Core of My Existence(AR Story)Nextthreadlink150 - Page 89

Originally posted by: Ankita.M

I am writing. I sat down today afternoon , done with half the part.The update shall be up tomorrow 😳

Ermmm Hello there...When are you Updating!?

Hey guys 😃 I am really Sorry for the delay. I had to study, and work both side by side, and it left me drained. I really want to be more regular with my updates, but somehow cannot convince myself to post installments. I shall try and post more regularly, but one update per week is a promise, unless something really important comes up 😃 This update and the track ahead is really close to my heart. I am going to try my best to keep you guys entertained, but I only hope you guys are out there to support me too.

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Armaan looked at the tears running out of Riddhima's eyes, and his heart pained realizing it was time now, time to sort it all out, to take decisions, to rid her from all the turmoil she had been going through all along. They both had to let out their feelings today, and even if it hurt the other initially, it would only lead to the best.

He slowly walked up to her and bend down, he slowly but confidently took her hands in his, while she just pulled her hands out of his, sniffing and fuming trying her best to not look at him, lest she melts and forgets that she has to remain angry with him. He sighed, slightly smiling but wasn't surprised at the reaction at all. He looked at Muskaan who was standing silently at one corner of the room, waiting excitedly for all the drama to start, wanting to be entertained by the 'Forever evergreen 'couple.

He snorted at her curious expressions and tried to hide his smile when he saw Riddhima scooting a glare at him. Muskaan got the cue and left the room, leaving them both to vent their emotions out. Armaan looked back at Riddhima, and held her hands again, this time tightly, and he started to caress her palms with his thumb even while she was yet hopelessly trying to get them out his hold.

"Leave me Armaan, .." she tried moving away, but Armaan obviously wouldn't let that happen, " What is with you Armaan, ab tak tumhe baat nahi karni thi, so you ignored me like I didn't exist at all, aura ab suddenly baat karne ka mood aa gaya , and you're forcing me to listen to all that you have to say ? Sorry Mr Mallik, I am not interested. Aur waise bhi ab baat karne ke liye kuch bacha bhi nahi hai, not like you care to even ask me before you take any decision , toh ab kiss bare mai baat karni hai ? "

Armaan heard her ramble and looked at her, fixing his glare at her and asked sternly," Do you care Riddhima ? Kya tum khud apni parwah karti ho? Do you even look back at the words you say or the kind of decisions you take? When you don't care about yourself, your life and me, then why should I ? Khud treatment nahi karani, meri koi baat nahi maani, toh yahaan reh kar kya karna hai, let us just go back. " He knew he was sounding harsh, but she needed it, he wasn't going to let her live in the oblivion she always did, he had to push her out of it, however hard it would turn out to be. But he wasn't going to spare her and her endless fears anymore. They would have to face his wrath today.

"Don't be so heartless Armaan, it is my life you're talking about and I don't even get to take any decision for myself, sab kuch itni jaldbaazi mai karna zaroori hai kya ? " She was so frustrated, she had just realized her own folly and now when she was confident enough to go ahead to get the treatment done, this guy had gone ahead and planned a return trip to the place which haunted her.

"You think you're going to do any better by taking any decision for yourself?" he chuckled sarcastically " If I leave it on you na, phir toh hum poori zindagi issi darr mai jeete rahenge ki kahi hum mai se ek doosre ko chod ke nai chale jaye. Poori zindagi issi umeed mai guzaar denge ki bina kuch kiye hi humare haalat sudhar jaye, tum theek ho jao, and that too hoping it all happens with just the blink of our eye and no effort at all. "Armaan looked at her his tone and glare both cold enough to surprise Riddhima.

She looked at him trying to decipher if he was her Armaan. Even after all the cold behavior and angry glares from him the last few days, she hadn't expected him to tell her all of this. Did he really think everything was so easy for her?

