Chapter 10: ConversationsAs he held her in his arms and whispered promises of love and togetherness, her heart started racing and her mind went numb. Only him, could provide her this kind of security, where she didn't have to search for a flicker of light in time of darkness. His hold tightened further as he buried his face into the crook of her neck. With his desperate movements came the achingly sweet realization - he yearned for her as much as she did for him.
She found herself paying attention to his heartbeats, only to be hit with astonishment. Nor did their heartbeats merely mingled in a way that seemed impossible to her but they also missed beats at the same time. She had read about the phenomenon in the only sentimental books, she had made the mistake to read, she had seen it in those cheesy movies, Preeti and her spent their Sunday, watching. She had chanted it like a silent prayer over the years, but never in her wildest dreams, had she thought that a day like this would come and she could finally say it out loud Shravan and Sumo belong together and if their heartbeats mingling together wasn't enough, the way their bodies fit like a jigsaw puzzle left no room for any doubt.
She had spent countless sleepless nights remembering him and each moment spent in his company. Stalking him, enquiring about him were small respites to the void his departure had carved into her heart. These small mercies made her aware of her growing feelings for him, it was one thing to miss a best friend and another to long for someone who had made home in her heart. Loneliness is a cruel vice, you can surround yourself by as many people as you want to chase it away, you find yourself craving for only one being's presence.
Sometimes, her mind rebelled against her and asked her what made her believe that after all those years spent apart Shravan still loved her, what was the guarantee that he hadn't moved on like he claimed to. Why would he even spare a glance at her after everything she had put him through ? Those thoughts plagued her mind, left her restless to the point where she resigned to fate and killed any building hopes of a tomorrow with him. She would look at him from the corner of the eyes and feel a pang of hurt take over her being, her love was meant to stay one sided.
She slowly unwrapped her arms from his shoulders, indicating him to put her down, but he wouldn't budge, he seemed adamant to hold onto her.
"Shravan. She whispered, her lips slightly grazing the side of his face. He let a shaky release of breath and let her feet touch the ground, his gaze never leaving hers. She couldn't help but get fascinated with the way his cheeks slightly grazed the skin of her neck or how some strands of her hair stuck to his beard as she leaned back. Their chests heaved against each other as he still held her close against him, his hands wrapped around her petite waist. His fingers slowly crept up to caress the skin of her cheek while she waited in anticipation. Suddenly, she felt a tap on her nose. The action made her look up at him in confusion.
"Tumhari pidi naak laal hogayi hai." He teased before flicking it with his finger which made her pout in annoyance.
"It looks cute though." He said in a soft voice, making her heart skip few beats.
As he peered down at her, a lop sided smile gracing his beautiful face and his light brown eyes sparkling with infinite tenderness, she just knew. He had been hers all along.
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"Honthon pe tere..." She hummed mindlessly as her expert hands worked to knead the dough. Living in a joint family had its share of advantages. But when she thought about her own family, there was always a sense of emptiness, incompleteness, she couldn't name. Most of the times, she felt like a stranger in her own home, always too cautious about what to say, how to behave and there was also this constant need of appreciation and warmth. She had always craved to see genuine care and love in her elders' eyes but was rewarded with a look of accusation, which only seemed to grow within the years. Early in life, she understood that love has to be earned through actions. Her family's love for her was solely based on her actions and the choices she made.
Back then, cooking had been her escape from reality, her stress buster. She tried to fill in the blanks of her life by filling people's plates. She couldn't describe the amount of satisfaction she felt, whenever someone praised her or asked to be served again.
She had been a constant visitor in Shravan's house throughout the years and yet it was a different feeling to be a family member. A sense of finality to it, like she was where she was supposed to be. Even though, she knew that there was a long way to go before she found a rightful place in everyone's heart.
A gasp left her as she raised her head to see her father-in-law standing in front of the counter, facing her.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He raised his hands in defense.
"That's okay. Coffee banaon?" She asked glancing towards him, her attention shifted as her hands got busy in clearing the counter. The truth being, she was still apprehensive in a way and preferred to be on her guards around him.
