MaYur Gallery - Updated OS Page 29 - Page 8

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Escapist thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#71
Hamesha aisa sab kyun likhte ? But jo bhi likhte ho woh bahot hi mysterious hota hai just like you!
Anyways...it was a good one...canvas and painting n a cup of hot coffee on a cold snowy night...but with whom ??

Pata nai kaun thi woh...

crazymayurian thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#72
O GOD
bohat zabardast bohat ala...
drmaha thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#73
by god its just amazing...

full of suspense but the depth of his heart showed it... it showed to him tht kudrat naraz nai khud tum naraz hu...


loved it dear...
dynamic_doll thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#74
awesome OS!
plz come back Neela
ur readers are missing you 😭
-SharNeela- thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#75
Jaanib-e-Manzil

~~~ Part 1 ~~~


My story starts at a very busy, overcrowded railway platform where travelers are pushing their way through the crowd to catch their trains. Other than the constant noise of the trains' engines, its whistles and steam.. there is the hustle and bustle of the hawkers, the porters, beggars here and there…for everyone it is just another day... living their normal day. Amongst the crowd, there is this one handsome young man who is walking across the platform with a very calm posture in his approach in order to search for his seat in the train. He does not seem to be tensed or stressed at all, traveling light seems to be his nature as he is carrying limited luggage with him and the crowd does not seem to bother him in his organised way of catching his train. Now…if we look at the other side of the platform, here comes the exact opposite and the extreme side of the the traveling phenomenon…very much laden with the heavily packed bags, hands fully occupied with magazines and handbags with a paper slip caught between her lips…she seems to be struggling to even take a step at a time as she constantly tries to organise her stuff to be able to get on to that train. So…as they both start walking towards each other and finally when they do reach their ultimate destination i.e. their carriage, at the entrance door, Mr. Well-Disciplined-Organised (Mayank Sharma) collide with Miss. Never-My-Fault (Nupur Bhushan) and their story begins….

N: o hello…dikhai nahi deta? Allah mia ne itne baray baray jo aankhein di hai unko kabhi istemal bhi ker liya karo!! hamara saara saaman gira diya…
M: Sorry…woh ghalti se…
N: ghalti se?? dekho mister…agar tumhe lag raha hai k akeli larki hai..safar kar rahi hai aur tum usse pareshan kar sakte ho to bohat bari ghalat fehmi hai. iss route me 32 daffa safar karte hai hum har saal…to beshara aur majboor mat samajhna…huh
M: jee…(as the poor fellow is quite shocked at the reaction of this stranger but rather not say too much)
N: ab jee jee kya kar rahe ho…itna saara saman jo gira diya usse uthaake do
M: yeah..sure (as he quickly starts to pick her magazines and bags)

As he hands them over to her…

N: ab utha hi diya to saamnewale seat tak le aao. isi carriage per to ho na!
M: haan! jee…zaroor. kaunsa seat hai aapka? (seems like he is not left with any choice and the sooner he gets rid of this chatterbox better it is)
N: hoga yehi per kahin (she has actually no idea about her seat no. So she keeps roaming around to search for an empty seat whilst Mayank is following her with her luggage like a porter)

After a while the tired Mayank dares to speak up

M: humain lagta hai aapko apna seat no. pata nahi hai..hai na?
N: kisne kaha tumhe seat no. pata nahi hai. bas yehi kahi per …shayed woh wala…nahi woh to poora ka poora sardarji ne li rakkhi hai..
M: aapka ticket kahan hai…dijiye zara
N: kyun tum ticket checker ho?
M: nahi…(before he could utter another word)
N: ohhh accha to khud ne ticket nahi liya to socha kisi akeli bechari larki ki ticket chura lauge??
M: (looking around him..)
N: kya..kisse dhoond rahe ho?
M: nahi woh "bechari" larki ko..
N: yahaaan…iss taraf ..hum apni baat kar rahe hai..ufff kis bewkuf se paala para hai
M: AAp…aur bechari???
N: what?
M: please ticket dijiye…wahan pe aap ki seat no. likkha hoga
N: arre haan…ek minute (and she scrounges thru her handbag to find that piece of paper). And finally she finds her seat no and the seat itself

As soon as Nupur arrives ot her seating location, Mayank immediately leaves the vicinity thanking God that the chapter is over and heads towards his own seat. Funnily enough…after 15-20 mins he finds himself right in front of Nupur ..AGAIN...as his seat is facing her seat.

