Core of My Existence(AR Story)Nextthreadlink150 - Page 11

Riddhima was sitting alone , while Armaan had gone to cook dinner for them . Yeah ! he cooked ,she didn't know how he learnt to ,because everyone knew Dr Armaan Superman Mallik could do everything but do that ,she laughed at her own thoughts. Maybe time changed everything ! Who knew ,the biggest prankster in Sanjeevani ,the one who took life as it came , the happy go lucky Armaan would become so mature, maybe her love had done this to him, or maybe she had.But why was she complaining she thought ? Didn't she always complain to him how immature and kiddish he behaved at times .

Today when he had become so mature, so sorted and so thoughtful , she was pushing him away again ? She did want him to mature she thought, but his innocence was his charm , it was what she fell for in the first place , and she didn't want him to change at the cost of losing her Armaan. He was the same no doubt ,but his smile didn't reach his eyes anymore ,his dimples did show ,but only she knew how that smile he plastered on his face was just for her, he probably was going through more pain then she herself was. He had to not only go through the pain of seeing his love in a state he had never imagined she could be be in he even had to go through all she threw at him aswell .She herself didn't know what was happening to her , she would get so agitated at him for nothing , she made him go through hell with all the mood swings she had ,because she knew he understood ,and he always did .He went through all of it without any complain , he just smiled and forgot everything .And that is precisely why she felt so guilty ,even today she lashed out at him for nothing ,what had he done ,he was just looking out for her . Even when she had woken up from her sleep she had just maintained silence while he kept trying to talk to her or make her eat , but neither did she eat and she knew he wouldn't have either . What could she do ? She just felt so rotten , about all that he had to do for her ,all that he had done ,she loved that he took care of her and being dependent too wasn't such a big issue because this was Armaan afterall ,both of them weren't different ,BUT he had given up everything for her , his dreams aspirations his own future ,just to brighten hers with his love and care . He was a very ambitious person , dreamt of being a heart surgeon ,but what had her love and their life got him into ?

She wanted to be with him ,to spend her life with him , but that would mean being selfish and she didn't want that at any cost . She had done enough damage to him anyways , never trusted him ,never trusted his love ,he was always the one who wanted the world to know how they loved each other ,wanted to flaunt the love he was so proud of .The one relation he had earned in his lonely life . And she had always just pushed him away , ambushed him ,not believed in his pure heart who loved her to the extent of infinity . He was always ready to give them ,their relation another chance ,even after all the shit she gave him ,and she was always ready to give up.

He had been lonely ,had no one to call his own ,his own parents didn't bother looking out for him ,but he had found love in her and had changed tremendously , not that there was anything ever wrong with him .But from being a mischevious and a very unsettled guy he had turned out to be so loving mature and the best man anyone would die to have , and she ? She didn't value him , his love . She wanted to change all the wrong she had done ,to him to their relation . She wanted to tell him she knew she had been wrong in not giving their relation the trust due to it , she wanted to tell him how he had been right in thinking that no two people could think the same ,but accepting the other with his or her qualities and flaws and living with it was love .She wanted to go back in time and change a lot of things , do all she could to make him feel loved and wanted , but she couldn't do that anymore .

A lot had changed for them , now even if they wanted to change anything ,it would all be pointless ,they couldn't get married ,and she wouldn't let that happen, she didn't want to tie down Armaan with her all life , make him go after her for her medicines ,her endless treatments , her moods ,just everything ,her life which had no aim and nothing to look forward to. Ofcourse the only thing she did look forward to was spending time with Armaan , because he was the only one who could make her forget all the pain ,he was the only one who loved her so much that he forgot himself in front of her , who was the only one who believed that she could be cured and he tried everyday, every living moment to make her believe in the same . He was the only one who didn't give up , who left everything to come here with her to U.S ,fought against all odds ,her fathers wishes and probably even the truth that she wouldn't be fine ,only for her.

She was in a mess , on one hand she didn't want his belief or his hopes to be shattered .When he was so sure and confident even her heart wanted to give it all a try .When he was doing so much for her couldn't she do this much for herself or more importantly him ? But at the same time she knew this all had no end to it ,she wanted him to move on give up on her and go ahead with his life ,even though she knew that wasn't possible . She felt confused ,she didn't know what to do , she wanted him to be happy and the only way that would happen was ,when she was with him ,BUT them being together would also burden him more and that made her feel rotten every moment of her life, who would remove her from this mess ,this rotten feeling … this guilt.

