So, you know the characters, although I never actually followed the show they are linked with. I did see Iqbal in his other show, perhaps envisioning him in the forces was easier then! ... it was for Jannat's request, sorry i took forever... i even daresay it just struck me in a whim, something this kind and i thought i'd do it for AK... obviously i understand it is nothing usual to expect in the request you put, but i hope you will enjoy it somehow!
If you come to believe the scenario, all or part of it is preposterous, or if my claims on anything to do with borders and defenses seems loud and impossible, it may just be so... i was merely experimenting and did no research greater than what i randomly knew... so no offending/hurting intentions, harmless ignorance!
in general, i think AK were just names! :) ps: i love the song by Call, it reminds me of the one dearest to me, like no other... :)
ciao! ~ nj
~ Chapter 3 ~
"I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea ... ... "
(~ Sarah Teasdale, I Am Not Yours)
When his eyes fluttered to open, a pain so intense shot through his entire being, it overtook in a blinding impact and they fell shut fiercely. A groan, infinitely small, timidly tried to gain expression, to no avail. He gave in momentarily, and just let himself be. In a life which was normal, like his had been not too many years ago, in a profession that wasn't what his was now unlike any he had envisioned for himself, also not too many years ago, Angad could in delirious temptation have rather believed he was dead, or at the very least, dying. Perhaps the latter he even was, but he there was no believing, till he knew... perhaps, not even then...
The intensity of pain was a sign of life too great. Greater still was the fact that he was thinking all of this, even if only in a feeble, zoned out manner... Momentarily again, he took to being still, as much mentally as physically. When the freezing numbness in his limbs gradually began to make itself obvious, it all started to come back to him, that even though they were only images in his head, it caused him a strained exhaustion all over. But for an entire moment, it also, laid to rest an immense worry.
Angad, from habit, almost chuckled, but the bodily ache it caused contorted his face into quite another expression, and this time the groan did escape him. Loud... dispelling the uninterrupted quiet surrounding him. Reminding himself to react only in his head - for the while - he smiled mentally! He was alive, check. He could remember it all distinctly, check. He could reason, and conclude, check. It wasn't bad at all, yes, he grinned, mentally...
No sign of warning... the avalanche rolling down... the linked chain of his men... unhooking themselves, hasty and shaken, nervous when he screamed for them to be nimble and collected... but the enormity of the shock... and the consequences it could bear so far... it all came back to him... and then, his own words, the final ones he had yelled himself hoarse with in instruction... he remembered, the last thing that he did, was to unlatch himself... not in time to realize it was what had held him to the ground beneath his feet... which slipped away... and... then...
It had all gone around him in circles... deepening... dizzying... dark... Not now!... Angad recalled his only thought in the instant of that involuntary plunge... actually, impossibly, having grimaced for the first time in the face of an untimely death... approaching all too soon... he had to be at the border,God Damnit!!! ... for his father...
At this thought, of all others, and not minus the excruciating effort, his eyes shot open. The pain had subsided not one slightest bit, how could it, in all but a matter of seconds. But he had to get up from here... where ever this was. He begun to explore and observe his surroundings, even before his eyes, taking the time to overcome the blurring, could regain their ability to focus. It was a second time, and a second of his immense worry, that was laid to rest, at having found himself in what seemed to be a clearing of some kind. At least he was not in the middle of endless wooden clumps, shed and barren in this month of December. Additionally, the current hues coloring the sky seemed to indicate greater light than dark; it could have been, he reckoned, not over say an hour, two at max since his near encounter with death. Unless of course, that an entire day or so had passed him by unconsciously. He ruled out this last option, on the mere premise that he was still alive. In such temperatures, his current decaying condition, the freshness of snow, still falling over the perennial layers of this region underneath, covering him no less impartially... Perhaps then, he proceeded to think further, if luck continued to aid him in its faint fashion, he could stumble upon... some road... ?
Once again, compelled by habit, he chuckled, and this time, he didn't let the stabbing pang stop him from deriving the pleasure of it. So much to be almost dead. Here he was, not just fighting for the instinct of life, but fighting for the instinct to live it out! There is always so much you can do, till that last breath of life struggles to remain within ... the words of his real time war senior came back to him... He had been, much before Angad, his father's colleague.
It took him a while, too long in his opinion but not enough that he could help it, before he could raise himself into some awkward position where the pain was only enough that he wouldn't die of it, literally. Such that he could enable himself to study, not just all around him but his own body. And the wounds it bore. Whatever his lower back rest against was jutting into it and doing no good, his only hope lay in that it would do no permanent damage. The exposed aperture of his eyes felt much too small, from swelling he figured, but it would have to do for now. Very slowly, so tenderly that it was hard to even perceive, he felt the fingers of his hand over various sections of himself, skin from under the threadbare gloves coming in contact with skin, in places, bared by shabbily torn clothing, at the cost of extreme agony. At one point his yelp of pain reverberated through the surroundings in such resonant echoes, the insufferable sadist inside him was triggered to humor the possibility of how long it would be before someone from his border area heard him and came for help. Then the disciplined Captain took over again, and reproached him to postpone the frolicking, for until... later.
It could have been an hour, a lenient estimate, when he had finally gotten up, trusting most of his weight upon the sturdy long log that he heavily leaned onto. Ginger on his feet, especially the left which was now firmly tied to a flattened wood board of sort against his lower leg with what had essentially been a sleeve of his uniform jersey and was extracted using a sole blade that had somehow clung steadfast to the lining of his boot, Angad nearly lost balance to crumble into the heap he had raised himself from. Before the log stuck a foot hold on behalf of the actual limb and saved him. He heaved in a rush of adrenaline and relief, dreading to think of, if, he had fallen again... wanting to congratulate himself for having accomplished a feat already, which was nothing ordinary, but the wasted muscles were a constant dampner... as was the gravity of his situation. Try as he might, they could, neither, be ignored. A further ripped length of fabric from his shirt was securely tied over the lower abdomen for some sanctity of holding tight, where he detected only deep, and numerous, internal injuries, and that seemed fortunate, considering he couldn't feel any fractured ribs. Fortuitous still, was the fact, even miraculous, that his head seemed to be majorly intact. Liberal and extended icing of both visible, as well as unmistakable inside wounds using the abundant snow around had subsided swelling in certain parts, clotted blood over other wounds, and numbed sensation in yet other parts that could serve him best by being rested for now. His eyes had conspicuously widened, he believed, and that was a sure help, as the dark was unalteringly descending upon him all around. The sole upper garment that could still significantly cover him, his outer jacket, was thrown upon his otherwise bare torso. And thanking whatever precautionary thought had made him, when departing the camp, pull over his military pants and shoes an extra layer of over sized sports track pants, which was all that presently covered his lower limbs, Angad assured himself he had done commendably.
And having dealt the best he could with his unkindly battered self hence, he was now faced with a bigger task. Of determining his next course of action. Which in immediate measure required for him to decide if it was left or right that he would walk on this path. He was clueless with regard to the precision of his location, and the heavily clouded sky (the snow laiden clouds) revealed no celestial aides. Unless he was in serious error, however, it did seem like he was standing on something of a occasionally traversed hill track, the kind that could be expected to merge into roads at some point. But which side would that happen, and faster? Which side could his men be, those who had survived, and how many. And which side would the border lines be? ... Angad sighed in frustration, then pursed his lips and forced his racing thoughts to halt before they could dwell in greater perils. It could, and would, do him no good to think of the magnanimity of his troubles right now. He could, and would, do better by thinking of what was disposable at hand. Which was this hill track... and a recollected integrity within his mind.
When he placed a first foot forward tenderly, it seemed to mock him into realizing how standing up had been only a baby step so to say. The pain was retarding enough, he did not waste time on debating anymore, and walked to his right. It was a healthy word, right, he had to strive for it, more than ever before, now... And arbitrary though this idea was to rely upon for a decision so critical, there was no better reasoning he could muster in this case of equal and opposite probabilities.
The effort of trudging along ill catering trails, sometimes none, of heaving the mass of his over wrought physique, was a task too laborious. Every now and then, despite all will, he had to take breathers, before he could resume. And there were far too many moments he just wanted to give up, this never ending and seemingly futile trek he had dedicated himself to. But on he had dragged himself, knowing the destination he only wished to be headed towards, and how long he knew not about. For keeping track of time, even roughly, was yet another task, and there were one too many, too demanding, of primary concern, for him to weigh the secondary ones yet.
