Siddhima Tujhe Bhula Diya 7/15 pg 70 - Page 11

i am crying right now😭.. the way u described his pain.. woowww.👏 u r soo goood.. ohh plzz update soon.

Part 9

Sid woke up from dead sleep, he glanced around trying to get a hold of where he was, he saw broken glass around him, he felt stickiness in his right hand, and a blanket under his chin. As he started to slowly get up everything that went on last night came flashing back. But today there was no pain, not in his heart, not in his hand, in fact he felt nothing at all. Finally, he was blessedly at peace, and his resolve grew that what he had decided last night while sitting on the floor in Shilpa's living room defeated was the right thing to do. As he shifted his weight to his right hand to brace himself to get up he felt pain shoot up his arm and he fell back down he tossed aside the blanket and uncovered the mess he had caused. Not just to Shilpa's mirror but to his hand as well. He tested it out and realized that he had simply cut it up badly, but that nothing was broken, so he got up bracing himself with his other hand and got up looking for the kind owner to apologize and to find a broom to clean up what he had done. He walked into the kitchen to find Shilpa at the stove cooking breakfast, the table was already set with juice, and plates Sid called out softly and she turned around a hesitant smile on her face, "Morning. I was going to wake you up as soon as I finished, but since you're up you can go to the bathroom freshen up and breakfast should be done by then." Sid simply stared at her, during the night he had realized that what he had discovered hadn't simply destroyed his life, but destroyed the precious dreams Shilpa had started weaving. He stared deeply into her eyes but he didn't see the impact of his words on her, instead she looked just like before. No wait, the sparkle in her eyes had disappeared, she was feeling it she was just hiding it. He let her, he knew better than most how sometimes reality was so harsh that you didn't want to face it. That it was easier to bury it under the day's routine. He nodded his head in agreement and as he turned towards the bathroom he asked her for a first aid kit.

Shilpa told him that she had already placed it on the bathroom counter, she knew that if she offered to patch it up for him he would refuse until he tried and failed so she had placed the kit there first thing in the morning. As she watched him slowly stalk off towards the bathroom she thought to herself, What do I say? What am I supposed to say? He seems at peace. It's weird but whatever demons were chasing him last night are no longer there. I wonder what he thinking, I wonder if he will tell me what he is thinking. Well all I can do is be here for him, I still can't believe that Riddhimadi would do this. I don't know if that is my love speaking or my hope, but it was so clear, wasn't it? She loves Sid. Whenever Armaan and him were in the same room the first place she looked at, the first thing her eyes sought out were Sid. Then how could it all have been a lie? Could she have been lying to herself this whole time? NO I don't believe it, something is missing and I'm the one that's going to have to figure it out. Coming to that conclusion Shilpa set up the dishes on table and waited for Sid just as she was about to give up and look for him he called out for her, she got up with a small smile on her face at the fact that Sid was so confident in the person he was that he wasn't afraid to call out for help when he needed it, so unlike most men. Shilpa walked into the bathroom and found Sid standing at the sink his hand washed of the dried blood and a strip of gauze hanging wrapped like a medical student would have done. She told him as much and let out a small laugh and surprisingly he smiled sheepishly via the mirror at her. She told him to sit down, he did and she unwrapped what was left and grabbed the tweezers and started plucking out whatever glass she could find. She then put on antibiotic cream and wrapped it up nicely and handed him some painkillers. They both then walked to the kitchen and sat down and ate in silence, neither wanting to talk about last night. Once they were about done eating Sid finally started speaking, "I'm sorry about the mess I caused last night both literally and emotionally. I'm not even sure how I ended up here, but I'm sorry for dumping it all on you like that." Shilpa started to protest, but he cut her off, "BUT I am glad I came because I needed to get that out, and you needed to hear that even if it hurt. Because I would never want to leave you in the dark about something that important." Shilpa responded, "I'm glad that you told me. As I have always told you, you have been the one constant friend since I've come to Sanjeevani and I'm glad for that. I have always had friends, but never true friends who do what's right even if it's the hard thing to do." Both got up and Sid headed towards the living room with a broom in hand and Shilpa followed, although Sid tried to stop her from helping she continued and together they cleaned up the mess he had made last night.

In the midst of cleaning up Shilpa asked the one question that had been nagging her all night and this morning, "What are you going to do Sid?" Sid never looked up, but he didn't ignore her either, because as she said he valued her friendship and she deserved the right to know and after last night they shared a unique bond. "I thought about it last night and there's really only one thing I can do. And it will be done today." Sid didn't say anything more, and as Shilpa watched him she realized she wasn't going to get anything more out of him. But one thing was clear Sid was at peace with what he was going to do, and she had a feeling that what he was about to do was going to shake up the whole hospital and they wouldn't know what hit them.