N: tum? phir se yahan?? ajeeb badtameez kism k insaan ho!! pehle to dhakka diya…saara saaman gira diya…ab picha karte karte mere seat tak aagaye!
M: (completely baffled at what the girl is talking about as he is the one who helped her handling her unlimited baggage and find her seat) yeh meri seat hai yahan
N: accha! ab hamari saamnewali seat hi aapki hogayi…poore train me aur jagah nahi mila na!
M: dekhiye yeh hai hamara ticket…seat no. yehi hai.
N: hmm ..thik hai per…(pointing her finger near his nose) thik tarah se samajh lo…agar tum humain koi kamzor…naadan larki samajh rahe ho na bohhhat bari ghalat fehmi hai tumhari. tum jaise kitnon ko hum apne college me chutki me ghuma dete hai. so aisa waisa kuch sochna bhi mat..samjhe?
M: (nods his head from right to left and says to himself) kis musibat daal diya Khuda ne. iss larki k saath poora safar kaise beetayga! pichle 15 min me dimagh khaa gayi poora ka poora.

So he pretends that the message has been loud and clear and picks up his book to avoid any further interaction with her. The train has slowly begun to depart from the station now. Whilst Mayank gets more and more cozy with his journey and starts diving into his novel, Nupur, on the other hand is constantly shuffling and reshuffling her bags to find one thing or another. Mayank feels utterly disturbed by her continuous blabbering with God knows who.

N: pata nahi kahan pe rakh diya. isi bag me to rakkha tha. yeh Diya bhi na…sahi tarha se koi kaam nahi ker sakti. 3 din se piche pari thee k packing karlo..packing karlo. aur jab aakhir me khud hi ne packing ker k diya to koi cheezein nahi mil rahi hai. aaah mil gayi...(and at last she finds it…her ipod!)


So she settles down (at last) to listen to her music when she notices that the headphones are missing!

N: yaa Khuda…(startles Mayank as he takes a peek from behind his book)
M: aap thik to hai na?
N: hamari headphone! ghar bhul aaye hai hum. ab kya hoga hamara!!!
M: kya hoga se kya matlab? aap to aise keh rahe ho jaise train miss hogayi
N: itnaaa lamba safar music k baghair kaise guzrega..she starts to weep. Nupur tu itni unorganised kyun hai!!!!

Mayank ignores her but in few minutes time Nupur is heavily bored.

N: ahemm…

Mayank notices that gesture but yet again ignores her. Nupur goes again..

N: yeh aap kya parh rahe ho?

To avoid any further progression of this conversation, he puts his book high up on his face so that she can read the title of the book and let him be. Nupur does manage to read the title…

N: ohh…The Mysterious Affair at Styles! thik hi hai bas. pata hai kaun tha murderer??
M: nahi..plz (before he can complete)
N: Alfred! ab Poirot ko koi dhokha de sakta hai kya? waise dono ne milke chaal acchi chali Emily ki property ko hatthyaane ki. wah wah...humain Poirot ki saare series acche lagte hai. yeh novel to bohaat pehle se pari hui hai. waise tum continue kar lo..
M: (shuts the book and slams it on the seat as he looks at Nupur with annoyance and fury)
N: ohh nahi parni novel? koi nahi…waise bhi hum bore ho rahe the. to aap ne bataya nahi aap kahan jaa rahe ho
M: zahir si baat hai..jahan yeh train jaa rahi hai wahin pe jaa rahe hai..Bangalore
N: accha…kamal ki baat hai ..hum bhi wahin jaa rahe hai …hehheee
M: aap kya mazak kar rahi hai hamare saath?
N: mazak? kisiko yeh poochna ya batana k kahan jaa rahe hai woh bhi kisi safar me ab mazak hogaya hai? aur agar hai bhi to sanu ki farq painda hai. mera to yehi philosophy hai k bahana kuch bhi ho bas muskurate raho…hehhee. waise aapko kya beemari hai?
M: beemari?
N: haan..kab se dekh rahe hai mun latkaye baithe hai. pait me dard hai kya?