It was then, at another such moment of dissipating hope, that he thought he saw a speck in a distance. In under a minute, he was certain it was no fascinated play up of his mind, cause it seemed to have closed in on him somewhat, become bigger than just a speck hence, and though its advent seemed frustratingly slow, he was aware of how much worse he was doing himself. And decided therefore, to take the chance and wait upon it to approach him more.
Closer and closer it came, much to his relief, and then closer still, as he began to notice the distinction of shape and color relief in part turned to something of a comic element. It must have been a drugged level of relief, for Angad was certain he wanted to laugh. Out loud. He would have too, if physically it would not have been something as hard as stretching all those facial muscles which hurt too bad, and bracing himself to brave the tremors (of agony) it would cause all over... and he was anything but ready to writhe and flinch anymore that he absolutely had to, which was less by no means.
But seriously, a lilac Baby Austin?! Deep down his throat stifled in partial success a definite chortle from surfacing. He was beginning to think he might just be hallucinating, after all. Alas! It persisted in his vision, to close in on the distance, and when he thought he could see a vague outline of a driver, he gathered all his might and gestured, with the best of a raised arm that he could, in beckoning.
When the ancient wonder came around to face him, literally a couple meters away, such that he was now able to tell the maroon of whatever its driver was wearing, it just stood there, still running. The head lights, name sake, were so dim, leave alone blinding him, they might as well have been missed in the nightly glow of the abounding snow itself. But the effort of standing there came back to remind him of his purpose to hail it. And he thought, almost gruffly, why no better sense could prevail upon this person behind the wheel, than to sit idling there when lending a helping hand would so much better an idea. Some streak of logic suggested it could be the preposterous nature of his appearance in this way, a reason as to why, humanity had taken a reluctant back seat when overshadowed by distrust. And giving his prospective savior-stranger a benefit of doubt, just as he decided to walk those remaining few feet to the car himself, its door opened. And out came... Angad frowned... his eyes attempted to widen, but narrowing was so much less to do... neither, in the end, altering facts. It really was... a girl?!
So taken was he by how bizarre the sight was, first the car, now coupled by the appearance of this driver, that he stared, oblivious to all that the lack of restrain in his unwavering gaze could be misconstrued for. The features of her face so innocently delicate, and soft, as they underwent series of expressions that were all quickly heading for a rather ashen, final drawn blank expression, only astounded him more. Could this... was she for real? How... why?
And then she raised her eyes to his. Angad thought, and it could well have been a result of his greatly weathered condition, that some inside him shifted focus. So intently was he noticing her, that the bare tremor of her lips did not escape him either, a set of two lips as perfectly curved and demurely painted as any he could have ever seen; and that was what snapped him out of the reverie. Almost instantly, and inexplicably, he felt a surge of agitation rise within. Was she out of her mind? Extremely vague though it was, his sensed a protective instinct kick in next... Did she have no damn idea how insanely dangerous any of this was... Needless to expect then, that it would have occurred to him what a God sent angel she was proving to be.
And perhaps, to remind him of its generosity, chance, as would have it, had her turn her back upon him, abruptly, that same second.
"Wait!" He blurted. And it halted her in her step for a second that seemed too long to be only one. He really must have been noticing, cause even the stiffening of her shoulder blades from behind, at the sound of his call, was not missed upon him. His voice had not been loud at all, in all honestly he found the sound of it was almost alien to him, it was a raspy note in the violent sounds of the gale, louder only than the sound of falling soft flaky whites that either settled over countless more like itself amassed or melted upon contact with the bodies; but she seemed to have heard it anyways. The effect apparently was either too short lived, or quite the contrary of what he had hoped for, cause he saw her extend her hand to the driver's door next. "I need help... " he persisted, forcing all his reserves, which weren't remarkable to begin with, so it could sound more like his usual convincing baritone, and in a desperate measure he uttered what he rarely did, "Please... " completely meaning it.
Kripa fought the most impossible mental debate in her head with the passing of the next five seconds or so. There was no trace of logic, to support what felt intuitively... acceptable... ? - about this stranger, the sound of his voice... perhaps just the presence of a fellow human when she had felt so daunted by overbearing nature all around... made her want to believe him. Despite the strangest of appearance (where strange could be safely interpreted as 'unsafe') she would have imagined. So much, she couldn't understand what it was if not all that met her eye that would suffice as reason enough so she would heed to nothing else and flee the spot while she could, if she wanted to reach back in person no changed from how she had left home some hours before.
This foreboding, in some way, was not entirely a false alarm... something was about to change for her... on this life altering new year's eve...
And she paved way for the very same, when she turned back around to face him. It isn't a lie, what they say, that we are the ultimate masters of our fates... the final instrument to implement 'fate' is our discretion, and that alone...
It might have been her need to justify this recklessness, but she thought she could discern a softening in his expression, whatever of it was evident on his rather... unkindly damaged face... In fact, thought Kripa, she could almost trace what was likely to have been the advent of a smile. Internally, she sighed. On the outside, she kept a straight face, and gave the lightest of nods.
Angad was not the one to miss cues.
"I need a ride," he explained coming straight to the point, "To the closest army base." Before she could agree, or disagree, he thought of something else too. "How far from the border are we?" Because she did not speak promptly, or well, he corrected himself, because she was yet to have spoken a single word out loud, Angad raised his eyes to emphasize his queries. And if she had thought her face to appear inscrutable, she couldn't have been further from the truth. He read the apprehension, and doubt plainly, and wondered.
Did she know how transparent they were, those golden brown eyes of hers?
"I'm a captain in the army," he informed her, then added hastily, "The Indian army."
Kripa didn't plan to, but she did not think before it happened. Her eyes, of their own accord scrutinized his appearance one more time - the shabby navy blue tracks, the shabbier still blue-black jacket, scraped at places to reveal skin... yes, bare tanned skin... which was also revealed aplenty in the form of his broad chest, which helped none to undo knots in the pit of her stomach. It was heavily scarred, and unrecognizable almost though, now that he had made a mention, she saw the military print of what was carefully bandaged around it, waist and under. This sight, unexpectedly, made her think it was redundant. She would have and had taken him for his word. And she did not know this personal revelation ought to serve a scare or a reassurance. The chiseled makings of his physique, the strength of a toned wall in that chest only seemed to be further pronounced by the marks of his wounds... it amazed some corner of her mind, the fleeting thought of how she had never yet witnessed a warrior so brazen... so carnal a form... so raw without caring... despite the high probability that the geographic location of her home offered.
Her eyes, as unassumingly as they had surveyed him, went back to his face and met his, and only then did she become conscious of herself, and him. Extremely, furiously conscious, for it was not a mere hint or trace this time, but a distinct form even if subtle, that tiny amused smile. Tiny, but ample to embarrass her, even mock. Why, she thought getting fervently angry, her cheeks flushed to compete with the color of her rich maroon overcoat, and her eyes flared when she looked back at him, here she was his only hope of any help, and he dare... he dare make fun of her?
Angad who had, with a patience he had known himself not to possess, stood awaiting her appraisal of his physical appearance, which he thought in mild exasperation was nothing of its usual impressive self today (of all days), had not intended to offend her at all. It had been so spontaneous, his amusement at her naive act of inspection, naive because one more acquainted to such situations would have covered their tracks better, as she clearly had not. But the fire of reproach in her eyes was so challenging, that when she had been caught! What was this girl, he mused with more interest than was usual to him, that even unfair indignity on her part seemed so... harmlessly... endearing... ?
He wondered further, if the inside damage of his systems was more than he had assessed so far...
"Hurry up, I don't have all night." she announced curtly, turning upon her heel to open her door. And with that, she had at last spoken her first words to him. He must have totally lost it, to think so, but he believed he would remember them forever... and smiled, a painful blunder physically, but he truly did. When she shut the door upon herself, it jolted him out of his meandering thoughts, again. He took a step, and winced, a low moan escaped him, and as reflexively as he had had clenched his fingers agonized, did they uncurl, unable to take the force of his fist. It was, a rude awakening from all that the past few minutes had made him, more nearly, forget... as he sought to keep his balance steady enough.