"Uh, no." I wanted to talk to you for a minute, if possible." He said as a matter of fact, pointing towards the counter.
"Of course, main ye ek minute."She rubbed the dough off her hands under the lukewarm water, wiped them onto the apron, before discarding herself from it.
He led the way through the living room and sat onto a sofa. She shifted awkardly on her feet till he finally motioned her to sit in front of him with his eyes. She took a deep breath and plumped down onto the sofa.
Few minutes passed, before he looked up from his intertwined hands, exhaling roughly. From all the encounters he had had in his life, this had to the most difficult one. It takes guts to strip of your own ego. "Thank you."
"Uncle aap-." She tried to say something but was cut off as he held his hand in a stop motion.
"I have spent the last ten years, trying to fill Shravan's empty life, the void his mother's departure created. Lekin kabhi uski takleef ko samajh ne ki koshish nahi ki. So, I tried to fix it but the damage was already done. I had lost hope." He sighed.
"Lekin kaal mene uski aankhon main wo purani chamak dekhi. Jis tara se usne tumhe defend kiya, I saw a glimpse of the old Shravan." He smiled.
She shaked her head side to side. "Shravan to hamesha aisa hi tha, wo logon main acchai dhondta hai even though most of the time, they don't really deserve it." She clasped her hands together, a smile crept on her face as she thought about her log of a husband.
"Ye sach hai. Lekin ye baat bhi sach hai ke we had lost him midway and you brought him back." He said, pointing a finger at her. "You truly are the best thing that has happened to him." He patted her head lovingly as her eyes grew wide with confusion and gratitude, both at the same time.
"You were right." His voice trailed off.
"Tum dono ek duje ke vaaste hi bane ho. She nodded wordlessly, she was sure if she opened her mouth, she would start speaking gibberish. She got up from her seat.
"I could use a cup of coffee." He looked up at her at she walked towards the kitchen, flashing her pearly whites.
"SUMO. She could hear the annoyance in his voice and the day had just started.
"Uth gaye, sahib zade, jaaye jaake dekhe kya chahiye inko." He laughed.
She nodded and was about to climb the stairs when his voice stopped her.
"Suman. It might be a little early but I'd really like it if... you would call me dad or papa as you deem fit. Of course, there is no pressure."His voice had softened which made her smile at him.
"I'll think about it."
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"I always wondered why would you keep a book this old?" She asked, her mischievous eyes scanning through the book shelf.
"Which book?" He asked, his eyes never leaving the screen as his fingers hastily tapped onto the keyboard of his laptop.
"12th standard book." She said, her voice softer as she held his prized possession between her hands. He looked up from his screen, only to momentarily freeze. She had the book in her hands and it was only a matter of time before she found the letter. He felt his heart pick up pace. He had been wanting to tell her from the past few days. Suddenly, waking up next to her in the morning was not enough anymore, he wanted to hold her and tell her how beautiful she looked in the morning. Holding hands was not enough anymore he wanted to cradle her face in his palms and kiss her senselessly. He needed to tell her because he had been waiting ten years for her to say the words he craved to hear. But most importantly, he needed to tell her because he was willing to lose himself to her and give her his heart.
Would you give me your heart? Are you willing to give yourself to me?
"Kuch nahi hai I told you it's special to me." He came towards her and tried to take it away from her hands but she hid it behind her back and took some steps backward.
"Main bhi to dekhun ke isme itna special kya hai." She said, her fingers slowly turning the pages which had turned yellow with time.
"Sumo, give it back to me." He deadpanned, before marching towards her as she ran to the other side of the room.
"Never." She said, sticking her tongue at him.
"Not again! He yelled, throwing his hands in the air, clearly frustrated.
She stifled a laugh seeing his eyes shining with worry as he scowled at her, oh how easy it was to rile him up.
"Sumo, please." He asked pleading, stretching his hands in front of her, a pout adorning his face. She looked up at him with a smile and shook her head side to side.
