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Chapter 4:
He watches carefully--- his eyes falling onto her oblivious state with her back faced towards him and cradling his son affectionately in her arms. She coos at him, making him smile now and then, whilst he drinks his milk greedily out of the bottle strapped into her slender fingers. His small little hands reach out to play with the gold chain resting against her bosom, tugging on it hard.
She has been here only two days and already an improvement has occurred in Yash's health. Now he drank and ate happily without any tantrums, that too, only from Bani's hands. He slept perfectly as well, not waking up in the middle of the night, crying restlessly for attention. He does not go to anyone, but Bani, yet still he has become into a rather happy child, finding that his aunt's attention and presence is enough for him.
Has he made a mistake? Has he by taking away his son from the home he has become accustomed to? Where he was well settled and looked after? Should he not have come at all and let Yash stay with his grandparents and aunts? But of course he knew he could not just allow him to stay there. It was not right. That isn't where he belongs. Yes, the Dixits are his family---they are no strangers to him. But this is his proper home, where he really belongs. Here with him and his family. If Ananya had been alive, he would be here with them. Because reality is that Mumbai is his actual home, not Mount Abu.
Yet Jai Walia is unable to shake off the guilt of separating his son from the only family he knows, the one he is familiar and feels safe with. He had been alarmed at first seeing Bani at the hospital, having flown into Mumbai especially all the way from her home to see Yash. He was as well offended. What did she think? That he is incapable of taking care of his own son? That he is still neglecting him? True he hasn't been able to connect with him as of yet, but he is definitely trying. He makes sure Yash is taken great care of, hiring the best of nannies. Even his mother and Dadi give him their full attention, showering him with all of their grandmotherly love. She cannot accuse him of anything. Jai Walia may not be the father of the year, but he very well damn knows that he has responsibilities towards his son which he is trying to fulfill to the best of his capabilities.
He had huffed and glowered at them--grumbling to himself, burning with anger with her and her family's presence. He is not some kind of monster, he would growl. He isn't torturing the life out of the innocent child. What do they think of him? But he had simmered down in some time, noting the change in Yash's health. He was improving drastically. That too because of Bani. He was in awe by this fact. The connection between nephew and aunt blows him away. The love that he sees in her eyes towards his son is so pure and genuine--- like the love any mother shares for her child. This thought shook him to the very core. He recalls her earlier words...
"Mera bacchaa.... Mera Yash...." The love Bani has for Yash is much more than simple adoration from an aunt towards her newphew, it was one of a mother to her child. She had stormed into the hospital like a lioness, demanding for Yash, accusing them for bringing him into a critical state, and glaring at him with her hard honey eyes. She is over-protective about him, he can see it clearly through her actions towards him. The way she takes care of him--- she does so with guard and a want of protecting him from any harm's way. So on hearing that he was ill, she lost all sense of her mind and thought the absolute worse, she grew restless and completely shaken. He sees how Yash has become into her everything. And Bani everything to his son.
Jai moves away from the half-opened room, leading into the nursery, where his sister-in-law continues to give her undivided attention to his son. He heaves a sigh and touches his temples, feeling a headache coming along. He doesn't have a clue what should be done with his son, how will he get him settled into his new home and family. As he approaches his study and steps into it's solitude, wishing to hide away from his lurking problems, Jai is instead given the surprise of seeing his mother accompanied by his dadi, sister, and brother-in-law. They all are seated on the available furniture in the room, wearing looks of deep thought on each of their faces. On hearing his entrance, they look up to him.
Jai senses the tension in the atmosphere and remains rooted to his spot, slowly closing the door to avoid any of his late wife's family from hearing what is about to occur.
Jai: Kya hua... aap saab... yahan?
They all share glances at one another, furthering his confusion as to why they are in here as they very well know the study is exclusively for him. Seeing that neither of them are going to speak, judging by the discomfort appearing on their expressions, Jai turns his attention onto his mother, who wears lines on her forehead.