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As Sid walked into the hospital he was numb to everything around him, he didn't see all the nurses who had brightened upon realizng he was home, nor did acknowledge his fellow interns and coworkers. Instead he headed straight to Dad's cabin and knocked on his door. Shanshank brightened upon realizing that the person knocking on his door was his son he smiled and asked him to come in. Sid gave him the update on the conference and then told him about the opportunity he was offered while there. At first Shashank was proud that his intern had impressed such world-renowned people and then he was happy that his son was getting such recognition. Then as Sid told him what conclusions he had come to Shashank's mouth dropped open in shock. He never expected something like this from Sid and he didn't know how to react. After a little more talking Shashank realized that this was for the best and if he was looking out for his family's future than this was the best thing for them. So he gave Sid his approval and stood up and gave him a hug letting him know he was proud. Once Sid left the office Shashank started making phone calls to get the rest of the things worked out so that when the time came everything would run smoothly he didn't want anything to stress out his kids.

Sid left Dad's office and headed straight to his duties, which had been assigned by Dad since he wasn't supposed to be back until later this afternoon. He was halfway through his day and was about to take his break to grab some coffee and a quick bite to eat before heading back when he ran into Shilpa in the hallway. They mutually decided to go grab lunch together as they headed to the cafeteria they were engrossed in talks about their days so far and had just finished picking up their food and headed outside to sit and eat in the sun when Riddhima walked by and saw them. Riddhima was just headed towards the cafeteria to grab a cappuccino to go as she had a mountain of paperwork to finish and wanted to get it out of the way when she saw a familiar silhouette she didn't figure out it was Sid until he was already out of the door. She froze in her spot and started wondering to herself, When did Sid return? And if he's back then why didn't he call me? Why didn't he find me and let me know?" She grabbed her phone and checked to find out that her battery had died, with all that had happened last night she must have forgotten to charge it. She let out a sigh of relief Sid's finally back. She started walking towards the direction he had headed when she suddenly remembered what had gone down last night, she started feeling anxious and then she glanced up and was downright frightened. She was once again frozen in place, by the time she got herself under control and unglued from the floor and went to find Sid outside he wasn't there.

Sid and Shilpa had finished their lunches and were returning to their duties. During lunch she had tried to get a feeler on what had gone on but Sid was adamant about talking about anything but that. Finally as they were about to split for their duties Shilpa asked if he had talked to Riddhima, all he said was, "I haven't seen her yet." He then turned and headed toward his duties. Shilpa watched as Sid walked away and as a cool breeze flew in through the hallway she wondered what was to come. Sid knew he had avoided not only during lunch, but just a second ago when Shilpa asked him if he had talked to Riddhima. But he didn't want to get into it while at work and he hoped he got through his duty without seeing either of them. He had done a pretty good job of it until there was an hour left to his duty. He had just finished giving directions to the nurse on a patient and was heading towards the supply closet to grab something when he heard the door behind him open and shut again. He figured it was a nurse coming to grab something when he heard his name from her voice, "Sid. You're back." That's all she said and it caused Sid to get pulled into those memories. Memories that made him feel like a small kid and caused every fiber in his body to get excited. He turned around automatically his heart swelling, his hands itching with the need to get a hold on her, to wrap her in a warm hug and to simply feel her. Then he saw her and that's all it took to evaporate any warm feelings that had been unmasked his heart once again broke and became numb, his hand clenched into fists and he wanted to stay as far away from her as possible. He didn't say anything, he simply watched her warily as her eyes searched his trying to figure out something. He figured she was trying to get a grasp on how she was going to tell her boyfriend that they would no longer be able to meet as freely as they wanted. He just waited. She felt everything inside of her calm upon seeing Sid, but she spoke hesitantly trying to figure out why Sid wasn't rushing up and hugging her like he always did, "Sid. When did you get back? How was the conference? I'm sure you did awesome, you always do." She searched his eyes but they didn't shine with happiness and love like they always did. Something was wrong but she couldn't figure out what it was, so she continued her babbling hoping that it would get him to respond somehow. "I didn't know you were going to come straight to work, I figured you would have been tired and rested today." As she talked Sid never moved, nothing changed something was seriously wrong finally she couldn't keep up the small talk she walked towards him and gently laid her hand on his forearm as she asked, "Sid. What's wrong? Did something happen?"