10 minutes later Armaan walked in the room , looking over at Riddhima whom he had settled next to the window before he left .He went and sat next to her.. put his arms around her and kissed her temple , "Oye Basket ,kya soch rahi ho ,itna hot sona munda tumhare saath iss ghar mai rehta hai , who bhi akele aur tum ho ki kissi aur ke hee khayalon mai khoi ho " she came out of her daze and looked up at him grinning ,that made her smile slightly , but then she moved away and started to look outside the window ,staring into no where . Armaan sighed , he didn't know what to do , she did get gloomy , she did become sad and hurt but never had she pushed him away , she had always blurted out all her feelings to him . But today even though he knew why she was behaving like that , he didn't like the way she was shutting herself from him , he felt scared , it was as if it was the silence before a storm .

"Hmm looks like Riddhima is missing someone haina , " he made her look at him and said " Ghar ki yaad aa rahi hogi ,chalo lets do one thing lets make a call , waise bhi foods warming up ,tab tak we'll talk to everyone ,and Anjie had told me a day back ki Padma Mom really wants to see you," saying that he just walked off to get his laptop .They would talk to everyone back home pretty often , she never wanted to but Armaan did and forced her too . She liked talking to her friends ,Atul ,Muskaan,Nikki and even Di, they cheered her made her forget her sorrows and speak as if nothing had gone wrong ever but she didn't like calling home. Everytime they spoke back home Dr Shashank would pick on Armaan for everything he said , he would just find something to question or accuse him about , and Armaan would laugh it off , like every damn time.

But she didn't like her Armaan being questioned or accused of something that selfless man had never done. She didn't know from where he got the patience to bear it all everytime , he endlessly called them all back home even if someone cared or didn't . Just then he came back smiling with his laptop and a folding table in his hand ,he made her settle on the bed and sat next to her putting the LT in front of her. He switched on the webcam connecting everything . He looked so happy ,was he really ? she thought . She knew he feared of being picked on by her father , but why didn't he put his wish forward ,did he think she wanted it ?

"Armaan I don't want to talk to anyone , let it be ,lets eat dinner ,phir sote hai am tired " she yawned fakely ,trying to convince him ."Riddhima there is some time before food gets ready , tab tak we'll make a call ,and anyways kitne din ho gaye we spoke to everyone and anyways they all must be wanting to talk to you too ," " Really Armaan then why don't one of them ever take the initiative to make a call or talk like this ,why are you the one who want to do all of this all the time even if someone reciprocates humanly or not," she looked away ,'when would this guy ever think of himself .'Riddhima there is nothing like that , ofcourse they want to talk to us ,but waha everyone has such long hours of duty na ,time kaha milta hai ,that doesn't mean they don't want to talk. You know how much your mom dad must be missing you , and waise bhi we're their kids ,we need to be responsible enough to look out for them haina ? " She looked at him shocked , why couldn't her dad see through this man ,why did he find faults at every point at every situation ,and never see what a great guy he was .

When she didn't say anything beyond, Armaan thought she agreed too so he made the call. Anjie came in view first " OMG Hey Armaan , Hey Ridz , its been long almost 2 weeks we did this ,how are you guys hows the weather there ? And tell me Riddhima ye Armaan pareshan to nahi karta na ?,karta ho toh tell me am going to take his case ! " Anjali just went on and on rambling away .Armaan laughed out and Riddhima smiled , "Oh God Anjie ,Muski rubbed off on you , you've begun rambling jet speed without a break , just like she does ," "Shut up Armaan , " went both the Gupta sisters , Armaan giggled ,that was their favourite word ,it probably ran in their blood ,he laughed to himself . "Di am fine don't worry ,you tell me hows everything else, Sanjeevani and home ? " " Alls good ,Sanjeevani is as usual hectic and then abhi assessment bhi chal raha hai ,toh time hee nahi milta ," .." Kaam se time nahi milta ya Atul's keeping you busy Anjie ," Armaan commented and both Anjali and Riddhima gave him a look ,Riddhima shocked to hear this piece of news and Anjie just too shy (for once in her life ) ." "Oh God Armaan ,where do you get such bizarre ideas from is out of my understanding ," " You are forgetting Anjie ,that particular bizarre thought isn't my imagination , the one who stalks your dreams is my brother ,mujhse kuch chupa nahi hai ," Anjie just blushed and then changed the topic " Ok leave talking about me ,Oh unfortunately Mom ko urgently kahi jaana pada toh she wont be able to talk ,she was really upset though ,she has been dying to talk to the both of you ," " Its ok Anjie hum phir baaT kar sakte hai ,no big deal ,you take care , " He was about to disconnect ,but Anjali stopped , "Wait a second Armaan ,dads home I'll call him , " Riddhima hated this ,she was dreading this moment, she just prayed he spared them this time.