Jai: Ma?....
He startles her out of her lost thinking as she glances up at him once more since the time he had entered into the room. She nods her head, knowing that he wants an explanation. She stands onto her feet and meets his curious eyes. Her hand lets go of her pallu, which she had been fiddling with anxiously seconds before.
Krishna: Beta... hum yahan baatke.... sochreh the.... aur saath mein ek faisla thai kiya.... bus tumhe poochna tha....
Jai: Kya baath hai? ..... Kaisa faisla?
He questions while his gaze runs across the rest of his family, all clearly avoiding his eyes. Even Aditya, his best friend and brother-in-law. Jigyasa focuses her attention onto her nails, trying to hide her own anxiety and Dadi messes with the end of her kameez. Krishna hesitates, from whatever reason--- fear or dread of his reaction.
Krishna: Beta....
She stills in her words again and licks her lips, despite them being moist already. Jai keeps his eyes remaining onto his disorientated mother, wondering what thought is pestering her so much. Why does she not come out and say it?
Jai: Ji....
Krishna: Beta.... tum....
She takes in a breath into her before finishing her much awaited sentence. Her soft eyes peer into his.
Krishna: Tum.... tum Bani ke bhaare mein kya sochte ho?
Jai becomes blank on hearing this question, too taken aback to properly react, and stares at his worried looking mother with foreign eyes, as if he is seeing her for the first time.
Jai: Kya? .... What do you mean by that? (demands)
Realizing her fumble, Krishna quickly responds in order to get to the point, straight and forward. The sooner she gets her mind out in the open, the better.
Krishna: Mera matlab.... kya tumhe Bani pasand hai?
Thunderstruck, Jai stares at Krishna speechless, his face losing it's color. His mind is incapable of properly processing her words. Why is she asking him this? How can she ask him such a thing? She is asking him what he thinks of his sister-in-law? What he thinks of his Ananya's little sister? His gray eyes freeze onto her, hoping that he has heard her wrong. That she isn't thinking what she is thinking. And if she is, how can she? It is impossible, simply impossible.
Jai: (disbelief, stumped) Ma? How can you even think---
Krishna: (hastily) Beta, please, hear me out before you say anything else....
Sudden anger blazes inside of him, taking over his senses. He cannot believe that his own mother would suggest such a thing, even if it is indirectly. She has implied it nonetheless. It's disgusting, disgusting what she and his family members are thinking. He and Bani? That will never happen in a million years. Let alone her, he cannot even think of any other woman in his life. No one can take his Ananya's place, no one. Not even her own sister.
Jai: No! I don't want to hear it! Ma--- she is Ananya's little sister! How could you even think of the possibility of the idea?! All of you?! (turning at the rest) It is impossible! I cannot even think of being with anyone else! And you all are thinking of pairing me up with her younger sister?!
Jigyasa, Aditya, and Dadi finally meet his burning eyes that looks to them with building anger. Aditya stands up and is the first of all of them to speak.
Aditya: Jai, you are thinking of it in a rather wrong prespective.... We just want the best for you....
Jai: The best for me is for you all to leave me alone and accept the fact that I am on my own now.... Ananya is gone, I have accepted that fact.... Now it is your turn to accept that no woman can ever take her place... even Bani. ..... I... I can't even believe you all would think like this.... It's----It's disgusting.... it's---it's wrong.... Not only do I reject the very idea, but so will Bani.... How could you all?
Tears spring up in Krishna's hurtful eyes as she looks to him with sorrow bottled up inside of her from these past, torturing months.
Krishna: (growing hyper) Hain, hain, it's wrong!.... Bani is Ananya's little sister, so obviously the very thought of you with her is unthinkable.... But Jai.... Is it my fault that I am thinking of your happiness? .... Of my grandson's happiness? Does that really make me a bad person?