M: dekhiye aap..
N: dekhne me to nahi lagta k beemar ho. accha khaasa baangru jawan lag rahe ho…hehhee. per shakal pe hamesha 12 kyun baja rehta hai. pichle der ghante me tumhe ekbar bhi muskurate nahi dekha
M: (wants to say something but resists himself. Instead he puts his hands into the side pocket of his rucksac and takes his headphones out and hands it over to Nupur) please…I insist (there was no other way to shut her mouth as it seems)
N: ohhhoo…shukriya shukriya! yaad se wapas zaroor le lijiyega. woh hai na ..humain bhoolnay ki beemari hai ..:)

As Nupur gets busy with her ipod Mayank takes a sigh of relief and prepares to take a nap. Little does he know that this journey is going to get tougher for him but perhaps the most memorable journey he will ever take in his life.


To be continued…..


-Neela-



.SilentPrincess thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#76
Reserved.

Edited.
This was just simply awesome.. I think this the first time your writng something like this nahin?
Anyways. You can write in any genre, and you can do it with utter perfection.

Nupur... kya character hain. She does resemble the one in MJHT, but she's alot more. I could totally visualize Nupur with all that luggage, and probably being irritated by the crowd. I loved how she made fun of him. Amazing character, along with being hilarious.

Mayank.. what to say. I feel sorry for him. Kis aafat k saath phas gaya gain. This has to be the first time I'm actually more impressed with Mayank. Yahank koi "bechari" toh shayad na he ho par "bechara" zarur hain. Kin kin tareekon say jaan churane ki koshish kar raha hain... poor guy. :) Continue soon please, I'm eager to know how this bitter-sweet journey will turn to be very memorable. The last paragraph is a bit scary though...

-Btw this somehow reminded me of Tasawwur, but there was a certain seriousness in that. And this seems like a light hearted SS.

Ps: Amazing title... :)
Continue sooon!

.SilentPrincess
Edited by .SilentPrincess - 13 years ago
Maria. thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#77
reserved...
Thank u so much Neela😃🤗(my first reaction to see ur scrap was)
*Edited*
woww what an amazing and rocking start ,i must say Neela you are an amazing writer whose work can bring grin on my face and tears in my eyes through your words..MASHALLAH.
About update..amazing ...,what can i say about Nupur,so cute full of life,loved her conversation with Mayank..
M: aapka ticket kahan hai…dijiye zara
N: kyun tum ticket checker ho?
M: nahi…(before he could utter another word)
N: ohhh accha to khud ne ticket nahi liya to socha kisi akeli bechari larki ki ticket chura lauge??
M: (looking around him..)
N: kya..kisse dhoond rahe ho?
M: nahi woh "bechari" larki ko..

these are beautful and hillarious lines which brings grin on my face and Poor Mayank,he has to bear everything..
Amazing update,i loved it...please do continue soon
P.S..."Shukriya"🤗
Edited by Maria. - 13 years ago
kirti123 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#78
wow new mayur ss
amazing start
nice title
journey seems enjoyable
waiting and exited to read further parts😊
-SharNeela- thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#79
Jaanib-e-Manzil
~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~



The train journey started really early in the morning and Mayank being very organised, made sure he was not late to arrive at the station. But for that, he did not sleep well last night. So decided to catch up with his sleep during the journey. As he tries to take the nap…he is constantly awaken by …well you can guess..😊

N: o bhaiyya Aaalll izzz Welll …o chachuuu AAAll izzz welll (she sings on top of her voice along with her ipod)
M: (taps on her shoulder and indicates to take the headphones out for a second. Nupur takes them out and asks..)
N: kya hua?
M: humain neend nahi aarahi hai
N: to humain kyun keh rahe ho? kisi doctor se kaho k ilaaj waghaira karein
M: (sighs) aap nahi samjhe…humain itni shor me neend nahi aati
N: dekho yeh train hai…isski awaaz control karna to na tumhare bas me hai na hamare. so humain bataake faida nahi koi
M: (now really frustrated) humain aapki wajah se neend nahi aarahi. aap itna shor karti ho…koi kaise soye??
N: maine shor kiya? kab???