Kripa was about to turn the key in ignition when out of an urge that beat her resolve before it could counter tackle, she looked at him, still outside. And they were instantaneous, her actions in reaction, as she threw open her door and rushed out. Nearly slipping herself over the freshly laid snow in the final steps towards him. So that when her hand clasped his wrist, and the other arm fell behind to circle his back at waist which was a little too broad for her to get a complete grip, it was as much in regaining her own balance, as it was to help him keep his.
And he howled in such anguish, that it had her startled. The grip of both her hands let go just as thoughtlessly as they had initially held him and he was sure to have had a fall if she had, yet again, not held him as she did... only more gently this time. It did not alter how terrified she was at the harm he may have suffered at the expense of her callousness and in the horror of it all she realized nothing else, no matter how obvious. The proximity they shared, the rapid heaving of her chest as breaths came short... the warmth of his shallow, sparse gasping over her neck, the hold of his big hand onto her small, dainty one, in a clasp that may have been only weak for him but it was for her, a first like so much else about him.
Angad was slightly bent, reeling from the pain that had shot through the extremities of his every end at the jerk her sudden hold had caused him, the fractured limbs felt jittery more than ever, and the insides doubled unavoidably. And even in this devastated, and unusually vulnerable state, he stood towering over her petite figure, her head, with the entire height could only barely have brushed against his chin, but it turned out to be his cheek as she stood upright and he did not. When the pain slowly receded, he begun to sense other factors - the softness of her fresh and fragrant tresses against his sprouting light stubble; the clasp of his hand assuredly over her genteel one, when officially she was the one supporting him; the femininity of her bosom that he perceived distinctly in its rhythm against the positively exposed solid of his chest.
But beyond this all, he saw etched on her face, an extremely beautiful face at that, every line that could possibly exist cast in concern... worry... even guilt... Angad was certain if she raised her eyes now, he would see it all reflected in them, crystal clear... for himself. And in all the urgency of his situation, the one thought that dominated his mind that instant was see her raise them, to meet his, up so close...
"Relax." He spoke hoarsely, in a single word, assuaging her anxiety, urging her resolve, tempting her dignity... All he wished for in it, was simply that she would look up at him, and she did, and it was all of what he had expected, and more. There was no explaining any of his actions, reactions, or thoughts, but fact was, her eyes had arrested him so completely this time, it left no scope to even entertain reason.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't... " she ushered in a whisper, and as she swallowed hard awaiting his reply, he forced his eyes away from noticing the inciting throbbing pulse of the nerve that ran long along her slender nape. They were much too close for comfort, but was he the only one affected? It must be... it had to be the occupational disadvantage of being in the forces. He was almost twenty six, and the long stretches of compulsive abstinence were beginning to feel like self claimed celibacy... Oh how horrific a thought!
If Angad had not looked away that second, his question would have been answered without searching much further. For it was only in his abrupt withdrawal from the gaze they shared that Kripa realized the awkwardness of their position. She pulled away instantly, tucking at a strand that was not really lose, almost harshly and mentally she kicked herself. Only unlike him, for the lady she had been groomed to be, she shied away from any ideas of how the closeness had affected her, or could.
"I'm sorry," she said again, this time turning around with those words to walk to the car without having to face him right away. "I'll bring the car right up," she added, so he would know, she was not walking away from helping him. Not that she had to, Angad thought to himself, understanding her mix of emotions, for his own had been, he believed, stirred a tad more. A part of his conscious mind had not forgotten the big picture, and at this chance of his few moments alone, it promptly reminded him of his unfulfilled duties at the border. He must, he told himself, reach at the very earliest... But the strange experience of this encounter was not something he could get himself to put aside. That when he was still in it. Oh what a day this was turning out to be, and it was, he reminded himself another time, the eve of 31st. What a way then, he smiled curiously in his head, to embark upon a new year...
He seemed to be in thought when she pulled the car up next to him, and not catching his attention with her mere presence, Kripa honked, lightly, which was a loud sound in the stillness that enveloped. When he was getting himself into the passenger seat, she knew he would never manage, or never within an entire lifetime and she got out to help him, which was a good idea. For this time, she did not in her panic harm him more than save. When he was settled in the seat the leg space it seemed apparent to her was far too cramped for him, but there was not much to do about it. Instead, she reached over and fixed the seat belt for him, then, almost exhausted from the little exercise in supporting a man so much larger than her, she exhaled loudly, hands on her hips before the sign of a grin on his face made her return to hasty poise.
"Erm... " she uttered, lightly scratching her forehead, "Are you okay?" He blinked his eyes in confirmation, the most painless way of communicating for now and she shut the door on his side, rather cautiously, before skipping back to her own. Moments later they were on their way. Still more moments later, they had been riding in silence. Which was more distracting than one would think, Kripa imagined to herself. For as she struggled with the car, the road, the dark and the worsening weather, his presence in the tiny space made her somewhat claustrophobic. But she told herself repeatedly to concentrate on the drive, and that alone. Although, every now and then, she stole glances from the corner of her eye, only to find him absorbed in thoughts of his own. Gradually, she begun to feel more at ease, and unknowingly, after a while she had taken to hum intermittently... the same tune, that had lingered from her afternoon at the studio.
Having been relieved of the unbearable endurance he had suffered some long hours, Angad's attention was inevitably taken up by what lay ahead of him. He wondered again how many of his men had survived and how many had, by some luck, reached the camp back... he hoped at least someone had, so the forces at the frontier knew of what had transpired on the highway in their absence. If they had sustained all but 72 hours, waiting every minute in the last 12 or so for the replacements to arrive, he didn't think the others would necessarily do too much better. And it would come to them as no pleasant surprise that an entire half segment that was meant to join them only few hours after they had been stationed to positions, may now in the all possibility either not make it at all, or make it in insignificant numbers.
At this point the car jolted over a bump of kind and Angad seethed audibly at the revolting pain.
"I... I'm... " he raised a shaky hand to her but the gesture held conviction and she did not complete the apology at the tip of her tongue. "Are you okay?" she asked instead, and once again he blinked in affirmation, after he finally looked up. On a sudden thought Kripa pulled over. Then turned around and rummaged through the contents, rather scattered, on the entire back seat. He looked at her, but weak from the labor in recovering, posed no questions. When she finally turned around to face him, however, the bottle in her hands did automatically cause not one but both his eyes to go up in curiosity. There wasn't a particular question to ask about the contents, for the label specified clearly enough 'Cherry Brandy'. But why she had something in stock... particularly in a car... he mulled over his right to ask her. Evidently however, the question was an obvious one for she answered it herself.
"Naanu always has one in each of the cars... for bad weather days, land slides... avalanches... " She shrugged her shoulders at that, and he was glad for her to not have continued. With the instance that had nearly killed him, so fresh in his mind, avalanches were not welcome to form a part of his casual discussions for a while. As for the brandy, Angad wondered if this girl, and her resources, weird or whatever, were god's way of making up for all the mishaps his single day had seen... As he made to take it from her she held it back with unexplained hesitance, and on his questioning prompt she asked, in a voice that was clearly flustered, "I... erm... you... " she looked away, avoiding his eye, then said quickly in a rush, "You can handle your drinks can you not?" A rush of color flooded her white cheeks with a charming rosy pink and Angad really thought he would pull her to himself, and close, if but for a moment. Then the bottle in her hand and her question together made sense, and he knew cuddling her would be the worst idea ever. Distantly he marveled, in turn, both at himself for such thoughts, and at her for what she was driving his mind to... did she realize? No! It was just this entire being so not himself... there was nothing more, nothing less. Without warning he grabbed the bottle out of her hand, before she could resist this time. And when she looked at him, he knew it was in expectation of an answer. He could have replied simply, but she was twisting so much in his system, unintentionally or not didn't seem to matter, somehow, he didn't find the need to go easy. Unscrewing the cap then, without looking at her he took one complete large sip. It burned the depth of his throat instantly, not a sensation he was new to, but today he hoped it would do more than just elevating him to a happy, suspended state.
To her, he said casually, "Lets see how that works out," before putting it to his lips again, and taking in a gulp larger than the first, almost double in volume. He lowered and found her looking at him with an expression that was indeterminate about what it wanted to be. Angad chuckled, then clicked his tongue, and said, "Stop fretting! I'm an army man for heaven's sake!" In a tone so patronizing that she faced away from him at the words, and decided this man was extremely hard to predict. Kripa just hoped she had not gotten herself into any trouble with the entire kind deed. Cause she knew, it was now too late to undo her impulse anyways - of letting a ragged stranger into the car... of offering him brandy to alleviate his pain from wounds that were too many and too gruesome and she still had no idea what had gotten him into this condition. Really, now that she thought of facts as just independent facts, they seemed the craziest most absurd whims to have fallen for. But... she couldn't deny how the perspective was quite another when the stranger in question was...