Jai becomes taken aback by his mother's questions, finding no suitable reply to answer them. He felt trapped, helpless, unable to get him out of this unwanted situation. What can he possibly say to assure his mother that he is perfectly fine? That Yash and him will manage to survive?
Jai: Ma... I never called you a bad person.... just... what you are thinking.... it's not.....
Krishna: (finishing for him) possible..... But beta, that is what you think.... in your eyes it is not possible.... seeing yourself with another woman is not possible for you because you cannot imagine yourself with anyone but Ananya..... but beta, from where I am seeing it.... it is very much possible.... and I can see that Bani will be able to bring stability back into your life.... she will bring happiness back into this house.... I believe it....
Jai: Okay.... I will agree that marriage may not be a lost cause for me.... If I wanted to, I can very well get married again.... but tell me this.... Why Bani? .... Why not someone else?
Krishna: Because beta.... I can see your Ananya in her.... the way she loves Yash is remarkable.... it is no different from the way your wife would have loved your son.... she has become terribly attached to him.... but most importantly, Yash has become attached to her as well.... he loves her just the same.... and Bani knows our Yash better than anyone else.... You saw how she came rushing here to Mumbai.... that wasn't simple love from an aunt towards her newphew.... it was love from a mother to her son.... her motherly feelings toward Yash brought her here to be with him.... She lost her mind on hearing that he was ill.... She was worried for his health... She had a typical mother anxiety in her towards her son....
Jai feels a shiver run through his body from Krishna's words. So she has noticed it as well. Perhaps it is obvious to everyone how Bani feels for Yash. That it is much more than an aunt's love.... He avoids looking into his mother's eyes.
Jigyasa: Jai.... you saw how Yash's health improved since the moment Bani came here.... Before he hardly slept or ate.... But now with her presence, he seems to feel somewhat settled in his new surroundings by recognizing an old face.... he does not know any of us.... he hardly even goes to you.... but with Bani, he may learn to open up and accept this as his new home.... He will feel at ease.... He will feel safe.
Aditya: Jai, Yash is your main priority now.... It is your responsibility that your son feels settled in his new home.... and if that means remarrying, then I strongly suggest you should.... Yash needs a mother. Every child needs a mother, otherwise they will grow up with a void living within them.... and as of now, Yash finds that mother in Bani....
Jai looks to them with dread, knowing that whatever they are saying is right, but he still isn't willing to accept the idea of remarriage.... that too with Bani, his sister-in-law.
Dadi: Puttar.... agreed that you can marry whomever you want if not Bani.... but do you believe that any other woman will be able to love with the same capacity that Bani loves your son? Love them just as much as Ananya would have? That they will never treat him differently from any of your other children that you would bear with her? God forbid that Yash gets a mother that neglects him and does not give him the proper love a child needs from his mother.... But Bani is capable of giving him all that love.... She will raise him no differently than how Ananya would have....
Jai: Just because she is Ananya's sister does not mean that she is Ananya herself! And besides, she is a child herself! Only nineteen! I am in my early thirties--- a good decade older than her..... You wish to marry her to an old man? I won't take away her chance of finding her own life partner, creating her own family, living her own life.... just because of my son and I.... just because of our selfish reasons.... How can you expect so much from a child?
Krishna: Beta... We know that Bani is young.... but she is very mature for her age.... Even you had said so before whenever you came back from visits to Mount Abu.... From what I have heard from Ananya, Bani is a responsible and dependable girl.... very much different from other girls around her age.... She knows how to handle her responsibilities.... Yes, we are expecting a bit much out of her, but I know that she will not give us a chance to complain....
He wishes he can yell, make them understand him---understand the fact that he cannot marry Bani, not only because she is his late wife's sister but because she would live a miserable life with him.... She will get nothing out of her marriage to him. She won't receive the love a wife is supposed to get from her husband. He does not wish to force her into a life of compromise. But he knew his argument would fall to deaf ears. They have decided. They want Bani as his wife and their daughter-in-law. They firmly believe that she can rebuild their shattered home.