"Armaan kehna bahut aasan hai, par iss sab se guzarna bahut mushkil , it is not so easy to go through all of it, …not as easily you said it." She looked away trying to hide the hurt she felt at his words. "And you think it's easy for me? You think it has been easy for me all this while, to see you go through all you did. Tumhe lagta hai I haven't suffered any kind of pain myself or that I didn't feel anything seeing you go through the same ? Tumhare liye ye sab mushkil tha , toh it wasn't a party for me either Riddhima. You feel it is easy for me to let you go, for two f**king months? OF COURSE NOT! "

"It's the worst situation to be in, when you don't know how the only person you live for and the only once you can claim to be yours is. It has been as bad as it has been for you Riddhima, to leave our home, our country, our job and everything else behind. To come here without knowing the circumstances we'll have to face, and not knowing what it'll all result in. To see you not being able to walk, to see you crumble within even though you tried to smile for my sake. But in spite of all this Riddhima I don't regret or intend to complain about any moment we've both spent after that incident. Because I not only trust God who has always kept us together, but I also trust my own love for you. I am just disheartened to know that you don't trust my love at all. Kya tumhe mere pyar par, bilkul bharosa nahi hai ? "

Riddhima looked at him spellbound, this was the first time he was speaking his heart out at what he had felt seeing her go through pain, while he went through even more turmoil then she had. She didn't interrupt or stop him anymore because she didn't have anything to say at all and even if she did, she was too chocked to string any words together.

"I thought my love would make you stronger, more confident, but it turns out I was wrong all along," he scoffed, " My love's just made you weaker, that's probably why you don't trust me enough to go for the treatment, you fear ki tumhare aane se pehle tumhe chod ke chala jaunga ? Kitni baar Riddhima , how many more times do I need to prove myself to you, my love and my the amount of trust I have in you.? "

Riddhima looked up instantly , " Nahi Armaan, that is not true, and you know that." she said slowly, trying to convince him of her words.

"Really Riddhima, do you really trust me? Is that why you think I am not capable of taking a decision for you? If you would trust me as much as you say you do, you would have trusted my instincts Riddhima. You gave up, and expected me to give up, yaha tak ki itna kuch ke diya, all of what you know was not even in your heart? Just because you didn't want to go for the treatment ? Tum iss had take gayi, sirf isliye ? Why would you do that ? You are ready to give up on something you know can cure you, just so that you don't have to leave me, are you serious?" He looked at her, exploring her eyes, trying to get his words through her, trying to convince his silly wife.

"Armaan stop screaming , do you understand how damn hard it is to live with this truth, and the only constant thing in my life, that keeps me alive is you, I don't have the guts to let go, even if it is JUST two months in your language."

"Tum apni poori life ke bare mai nahi soch rahi , sirf in do mahino ke darr se ? I know tum kahogi we don't have a guarantee if you'll be okay, but will you be any more happy then you are today, when you'll regret giving up even without a try ? ," he said asserting each and every word, speaking slowly, convincingly. Riddhima had no reply, she knew he was right, hadn't she realized that herself?

But she couldn't help feel fear, what if nothing happened, what if they would come back to where they were now, crashing all the hopes and dreams they were seeing now. As if Armaan had even heard her silence he glared at her and spoke sternly again.

"When do you plan to give up fearing Riddhima? You just need an excuse nahi ? Kabhi koi, toh kabhi koi baat ko le kar bethna hi hai. Kabhi is baat ko leke insecure hoti ho ki mai tumhare saath khush nahi hun , that I deserve better, woh nahi toh darti ho ki mai ek din tumse door ho jayunga, and if nothing else then you just think God hates you, and he'll continue to whatever you do. Isliye ek baar koshish bhi nahi karni tumhe . Tell me what we'll lose Riddhima, even if nothing changes , even if the treatment doesn't end up helping you, we won't lose a thing . I am not going anywhere, nor is my love going to change for you. Mai yahi hun , tum bhi yahi ho , aur humara pyar, is it that weak basket that just two months will be able to shake its existence itself? "He was almost fuming, he couldn't understand how someone like Riddhima could get so pessimistic about everything around her, shockingly even him.

Riddhima looked into his eyes to see an ocean of love trust and confidence, which was all solely for her. How could she not look beyond his cold glares, anger and agitation to see the concern they all carried along.