If only her intuition about him, would not fail her. From the side of her eye, she caught him sitting quietly, a lose fist resting under his chin. The casual appearance of him was deceived, only by the look on his face, as his eyes stared without blinking at some point mid air, his focus on it seemed so intense Kripa thought the captain seated by her side may as well have simulated a battle field in the spaces of his mind alone...
And the drive continued as before. Not long after, as the silence prevailed, the cycle from before repeated itself, the only exception lay in those few times she caught him tip the brandy bottle to his mouth before screwing it back each time. To her keen eye, there seemed to be nothing misplaced in his demeanor that would indicate trouble post alcohol consumption, and it left her in some ambiguous sense of awe, for a third of the sealed new brandy she had handed him, was gone. An army man, her mind repeated what he had put up in his defense to rid her of doubts regarding his resistance, and at last she forced herself to stop being a prude. It was all going to be fine, he was a captain, and she was helping a respectable man from the forces, cause he was in real need. That simple! Soon after, as the drive continued to be by far uneventful, Kripa found herself humming the tune again.
Only this time, it caught Angad's attention. And once it did, he could hardly disregard this web of concurrencies.
When she was certain he had been looking at her for more than a few coincidental seconds, Kripa abruptly stopped humming, and turned to him with a raised eye. But he said nothing and she returned her focus to the road. It did not end here, because several tens of seconds had ticked away and she could still feel his eyes upon herself. After pondering over her options mentally she turned to him with an intention to confront, a brow cocked again. He just smiled, and it annoyed her that he was neither getting her point, nor making one of his own. If there was one thing that Kripa Aziz Sharma did not deal well with at all, it was being denied explanation when she expected otherwise. Warily her eyes traveled to the bottle in his hands, it was close to a half already. Not certain this was heading to any particularly favorable sequence of events, she looked back at him. Weirdly enough, even as she was working herself up into a mire of odd nothings, he, the one who was physically incapacitated to a huge extent, seemingly preoccupied, and realistically not sober, seemed to command easy control.
"Is there something you need?" she asked him, tentatively. Angad clicked his tongue in denial. And she sighed impatiently. This time she looked at him, not the most patient way.
"Well what is it then?" Before he could answer however, Kripa, having been slightly distracted, had missed an uneven little patch of the dirt road, upon which the antique little thing now jumped slightly. She knew it sooner, not from feeling the jolt herself, but from the appearance of sudden countless tortured lines criss crossing his face as he wrinkled his eyes shut tightly, and a deep throat groan escaped him. Instantly Kripa turned off the ignition and turned her attention to him.
"Oh no!" she mumbled to herself soundlessly, and extended her hands towards him, but they remained mid air, unable to determine what use they could put themselves to. It did not last forever. Angad who was beginning to wonder what life had been like a few hours ago when the slightest of tugs didn't cause such unbearable tumults inside him, was practicing increased tolerance with each such unexpected jerk. Plus, draining all that brandy was finally bringing him some relief. He could sense, even as the wounds every one of them he was as much aware of as before, that the stabs of pain had become, just about bearable. When he looked up, he found, as he had had unknowingly expected, his savior girl staring at him bleakly, as he tended to himself and re-settled in the best position he could. When he had stopped showing both signs of activity and pain, she asked him the same thing she had, so many time already.
"Are you okay? "
"No!" He told her with a finality, "No, I'm not okay." She looked visibly abashed at his words and Angad got distracted from what he was going to say. Instead, at the forlorn look of her face, he found himself impossibly amused, so much that he broke into a light laugh. Which was such a horrible idea seconds after he had just sustained the car's jump. It had to be the alcohol working inside, he knew he was no where nearing a drunken state, but the rapid consumption had definitely loosened his nerves. And annoyingly, he still flinched and winced and ground his teeth as the pain was stubbornly lingering. Kripa tried in a rather defeated tone, "Are you... "
"NO!" he cut her off, with a volume higher than before, certain it was the brandy talking. With the certainty of this cause obvious to him Angad paused to breathe in deeply, and went on before she could avert his eyes, "I have a name, and much to your disappointment, it is NOT 'okay'." He had caught her off guard so completely, that it was almost too delayed when she realized what he had meant, and then as she frowned at him, most outrageously as she thought, she was certain he had as much as winked at her. Her mouth hung slightly open but was shut by his next words, "Its Khanna," he told her and she grudged him his cheeky tone in the condition he was, "Angad Khanna." he completed sweetly. In that one single sentence he had flipped his emotional state too rapidly, too many times, for her to make sense. And then, just before she turned to the car, he gave her a smile. Not sweet, nor sarcastic... just a simple smile, which, it appeared, must be characteristic of him. Once again, it put to rest all her edging doubts inside, but outwardly Kripa avoided reacting with a response and restarted her car.
"Ahem" Angad cleared his throat after some peaceful seconds had prevailed, hoping to start afresh, but when she looked strictly ahead, he leaned back into his seat, in the least discomfort he could manage and just looked her, knowingly. Then gave it another shot, "So that tune you were humming earlier.... " No reply. Angad shook his head ever so slightly with a mild grin. "Have I offended you?"
"You don't seem to care much if you did." she pointed out flatly.
"I see I have," he concluded, and neither of them had looked at each other much.
This, she recognized now, was the weirdest thing of all between this stranger Khanna and herself. It was not everyday that she went around being the real Kripa, which was to imply being unaffectedly candid, with strangers of one time. And strangers who were potentially tipsy at the very least... She didn't know if calling this guts was crazy, or justifying it as faith slash intuition was crazier. Angad observed the silent play of expressions on her face. When he saw her take a deep breath before nibbling onto her lower lip as she drove past a rather precarious point where a rock from the mountain side was jutting out too far, he had to agree he was underestimating her too much.
On a thought he quipped, "You have a nice car!" and sure enough, it gained him what much else had failed to, an unwarranted look of complete attention, even if momentary, even if skeptical, even if, finally, outrightly indignant. Kripa narrowed her eyes at him before hurriedly returning to the road of endless perils. When she spoke, he knew she was intending for the words to project her displeasure.
"You couldn't be trying to mock my car." The threat in her words was apparent, and Angad wondered why he was being such an insolent jerk and driving fun out of teasing her. It was not guilt enough to remedy him for then.
"You didn't happen to think I could?"
"Surely you're not already so drunk as to forget who's car it is that you're so comfortably lodged in." Angad nearly laughed at this, but only nearly. Not from the fear of irking her more, but from how arduous laughing was for him. Instead he said, the immense tease in his tone studied and intentional, the brandy he believed was slowly coming along full swing,
"Oh yes I do! Between you and me, and there seems to be no third to disturb, there is only a single possibility of who would ever care to own a lilac Baby Austin."
"Maybe I should throw you out of my car now." she said, and so seriously, that he couldn't help laughing, even for the pain. Only a second later he moaned, as expected, but his lips were still partly twisted into a grin. Such irony, he thought, and gave himself a mental pat when she did not ask him if he was 'okay' this time. She did not, however, chose to remain quiet.
"Pray Captain, but I sure was wondering how you managed to look so beautiful?" Ouch, he took her jab, as she shot him a wide bambi eyed soulful look, before turning to the road.
" Captain?" he observed, there wasn't a slur in his words, yet, but they were, he could sense, beginning to roll more than needed, off his tongue; presently he made a point of emphasizing the tease in his question, "I see someone has been listening, and retaining my talks." There you go now, he delivered, since you insisted! When he was satisfied with sufficient rolling of her eyes at his jest, in the most unconsciously adorable way he'd think of, he continued, "And my beauty, I assure you, is not as effortlessly attained as it seems to have been the case for other people in this car... " It took her by surprise, greatly, so her facial alteration betrayed. Recovering almost too quickly for his expectation however, she said
"Are you always this affronting?"