Shashank came into view in the next few minutes ," Hello Sir ,kaise hai aap ,hope alls good there ," Armaan said ,he never stopped trying ,and as expected Shashank spoke up like he hadn't seen or heard Armaan at all , "Hello Riddhima Beta ,how are you ? theek ho ? I hope you are taking good care of yourself ," she hated how he cold shouldered Armaan ,she wanted to argue back but Armaan just held her hand and squeezed it ,tightly. So he knew , and even then he just wanted to be normal with it ,go through it all over again ." Not really dad , mujhe apne khayal rakhne ki zaroorat hee nahi padti ,Armaan jo hai ," She answered proudly ,making Armaan smile, genuinely this time .Shashank again just ignored the comment " So when are you planning to come back Riddhima , I had told you before its all just pointless .. I don't know why your mom and Anjie just went ahead with this .. " This time Armaan interrupted ,it was about Riddhima ,and Shashank was demoralizing her by saying all of this and that too just to feed his own ego ,he cared less for all he would have to hear next and spoke up ," Sir everything takes its own time , we just need to be hopeful and pray , she'll be fine and the treatment is on ,aap ek Doctor hai Sir , we need you to be our strength ,please … "

" You don't get to tell me that Dr Mallik , I know what am talking about ,and am not wrong ,I don't think Riddhima ko U.S le jana was a wise decision , aur who bhi tumhare saath akele ,like you haven't ruined her life already ." Armaan closed his eyes ,trying to control his emotions from showing , Shashank was probably right ,probably he was the one due to whom Riddhima was in this condition ,but then he had the whole life to repent that ,now his main aim was to see that Riddhima got better ,"Sir I know aap Riddhima ki fikr mujhse kahi yaada karte hai , shayad uska khayal mujhse kahi yaada rakh sakte hai ,but trust me sir ,ye ek decision jo maine liya hai ,we all wont repent taking it ,trust me just once this time ,"

"Trust you Dr Mallik ," Shashank spat out in anger " You ,jiski wajah meri beti is in this condition in the first place , if you weren't the one due to whom she went to the hospital on that damned day ,toh ye sab hota hi nahi , she is just paying a price for loving a irresponsible immature person like you , and to be honest I don't trust you one bit ,kya pata is sab mai bhi tumhara selfish motive ho ," Armaan was hurt this time ,he didn't know why Shashank never tried to trust him , he could bear all he said but not bear anyone questioning the sanctity of his love ,but he was the last one to question or complain .While he was sitting silently ,Riddhima was seething in anger she wanted to speak out in defence when Shashank spoke again , " Mere decision ki toh yaha kisi ko parwah nahi ,agar hoti toh I don't think I would recommend you both getting together too , my first opinion about you was right Dr Mallik ,aap sirf apne bare mai hi sochte hai , and if you are going to argue back saying you don't , then why did you take her away from her home ,from her family ,wasn't that selfish Dr Mallik , you want her to yourself ,its all about YOU ..not her ." This was the last straw for Riddhima , she looked at Armaan because he was not speaking up ,she saw his face white ,totally pale, she knew this time around he had finally taken it badly, it had affected him and she was furious , while he stayed there not saying a word she spoke up ," Thanks for all your concern Papa, it was great talking to you , its always an eye opening experience, have a nice day ," saying that she just shut the laptop off .She looked at Armaan , he needed her today ,she kept her hand on his caressing it from the back of hers .He looked up smiling forcingly ,she was surprised to see him smile after this ," Chalo khana khaye, you need to take your dose soon too .You know I cooked your favourite pasta today ,it was in the oven , it would be ready by now mai abhi laya , "

Riddhima looked at him ,shocked out of her wits .Was this man for real ? After all he had heard , anyone in his place would have lost his head and not bothered anymore and here he once again just forgave ,forget and moved on ? why ? Armaan was never the one to take anything lying down , especially if it wasn't his fault, then why now ? She felt guilty again ,more than she ever had ,her father had gone ahead and said so much to him and she had kept silent and not spoken a word .It was only because she wanted him to speak out, but whatever it was ,the words had been spoken and hurt him ,he would have been hurt . He really did not deserve all this , for a person who cared about all , the least he deserved was some love back if not appreciation . She had to talk to him ,they had to take a decision , this was not right at all ,he deserved better , she did not want this life for him .