"Toh tum mujhe ye book wapis nahi dogi." He asked, his tone serious.
"No.
"You sure." He crossed his arms on his chest and lazily strode towards her.
"Shravan, door raho. Mujhe karate aata hai don't force me to hurt you." She tried to appear threatening but the dangerous glint in his eyes made her gulp in fear. Suddenly, he ran towards her and started tickling her sides which made the book fell on the floor. As soon as he started touching her she screamed.
"Pagal hogayi ho?!" He said rubbing his ears.
"You scared me. She said pushing him away from her, she looked back at him shock evident in her eyes, realizing that he had played her.
"Cheater! She walked towards him trying to reach the book he had held above his head as he peered down at her with a smug look on his face. "Tum har baar apni height ka faida nahi utha sakte". She whined, panting from all the jumping she was doing. Pausing momentarily, he took time to drink into her proximity, nose crunched in annoyance, her eyes held a feisty glint and hair were a total mess. He had missed this side of hers so much, he had missed the playful side of their relationship, the comfort they shared with each other.
'God, I love her so much.'"Shravan!" She complained again, huffing.
"Sumo, you should really start exercising, you have no stamina." He said disapprovingly, shaking his head in dismay, earning a whack from her.
"Ow. Ye kis liye tha?"He asked, rubbing the arm she had brutally assaulted.
"Bohot zyada bolne keliye." She climbed on the bed to match his height.
"Seriously Sumo?" He asked, incredulously.
She jumped towards him, her hands stretching to grab the book but her foot slipped and she went flying into his arms. He hadn't really anticipated this move so he tried to hold her but she came with such a force that he lost balance and they both went crashing to the floor, her on top of him.
She whispered a meek sorry' as she heard him let a pained groan, his back had taken most of the brunt of the hit. "You're impossible, Sumo." His statement made her head snap up and look at him. There was a fondness in his voice that made her insides churn.
It felt like he was discovering her all over again, like he fell for her all over again. They looked at each other before bursting into laughter as he tightened his hold on her waist and she snuggled closer to him. She could feel his chest vibrate with laughter and it spread a warm feeling around her - peace.
"Bhaiya-"Pushkar entered the room without knocking, clearly forgetting that his older brother was now married and could use some private time and personal space.
"Oops, I am so sorry." He said turning around.
"Pushkar! Her eyes widened and she tried to wiggle out from his grasp, only to be pulled back. A strand of her hair was stuck in his button's shirt, she furiously pulled onto it. Afraid that she would end up hurting herself with the way she was pulling, he grabbed her wrist and worked onto the buttons of his shirt. "Stay still."
"Bhaiya, aap chaho to main bade papa se keh deta hoon ke aap thode busy hain. Pushkar teased, his tone laced with mirth.
"Chotte, nikal yahan se.
"Take your time Bhaiya, koi jaldi nahi hai. He dashed his head as to avoid the flying shoe of his brother, before closing the door behind him.
"Ye sab tumhari wajah se huwa hai." He accused, his fingers still working to release them from this predicament.
"Wo kaise?
"Har baat pe zid karna jo zaroori hai tumhare liye, kitab chahiye, kitab chahiye. He stopped in the middle of his rant as he tried to gauge her expression. "Kya hai? Aise kya ghoor rahe hai?" Staring intently at her, he halted his ministrations.
"Actually, main soch raha tha ke Pushkar ki baat maan hi lun." His voice lowers and he snakes an arm around the small of her back before bringing her closer to him, earning a small gasp from her.
"And you know, take my time." He inches closer, his nose almost touching hers and their lips centimetres apart as he rubs the side of her waist. She could feel his breath fanning her forehead and her throat turning dry. Her breathing was laboured and her skin flushed. He smiled seeing her affected by his proximity. His fingers drew mindless patterns on her cheeks, she exhaled a sharp breath as he inched lower and started stroking her clavicle. Her eyes fluttered closed as she waited for him to close the distance between their faces.
