there were other women in his life... even though, those were just physical relations, how could he?... There had only ever been Maan for her. No one else. If he felt the same way…But he didn't. He'd put his brother's word ahead of hers, his family's view of her ahead of his own.
'I don't believe you!' she fiercely said, and with all her strength, slammed her hands against his shoulders and thrust him far enough away for her to scramble off the couch, out of reach.
'It's true!' he hurled after her.
'Be quiet! My son is in the next room,' she hissed at him as she stood little far away from him, putting the distance, determined on shutting out any resumption of intimacy with him.
'Our son, Geet,' he swiftly reminded her, his voice lowered but still emphatic in delivery. 'Don't you think it would be better for him to have a family, a mother and a father?'
At that, she swung to face him again. 'That's what you're after, isn't it? Maan.
Not me. Get the mother, get the boy.'
'Wrong! I want both of you.'
He was sitting on the couch, leaned against the back, his hand lazily on the hand rest, looking moody and magnificent, every part of him male perfection. No wonder she hadn't wanted any other man. And maybe never would. Which gave her pause for thought. Can she really live without him, years of separation was a living hell for her. All she had to do was say yes to his marriage proposal.
But could I trust him again. Could she live with him—live with his family—and be happy? How could she trust any of them to really care about her, given how they'd treated her in the past? And what if, the history repeats…
She had to finish this—get him out of her home,—not let him play on the desires he could so easily tap into. Treacherous feelings! The sense of intimacy still swirling in this darkened room drove her over to the light-switch by the door. She flicked it on, telling herself she would see more clearly now, think more clearly.
But it didn't help. Maan's eyes and his face gathered even more power in the light, vividly reminding her of how he kissed and hold her. And his claim of wanting her burned from his eyes, heating her skin all over again, making her toes curl, making her stomach contract, making her br***** ache, her ni***** tighten into tell-tale prominence.
Panicking over his effect on her, she folded her arms across the wildly fluttering beat of her heart and rushed into defensive speech. 'Don't think having physical intimacy with you means anything, Maan.'
'You can't make me believe you'd have physical intimacy indiscriminately, Geet.' His mouth curled in bitter irony. 'I believed it once and made the biggest mistake of my life. No one can sell it to me a second time. There was always one man in you life, Geet, and its me. You love me still, and that is why you allowed me to touch you… to kiss you…Because, only I can make you feel so Geet.'
'Its how you want to think Maan. But, the truth is Its not. This is different,' she hotly argued. She cannot let, Maan win her over so easily.
'How is it different?' he mocked.
She frantically sought a convincing explanation. 'Being pregnant hardly makes you desirable to other men. And having a baby takes up all your time, not to mention nursing your mother through chemotherapy, losing her, then trying to establish a life while being a single parent. I have been too busy to be with any other man, since I was with you six years ago and you caught me at a weak moment. That's all it was.' Geet knew, she sounded like a fool.
'Because it was me,' he pointed out with arrogant certainty.
She glared at him, unable to deny a truth which was only too self-evident, anyway.
'I said, it was only a moment's weakness Maan. You cannot affect me. Things has changed'
He looked at her intently. Stretched out an inviting arm. 'Really, then come here Geet. Then why are you afraid of my proximity. Come here...'
'No! I am not afraid of you nor your proximity. The fact is, I just cannot stand you.' She closed her eyes at that, her heart ripped out, with what she said. When did she learn to lie on face. She knew, one touch from him, will resolve, all her resolutions. Dammit! The man knew, how to churn her weakness. She could not be allowed to cloud her mind again with his, tenderness or touch… which surely will, if she is near him.
'I want you to leave, Maan.'
'Geet, come here.' He said again.
'No Maan!' she retorted. 'And please do as I ask.'
Maan had pretty much expected this. He straightened in the couch and kept his voice level and reasonable. 'Before you turn me down flat, let's discuss this a little. Geet, we have to get married, for Daksh we have to do it, and I love—'
'Maan, I told you. No!. It's a two-letter word meaning negative, out of the question. Uh-uh. Forget about it.' She pushed herself more to the counter, as she felt weakness taking over her.
'We are not getting married.'
'Why not?'
She stared at him for a moment, then made a show of hitting her forehead with the heel of her hand. 'What? You can't figure that one out for yourself?'
'Spare me the theatrics. Just answer the question. Why not?'
Muttering under her breath, she just kept on fiddling her dupatta.
His frustration with her got the better of him. 'Sit down and talk, Geet.' he commanded.