"Riddhima to make life better, we'll have to put in efforts as well, nothing will happen by itself. Just because we fear change, we cannot be here for years to come, doing nothing and waiting for everything to be the way we want. I may sound too practical to you, more than I even am, but tell me honestly Riddhima, don't we both deserve more, more than just letting fears getting the better of us , and holding us back from living a life we both deserve to live. Kab tak darti rahogi Riddhima, till when are you going to keep running away from the truth? "

Riddhima was surprised to hear every word he was saying. She realized how much he knew her, observed her, and there were things about herself SHE overlooked but he wouldn't have, how did she not know? Her voice was choking with emotions, but she spoke hoarsely," Armaan I trust you, really. I trust you to the extent of worshipping you, but I can't help but feel fear, what if all we hope for doesn't come true, what if the only happiness in life is snatched away. I can't live this life without you Armaan. You are my only family…. my so called family failed to trust me Armaan. Agar tumse bhi door ho gayi toh .. "

Armaan sighed and held her shoulders, "For God's sake Riddhima, tell me one thing, do I have anyone more except you? Kya mai tumhare bina kuch bhi hun ? Do you think I'll be any better if anything happened to our relationship or you? Mai bhi utna hi akela hun , kamse kam tumhari family tumse tumhare liye naaraz hai, my family just forgot I exist Riddhima. I would die if I were to lose you. "

"Stop thinking this crap about how I am obliging you by doing anything I do, or that I deserve better and crap. You are my life, and nothing changes that, mai tumhare bina kuch nahi hun. I don't think I can imagine life without you. So now you tell me, are you the only one who needs this relation , the only one who needs me, don't I need you ?"

"Riddhima life mai kabhi kabhi sirf paas rehne se bhi zyaada sochna padta hai. I can't believe I am the one explaining this to you. Were you not the one who taught me how to balance my emotions and take the best decisions at the right time. "

"Get out of the shell Riddhima, believe in yourself, the facts you have lived by all these years. You are a strong girl, you've faced the best and the worst so strongly. Aaj when you need to be strong, believe in me, in yourself, you are backing out, and for some baseless fears . I don't know this Riddhima at all. Jo ladki kuch bhi jeetne ke liye , zameen aasman ek kar deti thi , aaj wohi ladki ek koshish kiye bina haar maan rahi hai. Come on Riddhima, I have known you as someone who gave up yourself for others happiness. Can't you do anything for yourself now? For me ? "

He held her face in his hands , and caressed her cheeks with his thumbs , wiping the tears of her face. He bend forward and kissed the corner of her lips , and let his lips stay there, letting her feel his touch. Riddhima held his face in her hands and touched his forehead with his, crying, loudly now. Armaan pulled her down on him and cuddled her closer to himself. He caressed her back with one hand and her hair with the other."Sssh … bass yaar Basket, kitna roti ho. You know some years down the line you're going to laugh at how much you cried all along," he said trying to lighten the mood, but her crying just got more louder. " I'll hit you now haan Basket," he said smiling , with his face hidden in her hair. Much to his surprise his blackmailing just fell on deaf ears, and instead of him hitting her, he became the victim of her assault. She started to hit his chest in between her sobs and streams of tears flowing down her face. "I hate you, I hate you Armaan."

Armaan giggled on hearing her I hate you's and remembered the zillion times she had said the same before, instead of the much awaited I love you's. He obviously knew what her I hate you mean't .

"Haan Basketji patah hai, but may I know the reason for this beautiful confession. " She hit him once again and looked at him "What the hell do you think you were doing all along? Ye sab pehle nahi samjhe sakte the. You know I am slow na. Itne hi samajhdar ho toh can't you get my brain to work before." Armaan chuckled at her cuteness. She looked up at him crying away to glory " Ye sab pehle bhi toh keh sakte the, you should have shouted at me, shaken me out my dreamland, my stupidity. But nahi, just when my brain stopped working yours did too. Isliye khud itni jaldi itne saare decisions le liye ? We are going back, haan why ? You're selling the apartment ? Maine haar maani toh tumne bhi toh haar maan li, you don't get to scold me for it now," she said pouting and glaring at the same time.