"Pong!" Her eyes jerked open as she looked up at him, a smile of victory gracing his face as he held the book in his hand, taunting her. She looked around her surroundings still dazed, she got up from the floor and went back to tidy the shelf.
"Stupid Malhotra." She murmured under the breath as she heard the door closing.
"Mrs. Malhotra." He softly called which made her turn around.
"About the book...Soon." The timber of his voice and the mischief in his eyes conveyed more than intended.
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"Sumo? Is that you?" Shravan bent a little as to see his wife kneeling down in front of her ambassador, her hands working on a tire with the help of tools, he doubted she even knew the name.
"Of course, it's me." She replied, he could hear the annoyance in her tone. She looked deep in concentration as she studied the matter in hand.
"Waise tum kar kya rahi ho?" He knelt down next to her, unable to pinpoint what she was actually trying to do.
"Tire badal rahi hoon."She answered with a huff, finally managing to turn the flat tire.
"Tumhe tire badalna aata hai?" He asked with a teasing smile, beyond amused.
"Haan, toh? Kyon ab ladkiyan tire nahi badal sakti?" She asked her eyes narrowed at him, noticing his odd reaction.
"Ab isme gender equality ki baat kahan se aagayi?" He cocked a brow at her in fake annoyance.
"Well, I am talking to a male chauvinist." She quipped.
He kept staring at her, his expression calm and composed, trying to supress a smile.
"Hairaan tha bas. Jo ladki apne cycle ka puncture mujhse theek karwati thi, wo aaj khudh apni ghadi ka tire badal rahi hain, bina kisi ki madad liye." He murmurs awe evident in his tone and admiration shining in his eyes.
She chuckled softly. "Seekhna para... tum nahi the na." She let her gaze wander somewhere away as she pondered over the ten years they had spent apart, how difficult and tedious those initial days had been. It's like someone had sucked out life from her, she was disorientated, and she felt trapped in a labyrinth with no exit.
He could almost hear the accusation in her voice, it acted like a gnash to his heart as he imagined his Sumo struggling all alone, at everyone's mercy. He wondered who sat at her bedside when she fell sick.
To whom she went running to when she graduated? Did her fingers itch to dial his number when she got her first order like his did when he got his first case? He had lost out on ten years of Sumo's life and had filled those with his own thoughts and raging conclusions.
He didn't witness her growth as an individual. He hadn't witnessed the transition from the self-obsessed' girl he knew back then to this woman with firm principles. One day, she let him in, she let him see her wounds, how vulnerable she really was. Her obsession with her image was her coping mechanism to deal with the loss, it was her way to muffle the voices in her head, to put her insecurities to sleep.
'Main aapne akelepan se shararat kar rahi thi.'The very solitude she had been forced to befriend had made her push her limits and stand up as an independent being. Because the one she could be dependent on, was long gone.
"I want to know you." He whispered, his fingers combing through the soft fringes which escaped from her messy bun.
"Matlab?" She asked, confused as her eyes zeroed on the fingers which were caressing her forehead.
"Matlab ke Sumo wrestler ye wali Sumo kab bangai." He pulled her cheek playfully and earned a punch from her which made him laugh softly.
"Seriously, Sumo I want to know everything about you. Tumne PCT kaise build kiya, pehla order kab mila, staff kaise mila, tum ne kya kya kiya in das saalon main, tum aage kya karna chahti ho aur kyon karna chahti ho. Sab kuch." He said with finality as he moved his knuckles up and down on her cheek and looked at her with a tender smile on his face. She leaned in ever slightly as her cheeks coloured under his fingertips.
"Yahan thak ke tumhe ye khatara kahan se mila." He said biting the inside of his cheek as she glared at him.
"Don't insult it! It's the longest relationship I've had with anyone." She said with frown and continued to glare at him.
"Shayad ab break up ka time aagya hai." He sighed sadly, looking at her with fake pity.
"Shut up. Agar tum aise mujhe tang karoge to main tumhe kuch nahi bataon gi." She said in anger, he knew was just a pretense.