He feels a sudden touch on his arm and sees his mother look at him with pleading eyes.
Krishna: Please.... think about it.....
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He barges into his room and slams the door behind him. He tugs on his tie, loosening it around his collar, and throws it onto his bed. Spotting the mini bar off to the side, he goes to it and pours himself a drink of whiskey on the rocks--- his favorite drink for some time now, the solution to drown his problems away from his mind. He leans against the bar as he takes a sip, savoring the strong effect of the alcohol.
Bani and him? No.... she is his wife's sister.... not to mention still a child. She deserves to live her own life, find a partner around her own age and out of her own choice, and create her own family. He does not want to deprive her of that right.
But at the same time his mother's point makes sense. If anyone is fit to be Yash's mother than it is Bani and only Bani. She will give his son the love a mother should give to her child. She loves him no less than how Ananya would have loved him. That much he is ready to admit. But.... will she be able to accept this proposal? Marry her dead sister's husband? Become her husband's wife and her son's mother?
He touches his temple again and groans. Just when he thought he already had enough problems, one more had to arise.....
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For the next two days Jai Walia immersed himself into his work and avoided mostly everyone in his family, especially Bani, who was still staying with them in the Mansion with her family till Yash becomes absolutey fit. He cannot seem to look at her the same without having the faintest thought in the back of his mind telling him that she could be made into his new wife. He lied to his mother that he would think on her proposal, still firmly against the idea of marrying Bani, but he could not stop himself from dwelling on the thought and how it would affect his and his son's life. The more he thought on it and the more his anger cooled off, the more his mother's words seem to make sense. It is simply the fact that he refuses to let any woman take his dead wife's place that keeps him from admitting that having Bani as his wife is the best for Yash.
On his way over to his room, coming back from work, Jai Walia passes his son's nursery which is left wide open oddly at this hour of time. Caving into his query, he peeps into the room and catches Bani holding Yash in her arms and giggling about something unknown to him. She rubs her nose against his only to have it captured by his small hand, causing the both of them to laugh together. He had never seen his son laugh in that way and stares transfixed at the picture the two make together. Anyone who saw them together would believe that they were mother and son. There is no doubt in that. Even he could easily be fooled.
"You are my good baccha, haina?" he hears Bani question warmly and kissing him soundly on his head. Yash gurgles as his reply.
"Mera baccha.... Mera Yash..." Jai Walia runs his fingers through his jet black hair while his insides seem to be ready to burst any second. He turns on his heels and proceeds down the top floor of the dark house, knowing what he now has to do.
Opening the creaking door, he looks in to find his mother reading a book on her favorite rocking chair, her spectacles resting on the bridge of her nose. He clears his throat and sees how she glances up at him. Taken aback on seeing him, she places the book down onto her lap and stares at him wordlessly, waiting for him to speak....
"..... You may speak to her parents about our marriage tomorrow morning...." he conveys to her before promptly leaving the room without another backward glance. Krishna sits in the silence of her room, stunned, for some moments before finally a smile reaches to her lips after so long....
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Bani had been folding the blankets in Yash's crib when she heard a soft knock on the door behind her. She absentmindedly answers, allowing whoever it is to come in. Her thoughts jumbled up on the thought that she will have to return soon. Her time with Yash is now very limited. She could feel her heart break into tiny pieces just by the mere thought.
"Bani...." She turns around on being acknowledged and is surprised on seeing both her parents standing at the door. She lets go of the covers and walks towards them in confusion.
Bani: Ma... Papa? Aap dono.... Kya baath hai?
She questions cautiously, finding it odd that they have come to the nursery to speak to her and noting the hesitant looks on both of their faces. Her father clears his throat while closing the door behind them.
Nishikant: Your mother and I have something to discuss with you..... sit.