That was all it took for Sid's loose his hold on his anger he shrugged off Riddhima's hand and he let all he was feeling unveil itself, "Everything is wrong. You don't need to pretend anymore Riddhima. I know, I know everything. It took me a while but I finally see what should have been so clear to me for a long time." Riddhima stepped back shocked at the anger flaring in Sid's eyes and confused by what he meant, "What do you mean? I'm not pretending, and what do you know?" Sid let out a humorless laugh, "You were right Riddhima, I did go home first and I had planned on resting before coming to work as I had driven all night, but you were wrong about me coming back today. I came back last night. And what a homecoming I got." Riddhima started out confused trying to figure out when Sid had gone home and then when she heard 'last night' she knew exactly what had happened. She started scrambling for words, "Last night? What...No Sid it's not what..." Sid cut her off, "It's not what I think? Guess what Riddhima you're right, it's not. Because before I left I thought you were bothered by something and that you had to figure it out before you told me. I thought you weren't ready for us to get closer in that way and I was fine with it, because I thought you had finally, finally, chosen me because you wanted to. That with our second marriage you were trying to tell me, and the world, that you were going to become my wife because you wanted to." Riddhima knew at that moment that Sid must have an idea of what had been going on, but that he must not know all of it she tried to explain but she was so caught off guard she didn't know where to start so she just began, "I did marry you because I wanted to. You are my husband. Sid let me explain."

Sid refused to listen, he was done, clearly this is where it was meant go down and he wasn't going to stop until he finished, "No, Riddhima. It's my turn to talk. I have stood silent for way too long, I have stood by your side and waited for you to decide what you wanted, I gave you space and love thinking that you all you needed was time. That you loved me and that you were just afraid to trust those feelings. Boy was I wrong. You never loved me, I was just the easy choice. I was the safe choice. But all this time all you wanted was him and you were just too afraid to risk yourself on him again. Too afraid to trust your love for him. You try to convince the world that you are in this relationship because you want to be, and that may be true. But have you ever thought why it is you always chose to say that you want this marriage to work because its your duty?" Sid stared and waited to see if Riddhima would even bother to say anything, hell if she'd even react. But nope just as he expected from her all she did was cry. He had just told her that he was the 'safe' choice and that she had never gotten over her ex and still nothing. No confirmation no denial just tears. This caused Sid's anger to flare up even more and he continued, "Well I'll let you know, you chose to stand by duty because it doesn't risk pain and heartache to you. It's your way of protecting yourself and last night you proved once and for all that all we shared was a lie, a joke. A cruel joke that made me believe in a future that could never be, because the woman I married didn't love me, didn't want only me. No she wanted someone else and our marriage was just the wall she hid behind so she wouldn't have to admit her true feelings to herself." He stopped again hoping for something, some kind of reaction that would prove everything he had said wrong. Though deep down he knew it was all true he still couldn't help the hope his heart carried that all he had seen, all he had concluded was wrong. That she did love him, that it was some giant misunderstanding. And still nothing in fact she wouldn't even meet his eyes, just those stupid tears that kept falling from her eyes. What little hope that had survived in Sid's heart died and he said aloud what he had concluded at Shilpa's house last night, " Well I'm not going to stand here and be your wall, I'm not going to wait around to see what you decide. You have had plenty of time and it seems as though even your heart knows what your choice is you're just too afraid to follow through. You still control your life, as you always have, and as I've always wanted for you. But today, I am going to take control of mine. Fate and destiny will no longer dictate what I do. And I am most definitely not going to stay in a loveless marriage where I play second fiddle to a man that refuses to stay where he belongs, in the past. I want to be the first man his wife thinks of, no the only man his wife thinks of and I refuse to settle for anything less anymore."

Riddhima was stunned at all that had just gone down, she knew her world was a wreck and that her marriage was crumbling and yet she had no clue on how to go about fixing it. As she searched her brain for a way to rectify her relationship with Sid she watched as he searched her eyes. She didn't know what he was looking for but she hoped he found whatever it was. As she stares into his eyes she watches as the love slowly dies and then there's nothing left except emptiness. The sparkle, the laughter, the caring, the compassion and most of all the love was all gone. There was no pain, there was no sadness, it was simply a blank stare. In that moment she knew she had lost it all. She had lost him. He turned and started to walk away, but she couldn't accept it, she refused to accept it and she called out to him, "Siddhant." He stopped her hope started to grow she stopped thinking and just let words spill out hoping they would be the right ones, "Siddhant please don't leave me." As her voice cracked with a plea to her husband she took a step forward with her arm reaching out to try and stop him.