"Dinners here basket , and today am going to feed you ," he said excitedly ."Here taste and tell me kaisa hai ," Riddhima bit into it and smiled, "Its amazing as always Armaan ," she picked up some pasta from the same spoon he had fed her with and put it towards him ,he smiled wide touched and ate," Hmm am too good isn't it ? " he laughed at himself and Riddhima smiled shaking her head .

Riddhima caressed his face with her hands and he held onto her hand on his cheek and pressed it closing his eyes ,feeling emotional ,but he didn't show it to her ,he couldn't be weak in front of her ,he wouldn't .She looked at him a lump forming in her throat ,she gulped and spoke up " Armaan , who uhm ," "What happened Basket bolo na ,why are you hesitating to tell me ," Riddhima took a deep breath and said " Armaan , whatever happened today , " Armaan interrupted " Forget it Basket I don't want to talk about it , get over it " he knew she had probably felt even worse then he had ."Why Armaan , why should I get over it and why do you get over all that he says to you just in a few minutes ? For whom Armaan ? You have got to speak up Armaan ,you have to tell him how wrong he is and how right you are ,he tells you anything and everything and you just let him walk over you ? ", "What difference does it make Basket , who kuch bhi sochain , and as if my telling him anything would make a difference, and plus he isn't totally wrong either ." Riddhima was shocked. "What do you want to say Armaan ,you mean whatever he said held truth ? Both me and you know how wrong he was and even then you're telling me maybe he was right ? "

"Forget it Riddhima ,just let go ,jab mai keh raha hun that I don't want to discuss it then why are you hell bent on discussing the same ,can we please eat ? ", Armaan was tired for the day he had really had enough of it , he knew how to deal with her emotions ,her insecurities and he didn't mind it at all ,but the distance she was creating intentionally (and he knew why ) and the whole conversation with Shashank had left him emotionally saturated . Riddhima left the food midway pushed the plate away and said " Not at all Armaan , we are not procrastinating this anymore , you have always left any discussion related to the state our life is in mid-way ,probably fearing the worst ,lekin sach se bhagne se sach badal nahi jaata ,and am not eating until we talk today Armaan ."

Armaan was really exhausted now he didn't have it in him to argue back with her and the the last thing he would do is have the discussion she wanted to . What was there to discuss anyway ,they were here so that she could get her treatment done ,and they would have to be strong enough till it lasted ,and if it was about Shashank ,yes his words had hurt him ,but they were not more important then her . He just got up with the food and said "Fine let it be ,meri bhook toh waise hi mar gayi thi , " he walked out with all of it leaving a shocked Riddhima behind ,Armaan was never the one to give up on her food ,he would coax her till the point Tthat she would want to pull her hair out,him giving up just showed his mental state atm. As she thought about it she saw him come in with her water, and some snacks she usually munched on ,he kept it all on her bed side .He picked up all her medicines and handed them out to her " Lo kha lo " Riddhima saw him ,his expression was stern and she didn't think it was best to annoy him anymore ,she silently had her medicine .He talk out the pull overs and covered it till her waist while she was still sitting ,switching the side lamp on he moved towards the exit , and looked back once " Kuch chahiye ho to bula lena am outside ," saying that he walked out leaving the door a bit open lest she called out for him .

Armaan lay down on the sofa in the living room , his hand on his forehead , lost in deep thought .It had been so many months since they both had come here ,Riddhima was way better compared to how she had been in Mumbai , there people would sympathize with her ,instead of giving her the motivation ,they would keep reminding her of the state she was in . At such a time even being a doctor didn't help ,even though she could think better herself she would get drawn into their emotions and pity herself. But eversince they had come here a lot had changed , she was atleast a bit more confident of herself and a tab bit happier , what had then suddenly happened to her ? Had he done or said something wrong that lead to this.

As this came to his mind his thoughts went back to what Shashank had said , was he right ? Had he been selfish ? Had he got too over protective of Riddhima , had he really done this for her or himself ?