M: ab…abhi to shor macha rahi thee
N: o hello…hum gunguna rahe the..isse shor nahi kehte. college me hamara gaana sunnay k liye log line laga dete hai. khabardar jo apne besurri kaanon ki ghalti meri awaaz ko diya to
M: ufff… (as he leaves the carriage for some fresh air)

After half an hour of 'soul searching' which he seems to have lost behind at the platform somewhere eversince he met this girl, Mayank comes back to his seat where he finds Nupur buying some food stuff from the hawker.

N: arre..kahan chale gaye the? pakoray khaoge?
M: No…thanks!
N: thik hai …(she buys a few for herself only) bhaisaab kitne paise hue?

As the hawker quotes his price, Nupur starts yelling at him!

N: kyaaa….pakora baich rahe ho ya mercedes? kya samajh rakkha hai? aise musaafiron ko lootoge aur hum log hans hans k bardasht kar lenge!! kabhi nahi…nahi chahiye tumhare pakoray..le jaao

But Nupur had already devoured a few and the hawker insisted that she should pay for those. The argument was getting really ugly when Mayank starts feeling sorry for the poor hawker and he pays for the pakorays Nupur ate.

N: tumne paise kyun diye?
M: sukoon k liye (he whispers to himself)
N: kya kaha?

M: I mean…khamakha log ekhatte ho rahe the…scene create horaha tha..to socha..(couldn't complete the sentence as usual)
N: to socha k hum khud Daanveer bann jaate hai aur apne pocket se paise de dete hai! hai na? kya samajh rakkha hai? bolo…hamare paas paise nahi hai? tum agar humain koi middle class, muftkhor family ki larki samajh rahe ho..to ghalat ho…saufisaadi ghalat. tumhe andaaza bhi hai k hum kaun hai? hamare khandan ka pata chalega to tumhara yeh mun khula ka khula reh jayega. (then she starts addressing the other passengers in the cabin) hamare dada ji uss zamane me…)

The chatterbox continues as Mayank puts a towel over his face and falls asleep. Suddenly..he is awaken by a strange noise. As he takes off the towel from his face, he notices Nupur vomiting. He takes his water bottle out and hands it over to her.

M: aap thik ho na?
N: jee…pata nahi achanak kyun..
M: shayed woh pakoray acche nahi the. aapko aise bahar ka khaana nahi khana chahiye
N: bahar ka khanay se kya murad hai aapka? iss train me ghar ka khana kahan se aayega?
M: aur kahan se…ghar se?
N: (LOL)…tumne kya humain 6/7 saal ki bacchi samajh rakkha hai jo lunchbox aur galey me water bottle leke ghumay hum? (she slows down when she notices Mayank holding a lunch box and a flask in his hand)
M: (smiles..) jee nahi aap 6/7 saal ki bacchi nahi per hum shayed 6/7 saal ka baccha hi hai. (he takes a sandwich out of his lunch box and starts eating. Nupur was hungry earlier and now she is feeling even more hungry
N: kya zamana agaya hai? courtesy naam ki koi cheez baaqi nahi rahi kya (she whispers whilst Mayank pretends not to hear it at all. He actually wants her to ask him politely..for a change. And she asks…politely?? not sure 😛 )

N: aapko sharam nahi aati kya? jab se safar shuru hua hai humnain aap ki kitni madad ki! aur aap ek majboor..bhukhi..beemar larki k saamne haathi ki tarha khaaye jaarahe ho..ekbaar poocha nahi jaata kya k aapko chahiye?
M: kya?? aap meri madad kar rahi ho? MERI??
N: nahi…woh jo sardarji baithe hai na apne poori paltan ko lekar hum unki baat kar rahe hai! AUR KISKI! ek to aapko apne paas baithnay diya…itni moti kitaab poora parhna na pare isi liye poori kahani ki ending bhi batayi…aapko meri bakbak na sunna pare isi liye kaan me music laga diya…aur woh pakorewale bhaisaab bhi jab aaye tab humnain offer kiya aapko pakoray…nahi kiya kya? isse kehte hai sharafat..aur aap (she starts weeping)
M: (looks up and whispers) Khudaya yeh kis musibat me daal diya apne banday ko. kya..kya gunah kiya tha..kiski shakal dekha subhe subhe…sigh! seeing no other choice he offers a sandwich to Nupur) Lijiye..