Sid had just told Riddhima his one desire, that he wanted a wife that thought him and only him and though she didn't say anything aloud he had hoped that something in her eyes would alert him and say that 'he was the only man she thought of'. But as he searched her eyes he didn't see anything, and certainly didn't see a protest to his words. And in that moment he knew that everything he had said some of it he had believed and others he had just said out of anger were all true. This marriage and this woman did not care for him, at least not in the way he wanted, in the way he deserved. He felt the love that had take him over a little less than a year ago, the love that had driven most of his decisions, die. And with it came blessed numbness, the pain, the sadness, the hurt all lifted. He turned around and started to walk away from her and from this life. He got halfway out the door when he heard her call his name. He didn't want to but his body automatically stopped midstride his back turned to her. Then she repeated his name and he had to close his eyes and take a deep breath in and let it out as she asked him a broken sobs not to leave her. He felt her come closer and before she could get close enough to touch him he lifted his left hand and signaled her to stop as he said, "You left me." He turned his head slightly towards the left and continued, "I would have given you the world Riddhima. All you had to do was ask. Even if that world you wanted meant I had to leave you I would have done it. All I have ever wanted was for you to be happy, even if that wasn't with me. Well now you're free to be happy because I won't be in your way anymore. You may see whomever you want, you may do whatever you want. But from today onwards you won't see me again." Sid faced forward again closed his eyes and as a tear escaped he said softly, "Goodbye Riddhima. I wish you all the happiness in the world." And without looking back once he walked out of the supply room and the hospital.

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Sid packed up his things and was on his way out of the house when his doorbell rang. For a second his heart betrayed him and lifted in hope that she had come, that she was going to try and stop him. As he walked towards the door he tried to get a hold on his heart, to keep the hope from flaming back up. When he opened the door he didn't find who he secretly hoped he would find, instead he found the one ray of light this incidence had uncovered. "Shilpa, what brings you here?" Shilpa just stared up at this man who had made a special place in her heart, a man who had a heart that should have been cherished and instead it was crushed. She followed him back into the house as she replied, "What do you think Sid? I came to see if you were okay. I saw you walk out of the hospital and I saw Riddhimadi broken. What went on? What did you say to her?" Sid walked back into the living room to tape up his last box and set it with the rest of his things so that the movers would have an easier time. "I told her what I should have told her months ago. I told her, goodbye." Shilpa's mouth dropped open, she knew that what had transpired between Sid and Riddhimadi was serious but not to this point. She knew that he was broken but she had hoped that the two of them would have worked something out, if only for her own selfishness. She couldn't stop herself, "What do you mean you told her goodbye? You are married to each other." Sid took out two envelopes and set them down on the kitchen table as he grabbed his bags and started to walk out of the house as he replied, "Not for much longer. Can you drive me to the airport? If not I'll grab a cab." Shilpa struggled to keep up with Sid both in conversation and physically, "Uh sure. Wait not much longer? Did Riddhimadi ask for a divorce?" Shilpa couldn't believe her sister would be so cruel that she would be so stupid as to let a man like Jeeju go. Sid walked up to Shilpa's car and opened her trunk tossed in his bags and got in once she sat he said, "No, I did. Well I guess the correct statement would be that I signed the papers and left them for her to sign and file." Shilpa just sat and stared at Sid as she realized what Sid had asked her to do, what she had seen him doing in the house, "Why do you need to go to the airport? Why are you packing all of your things?" Sid glanced at his watch saw that he had some time and turned to face Shilpa and said, "I'm going home. I'm going back to Houston today." He knew from Shilpa's face that she wanted to know more and that she wouldn't be satisfied until she knew it all so he said, "Start to drive and I'll fill you in. At the conference I got an offer from the Chief of Pediatric Oncology at the University of Texas, he had heard my case presentation and wanted to offer me a fellowship at UT whenever I could set it up. I told him no of course, I have a life and wife here and I didn't feel the need to uproot it all for a fellowship. He told me the offer was openended and that if I ever changed my mind to just give him a call. I was proud that I was given such an offer and even more glad that it would bring Dr. Shashank and Sanjeevni recognition for their accomplishments. But with everything that has gone down it just seemed that it was the perfect time to go ahead and take advantage of that opportunity. Don't worry I already talked to Dad and he knows that I plan to leave to go to UT, he doesn't know yet though that I'm going alone, that Riddhima and I are no longer going to be going anywhere together anymore. Besides Sue's in Houston, my family is there and it's time I return home, this place, India, was never really home I just made it a home because at first Sue was here and then because Riddhima was here. But since that is no longer a part of my life, since it never was a part of my life I need to return home."