"Here I was thinking I had managed a rather smartly concealed compliment... " She blushed to the roots of her hair, cause now, he truly had been affronting, and it made him laugh. Or maybe the brandy did. In turn it made him writhe and struggle to survive another bout of what refused to be ignored even if it had undeniably subsided, and in no particular context yet from his obvious and only underlying concern, even with a slight dizziness swamping his senses, the battle field flashed before the shut eyes. Temporarily, it knocked him straight in the head and Angad couldn't believe himself to be indulging in such light hearted banter when he was missing in action where he was most needed. Involuntarily he sighed, agitated, helpless, desperate.
"Captain Khanna...?" he heard her concern, as from before. That she had addressed him by name instead, even if most formally, to quite an extent was so much more personable. He kept the smile limited to within his head, and looking back her, decided impromptu that he would push things just a little further with her, and watch.
"Angad." he told her, quietly. Firmly.
And even if she had proved more than once already how slow she was in interaction with strangers, she did understand the implication of this particular remark. Its double implication in fact - in pressing familiarity, and in seeking, she reveal her name to reciprocate. Kripa nodded, with what she hoped was neither too much, nor too little acknowledgment, without looking at him directly. Angad understood the predicament of her persisting reserve, but it still disappointed him at least a tad, that he had been unsuccessful, so long, at winning the trust of this fair maiden who seemed to be more than just an intrigue. Once more, there ensued a silence between the passengers.
Kripa concentrated on the drive. It was strange, very strange indeed, that her fidgety lack of confidence from before when she was driving alone had been replaced by a responsibility induced confidence. It had managed to soothe her nerves such that she was no longer thinking of how or if she would make it back home, safely. She tried to pretend believing it was her own doing, that she overcome her earlier unnecessary nerves, but the thought of the last section of the drive, after she would have dropped the captain to his destination was not as ready a thought as she would wish for it to be. She tried then to not think about that, for now.
Angad ran through his mind the events of the past few days, especially the past few hours. He wondered if it had been the distraction this girl had provided, or the brandy, or both, that his pain, for a while had been quite bearable. As of this silent moment, it seemed to him, that he could not concentrate on any thought for an entire minute without being revolted with agony in some part. He wished desperately he could inject himself with liberal amounts of morphine till he would truly be in complete bliss, devoid of any traces of the pain... he wished and tried hard to pretend that the pain wasn't there but the farce held for a few seconds at a time, he doubted he had crossed an entire minute so, yet. And inevitably, he found himself questioning again, what stroke of ill fate has destined for him and his men to suffer this disaster... before they could be of real avail to the country. One bloody avalanche... and...
"I can look handsome when I haven't fallen some few hundreds of feet... " he said in a wry tone taking her briefly by surprise at having broken the silence without so much as a warning, and a choice of topic oddly revealing. Several quiet moments had passed between them, not uncomfortably, but he wanted to get back to making conversation. There was an easy sustenance and relief from immediate pressing issues at hand that he could do nothing about, if they kept talking. He saw the instant surprise dawn upon her features, which was confirmed when she looked him in the eye, and as had happened in his entire aimless interaction with this girl so far, he was tempted to cheeky intentions yet again, as he wondered if there was, even a dim chance that she had been taken aback was at the first part of his claim?
"You're not serious?" That, he evaluated, wasn't quite explicit. Even if, in all fairness, he knew what she meant. Contrary to which, he spoke,
"About looking handsome?" Her lips parted, no doubt to deliver another ready retort, but Kripa shut them instead and gave him a serious look. Her serious look, that is, and he paid heed only cause he did not want the tease to aggravate her into silence again. A light headiness was starting to unwind his stressed nerve ends, and he welcomed the comfort with thoughtless relief.
"About the fall of course." She stated, redundant though it was for her expression had conveyed the message. He managed to look crest fallen, but she pointedly ignored the dramatics, or blamed it on, the obvious, and said, in the same serious tone, "You didn't actually... I mean... hundreds of feet... " Angad gave her a small, passive smirk.
"I'm fast discovering belief is not what you walk around wearing on your sleeve... " he replied indirectly, making two points at once, and to nail them both he broke the gaze she had held and looked ahead, gravely. It must have worked, as her next words indicated, as also did her quietened tone.
"I don't mean it like that Captain. But you might as well discover while you're at it, that I live less than 50 kms from the international border? Disbelief is a sort of geographic hazard in my case. A locational mutation of my genes... " Angad almost laughed before the thought of the pain it would cause had him stop. Instead he bared his teeth into a wide smile, and even with that, he only ill concealed, the stretched and strained muscles in and around the neck area. "Maybe you should exercise complete rest for a while," she advised, wisely, with a warm teasing note. He looked at her, tongue against his cheek, offering some disdain at the comment but she looked back saying or showing no more, and just the surprise of a stance so genuine and simple from her kept him quiet.
Not long enough.
"I'm wondering why you agreed to give me a ride... " Kripa did not dare look him at this question. It had been the one she had no appreciable answer to. She shrugged her shoulders, then resigned to say what was the truth, however far fetched it may sound.
"It was... intuitive... " She shrugged again, looking ahead all the while, "I... I was wondering myself... " she paused again, and frowned, not turning to him, but her eyes were decidedly not on the road.
Something, he realized seconds later when she nearly forgot to turn around a curving path, and what lay straight ahead was a fall. Angad lunged forward, the urgency forcing him to ignore all inside him that rattled and displaced painstakingly and rotated the wheel, just in time, shocking Kripa to a paralysis of sort, which she broke only to turn off the ignition as the car swerved slightly over the soft snow, screeching in ritual, before coming to an absolute halt. She was so entirely unnerved, that as she let her face fall into shaky hands, Kripa thought she might cry. Which was what he saw when he faced her to hurl some stern words at her. Which were easily subdued at her frail temperament.
All horrific thoughts were put on hold when she felt a firm hand run through her hair falling lose, as the clip that had previously held them came undone. Her face shot up at the unexpected act from him and when she met his eyes, in confusion, and question, he gave her a strong smile cupped the back of her head single handedly, in gentle comfort.
"Relax... " he mumured soothingly, lightly rubbing and massging through her hair till she nodded. "Are you 'okay'?" He added seconds later and it was his insinuating tone that made her look up, and her smile was now cast as much in the lighter vein, but in his eyes she saw solemn interest. She made a face to not smile at his overt mischief, or the inert protection, and nodded. Then looking away from him she bent to grab the lose clutch that had fallen off, but she was taken aback when he held the wrist of her hand holding it, away from securing it again.
"Why would you want to do that?" he spoke as if that here should have been obvious enough, but she was quite uncertain she understood what he meant. Do what? She was just going to re tie her hair and ... surely ... not ... right? She didn't know it was the confusion in her eyes that he sort to answer, or a liberty he took without warning her when he swept a pile of finger combed hair upon her shoulder, almost, preciously. Either way she was at a loss of perspective, numb for extracting the righteous reaction out of herself, not even blinking for what could transpire unknown to her if she dared.
He stared at her for some seconds, and when she did not shy her gaze away, he took it for enough to pretend by that she could sense what was coming, as he could. With a guiding urge in his grip of the back of her head through her silken tresses he pulled her to him. When their faces were only officially apart the distance between so stingy, she had shown neither submission nor resentment, and in all honesty he did not absorb himself long enough into correcting thoughts. Instead he couldn't but help stare at the creation of her features, she was a hell attractive woman, he wanted to say so much. But it could dispel this aura and he was happily under the spell she had cast so unknowingly... in all her naivety. Musing what it could be like to get used to all of it.
Angad smiled, his familiarity of it unfair to her virgin lack of knowing, just before tilting his face slightly and nestling in between the luxurious curtain of her falling hair till his lips, most sensuously brushed against the softness lower into the side of her neck. She gasped in the first of blunt reactions, and he knew as much from the restrain that held back her breath the same instant, upholding with it all of her that was in extreme vicinity of him into a tensed stillness. He did not withdraw, it was not a sign that signaled he should, and in conformity perhaps, as his lips remained, relentlessly, seductively lingering in contact, he sensed the return, and increased hereby, sweet pulsation ripple the sensitive spot which he now, softly kissed.
He had to shift his head ever so slightly that it might as well have been a movement missed but for the current high physical alertness, to get a glimpse of her face. The forbidden wishful picture of it was so captivating, Angad thought for all his control here, she was still in lead. But her eyes were now lightly shut to not see what she was feeling as completely as he was and this convenient compromise in the act on her part mattered, enough that he would not accept. Inevitably his gaze traveled to her lips, enticingly parted, but he did not kiss them as he so badly wanted to, as she, no doubt, badly needed him to. Instead, yet again, he let his own come in contact and brush over them while murmuring in his husky, notorious drawl, "I've never kissed a girl without knowing her name."
