VirMan SS: Of Choices & Awakenings Authors note p7 - Page 3

Ok here Table...before you kill me.

Oh my Gawd! How have i not read this yet! How?? 2 DAYS! I should've read this by now...*face palm*...
This...I'm sorry i actually don't know how to describe this...Words will be less of describing this...I mean, should i call it beautiful? If I did, it would still be less...

Will edit soon...so sorry for the lazy comment...

Maham, it is an amazing version of that time in Virat and Manvi's life when all was on the cusp of falling apart; when Manvi's life merely hung by a thread and had come to a deadly crossroads, life or death. Virat's struggle, his desperation in wanting Manvi to live, to fill her days with complete happiness, to keep her by his side, always. It was beautifully shown and very well written. And that Wuthering Heights' quote was cleverly chosen to show the extent of Virat's love for Manvi. The way you've introduced Virat's darker, greyer shades is brilliant. His need for Manvi has become slightly selfish:

'There was no him or her, there was only them. Them and their love. The rest of the world didn't exist, didn't matter.'

They have always been this was way, consumed by their love for each other. I love the way Virat gives into Manvi's consoling and eventually let's go of his pent up emotions which are eating him up from inside.

The brothers' bond here is shown beautifully; Viren realizing Virat's decision just by his expression and the way he was holding Manvi. Virat's dreams… making him realize what his brother must be going through or what he will go through if Manvi is to be saved.

It would have been just amazing if they had shown this in the actual show, especially Virat's anguish, desperation and his fear of losing the one thing he is living for; his Manvi.

Looking forward to more :)

Here! Sunday is not over yet! 😆 Anyway, I think most of you had too many expectations from this part so I'm sorry if it's disappointing. This is the last part of this SS and its based more on the brothers than anything else so my apologies if you were looking for more of VirMan. The SS is essentially centralized around Virat and his relationship with Viren is something I felt should have been explored more at this point in the show so I tried to do that. I hope you all still like what I tried here.

'A cross to bear, a light to find.'

The punching bag felt his wrath again as he aimed another hard fist at it. His room already looked like a hurricane had visited it. It was nothing but a weak reflection of the storm that had taken hold of Virat Vadhera. There was no placidity. All there was was chaos.

There was no love, only hatred. Only disgust.

He hit the punching bag again, harder if possible. But it wasn't really the bag he was aiming at; it wasn't really the bag he wanted to hurt, to punish, and to kill.

It was himself.

It was that darkness in his soul that he meant to hurt, to push away.

For existing. For taking away all the good in him and leaving a flawed soul behind.

He was angry, so angry at this person he was right now. And he wanted to do anything.. Anything to get rid of this.. this stranger who had invaded his heart and his mind and all but take permanent residence within.

He had to get rid of this person. He owed the Virat, Maanvi had fallen in love with that.

"You don't have to hate yourself for it you know."

Virat stilled and grabbed hold of the punching bag before it hit him instead and saw his brother standing in the door way.

He had been so completely lost in this private battle of his own that he hadn't even heard the door opening.

But this had happened before hadn't it? He had stood here before and his brother too had stood exactly where he did now.

"Virat?"

He blinked once, before responding and continuing with the punishing ritual if one cared to give a name to this madness.

"Yes Bhai?" he managed to get out, refusing to look at anything except this blackness that he had to get rid of, especially if he were to meet his brothers eyes at all.

"I said you don't have to hate yourself for it. Its okay if you want her to live."

"My need for her to live never wanted someone else to die instead Bhai. Her life wasn't supposed to come at the cost of someone else's. And you know what's the worst, most hateful part of it all? That it's what I want anyway. Despite everything, despite hating myself for it.. I want her to live. What have I become Bhai? I don't want to be this person. I'm not this person. Maanvi was my light. Yet when I have to, need to save her, my soul is suddenly darker than ever before."