N: nahi chahiye!! (and turns her face around)

After a while…Mayank notices Nupur wiping her tears in silence. His heart suddenly skips a beat..he felt a pinch there..he felt pain. May be he was too harsh to her…and now her silence has become quite unbearable to him…as if something has disappeared…something is lost! He didn't know what to say to her now and whether she is willing to talk to him anymore. So he leaves his lunchbox of sandwich in front of her and falls asleep again. After few minutes, he opens his eyes slightly to see that Nupur is nimbling on the sandwich. He smiles at her when Nupur sees him and smiles back at him.

M: ab tabiyet kaisi hai?
N: jee behter. shukriya
M: chaaye peeyenge? (as he opens his flask)
N: aapko waise bhi kaafi taqleef hogayi hai hamare wajah se..ab aur nahi
M: (notices that the 'tum' has now converted into 'aap') thik hai..to hamara saath dene k liye hi chaaye peelijiye.

And they both have their tea.

N: aap Bangalore akser jaaya karte hai?
M: hmm…ghar hai wahan. yahan to parhai k liye rehte hain bas. aur aap?
N: hum bhi…gharwale sab Bangalore me rehte hai. chuttiyon me akser jaana hota hai ghar
M: kaun kaun hai aapke ghar me?
N: baba hai..bua aur choti behen Gunjan. aur aap ki?
M: maa hai bas. to abhi semester ke dauraan ghar kyun?
N: (blushes) woh hamare liye ek rishta aaya hai..to..
M: hahhaaa…accha to aap shaadi kar rahe ho?
N: jee (she continues to blush)
M: per aapko nahi lagta aapko apni parhayi poori karni chahiye..
N: arre parhayi apni jagah aur shaadi apni jagah. parhayi hum shaadi k baad bhi kar lenge per shaadi me NO COMPROMISE (bold in her statement). hum to bachpan se shaadi k baare me soch soch k ussme me PhD kar chuke hai BY GOD. shaadi ki shopping..ek mehenga sa khubsoorat lehenga lenge hum…aur dhair saare saariyan..matching jewellery..matching shoes. poora ghar roshni se bhara hoga…sangeet hogi..saheliyon ki dhoom…gaana bajana. aur phir baarat niklegi shaan se…mera raajkumar safaid ghoray pe charhke aayega mujhe lene…(starts day dreaming)
M: lagta hai poori planning ker liya hai aap ne. waise aap ki iss poori planning me larke ka kuch ata pata nahi chal raha
N: ata pata matlab?
M: matlab kaisa larka hoga…kya karta hoga..usski family kaisi hogi..etc etc
N: arre woh sab sochne k liye baba aur bua hai na!! humain to bas shaadi ki program ki fiker hai…BY GOD

Mayank smiles at Nupur's simplicity. She is so naive…so innocent and simple...completely unaware of the complications of life. He never knew that such pure soul actually existed in this time and era but there she is…right in front of him and he can't just take his eyes off her.

Journey continues….


-Neela-
Maria. thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#80
res
*Edited*
finally i got first place😃
Another amazing update Neela...ahh what can i say as i am still in Mayur dreamland😍
i can visualise Mayur nok jhok,Mayank's irritation and Nupur continous chatting..
she is so cute and simple while Mayank seems mautre and sensible..
N: tumne paise kyun diye?
M: sukoon k liye (he whispers to himself)

these are hillarious line...fantastic..
After a while'Mayank notices Nupur wiping her tears in silence. His heart suddenly skips a beat..he felt a pinch there..he felt pain. May be he was too harsh to her'and now her silence has become quite unbearable to him'as if something has disappeared'something is lost! He didn't know what to say to her now and whether she is willing to talk to him anymore. So he leaves his lunchbox of sandwich in front of her and falls asleep again. After few minutes, he opens his eyes slightly to see that Nupur is nimbling on the sandwich. He smiles at her when Nupur sees him and smiles back at him
most beautiful and touchy lines of this update,i loved how their hearts are connecting with eachother,i loved the way when Mayank felt pain to see her silence..somewhere she has touched his heart..
i loved Mayank concern for her ..
And the last part..Amazing
i loved when he admired her silently..
it was mindblowing update...i just loved ittt
please Neela do continue soon...
Edited by Maria. - 13 years ago

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