Maneet-Jeet Sirf Humari Hogi-AUTH-NOTE-PG26-3.02 - Page 5

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Tomiko thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#41

I'm here (I considered singing a song from the 90s but couldn't find one to fit my mood!🤣)

Loving this so far! I did have to edit out a word on page 3 being a mod and all that but otherwise this was great!👏
Alex is starting to grow on me and looking forward to the next part!
P.S. It may take a month but my parts are longer so Ha!😉
EDIT.
Ok, so this is supposed to be constructive.😆
Good points
I love your dialogues! Personally I find that the hardest thing to write. I know what I want my characters to do, but never what they need to say. Plus I loved the use of Blimey!😆
Alex is a Bindaas character! Like I've said, she's growing on me and I can see more than one shade to her like you promised.😃
The suspense at the end ... great place to stop!
Bad Points
No Maan.😭 Enough said!
Description? It's not just about what a place looks like but also what it feels like! When I read the description for the gym I just saw the image and not the room. So yeah, more work on the description.
Okay, that's it for todays class!🤣
Edited by Tomiko - 14 years ago
alias90 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#42

Originally posted by: Tomiko

I'm here (I considered singing a song from the 90s but couldn't find one to fit my mood!🤣)

Loving this so far! I did have to edit out a word on page 3 being a mod and all that but otherwise this was great!👏
Alex is starting to grow on me and looking forward to the next part!
P.S. It may take a month but my parts are longer so Ha!😉

The song in my head at the moment is the bhajan from Trimurti. 😆
😲 What word? PM me so I don't use it again. Oopsie? Oh wait, that word. Just noticed the cleansing you did. My bad. 😕😆
Aww, Glad you like Alex.
P.S - My readers are happier than yours!
Edited by alias90 - 14 years ago
Tomiko thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#43

Originally posted by: alias90

The song in my head at the moment is the bhajan from Trimurti. 😆
😲 What word? PM me so I don't use it again. Oopsie? Oh wait, that word. Just noticed the cleansing you did. My bad. 😕😆
Aww, Glad you like Alex.
P.S - My readers are happier than yours!

Shut up and go back to read my Edit ... I put in some constructive thoughts like you asked!
(See, I'M the nice one!)
aamirkhanfan thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#44
awesome update.........waiting to know the relation between maan and alex........is she a positive character?........plz continue soon and thanks for the pm.
sona-rai thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#45
loved this part a lot👏awesome writing👏alexandra sounds like MAAN behave like MAAN🤔so some TWIST coming up in next update sweety😊waiting for next part plz send it soon😊
alias90 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#46

Originally posted by: Tomiko

Shut up and go back to read my Edit ... I put in some constructive thoughts like you asked!
(See, I'M the nice one!)

Aww, thank you. 😆 I'll work on my description.
charlie1950 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#47
like alex character,hmmm whts gonna happen or rather whts alex gonna do
alias90 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#48
Thanks for comments guys.
Next update will be up when I get this certain scene right that requires certain special attention. *Sighs and collapses in to bed*
anufa thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#49
awsummm....

loved da concepT!!!!

update soon....add me to ur pm list!!!!!
alias90 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#50

Hi Guys. I feel like this chapter will be a huge disappointment, so once I've posted it I'm going to go hide somewhere in the IF in shame. It didn't go the way I wanted it to go even after seventeen drafts and four re-writes. Although, you've probably noticed a pattern in this FF that what should happen to Geet and Maan is happening to Geet and Alex...

Tomiko, where's the Ben & Jerry yaar? By the gallon if you please.

*Collapses*

Enjoy.

>_>

Chapter Three: Eh Salwar Kameez

"I was expecting that..." Alexandra waved her hand casually at Geets' shocked face, "...I was kinda hoping you wouldn't do that." She snapped her fingers and pointed at the broken glass on the floor. "Chalo, koi baath nahi. I'll clean it later." She calmly got up and sauntered into her living room, walking up to her balcony window to stare at the sky. The clouds were dark, gloomy but slowly attempting to get over their earlier rage of tears and thunder...a lot like Geets' state of mind she imagined once she was done with her.