Armaan chuckled but seeing her sad face, held it tightly within his palms, "Do you really think , MAI haar maan jaunga. Dr Armaan Super cool Mallik can never lose, not to Dr Riddhima Super fool Mallik anyways."

Riddhima glared at him, wanting to slap him across his face, but Armaan just giggled and held her hand to himself, kissing it slightly, he spoke softly this time, breaking the tradition of his glares and angry frowns " Basket, mai kuch bhi karta, par is treatment ke bageir na mai India jaata, na tumhe jaane deta, aur haan, iss treatment ke liye bheje bageir tumhe chain se jeene bhi nahi deta." Riddhima looked at him confused.Then why had he planned to go back, stopped her medicines and even spoken about selling off the apartment. "Par tumne toh .. ye apartment aur meri medicines.. " Armaan smiled at her confused expressions and broke his silence. " Tum treatment ke like jaogi toh ghar par medicines manga ke kya karta ? Aur jaha tak India jaane ki baat hai, toh who sab ek naatak tha. Mera aur Muski ka plan. Hum jaante the, ki ghee seedhi ungli se nahi niklega toh humne ungli tedi kardi," he smirked.

Riddhima looked at him, mouth open ," Armaan toh kya ye sab naatak tha, " " Haan Basket, the call to sell the house and all was cooked up. Mai samajh gaya tha that you've started to think over what I said, so just to make you think a little faster we used reverse psychology. We knew humari party badalte tum apni badal logi and we'll get what we want. I just pretended to be angry, pretended to sell this house and move back, pretended to not be bothered all along, BUT I was never angry and always around."

Riddhima who had become angry at the shameless confessions, melted immediately and her shoulders dropped and her head automatically rested on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, the soft rhythms that only sang her name. "I can never ever be angry with you Basket , and even if I was, I wasn't angry at your words, but at the way you gave up on yourself, gave up hope and were acting so thickheaded. How much ever we love each other Basket, it cannot be reason enough to decide not to get treated. May be you're comfortable the way you are basket, shayad tum haar maan chuki ho, par maine nahi maani , even though you're the same for me today and will be tomorrow. Iss situation ne tumhe woh bana diya hai jisse shayad tum khud bhi nahi pehchan paogi. As much as I can understand your each emotion and fear, I fail to understand why you can't make any EFFORT to overcome them? Mai tumhare saath hun na Basket ? Phir kiss baat ka darr hai tumhe ? "

He held her tightly and close to himself, when she didn't reply to him and just hid her face in his shoulder, he said "We shouldn't be so dependent on each other Basket, ki hum itne kamzor pad jaye ke phir ek doosre ko bhi nahi sambhal paayein , haina ? " He looked at her when he felt her nod.

"Ab chup kyun ho Basket, hmm?" Riddhima looked at him lovingly and spoke softly, her voice cracking," Mai bas soch rahi thi, ki mera Armaan itna mature kab ho gaya, ?" Armaan giggled and knocked his head with hers ," Jab nahi tha tab bhi shikayat karti thi, hun tabhi kar rahi ho ? "

"Mai shikayat nahi kar rahi, … mai toh.. I am really proud of you Armaan," she looked at him her eyes glistening with tears, but pride for him."Time teaches us everything Basket, kuch situations ko tackle karne ke liye, mature hona padta hai, aur jab ek couple mai ek insaan bacha ban jaye the other has to grow up ," he said trying to tease her, or get a reaction from her by convey how kiddish she was behaving."I am so stupid Armaan," "I KNOW," he exclaimed, trying to make her laugh. But she looked at him seriously and said," I don't know mujhe kya ho gaya tha Armaan, all logic, all my medical knowledge, my own confidence and will in life left me. Mai chahti hun ki mai theek ho jaun, but my fear of losing once again makes me want to stay the way I am. I just can't go through the feeling of losing something any more. At least now I can keep hoping ki mai theek ho jaungi, what if the hope leaves me too, what If I am told in clear words what I don't want to hear."