All he knew he was loved Riddhima more then anything in this world and he wouldn't do anything that would hurt or trouble her. But was it right for him to have got her here away from her home ? Was it this what made her so agitated ,is this she wasn't talking to him or was distancing herself away from him ? Had he let her down ? He couldn't find the answer to anything and today after a long time he felt lonely , he wanted to talk to someone , vent out his emotions ,his fears and probably cry his heart out too , the person he had the liberty to pour it out to ,was someone he wouldn't ever want to show this side of his .She was already so vulnerable ,he knew she already thought she was imposing herself ,this would lead her to extreme depression and push her guilt further . He turned and just clutched his pillow tight , and cried ,let his tears flow out , let out all his emotions .Tired ,exhausted and emotionally drained Armaan just cried himself to sleep.

Sleep was far away from Riddhima ,she had let him down today she thought .He needed her today ,she could have just let it be and not discuss it when he didn't want her to , but she had . It hadn't done any good ,infact he had not eaten anything and probably even slept off empty stomach , she felt terrible for having put him through this .She had just intended to encourage him to speak up for himself ,she didn't want him to listen to anything that was said to him only because the person saying it was her father , he probably thought she wouldn't like it. But she didn't like it the other way , when he failed to stand up for his own good ,whether it be against her father or anyone else ,there was a line between right and wrong .

Well anyways he hadn't said anything but she wouldn't keep her silence .She would speak up ,stand up for him and if she had to ,would even go against her own dad. She picked up the phone lying next to her and dialed his number. He picked the call immediately after a few rings "Hello Riddhima Beta ? Whats the matter is everything ok , you never call this way ? "Shashank thought what brought her to call him ,when they had just spoken via web a few minutes back

"I had to tell you something Papa" she sighed "Bolo Riddhima beta, what is it , you want to come back right , you aren't happy there na ,I knew it mujhe pata tha you wouldn't like it there lekin meri baat toh koi .. " Riddhima interrupted Shashank not letting him speak a word more "Aap kiski sunte ho Papa , who do you listen to ,ki koi aapki sune, have you even asked me or for that matter given a chance to me to let you know how I feel here , no right ? " "I don't need to beta , mai tumhara Papa hun ,I've known you for years ,if I wouldn't understand your silence who would? "

"Armaan does Papa more then anyone else ,and are you talking about there being no need for you to know what I feel ,then let me tell you ,you are wrong there .You need to know how happy I am here , how my life is complete ,even in all the unrest and pain ,because My Armaan is with me ! He makes my life beautiful , he makes it worthy of living. He treats me like his princess , he is on his toes all day ,all night just to see if am ok ,if am in pain ,if I have eaten , if am sad ,its all about me NOTHING is about him . He doesn't sleep a wink all night , what if I need to use the restroom , what if I need something. He is always around ,always cautious , to all my needs,all my wishes."

"He has his fears too ,he feels scared and vulnerable like any other human but he takes it all alone, keeps it to himself for me ,so that I don't break apart .He has lived his life only for me , for my happiness.He left his job ,his house ,his dreams and aspirations ,why ? for me ! Because he cares for me much more then he cares even for his own life ...and you say he is selfish ? Is this called selfish ,correction Papa, Armaan is the most selfless person I have ever seen .All that he has gone through in his life ,all that I put him through ,all that you put him through ,if he was selfish he would have left us all and gone away long back . "

"But no he is here, never to let me go ,he is me while no one is .When no one had the faith that I could get better or get cured, he was the only one who believed I could make it and instilled the same faith in me too . He bought me here because he knows you , you would have given up and not even given it a chance ,just like you didn't give him a chance . I feel free with him , even though am dependent ,because his love is so pure and selfless that not believing in it makes me feel I insulted his love , and the faith he has in it. I called you only to let you know that if there is someone who loves me more than anyone can ever love someone, it is Armaan . I am very happy here , because we are together and even though I believe I wont get better , that he deserves someone way better then me ,a life much better than he is living with me ,but all said and done his happiness is all that matters to me, and I will not let him get accused for something that man has never done ,and if it means that I have to confront my dad for it ,I will do that aswell ." She didn't let him speak further and just cut the call .

She loved her dad ,respected him ,almost worshiped him for all the love and acceptance he had showered on her all life ,but he had been wrong with Her Armaan the man who had stood by her through thick and think ,through every high or low, even when she had pushed him away . She wouldn't take anything wrong said to him , she would fight the whole world for him.

She didn't know what the future held for her ,for him ,for them.. all she knew was that he was the Core of Her existence just like SHE was HIS.

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Here you go guys ! I know its sad ,but the next part is a big one ,lot of important stuff is going to happen ,and shall be their first step towards happiness !Please like and comment 😃