Bani does as she says without another word. She sits down on the available chair nearby and gazes up at her parents. She catches how her mother gives her a small smile. These past few days she has begun to behave rather normally, learning to converse with others again, but still she remains silent at times as Ananya's death refuses to stop tormenting her.
Bani: What is it Papa? ..... You two are worrying me.....
Nishikant: Nahi, aisa kuch nahi hai.... You do not need to be worried..... We.... Well we just have something to ask you.....
Bani: Ji?
Nishikant looks over to his wife, wordlessly seeking for her help. Kiran understands her husband's helplessness and steps in to continue for him.
Kiran: Beta.... baath yeh hai ke..... well.... Krishna ji and Ma ji (Dadi) both have come to your father and I with a proposal.....
Bani: (puzzled) Kauna proposal?
Kiran: Bani..... they are asking your hand in marriage....
She feels as if someone has punched her and has knocked out all the air inside of her as she stares at her parents with a breathless expression. Her face begins to lose color.
Bani: (stammers) How.... How can they possibly ask for it? And how dare they? It hasn't even been a full year since Ananya Didi has passed away and they want a marriage to take place?! How could they think such a thing?
Nishikant: (soothingly) Beta.... aisa nahi hai.... of course they wouldn't suggest such an idea unless it was direly needed.....
Bani: Kyon? Why is it so important for me to get married into this house? That too, with whom? Who are they asking my hand for?
Both Nishikant and Kiran share a glance before her mother walks to her and lowers down next to her. She gently places her hand onto her head, affectionately stroking her hair.....
Kiran: Beta.... the proposal is from Jai beta..... He wants to marry you.....
Bani looks at her mother with wide eyes as this news blows by her. She becomes paralyzed, unable to move an inch, and feels a shiver run down her spine. She grows speechless...... He.... He wants to marry her?
Nishikant: (carrying on) .... Beta, it is a good proposal.... accept it dear... It will be the best for everyone... Your mother and I believe so too....
Bani: (whispers in disbelief) ..... Jiju?
Kiran: (tears rising in her eyes) Hain beta.... Your Jiju.... Krishna ji is very hopeful that you will bring happiness back into his life... that you will take great care of him and Yash.... that you will help him eventually forget Ananya and move on in his life....
Tears spring up in her own eyes as she looks to her mother in a helpless manner.
Bani: (choking) Paar Ma--- main kaise... jiju ke saath... shaadi?
Nishikant: Hain beta... hum bhi aise sochreh the.... ke tum Jai beta se kaise shaadi karsaakte ho.... lekin Krishna ji ne hume samjaaya.... ke yeh hi saab ke liye bala hai....
Bani: Lekin Jiju----
Kiran: Sunno to beta.... hain maante hai ke woh tumhara Jiju hai... humari Ananya ka pati.... lekin beta.... aab Ananya iss duniya mein nahi hai.... woh aapna pati aur beta ko chordke chali gayi.... aab Jai aur Yash ke paas koi nahi hai.... tum samajrahi hoon na?
Nishikant: And you will gain from this marriage as well Bani.... you will stay with Yash for the rest of your life... He will become into your responsibility, your son..... No one is going to separate you from him....
Yes, if she marries Jai Walia, she will stay here with Yash, become into his mother and be able to be with him for the rest of his life raising him. She won't have to live miles away from him. She won't have to come and see him only on holidays. She will be right by his side here with him. They won't be separated. This brings peace to her previously troubled heart which ached from the thought of being away from Yash again. But still....
Bani: .... Why cannot I just stay here with them? Finish my university over here? Why do I have to marry him?
Kiran: Beta... what will people think? Ek jawan ladki laadkon ke beech rehte hai.... Nahi.... absolutely not.... We do not want to ruin our reputation in that way.....
Nishikant: .... Bani.... think wisely about this dear..... think about Yash....
Bani blinks back her tears on the thought of Yash. The boy who has become into her whole world. The boy whom she loves with all her heart. The boy she is willing to do anything for..... Yes, she must think of Yash.