Geet followed Alexandra, her hands twisting the fabric of the nightgown she wore since they couldn't find the end of her chunni to worry. "Aapko kaise maloom?" She whispered, swallowing hard.

"Eh Salwaar-Kameez. Kabhie toh apna dimaag istamal karliyah karo." Alexandra rolled her eyes and turned away from the intriguing view of the sky to look at Geets' bewildered face. "You fainted remember? Right in front of me! Which was incredibly rude of you might I add. So I had a doctor examine you, she told me you were pregnant and required rest and hot food..."

"Oh." Geet understood now why Alexandra had fed her and allowed her to sleep in her apartment, such behaviour contrasted severely against the woman's sharp tongue and sadoo personality. Chalo, turi insaaniyat toh thi...lekin woh mujhe istara kyun dekh rahi hai? She shuffled uncomfortably under Alexandra's gaze. Kya kahoon...kya karoon? Babaji! She looked around desperately.

"I'm not stupid Geet." Alexandra picked at the skin around her nails, diving in to her plan before Geet could even get over the last shock she'd just given her. "A married woman doesn't go around chasing cars, she also doesn't wear an engagement ring and she also doesn't waste so much time at a stranger's home in calling her family to pick her up. If you have a family that is because you insist on being called Geet- Bas Geet! Correct?" She didn't wait for an answer but carried on, her voice turned rougher and the words slipped off her lips lightening fast, "Toh ishe sabit hota hai keh tum woh ho. Haina? You wear that ring and those innocent looking clothes so you can fit into society! In reality though you were probably chasing that car because the man didn't pay for your services; you're pregnant from some idiotic time where the guy probably paid you extra to not wear protection AND... "

Geets' eyes widened, shock, horror and fury flashed across her now white face, as she lifted her hand to backhand Alexandra for that insult to her character.

Alexandra let out a slight growl and grabbed Geets' wrist a mere inch from her cheek. How dare she..."Tum apne aap ko kya samajthee ho?" She hissed, pulling her closer she yanked her head back by gripping Geets' hair with her other hand. "To this day no one has managed to slap me....Alexandra Veer Singh, who do you think you are to even for a second think you can touch me?"

Geet trembled; this Alexandra was bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase blue murder. It was in this woman's unstable-crazy-physco eyes at this very moment. She tried to twist her body out of Alexandra's grip; her hands pushed at the arm trapping her and her legs jerked back desperately but to no avail. "M-mujhe chardo...mein...woh...nahi..." She sobbed out finally, her legs gave out from underneath her and Alexandra let go, letting her fall too the ground by her feet.

"Bas karo Geet. Tears don't affect me remember! Yeh natak yahan nahi chalega!" Alexandra yanked the girl back up, pushing her onto a sofa chair. She couldn't do with a pregnant girl on the floor no matter what her plan was.

"Mein koi natak nahi kar rahi hoon..." Geet gripped the armrests and shook her head wildly. "Mein woh nahi hoon! Main aisa nahi kar sakti..."

"Chup karo! Abhi police koh phone karti hoon!" Alexandra snapped at her, taking a step towards the phone hooked to the living room wall. "Apna farz maine kar diya. I've fed you and clothed you, now you're not my responsibility! Samjhi!"

Geet got up and rushed to the woman, not knowing why but she had to make sure that at least one person in this world didn't think wrong of her. She couldn't understand why it was important to make this woman listen to her, but Maan hadn't and she was tired of living with it all bottled up.

Alexandra took a step back when Geet grabbed a hold of her shirt collar, twisting her fists into the fabric. Oh man...It takes me ages to iron this shirt...Wait, Alex-puthar concentrate...For God's sake....does this girl always have to cry? Kya Daddy, mujhe ansoo bahane wali kyun dhi!? She shook her head slightly, attempting to focus on what Geet was crying out.

"Aa-ap mehri baat suno... p-please..."

Her blue eyes sparkled with interest; the girl was at breaking point. Any second now she'd tell her what she needed to know, but unfortunately she'd have to give her a little shove. Daddy...should I be nice to get the truth or...naaahhh, it's so much more fun baiting her like this.

"Kyun? " Alexandra brought her arms up, shoving the girl back. "Tumne galti khi hai! Ab tum bukto!"