"We all want her to live Virat. We all understand that it needs to happen. You love her Virat. Of course you want to save her. There is nothing, wrong with that. It's natural Virat. In the end love is never entirely selfless.. It is not wise. Love survives in us precisely because it isn't wise."

Virat stopped again at his brother's words and finally turned to look at Viren.

"Love. It was in this very room Bhai, it was in this room when you helped me realize that I was in love with Maanvi, how she owned me, how she was the only one for me and would always be."

"What're you trying to say Virat?" Viren said quietly.

"I'm saying that don't you regret it? That you made me realize this love that I feel for Maanvi? This love that I am all about at the end of the day? This love that I see nothing beyond of? Not right or wrong, not my family.. Not even you, the one person who has always supported me?"

"I only helped you Virat. You were in love with her anyway, if not me then something else would have helped you towards that realization. And why would I ever regret it? Maanvi taught you how to live again, how to smile, to laugh.. She gave me my little brother back."

"And today she is the reason that your child has to die. Did you ever think that you'd make me realize my love, pray every day that Maanvi become mine only to have me stand before you one day and ask of you to save Maanvi and kill your child, your own child instead? Tell me Bhai.. Doesn't it hurt? Doesn't it make her hate you?" His voice had a cold, hard edge to it filled with disgust and hatred that made Viren look, really look at Virat until he realized what Virat was trying to do.

He had pushed the lover in him aside so that only his little brother stood before Viren. The brother who loved him, who couldn't bear the thought of hurting him, breaking him and that he could confess to anything, anything wrong and hateful right now and his brother would never begrudge him no matter how selfish the admission. No, his brother would understand simply because he was his brother.

"It's okay Bhai. Its okay if you do. You don't have to hate yourself for it either." Virat whispered quietly, his voice hoarse with pain.

Viren looked into the face of his brother who suddenly seemed so much older and felt a tear slip down his face. He remembered his earlier hurt when he had realized what Virat's decision was going to be yet he had just been proven wrong. Of course Virat cared. Virat would always care. His brother was far too full of love to make such a choice as easily as he thought he might have. Where there is love, there is also pain and difficulty. Pain is after all the most obvious proof that love exists in us at all. And he realized suddenly just how much pain his brother was in, that his brother had perhaps had the hardest choice to make.

His shoulders sagged then and suddenly he felt tired. He walked past Virat to sit down on the floor by the foot of the bed and patted the space next to him.

Virat joined him and they sat quietly for a while, the silence between them speaking of a kind of patience and understanding that only siblings could possibly share.

Viren rubbed his eyes, before finally speaking,

"No I don't hate her for it. I know that she'd rather die than allow any of this to happen; she's the only one who doesn't have to make a choice here. I know that she would pick my child without thinking twice about it then how can I hate her?"

Virat nodded, knowing what his brother said was not only true but also that it made perfect sense. Maanvi would indeed rather die than have them go through with this.

"But?" He said quietly at which Viren couldn't help but smile a bit.

He took a deep breath and Virat knew that when his brother would speak, it would be giving voice to that same part he had had a glimpse at earlier. That deep, dark, personal part of him that had looked so thoroughly haunted with the pain of his loss.

"But I do wish.. I wish so badly that there was another way and that.. And that my child.. My.. My baby wouldn't have to pay the price."

His voice broke then and he let himself cry. Virat only gulped and pressed a comforting hand against his brother's shoulder wishing, wanting it to be enough to relieve him of his pain. But it wasn't.. Of course it wasn't. Nothing he could do would ever be enough to compensate for his brother's loss.

Viren breathed in sharply once before continuing,

"I don't hate her Virat. She doesn't deserve that. But.. But it's all so.. So unfair. Didn't my child deserve a chance at life too? I don't hate her Virat but maybe.. Maybe there is a part of me that... That can still allow Maanvi to.. To die."