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Jai had rushed home early for a chance on receiving a call from his mother, urging him to return home immediately. She offered no explanations for her rash behavior, leaving him confused as to what has happened. He got someone to cover his shift and left for his home, hoping that nothing troubling has occurred. He doesn't know how he will be able to take it if there is.
He arrived at the door, knocking on it, only to be welcomed with his mother's face, who looks to him with excited eyes. She grabs him by the arm and leads him to the living room, where the rest of his family and the Dixits--minus Bani--are seated comfortably around one another, all of them looking oddly glad about something. His eyes finally fall onto their family pundit ji, who is seated in the sofa chair, amongst everyone else.....
Krishna: Sit down beta.... We are discussing about your marriage plans... Pundit ji has picked out two dates... The first this Friday and the second a month later.... But we have decided that we will have the wedding this very week....
Jai remains rooted in his spot, astounded by his mother's enthusiastic words. He loses himself in everyone's rushed plannings, speaking in enthralled voices, finally having a reason to be hopeful about.... to be happy about. After all, the son of the house will be marrying....
He didn't know for how long he remained standing there, in a state of shock, wondering if all of this is really happening. He had been hoping that she'd say no, that she'd refuse like he had, that she'd make protest and save both of them from this unwanted situation.... but she has agreed?
With his head pounding hard, Jai breaks out of his temporary paralysis and slowly retreats out of the living room, making sure that his dismissal isn't noticed. His running legs carry him up the stairs and down the long hall, headed for a particular room. He barges in unannounced, startling her in the process, causing her to whirl around and stare at the intruder. It appears that she has come out from a shower, her wet hair laying on her shoulders in loose curls, tendrils falling into her face.... She stares at him wide-eyed, not expecting his arrival in her room.
He walks up to her and grips onto her arms, pulling her close to him, making her frightened eyes stare up at him with question. Jai gazes at her fair face with seeking eyes....
Jai: You said yes?
He asks her out of disbelief, not believing that she would do so. He sees how realization strikes her and a softness grow in her pools of honey brown. She nods her head after awhile, affirming the fact. His grip on her tightens and he draws her closer.
Jai: (demands) Why?
She does not flinch from the roughness of his touch, but merely looks at him in a calm manner, as if she were expecting him to react in this way.
Bani: (finding her voice) You had brought the proposal..... Now that I have agreed, why are you questioning it?
Jai: Because I was sure you were going to refuse..... I didn't think you would have gone ahead and say yes.....
Bani: Nor did I think you would have brought such a proposal....
Her words silence him for a moment, taking him off guard. Yes, he is to blame for the situation that they are in by even agreeing to his mother's whims in the first place, but he was hoping that she at least would refuse.
Jai: .... Why?
He questions again, but much softer.... much calmer. Bani keeps her eyes locked with his as she answers him promptly....
Bani: Kyon ki main Yash se alag nahi hona chaati hoon....
So she too kept Yash in mind when agreeing to marry him. She is willing to put herself into a compromise with him. She is willing to give up her dreams and wishes to be a mother for his son. She has decided and he can clearly see that she isn't going to back out.
He slowly releases her arms but the proximity between them remains..... He stares into her face as if seeing her in a different light. She averts her gaze down as a silence creeps between them.....
Jai: You are willing to marry your dead sister's husband?
His words cut through the strong silence existing amongst them. Her eyes rise back up, meeting his in a full-fledged lock.
Bani: You are willing to marry your dead wife's sister?
Again the silence overtakes them as they stare at one another, not removing their gaze off each other for a second. He has noticed another similarity between them among the many others.... and that is..... she can very well be as stubborn and determined as him. Without another exchange of words, he walks out from her room---their conversation continuing to reel in his head.....
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Edited by Indian_Goddess - 14 years ago
Vanshaj
Love Friendship Dating and Relationships
Udne Ki Aasha
CID
193