"Riddhima you're not being fair to yourself, khud ko ek mauka toh do. Why think of the worst right away. You are not going to lose anything Basket, like I said, God forbid, agar in do mahno ke baad kuch nahi bhi badla, tabhi tum kuch kho kar nahi lautogi, you'll just come back as a more confident and stronger person. And this may sound too repetitive a lecture, lekin sirf girne ke darr se koi chalna toh nahi chod deta na? "He kept caressing her back, and kissed her head for long, repeatedly trying to assure her of his presence.

He held her shoulder and parted from the hug ," Come on Riddhima, I want MY Basket back , the one who fought against me, and went to every extent just to prove her wrong also right. Today fight WITH me , and prove it to me ki tum meri Basket hi ho. Agar apne liye nahi kar sakti toh mere liye hi sahi. If you give up even before trying, ye tumhari nahi meri haar hogi.Kya tum mere liye ye bhi nahi kar sakti basket?"

Riddhima looked at him, her tears dried up, eyes swollen. She looked into his eyes and got lost in them, she could see the amount of trust and faith they had in them. What had he ever asked from her? It was another case that he never needed to, because they both always understood the others needs even before expressing them. But he had always been selfless, and for the first time he had asked for something with so much authority, and even that was only for her. She couldn't deny him anything, and this was his right. Why had she bothered asking him to wait for her to take any kind of decision. They both had every right to take a stand for the other, especially when it was regarding the others happiness. She thought about all that she had said to him in the last few days, and she knew he had understood each and every emotion behind it. But WHY did she ever think it was an easy decision for him to take and then follow. She may not have meant it , but she had almost made him feel like he was not capable of leading her to the right way. And he was right all along after all. She had thought about herself and her fears, and amidst all the turmoil, she had overlooked the fact that he lived with all those fears too. If she feared losing him, she didn't know why she ever did, but was he not human? He obviously had his insecurities too. It was going to be as hard if not harder for him to stay without her. She knew how much he needed her, after all he was the only one who made her feel needed and important and she knew she was. They both were in this relationship together, they belonged with each other, and it was time she stood up and took hold of it as much as he was. He was doing so much for her, couldn't she just trust the faith he had in her? She had nothing to lose, even if she wouldn't be able to walk tomorrow, she knew she would have her Armaan. The man whose feet she would walk on, all her life. They both deserved a better future, a lot of people needed them. They had to think beyond themselves and cure many others. Flourish in their careers, enjoy their lives and bask in each other's love. She WOULD be fine, she would make sure she at least tried to be. She had to come out victorious, for his love, for his trust and for them. Those fears and insecurities would have to face their love, which had always stood tall and overcome every pain and trouble. She was going to go for this treatment happily, because this was a way to lead her life and the both of them to every happiness they rightly deserved. She was going to fight it all, for him… WITH HIM.

"I promise you Armaan , mai sab kuch theek kardungi. Mai iss treatment ke liye jaungi. And I'll make sure I'll make you proud of myself, "she said confidently. "I am already very proud of my Riddhima, I just want my Basket back." She pecked his lips and caressed his hair with her hands, "I will make sure that I get back your Basket to you, in every way possible. "

"Armaan…. Please mujhe maaf kardo ! I didn't mean to hurt you. Maine itne din tumse jo kuch bhi kaha who sirf gusse mai tha. Maine socha if I hurt you and blame you enough, you'll try and prove me wrong. You DID prove me wrong, but by proving yourself right, and by standing up against me for me itself. Mai bhool gayi thi, ki mera Armaan kabhi haar nahi maanta, not when it is something about me. I promise Armaan mere dil mai aisi koi baat nahi hai. I know how hard all this is has been for you and will be for you. Please Armaan .. muj…"

Armaan placed his hand on her lips and pecked her back," Stop it Basket, mujhe samjhana band karo. I don't understand why we bother telling each other what we feel, when we both know it ALL already. Mai jaanta hun Basket, I know ki tum humesha ki tarah nautanki kar rahi thi, you didn't mean and you will never mean anything you told me that day. Aur mujhe bolne ki zaroorat nahi hai, lekin since we're out to prove how best to be formal, I am Sorry too. Maine tumse aise baat ki, tumhe itna kuch sunaya, half of what I meant and the other half just to make you realize how foolish you were behaving."