He wasn't lying, and Kripa heard it so in his voice, but what she heard more were his words, upon her lips. And to that her eyes flew open, suddenly aware of what she had blissfully chosen to remain oblivious to so it could happen without interruption. When she found her eyes looking back into his, she saw again, as she had the first instance they had met - the black color of them, so dark, and how unavoidable the glint in them still was. There was an additional unmasked sentiment that had flickered to life, and some dogmatic part of her mind announced to her in a way of preaching that it was her own doing, and the doing of the brandy she had willingly offered him to get high on.
When she had remained unresponsive on the outside to the inundated rush inside her head, his stray thumb casually caressed, in a potent reminder, the spot on her neck he had kissed. That, which she had allowed him to kiss. She knew that instant, in absolute conscience that she ought to pull back now, but it took her a few seconds too many, of furious conflict between body and mind before she managed to, and that with an impolite jerk in her vastly overcome state.
Angad silenced the hiss that would have betrayed him, and his physical pain with a harsh pursing of his lips as she released herself from his hold, and her eyes from his piercing gaze. When she did not speak then, he knew she wouldn't. And he knew better than to have, but without much prior consent from himself, his hand extended towards her and as also he should have guessed, she shied away from it before it could touch her. Angad swore mentally, withdrawing it to himself, and looked outside from the window on his own side. And rigidly grit his teeth. Uncaring of the pains that shot through his neck and upper back.
There was some fumbling, then tinkering and a sound of its fall, the sound which told him it was the set of her car keys, and when he perceived movement next to himself, likely to retrieve the same, he looked in the direction most briefly. And caught her nonetheless, in her vehement act of wiping the back of her hand under her eye. Despite himself, the child like remorse of her action transiently mellowed the angst of his insult at her willful refrain of him. And he felt, in an uncanny moment, resentfully responsible for her grief. Her silent denial was bad enough, this silent acceptance of being wrong on her part was unbearable to his pride.
Impulsively he turned to his door and tugged at the handle, which much to irritation refused to budge. He sighed, very impatiently. "Open my door." There was an order that rung in those low but sure words which expected only to be obeyed; distantly she justified it was the captaincy in him. But more consciously she sensed only shock, having ill recovered from their shared intimacy and to Kripa, his words sounded impossibly ruthless. She remained staring at the back he kept upon her, persistently, and when a couple of seconds had passed without him changing his mind, she reckoned he would not. But her return to activity was not fast enough and scaring her, Angad turned around, the glint in his eyes was now dangerously livid. Strangely then, when he spoke, she did not hear the same in his voice, which was, she had to admit, amazingly controlled.
"Open the door for me please," he repeated his wish for her to hear. And concede. And although she would have asked something his eyes forbade her from speaking. She turned to the controls on her side and with only a second's delay clicked one. Then without turning around she mustered bits of her scattered resolve and started,
"Why .... " to only hear the opening of his door in response, cutting off the remainder of her question, and making her turn back to him hurriedly. That he had removed the binding seat belt off himself and was making his way out, slowed only by the effort that was needed, caused her to panic even if it was one word too less to describe her state. A harsh wind rushed in chilling the space between them and around, robbing its warmth away. And when he finally stood out of the car just before he could shut the door behind himself she called out, "Angad!", to his back, as it still faced her.
He stopped. For a second, Angad Khanna, whether or not he would have willed, stopped to the sound of his name like he had no other time in his life. There was a way in which his mum would say it out when calling him, when he was addressed with this formal first name, a way only she could, and a way that he come to relate only with her. Coming from anyone and everyone else, Angad had only ever been that call one comes to recognize and identify oneself with and respond to spontaneously. And yet, as she had spoken it right now, he knew it had been... different... unique.
"Where are you going?"
The words broke his trance, and he debated over whether or not he should face her at all.
"You can't go anywhere alone in this condition," she said, by way of reminding him of his constrain, which sounded something much like she was imploring. But what Angad heard in all of it was the can't, and that was a word he had not learned to obey. He did not reply, he did not turn back to her, but her took the first faltering step, wincing, then struggling to not make a sound that she would reach her. It wasn't easy, with the alcohol becoming rapidly ineffective. With the torrential gale and snow offering every form of resistance possible, that she wasn't.
"Angad please!" She spoke behind him and he heard a shuffling, followed by opening of her door. At this second instance of hearing her pronounce his name he could think discretely, a single thought. "I request you to... "
"Who are you?" Cutting her off, he spelled it thus as she came around to face him. His expression inquiring, composed, impersonal.
"I... "
"You realize I don't even know your name?"
"Yes, but... "
"And you realize its only right for myself, a captain in the army to know sufficiently about the identity of a person who decides to bestow me with such generosity for no reason she can explain?"
At this Kripa remained speechless. Even as Angad knew it was only one more of all those times he had, in face of all else failing, unintentionally used his infallible skill of debate, with an argument that he knew was as technically impeccable as it was in reality obnoxious, but one that could not be questioned back even if both parties were aware of its false premise. Despite it all, he stood facing her domineeringly, as if in a greater capacity to do so than was rightful.
"You're doubting my integrity because I helped you without motive?"
She did not look at him as she asked the simple question, but it threw him off guard completely. It was, as if, he could see her in a whole new light, with much greater respect, as a worthy contender would have for an equally worthy opponent. Except, there was a personalized admiration fast creeping into all of this that made her anything but an opponent. And in partial disbelief, as he went over her words in his head, Angad tried hard to convince himself that the girl he had evoked with a physical craving for himself inside the car minutes ago and this girl who had verbally over ridden, with a truth so undeniable, his impossible claim, was one and the same.
And, he reminded himself bitterly now, he still did not know her name.
"No." he replied, keeping it painlessly short.
"Then allow me to drop you to the base."
He decided, yet again, that this girl was messing up his system badly. How was he to conclusively summarize someone who could trust herself with a stranger, who she could conceive of being compromised by in the tiny cramped car, but not trust him with her identity. He sighed, wearily. Then nodded. And even though it was she who had requested, and he who had agreed, he was aware she had won with having her way, and he was still the one indebted to her favor. Great!
When the journey resumed this time Angad leaned his head into the side pane with eyes firmly shut and retired himself to get some sleep. It was the only safe way of sharing a ride with her. Kripa for her part was extremely quiet, concentrating on the driving with a might much more than was needed to keep her mind from wandering to any dangerous introspection for now. She was thankful for him to have found the best way to lay all confrontations to rest, but a teeny part of her desired, much to the disapproval of her wary instinct, that he would wake up and talk to her again, like before. And somewhere in her head rang the lyrics, true to her dilemma like she would have never expected...
"kya bura hai kya bhala hai
waqt hi shaayad khuda hai
ho jaane do phir dekha jaayega ... "
Only with extreme caution she risked to glance at him a total of five times... until they had reached what in her estimate was mutually best.
*********************************************
~ Chapter 4 ~
" Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offence.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall ... ... "
(~ Robert Frost, Mending Wall)
Killing the engine she sat still for a bit. After his slow rhythmic breathing had assured her, Kripa discarded the sneak peaks by turning her full frame towards him. And took the chance of observing at leisure - despite all injuries to his disadvantage, the angular features as sharp as the male he was. His hair were disciplined and short but the rich texture of them unmistakable nonetheless, randomly she thought of running a hand over to feel them, but wisely kept the whim at bay. It was in the very end that inevitably, her eyes did turn to his lips, and instantly she felt a heat rise to her cheeks at the thought of their touch against her skin. Kripa snapped her gaze away, as if fearing the epitome of her desires to awaken his sleeping form and catch her in the act of secretly, darkly, admiring... The brush of a movement alerted her however, and she turned back to him. The appearance of a deep crease across his temples, a disturbed stirring, were both symbolic that he was coming around. Perhaps from the interruption in the tranquilizing motion of the car.
"An... Cap... " she paused, then with some bold refute against caution, which really had never been one among her virtues, she spoke again, "Angad... ?" With a gentle tap over his shoulder. He stirred some more, she repeated his name and this time invisible slits peeped from his eyes until the next second they flew open. Wide. He scrunched them at first then opened them once and for all. And then just looked at her.