Geet felt the spark of anger she had felt earlier ignite again. "Kya galti hai meri!?" She snapped back, "Kya galat kiya maine?!" She pressed her hand too her mouth, "Yehi na? Sar juka kar apni parivaar khi baath maani?" Geet turned away, walking around the room lifelessly as the words started spilling out...words which had been meant for Maan...if only he had listened. "Unho neh mehre liya larka chuna...Aur maine usko mahn seh apna maan liya...Bhagwaan seh bhi zyaada un par maine yakeen kiya!" She turned sharply too look at Alexandra who had taken a seat...how could that woman look at her without any expression on her face? Did she not feel anything? Geet sat down on a sofa, rocking slightly. "Unho neh mujhe kaha...Larka acha hai..." She closed her eyes in pain at the memory. "Aur meh maan gayi...Unho neh mujhe kaha larka shaadi karke tujhe Canada leh kar jayega...aur meh maan gayi!"

Alexandra frowned, this story wasn't going as she had imagined. She had thought something else...but the words coming out of the girls' mouth were completely different to what she had expected. Daddy...could it be I'm wrong...me? Alexandra Veer Singh...? Wrong? She stared at Geet, suddenly feeling uncomfortable and restless...

"Ab isme mehri kya galti thi...jise meh shaadi samajh rahi thi...woh shaadi nahi...Ek natak tha!" Geet clenched her hands, swallowing desperately as her throat dried. "Ek daung tha! Ismeh mehri kya galti..." She stood up again and charged over too Alexandra, grabbing her at the arms and digging her nails into that fair skin. "Keh woh ek raat mehre saat rahe kar...agle din mujhe dohka deh kar...mujhe airport chor kar chala gya...?" She felt her hands being removed as Alexandra stood up, too afraid to look into that cold face Geet sank back onto the floor her head leaning against the sofa. "Isme kya mehri galti thi...keh mehre parivaar walo neh mehra saat dene keh bajai mujhe ushe bhool jana kehliye kaha?" Geet was starting to lose her voice, her dry throat making it difficult for her to even whisper now. "Mehre bache koh ghirane koh keh rahe the...Ab isme mehri kya galti thi...? Agar meh apne bache koh bichane kileye apne parivaar keh khilaaf kari hogai? Ushe zindaagi dene kileye...mehne usko apni zindaagi deh dhi...yahan Delhi chali aii...ek nahi zindaagi meh talaash meh. Isme mehri kya galti thi, agar baar baar usko apne zindaagi seh dhoor karne ki kooshish kar rahi thi..?"

Alexandra had been looking blindly at her fruit bowl in the kitchen but her head now snapped towards Geet when she heard her whispering the last line. Usko...?

"Magar anjaane meh unke kareeb aah gayi...Kya galat kiya mehne unko sach batha kar? Kya galti hai mehri...? Kya galat kiya mehne?" Geet started to shake, her body racking and shaking as she cried dry tears. Even though her chest felt less heavy now that her story was out, her head was feeling as if she'd taken an axe and cut it open. She froze when she felt two firm hands gripping her from the waist and pushing her back up until she was seated onto the sofa. Then a cold glass was pressed into her hands and gently nudged towards her lips. Geet didn't question this kind gesture, simply drank the water deeply and felt her throat almost sing out in delight.

Alexandra waited until Geet had finished the water then took the glass back and placed it on the coffee table in the middle of the room. She carefully scanned Geet wondering if the girl had exerted herself too much...she wasn't in the mood to call the Doctor again. Thankfully her breathing had evened out and she appeared to be slowly calming from her emotional breakdown. Alexandra nodded to herself; her eyes narrowing as she took a step forward and lifted her hand slowly.

A second later Geet was gawking at Alexandra, her brown eyes now wide open in shock whilst her hand covered a very red cheek which was bound to bruise.

"Maine kahan tha na? Phir ansoo bahaye tho thapar kane ko tayaar hojana?"

---
A friend of mine just asked whether I was writing a lesbian FF for Geet & Alex...

Ek Ladki Aur Ek Ladki Ki Anoki Kahani...

Erm.

No.

Would be so much fun though!

🤣

Edited by alias90 - 14 years ago

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