He felt an inward shudder from within at the admission before he willed himself to look at Virat. But there was no judgment, no anger in Virat's eyes. All there was, was understanding. All there was, was pain. He had been right. It really was just his little brother sitting beside him now, the brother he had grown up with, who insisted he was a Father to him and whose utter lack of judgment right then was the only thing that willed him to continue,

"It's the part that was the happiest at the prospect of becoming a Father, the part that wanted to give my child all the love that a Father is capable of, the love that I never got.. It's also the part that is the most selfish and I hate it Virat.. I hate it for existing."

"Why are you doing this Bhai? We all have something to gain but what about you? What do you have to gain?"

"I'm doing this because it's the right, the necessary thing to do. Life is like that sometimes Virat. There is no definite right and wrong, the right blends with the wrong and all you can do is pick a side.. Nobody really wins.. Least of all you yourself.. That's why it's called a sacrifice. And I have my brother's sanity, his life and my wife's happiness and peace of mind to gain haven't I?"

"And your child?"

"What you think I can't do it again?"

They looked at each other at that and Virat saw the glimmer of quiet laughter in his brother's eyes, and then suddenly just like that they were laughing.

"Such lack of faith hurts Virat."

They continued to laugh even when there was no humor in the situation at hand. No, instead they laughed because perhaps it was the only way they knew how to cry right then. Laugh at the pain and tragedy of it all, it wasn't happy that laughter, it spoke of a pain that went so deep that tears alone couldn't express it, it was an odd kind of mourning for a life that was more pure and innocent than anything else. Something inside Virat snapped as he saw his brother grieve in his laughter, the sound of it more terrible, more horrifying than the loudest, most painful of cries. And suddenly just like that he was crying, his hands had gone to fold themselves in forgiveness, as he pleaded, pleaded for Maanvi, Maanvi's life, his life, blinking furiously all the while as the tears continued to come.

"I'm sorry Bhai, I'm sorry.. I'm just so sorry! Please save her Bhai, please save my Maanvi, please Bhai.. Please."

Viren simply looked at him as Virat went on to embrace the lover within him again, still begging, still pleading and still asking Viren for his forgiveness, forgiveness for his selfishness, for his ability to accept the necessary nature of this sacrifice and a fair amount of disgust at the fact that that ability existed at all. He had never loved Maanvi more than he did now, and he had never hated himself more either.

Viren couldn't help but cry himself at his brother's plight as he placed a hand against his brother's nape, the gesture resonating with the kind of comfort that brothers sometimes try to provide.

"We'll save her Virat. We will. Nothing will happen to Maanvi. I promise.. I promise Virat. We won't let anything happen to her.. You two have suffered more than anyone I know and you deserve your happiness Virat. You'll get your happiness, your future with Maanvi, Virat. I promise you."

Virat went still at that and Viren started a little at the sudden halt in his anguish.

"Do you hate me Bhai? His voice was deathly quiet, with no trace of pain. Instead it was cold and hard and Viren knew that if he were to say now that he did indeed hate his brother than Virat would believe it because he thought of himself to be so completely deserving of any kind of hatred that one might feel for him right now.

Virat's eyes were downcast and he refused to look at him. It was his face instead that terrified Viren because his brother looked dead right then. Dead and so consumed with hatred and disgust for himself that something inside Viren finally snapped and before he knew it he had slapped Virat.

"Virat? Virat look at me. Virat, look at me." He grabbed the back of his head roughly, slapping him again when he didn't look up.

A tear slipped down Virat's face at that. It wasn't the physical pain that caused his insides to break.. No. Instead he couldn't help but shatter at his brother's outright refusal to hate him for simply anything. Viren simply slapped him again, even harder than before if that were possible, pulling him by the hair and forcing him to look up.

"You are not going to destroy yourself over this, you hear me? You're just not. This isn't your fault Virat, nobody's at fault, nobody deserves to be hated for this, not you, not Maanvi, no one. You're my little brother Virat, you're my brother. You didn't plan for this to happen Virat; you don't even want it to happen. I don't blame you Virat, I don't and I most certainly don't hate you."