"We're there." she informed him after a hint of recognition in his eyes was reflected for herself. He took in her words, then nodded. The short stint of sleep having surely and sourly rid him of tipsy respite, as everything came back to him, Angad felt worse than when he had woken up post the fall. To give himself time before looking at her, he shot a narrowed, studying gaze out of the windscreen ahead. Tentatively reaching out to clear the section on his side, but she moved ahead of him and cleared it with what looked like a dust cloth. The official insignia, the Indian flag, figures of armed men in uniforms greeted him beyond, and in a brief surge of relief he forgot the guilt and turned to her with a reflexive smile. Which spoke volumes for his gratitude, so naturally, that she couldn't but smile back, as an empathizing companion. Only for an instant, which passed, she looked away, and tucked one of the many strands that had fallen out face ward in discord.
"Thanks!" he said quietly, taking an extra moment to look at her, as he believed was the last time he would, before moving his eyes back to the sight of where he belonged. Habitually his hand went to the handle of his door, which remained unmoved again, and he turned to her in expectation, faintly sheepish from the memory of the previously similar situation.
"Child locking," she muttered, undoing the lock with a click. When she turned around to face him he gave her a smile that was curiously amused. "For me," she admitted, then thought it rather silly and added quickly, "From when I was a kid... its an old car.. you know... "
"I guess I do," he replied and she would have almost frowned at his teasing but he looked so easily pleased and it was such a welcome change from the past hour of the silent drive, she just smiled back, yet. A brief, quiet second passed.
"An... "
"I... "
They both started at once, then Kripa indicated for him to go first, and although this was, as far back as he could recall, the hardest words had come to him he was glad to be able to speak before anything she had to or would say.
"I'm... I apologize about before." He saw her eyes rise worriedly, he guessed alarmed by what and how much he would say, then fall back as quickly, he guessed cause she would obviously rather not be having to look at him when he did. "I really do." he said quietly. Obviously she was giving him far too much credibility if she thought he would even delve into the details here. "There is no better way I can say it, and... " I guess the brandy was not a good idea after all, was on the tip of his tongue, but it would only have been a lame excuse. She wasn't looking at him at all and this once Angad was entirely uncertain about what she was thinking, wished desperately she would look up so her eyes, at least, would reveal something of her thought. Uneasily he rubbed a thumb over his temple, and said, "I don't expect you to understand but... I hope you can forget about it... " What he truly hoped was nothing of this last bit, he realized acutely as those words left him, and it only made his repenting speech a tougher task. "I'm sorry." And then without waiting for her reaction or reply he turned and opened his door.
"Its Kripa," he heard her say from behind, it stalled his effort to get out of the seat as the two words made sense past some delay. And he turned back to her. Unknowingly he smiled, then at repeating her name mentally it struck him and he said, "Kripa... quite a name for you ... " She could not detest him for his persistent tease, specially because his eyes were a whole different message. As if they expected her to comprehend the obvious compliment, and accept it.
"Kripa Aziz Sharma," she completed, and to no surprise of hers he raised an evident eye. She laughed in the delight of one who had it so seen coming. "Say it... strange name, eh?!" Angad simply shrugged, in agreement, his eyes fixed upon her smile. In a well rehearsed manner, of one too jaded, yet inevitably keen to be the wisest, she detailed out to him, "It was an inter caste alliance. Aziz is from Ami's name." He nodded as the answer stored itself somewhere inside his head, and he was intent only on studying her animated expressions until, too soon he thought, she did realize, making him look away. To pose otherwise, she bent over his seat belt to have something to do and released the clasp, but instead of just letting it go, lest it scraped any wounds in its recoiling, she stretched her arm to guide it back to its buckle. Cause her arm did not quite make it, she partially stretched over herself.
And was instantly conscious of her mindlessness. Since there was no point in emphasizing the obvious, she completed what she had to before returning to her seat. And flustered she already was, a shrill ringing that second made her nearly jump out of her skin. Recognizing the tone belatedly, she fumbled to hunt her cell, managing to flip it just in time.
"H.. hello?" she managed, pulling the phone away for a glance, then spoke back into it, "Dad? What happened?"
"What happened? Why its midnight!" the voice on the other end was not an extraordinary volume, but Angad could make out the words for how quiet it was in the car otherwise. Hearing no immediate reply from her the voice continued, "Happy new year beta!" And it was such a spontaneous reaction from her, as her face relaxed into a small, but warm smile... Angad felt a tug inside.
And thought of his mum back home... and well, his father. Growing up was a different kind of love for your parents, more of where you begun feeling responsible, mature, and an equal part of everything. The expression on Kripa's face made him wonder if he was growing too fast. If he wasn't losing that right of being a young boy, a son to them who would be parents no matter what, too early. Whether or not they were around for you in person...
"A very happy new year to you too, papa!" her voice brought him back. "I'm glad you called." It came just like that.
"Of course I would Kazi!" the voice on the other end endeared. "Naanu wanted to stay up but old man, I told him he wont last until 12... " There was laughter, and Angad saw Kripa's smile widen.
"Dad!" she said in loving reproach.
"Yeh me! Anyways, why were you distracted before?"
"I... was... ahem ... " Angad saw Kripa shoot a quick side look at him, to which he immediately warded by looking away before seeming a pry. But her next words had him look right back at her, without covert pretense. "I was ... sleeping ... " He heard her say, in what was a sure drop of volume. Did she really think he'd miss that? The expression that accompanied her blatant lie was priceless and Angad had to make considerable effort to not laugh out loud. Yet. "I'll see you soon Dad! Good night... " she left it that, in what sounded to him more of a request that the call be ended by her old man on the other side. And although it was likely to have puzzled the girl's father, Angad could make a fairly good guess about the rush. What he did not understand however, was the lie itself...
She didn't look too old, but surely, she was no teen sneaking away from home now, was she?
"I'm just... just tired. Love you dad, bye!" and she hung up.
"Ahem.." he cleared his throat, after a second or so, then faked a cough, which was a complete wreck of an idea to provoke cause it obviously became a groan of pain but when she faced him the grin had, still, not been replaced sufficiently. She just looked at him, saying nothing as her fingers fiddled among themselves till she had his attention undivided. Then in a serious voice she confessed,
"I don't go around lying to my family like that but I couldn't tell them I was driving back in this weather," Looking up with a pause she added in justification for him to see, cause he must, "They would have been so freaked out you know?!"
"I'm sure," Angad replied gravely understanding, then added in the same manner, "But hey! I wasn't asking." And the grin that had been itching to come was whole hearted this time. She glared at him.
"You think I'm silly." She stated in complain.
"You're saying that, not me," he said between laughs, and groans, "You're a tragic liar though." and then pausing he added, thoughtfully, "I bet your father didn't buy that." At this Kripa was offended, indignant, and fairly angry.
"Oh yeh? And you would tell me more about my father than you'd think I know?"
"No." he agreed, and that was it. She thought he would come back with something more to mock but it really was just that.
"I should be going," she said. But before she had even put herself to fetching the keys he circled her wrist firmly.
"You don't think you're driving back now by any chance?" She looked at him unsure. "Not after I know something about that big picture of lying at home... " She would have retorted but he did not seem to be joking at all. "Someone from the camp shall drive you back." He announced turning to open his door.
"But... "
"Lock the car and come with me."
"Angad!" He could have almost smiled at the commanding note in her summon, it was obviously not intimidating, but, disheartening her attempt would be so mean of him. He turned around with a raised eye. "You're forgetting it was me who drove you all the way here, safe and sound." she pointed promptly.
"I will remember to thank god for that. Hurry up now." And this time he had managed to get both his legs out into the rough weather. Within seconds she was on his side of the door holding her hands out to help him. When he finally stood up, momentarily leaning against the car to recover his breath from the exertion of hauling himself out, even with her help, she spoke up again.
"My house is just 15 minutes from here. I decided it was okay to put you at the camp closest from home, so you don't ... "
"Let me do it Kripa." he cut short her rant. "I'm sure you can manage 15 minutes and all that, but let me get you dropped back, for my peace of mind." Although there was in his tone, an obvious message that the decision had been made, Angad did await her to approval.