Riddhima's eyes brimmed with tears, and she snorted, half crying." Armaan just hit his head with his hand giving up on his Basket and her tears. "Oh God Basket, ab toh rona band karo. Jis rate se tum rati ja rahi ho, we won't need a storm or tsunami ,we'll just drown by ourselves one day. Bas bhi karo , otherwise people will think I forced you to marry me. "

"Armaaan ," she hit him hard on his shoulder, and then hugged him tightly, but this time neither of them cried. Her eyes were shining with happiness, and Armaan's with pride. He pulled her out of the hug and kissed her, not trying to be gentle. He kissed her with all the passion, longing and love, and she responded with the same emotions, both trying to convey to the other, how much they loved each other.

"Armaan mere wahan jaane se pehle, you have a lot to do haan. I have a lot of demands. You'll have to cover up for the loss of the Paris trip too," she mumbled while kissing his neck , where she had nestled her head. Armaan chuckled and hiding herself in his hair said," At your service Ma'am." They both smiled at each other, they were so happy that all had been sorted. Riddhima suddenly felt how stupid she had been and wanted to laugh at all she had done, only to not go away from him. Now she realized, how this time apart was going to make them stronger individuals, strong enough to manage their relation and everything that came their way in life ahead. After all 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'. She was sure even if they would stay away from each other physically, they both could make sure the little time they got to talk to each other or write to each other, would be enough to make the other feel special, would be enough to make up for each moment they were going spend away from the other.

Armaan looked at her, elated that his words had found the way to her finally, and had made her stronger, had made her think correctly and give up on all that made her unhappy. He knew now, that nothing that would happen could bog her down. But he also knew, that staying away at such a point and situation wasn't easy for any of them. So he decided he would make every bit of the moment they spent before she went away, extremely special. They would spend every waking moment with the other and cover up for all loss of time in the future, by leaving her with the beautiful memories to remember and smile every time she thought of him.

Their thoughts were interrupted by Muskaan, "Tum dono ka drama ho gaya ho, toh mai aa jaun ," Armaan smiled at her, thanking her silently for being with him all throughout. He couldn't have managed this all by himself, but he had to reward her for finding the best moments to interrupt them. "Oh God Muskaan, you have such wrong timing you know. " She came over and hit him hard," How selfish Armaan, jab tak apni Basket ko manana ya patana ho , tab you don't care for the timings, raat ke beech mai bhi we can sit and back bite and make evil plans, but when you're romancing , tab everything else should cease to exist nahi ? " Armaan looked at her wide eyed, surprised at how she was trying to get them to fight and then at Riddhima to see her reaction. But he was taken aback when Riddhima hit Muskaan on her head slightly and hugged him. She hugged tightly and looked back at Muskaan and said " Ayee Muski mere Armaan ke bare mai kuch bhi mat bol acha, don't try and make us fight."

"Waah tum dono ka acha hai, jab ladna hota hai, then I am the punching bag, for both of you to vent, aur jab sulat gayi toh shut up Muskaan ? Theek hai , dekhli tum dono ki dosti, " she spoke dramatically and started to get up and leave, but both Armaan and Riddhima just chuckled and held her hands pulling her back. And finally all the three hugged each other, hoping and praying that everything turned out for the best, and that they always stayed together like they were right now.

"Thanks Muski," both of them spoke up and then chuckled again, only to get wacked by Muskaan together, "Oh God, ye thanks wageria kaha toh sach mai chali jaungi, do you want that ? " She said shouting angrily.

They both nodded like obedient kids and smiled at her. Armaan looked at the both of them, and kissed Muskaans hair lovingly and Riddhima's forehead. He sighed, and told to himself, 'All's well that ends well' but it wasn't the end at all. This was a new beginning , a beginning to their happiness, to a new life.