Shilpa had just pulled up to the airport and she knew this was going to be the last time she'd ever see Jeej—Sid in India again. She got out and waited as he took out his bags and walked inside with him. He checked in and then she pulled him to the side, "Sid I don't want you to leave. There's so much I need to tell you, there's so much you don't know about me and I need to tell someone." Sid gave her a soft smile as he took her hands in his and looked into her eyes, "There's nothing you need to tell me Shilpa, you need to tell your parents and your sister the truth. No matter what happened between Riddhima it should not stop you from reuniting with your family. From finding the happiness you crave and deserve." She stared at him in shock, "How...how did you?" Sid's smile grew, "Shilpa it was obvious the way you constantly put up with Riddhima's hurtful words the way you started to call her Riddhimadi. And the biggest dropped hint was when you let it slip out when you got excited after your first successful surgery and called me Jeeju. It was confirmed when I had to call Panchgani and your masi asked me if you and your sister were getting along. I let it slide and figured you would tell us when you were ready and that you had your reasons to keep it to yourself. But I'm telling you now, don't wait. Whatever it is you need to say, say it. Don't wait for perfect moments and don't wait for the right time. The right time is always now, and the right moment is the here."

Shilpa was blown away that all this time Sid had known she was Riddhima's sister and he had said nothing, and yet he had cherished her better than anyone else even before he knew. She truly didn't want him to go, for her own selfish reasons and yet she knew she would have to say goodbye. For his own sake. She let go of his hands and walked forward and gave him a tight hug, the hug she had wanted to give him from the moment she had found out he was her sister's husband. And especially since she had found out what he had done for her sister. As she hugged him she said, "I know it's time I told them, and watching you take the step to control your future as made me realize that we can never count on the future and that i need to stop worrying about what will happen and instead just accept what happens and figure out if this is where I'm meant to be. If they are the ones I'm meant to stay with. If they are the ones I can call family." With the word family Shilpa's voice cracked a little as the fear she always felt about telling her family the truth came to surface. Sid hugged Shilpa back and while comforting her he told her what laid in his heart, "You will always have a family in me. I have always thought of you as a friend and when I found out about you being Riddhima's little sister you became my little sister. And now that Riddhima and I are no longer together I want you to know that this does not change what you mean to me, what you have become. With Sue in the states for the past few months you had become the sister I could count on, you were the one, you are the one, that was there for me on my darkest night and for that I will forever love you. Shilpa whether you find what you are looking for with Dr. Shashank, Padma Aunty and Riddhima, whether you find the love and security you have been searching for. You will always be a part of my family, always. And the door to my home will always be open for you as is my heart." Shilpa gave one more squeeze and then stepped back she wiped at the tears that had started falling upon hearing the kind words from this man who really owed her nothing, and yet had given her everything. "Thank you. For all you have given me, for all that you are giving me. I know I need to let you go so that you can move forward in life and that this is what is best for you, but I want to tell you this before you go. No matter what happens with my family here, I have already found what I have spent my whole life searching for the love of a family. I came here looking to be a part of my sister's life and instead I was gifted the love of a big brother." Sid let a smile grow on his face he leaned down and hugged Shilpa again and said, "And I another sister." Shilpa smiled and replied, "Don't be stranger bhaiya you better call the second you land and I expect to hear from you regularly." Sid saluted her and responded with, "Yes ma'am. And you make sure to let the boys that bother you that you have a big brother that will beat them up if they even look at you funny." Shilpa laughed and with it lifted the hurt and pain she had been carrying for the past 24 hours. She waved goodbye as Sid started walking towards his gate and simply stood and watched as he walked away towards his new life. Once he was out of her line of sight she turned and headed towards her new life. Sid was halfway down the hall when he turned back to see Shilpa she had turned away and was striding away with purpose he sent up a silent prayer wishing everything worked out for her because she deserved it. He turned and headed to his flight and gave his boarding pass, but before he stepped on the plane he made a slow circle glancing at the place that represented the changes his life had taken a little under a year ago. As he turned he not only remembered all the memories but he said goodbye to them and to the life he had thought was going to be his forever. He let out a sigh and stepped onto the plane feeling lighter and looking toward the unknown future.

-Arp