"Alright." She consented at last. And before any more could be exchanged between them, a uniformed man, having observed outsiders, had appeared beside them. When he saw Angad's face however, Kripa noticed an instant recognition and immediately he delivered his formal greeting, as to a senior. Which Angad, owing to his condition could return only with a stiff nod.
"We got news of your charge Captain." He said with a grim condolence, then with a faint smile he added, "But we should not have underestimated ..." Again, Kripa did not miss the personal note of respect. He was a Captain, which was not that high up in military denominations. But that he seemed to have earned among his peers more than the rank already made her a proud sort of happy. Like one would be at the achievement of a close someone... she didn't bother herself with why.
"Nope, still hanging around!" Angad joked with no reserve. It was when the corner of his eye detected a slight flinching of her expression that he made to quickly change the topic, "Get a jeep and driver ready, someone needs to drop Miss Sharma home. She lives close by." The man for the first time turned his attention to her, with a formal nod for a greeting. Then, as his eyes moved away she saw brows rise slowly, abruptly, and fall.
"And the ... the car, Captain?" Both Angad and Kripa followed his gaze.
"The car... err... " Angad caught Kripa's warning eye, challenging him as if to show the least scorn or disrespect to little prize and face consequences. Not like she had to, it was impossible to have missed her possessive streak for the Austin. "I'm sure you can tow it back with the jeep?" It was a wise call. She would have shown no consideration to his rank and stature if he had demeaned or dismissed the car. And there was no way he could expect anyone on his team to drive back that thing. It would be exploitation of a junior, clearly. With the exchange of some more quick instructions, including, medical aid that Angad would need be sent for immediately, an urgent message be wired to the border informing the Captain in command of Khanna's return, an assurance that no, he did not need men or a wheel chair to walk to a tent, that yes, some food would be good idea, that yes more clothes would be even better and that yes also, pain killers would be bloody brilliant, the man was finally sent away. Granting the pair of them some final moments together, alone.
"So whats it like at the border... I mean, as bad as the news scare?"
"It fluctuates," Angad reasoned. And to both of them, it did occur how their entire encounter had been so devoid of anything so normal as this obvious small talk, and everything out of line unexpected. "Thanks Kripa! I shall remember you by." She did not reply promptly, nor did she look at him. Then, tentatively she said,
"I hope... the country hopes, you all shall be victorious." Angad gave a short laugh. And a groan followed, of course.
"I'd have thought we were past such obligations."
"It isn't obligatory." she said quietly, "I will pray for you." Angad nodded, not knowing what to say to this solemn stance. It was yet another new shade she had unveiled. "You'll take care of yourself?" At this question from her Angad clenched fists, to keep his hands to himself, ignoring the pains.
"Look up," he told her, but she didn't, "Look at me Kripa!" And she did, to the tough tone he had used. For some moments, he said nothing but looked at her straight, intently, making it very hard for her to meet the gaze but he had forced her to keep it up without having laid her finger.
"If I return from this... " he paused, just before the word war was spoken, not wanting to sound ominous. It was a word he avoided using in general, there were better ways to promote morale among soldiers, and lesser ways to diminish it. "When I return from this entire affair at the border, can I come see you?" She was quiet, for what he thought was a long time, before replying.
"If you want to... "
"Yeh. I think I would want to very much." he said, unlike her, having to think none. "Great! I will come see you then." He broke into a fresh smile, for them. When they were quiet the next few seconds, it was weird silence. They each wondered how to react and reflect a gesture to seal this 'agreement' between. The howling of the gale all around them became evident as if it had only just happened. He looked around to see signs of how fast his orders were being processed. And found that she had folded arms snugly across her chest when he turned back to her, head lowered into the collars.
He cast a quick glance at the camp site again, before facing her. Lightly, he raised a hand and brushed off the snow flakes that were sprinkled like grain salt over the top of her head. When he ran the same fingers through dense lovely strands slowly, she had to look up at him and unknowingly it drew her feet towards him, closing on the gap. Angad raised his other hand and cupped her face gently with both. Looking at her caused him to experience, at the same time, a yearning of adult passion and an affection in pure protection.
"You're not like any other girl I ever knew," he confessed to her.
"How many have you known?" There it was again, the innocence so blunt that it made him want to own her like a possession, and pamper like a kid. Angad groaned at this tormenting mix of emotions. Kripa, as he should have known, misjudged it to have offended him. "You don't have to tell me," she said hurriedly, then on an afterthought added, "Yet." Angad laughed at her self assumed maturity, then shook his head at himself.
"Oh boy!" he muttered in an undertone and found her casting him a curious frown. Instinctively he pulled her to himself, nothing good for his ailing injuries, but the compelling urge inside had him in utter disarray. As suddenly as she had been pulled, Kripa found her lips captured into a bold kiss. Bold and consuming. She faltered in response, her senses frenzied by the demand of his gesture and a loss of knowing her part... But he wasn't waiting for her to catch on, and the pace of it seemed to guide her like instructions couldn't have. He sought her response with a singularity of proposition that she succumbed to in feeble readiness. The craving wore into deeper passion and then into heated breathelessness. When she was nearly faint, the intensity yet alive, the liplock abruptly broke and she let her fore head hit his cold chest, eyes shut, exhausted fingers curled onto the battered lapels of his blue jacket.
Leaning quite certainly into him, it was moments before a normalcy had been restored in her wildly beating heart and erratic breathing. She felt him fuss with her hair, pet her head and drop some gentle kisses atop. There was a strength in his gentle rubbing of her back and shoulders... but when her arms dropped slowly to encircle his waist, a shudder escaped him, and she pulled away in concern of recalling he was severely injured. Only, he held her back sufficiently. And before she could have spoken, he did.
"Now I become answerable?" She looked confused, "About the many girls before?" She wouldn't have wanted to but she hated him for such a mention at this instant.
"No." she told him agitated. "I don't care to know." And then she just fell back against him and hugged her arms around him without paying heed to his wincing. With no more to say to him.
"Kripa!" he groaned, at least part in genuine pain, "I fear I'm liking you too much too soon... "
"I've been told I'm very likable." she tossed at him still hugging.
"You are my dear, you certainly are... " he murmured and embraced her back finally. Surely it wasn't but a couple hours or so ago that he had met this girl? For all talks of destinies and fates, Angad was coming close to admit, this one had him thoroughly cornered. He was crooning sweet nothings to a girl, such a stranger, and his logic had battled to all but fail; so much that he was leading her on with actions and words alike. What if he woke up tomorrow in regret... or worse, disconcern...
In mounting ambivalence he whispered to her, "Someone's going to show up any second..." She took an entire second, then with practiced caution withdrew her embracing, tiny arms. There wasn't a question or protest in her silence. As if on cue a man came up right then.
"Captain!" he saluted smartly. "The engine is running and ready to go." Angad saw Kripa nod at him, and smile some at his junior.
"I am too," Kripa told him. And looking back she said, "Good luck Captain!" A sincere wish. And with that she had walked away, led by his man. She had an urge to turn back once and see if he was there, watching her go, but she did not. This entire encounter had an enigma about it that she could not resolve, and somehow she knew he could no better. Something had happened in this day of her life. Something that had only begun unfolding, or already been wrapped up...
Angad saw her small form become smaller, till it had disappeared within the huge military jeep. There had been over a minute that it had stood, while her car was hooked on securely, during which he wanted to walk up to her window and have a final word. Happy new year Kripa, he wished her mentally instead. Wondering if the significance of this new beginning had anything in it for them... perhaps he would wake up tomorrow and still think of her... after all...
The snow fell softly, spirtedly upon him where he stood - a glwoing white. He looked up to it and some flakes fell right into his eyes which he blinked at grinning. Not far away, as the jeep begun its ride, Kripa saw the flurry of flakes they were driving into - the countless stars again - and upon each one she made a wish, a wish she wished would come true! ...
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@ aria and sookie, you guys have loaded the thread with stuff im catching onto tomorrow! i promise... being free from lab has been an assault of sort from those who think i now have no reason to be excused... also, while i was doing this, i considered reading one by either of you a threat called distraction, honest! ..
@ someone who has been SO patient and happy (touchwood) @ someone who's calls i persistently miss and who persistenly calls me and leaves me vms.... @ someone who i haven't talked to right in a while... u know i love you guys, you should know anyways... a blind man could see it gleam in my eyes!! :)
Edited by spln - 15 years ago
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
Cricket