It was the wrong thing to say, and he knew it. Geet Handa, only do just the opposite, if she been commanded for anything. But something about, this new Geet tended to bring out the tyrant in him. Why was that? He had no idea. He considered himself a reasonable, gentle man, as a rule, when it comes to her. He has never ordered or shouted at her, later on in their relationship...
Geet ignored his command. Just, kept on doing what she was… as if , that is the most important, thing to do, which specially needs her attention.
'Geeet'. He is losing all his patience now.
She put up her, palms out. 'Wait. Listen. Maan, You're Daksh's father. And of course, you'll want to see him, to be a part of his life. I understand that and I can accept that. But, that doesn't mean, we have to get married. Its out of question Maan. Its not necessary—'
'It damn well is necessary. You're forgetting, Daksh is our son and a child needs a mother and a father. A home to call for.'
'I told you. Daksh will have his mother and father. They just won't be married to each other, that's all.'
'A two-parent home is important to a child.'
'Sometimes a two-parent home isn't possible.'
'In our case, it's entirely possible. I want to marry you. You know, I love you. You want to accept it or no, you still love me… We were engaged once, and if things were different, we would have been married and parents of at least three.'
At that, her eyes widened and Geet looked at him in awe. 'Heavens, did he just say that, or I was just imagining things.'
A smile tucked in the corner of his lips at that.
'Geet, I do care for you. I believe that, deep in your heart, you also care for me. I know I'm rough on you sometimes, rougher than I have a right to be. But I'll work on that, I promise you.'
She said nothing, only looked at him.
He thought of more arguments in his favor. 'We have … history together. We know each other, more than, we know ourselves… We could build a good life together Geet, Daksh, gets all the love, care, and attention, he deserves Geet.'
'Geeet—'
'No, Maan. I am not going to marry you.' She looked up at him, hazel eyes glittering in defiance, still mulishly determined to do exactly what she wants.
Impatience rose in him again. 'Why not?'
She glared at him. 'You keep asking that. Do you really want an answer? Do you really want me to say it right out?'
He didn't.
But he wasn't about to tell her that. She'd only look at him as if he'd just proved her point.
'Let me put it this way,' she said with heavy irony. 'I don't trust you any more Maan. Once I trusted you with my life, and I had to pay a lot for it. I cannot take a risk again, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a man, who did not had trust in his love and treated her, nothing but a two time s**t'.
He tried not to flinch as the words came at him.
Geet didn't intend to say this to him, still, this is the only way to keep him away from her. This was her final trumpet card. If this doesn't work, then nothing is- 'This wasn't in our agreement. If you have any integrity at all…'.
Geet knew, she hit on the sensitive chord. Because, Maan Singh Khurana never takes, a question of self-esteem and self-respect against him. He was a man made of that.
His dark eyes flared angrily. He moved, within a fraction of seconds towards her. Fear of him coming at her choked off any further speech and drove her into instant recoil. She shrank back against the kitchen counter, shutting her eyes tightly, hugging herself even more tightly.
Maan stood near the ottoman, few feet away from her, stunned, absolutely still, frowning at her. Seeing her like this, whatever rage was there in him, just drain off. Every nerve in her body screeched with tension as she waited for his next action. The silence was electric which barely contained emotions and challenges. She was too frightened to acknowledge, yet the strong sense of them pinned her to the counter, draining her of any further initiative.
'Integrity…' The word fell from his lips, heavy with guilt and regret. 'I lost faith in yours so you have no belief in mine.' He lifted deeply pained eyes, probing her soul with searing intensity. 'Did it ever occur to you that I cared too much about integrity, Geet? That seeing you…in bed with my brother…was such a killing blow…'
'I was never in bed with your brother!' She spitted back.
'Goddammit!' He shifted his feet, pumping out waves of violent energy as he hurled out his truth. 'It wasn't just the photos! You were charmed with Dev's wit and you didn't stop him from flirting with you. Every time the three of us were together, Dev would claim your attention and you gave it to him. Willingly!'
'He was nice to me, Maan. Your parents looked at me as though I was trash, treated me with icy politeness. Why wouldn't I be nice to your brother?' she flung back at him.
'Nice…' His hands lifted, fingers outstretched like upturned talons, left empty and frustrated because what he'd wanted to hold on to had been ripped away.
'Where does nice turn into heat? Dev swore it was so…swore I was making a fool of myself for loving you…and there were the photos to prove it, to prove there was no integrity in your love for me…'
Geet stood shocked and deeply agitated by the pain pouring from him and the artful lies that had been woven around her behaviour.
