JoKeSsSSSsSSS... - Page 4

great jokes guys 😆 😆 i sure needed a laugh 😛 😆

More from Spidy's web world...😊

Of late, there have been some interesting SMSes related to Bollywood doing the rounds in the industry. We present some of the cool ones below.

What is Mallika Sherawat's method of taking revenge?
It's tits for tat

Why does Shahrukh Khan drink himself to death in Devdas?
Any self-respecting man would do so if the two beautiful ladies around him would sing 'Dildo La Re Dildo La Re..'

What is the appropriate title for a movie, which stars A.K Hangal and Chunky Pandey?
Hangal Pandey

What will a mother tell her son who is sleeping on a footpath and refuses to get up?
Beta Uth Jaa Warna Salman Aa Jaayega (Get up else Salman will come)

Which are the two countries Mallika Sherawat would like to go on a vacation?
'Bra'zil and 'Thai'land

How would you express your good wishes to Mallika Sherawat?
Bust of Luck!

Why did the makers of the MMS clip use Mallika's lookalike to create the said clip?
Because Mallika's expertise does not lie in acting in a short po*n clip but creating po*n out of movies.

What would you call Adnan Sami if he becomes half his size?
Adnan Semi.

Why do the exhibitors and distributors prefer to call Mangal Pandey as The Rising?
Because of The'ir' Rising temperatures

The SMS which described the debacle of Swades in overseas
At first the prints went by air, then by water and then by land. And who got it back? We… The People.

If Vivek Oberoi marries Aishwarya and becomes Joru Ka Ghulam what will he be called?
Vivek-Obey-Rai

What will you call the value meal consisting of a bun bread, tea and Pepsi?
Bun Tea and Bubbly

here is another

James Bond dies and starts for heaven.

His secretary badly wants to find out if he safely reached there. So, she calls up heaven.

A sweet female voice picked up and said: "This is Virgin Mary speaking".

"Damn it", the secretary said and hung up.

She calls again after 10 minutes.

The same voice: "This is Virgin Mary speaking".
"Damn it. He hasn't reached yet", the secretary said and hung up again.

She calls again after 10 minutes. This time the voice said: "This is Mary speaking". "Thank you !! Take proper care of him", she said and hung up !!!

😆
@ last sum1 sensible enof started a topic bringing smiles to our faces rather than frowns
unlike sum really nasty 1s around
luv u hon!thnks!
drkhan 😉

More from Spidy's web world... 😊

Into a Dublin pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean the bartender.

"Liam O'Connor and me had a fight", says Paddy.

"That little shite O'Connor", says Sean, "he couldn't do that to you. He must have had something in his hand!"

"That he did", says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it!"

"Well", says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did!", said Paddy, "Mrs. O'Connor's br****t, and a thing of beauty it was 😉 ......but useless in a fight!" 😆

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest,you'll see, you'll feel so much better!"The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up heroin... "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror, and ask him "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers, "Every time he's on Ecstasy that little git makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours!"

More from Spidy's web world.... 😊

An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock.

The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.


"What did you do that for?" asks the crocodile. The elephant answers: "That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago."

The crocodile says: "And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory."


"Yep," says the elephant. "Turtle recall."

here is Q & A session on health!

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good
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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
__________________ __________________

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
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Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and die ts. And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride

George Bush has come to visit India.Lalu ji invites him in the hope to demonstrate Indian culture in his villageva.

he offers him Dalchawal,Busha eats it eagerly & asks,whats this,Laluji:"Dalchawal-India"

Then he offers Samosa,Bush eats a dozen & asks whats this,Laluji:"Samosa-India"

Then he offers Gulabjamun,Bush eats the whole bowl & asks whats this,Laluji:"Gulabjamun-India"

Bush wasn't cut out for this type of oily & heavy food & he could'nt contol it anymore & lets out a loud & deadly paaaad....

Laluji: "sasura...eee ka hai"

Bush: "Air India"

GUYS......GR8 GOIN.... 👏 I CAN'T STOP LAUFIN 😆 KEEP IT UP.. 👍🏼 U PPL R SUPERB⭐️ 👏 👏 👏 👏