Virat acknowledged the fierce anger and protectiveness in his brother's eyes and knew that he was telling him the truth, the whole truth. His brother really could never hate him.

"Will you survive this Bhai?" Virat whispered weakly.

"I will if I have you all. But Maanvi wont Virat. We have to do this Virat. You know that."

"I know.. I know we have to. I'm too.. Too selfish in the end to not want that. I still have to, want to save Maanvi. But you have to promise me something Bhai."

"What?"

"That you won't keep it inside. You'll let it out. It will destroy you Bhai. Please.. Please don't let it. Please don't keep it inside and let it suck the life out of you. I need Maanvi.. I love Maanvi but I would never be able to live with myself if something happened to you."

"I won't let that happen."

"Bhabhi will understand Bhai."

"I know.. I know she will."

"Do you promise Bhai?"

"I do. I promise."

Virat smiled weakly at that and Viren returned the smile.

"Thank you Bhai. I.. I can never.. Never really thank you for what you're doing for Maanvi, Bhai.. what Bhabhi is doing,"

Viren only nodded at that and leaned his head against the edge of the bed now.

"These sisters I tell you." he said weakly after a while and Virat let out a tired chuckle

"They're going to be the end of us."

~****~****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~

Virat entered Maanvi's room to find her awake and rubbing her eyes. She saw him and straightened up.

"Where did you disappear off to?" She asked sleepily.

"You were still asleep when I woke up and I didn't want to disturb you. Then Bhai wanted to talk to me about something." he said.

"About what?" She asked.

He walked to sit beside her on the bed before answering.

"Just some work." He said trying to sound as casual as possible and in doing so he sealed the betrayal, the lie he knew she would see this as. Because he was.. He was betraying her. And more than anything else, he knew that it would be this very betrayal, this very lie that would hurt her the most.

I love you Maanvi. And I'm sorry.. I'm so, so sorry.

He thought about the sacrifice his brother and sister-in-law were making, thought of the choice he had ultimately made. It wasn't that he had forgiven himself, it was simply that he was willing to live with this curse if it kept Maanvi alive. He couldn't drag himself out of this pit alone. His brother had merely helped him stand but he needed help if he were to be pulled out of it once and for all. It was too dark in there and he couldn't see, couldn't find the way out. As he eased Maanvi onto the bed again and ran a gentle hand against her forehead, she smiled up at him. There was something reassuring about that smile, something that told him that help would come. As long as Maanvi was by his side, help would always come. He smiled back, protecting the small flame of hope she had lit in his heart before pressing a kiss against her forehead.

He was going to be okay. Both of them were. They'd help each other through this like they had always done.

He could see it happening now, how a month or so later an anonymous donor would be found, how the transplant would take place, how Maanvi would finally be well again. And then.. and then she'd find out the truth about what they had done, about what he had done. Her love for him would change then, that soft look in her eyes would be replaced by something hard and angry. She'd hate him, be angry with him, walk away from him but he knew Maanvi. Knew that loving him was the only thing she'd be capable of at the end of the day. And that despite everything, she'd choose him and when she would they'd win. They had survived a lot of things. They had been strong enough. They'd survive and they'd win this last war too. They had to. It was the only end their story would ever have. An end where they'd be with each other. Be together. Be complete.

*Dekho chodh ke kis raste who jaate hain,

Saare raste, wapis mere dil ko atey hain.*

~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~*****~

Yes you can say that's an open ending of sorts. The trouble is I have written more scenarios that involve emotional confrontations than I can count, not necessarily on VirMan ofcourse but they bore the writer in me now. Maybe the SS needs another part, maybe it doesn't. This is the first time I have given an open ending to my writings and I'm pretty happy with the idea right now. I hope you manage to like it too.

Will wait for your feedback! 😊

Maham.

i loved it