'He was my brother! We'd shared all our lives together! Why would he confess to such a divisive and destructive truth if it wasn't the truth?'
A killing blow…she could see it now, feel how it was for him. She never knew, her own behavior would be the key to her destruction... When Dev flirted with her, she had many times, played along with him, just to irritate Maan, as he was very possessive about her. But, she never thought, it would aid his family, even more to prove those photographs true and weave the lies of infidelity against her.
'You were the light of my life and he tore it out of me and left me in darkness. A darkness so black I couldn't see you any more. Not the person you were.' His hands dropped in a helpless fashion as the raw anguish on his face fell into a terrible bleakness. 'All in the name of integrity…which he sacrificed…to please my father.'
He shook his head and slowly bent down to sit in the ottoman, as though there was nothing left to do and there was certainly no joy to be had from any more exposure. On any level.
A poignant sense of loss permeated the sudden silence and Geet's heart felt as though it was being wrung by merciless hands. The hurt was too great—his hurt and hers—what had been done to both of them! Her mind was a chaos of confusion. Was it wrong of her to keep blaming him for turning traitor to their love when he had suffered the devastation of a double treachery? The woman he loved…the brother he loved…
'Don't be frightened of me, Geet,' he said softly, looking at her with an expression of rueful appeal. 'The fear in your eyes, its killing me.' He was pressing his palms against his face. 'This time around…it's not about taking from you. It's about giving.'
She couldn't bring herself to speak. She wasn't so sure of her ground any more. All she could think of was how much she had loved this man and maybe she could love him again if…but weren't there too many ifs? And Daksh was in the middle of them. Her precious son whom she had to protect against the Khurana family. She mustn't forget Daksh, just because Maan could still get to her, twisting her around, making her feel…
Watching him getting to his feet, towering up to his full height, everything within her quivered, not from fear but from the freshly awakened memories of their love and passion, of how it had been with him…the way he used to make her feel special, every moment… the deep love and passion they shared… Alone…as she'd been alone all these years. She had Daksh but a child's love—her love for him—was different. Being a mother did not fulfil everything she wanted as a woman, she wanted to be in Maans arms... Where she always felt protected, His shoulders... where she can lean on when she is weak, His passion, which take her to new heights.. above all, simply being with him, the meaning of her life. But, seeing Maan, like this, now she knew, it wouldn't have been different for him either.
Maan straitened his shirt, and tucked it in.
'It won't go away—the love, the passion, the chemistry between us, Geet. No matter what you're telling yourself, it will still be there next week, next month, next year, and all the years to follow.'
The relentless beat of his prediction struck chords of truth that twanged through her entire body. Her mind could produce no answer to it. She simply stared back at him, silently demanding the distance she needed right now, telling herself not to concede anything more at this point.
As if he read her mind, he sat back on the couch, where he was sleeping, put on his socks and shoes, doing it with commendable alacrity, not dragging out his time with her. He stood up and she stiffened her backbone, determined on an air of self-containment as he walked over to the doorway, emanating a dynamic energy that would not acknowledge defeat.
He paused near the entry and turned to her, his dark brilliant eyes engaging hers in an intense battle of wills. 'I can't give you back the years that were taken from us but we can make a future together,' he said quietly.
They had to…around Daksh. But she now knew Maan was intent on pushing for more, and even as she thought it, he laid it out to her again.
'I doubt any marriage is perfect, but I promise you this. I'll work damned hard at making it as good as I can for you. Think about it, Geet. I have to get back to Delhi, there are some issues which need my immediate attention. You, have one full week to think. I'll be back by next Saturday…Tell Daksh, that I will call him.'
He walked on into the hallway. She heard the front door click open, then shut behind him.
Gone.
Air whooshed out of her lungs on a huge sigh of relief. She sagged against to the side wall, staring at the kitchen counter where she had wantonly surrendered her independence. Was it possible to claw it back? Did she want to? Did she have to?
She needed to know the answers before Maan came again.
Next Saturday. He will be here. She has to make a decision. She has to.
Because he is Daksh's father.
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Sooo Dear... waiting for your valuable comments, and to know the number of people who, liked this post. From the, last part, I can see, not much people liked it. Is it So??? :(
Comments Positive of Negative... I welcome it open hand.. 'coz, it shows that, how Relevant the fiction is...
R.I.T.H.I.K.A
Edited by ursrithika - 14 years ago
Ganesh Kartikeya
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