"Accha baba theek hai nahi karonga." He said touching his throat.
"Ab bolo, batao gi na?" He looked at her hopefully, almost pleading as his hand came to rest over hers.
She looked down at the hand, he had clasped and couldn't help but notice that every time his thumb would end up caressing the back of her hand. "Ek sharth pe."
"Kaunsi shart?" His eyes questioned.
"Mujhe bhi tumhare baare main sab jaana hai. Mera chaschmich ye tall and egoistic Shravan Malhotra kab bangaya." She taunted, her tone laced with light humour.
"Tumne inn das saalon main kya kya kiya, kahan kahan ghume. Tumhe sabse zyada kiski yaad aayi. Pehla case kab mila, kitne dost banaye. Sab kuch."She said in a whisper as she kept looking at him.
"Done deal. He stated with finality.
"Waise ab tum ghar kaise jao gi? Tumhari jaan toh bewafa nikli." He tugged the hand he was holding and pulled her up.
"Tum kis din mere kaam aoge?" She asked with her brow arched at him and nudged her elbow in his ribs, before walking till his car.
"Main toh hamesha tumhare hi kaam karta aaya hoon... bachpan se." He reminded her.
"Janti hoon." She replied smiling on her own, as he opened the door for her.
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"Shravan, darwaza kholo!" His eyes fluttered open as he heard someone whisper-yell. The haziness slowly fading away, his hands searched for his phone. Rubbing his eyes, he took in his surroundings and realized that he had fallen asleep in the study. Irritation filled his mind as he heard someone relentlessly knocking on the door.
There she was standing in an oversized t-shirt and printed pyjamas, her hair tied up in a messy bun. She was carrying a grocery bag around her shoulder which seemed quite heavy.
"Sumo, tum yahan?" His features softened seeing her and it seemed like all his exhaustion flew out of the window as soon as he opened the door. Huffing, she pushed him aside and made her way into the room.
"Pata tha mujhe ke tum bhool jaoge. Wo kya keh rahe the tum. Sumo, I want to know everything about you. Sab kuch." She said mimicking him as she processed to empty the grocery bag on the table.
"Sorry, yaar bhool gya tha, tum batao kya lekar aayi ho." Taking his spot on the couch, he patted the side near him and motioned her to sit next to him.
"Bhukkar! Khudi dekhlo." She thrust a container in his hand, her eyes shining with excitement as she sat in front of him in Indian style.
He suspiciously looked at her before finally opening the container. He took in the delicious aroma, teasing his taste buds. "Tumhe yaad tha?" He looked at her in surprise.
"Chocolate and salted caramel cake. Tumhara favourite, kaise bhul sakti thi." She passed him a bowl and a spoon as he cut the cake in even parts.
No words could convey how much her caring gesture overwhelmed him. He had never thought that it would be like this with her. Every emotion heightened when he felt happiness, he felt it so strongly that he could feel his heart burst and when he hurt and her actions had hurt him a lot in the past, he became this cold man he despised and the fear in her eyes told him she did too. She affected him in a way no one could.
"This is really good! No wonder you became a chef." He exclaimed munching on the cake. She smiled contently and leaned against the couch as he chewed slowly, his eyes closing in absolute delight.
His eyes meet hers and he is taken aback by the amount of warmth and affection in them. That had also been one of his craving - someone to look at him like they could see through him, like their world revolved around him. He had this specific look when he looked at her especially when she looked away and he wished she would reciprocate, just once. Ten years down the line, he was married to the only girl he had loved and she looked at him with a light in her eyes like he was God's sent blessing to her.
"Kya huwa? Aise kya dekh rahi ho?"He asked, his eyes filled with curiosity.
She leaned towards him with the help of her forearms, her eyes lingered on his face, before resting on his lips. Her deft fingers came to wipe the chocolate icing off his chin, she could see his Adam's apple bobbing and his lips slightly parting under her ministrations. "Wo cake laga huwa tha." She leaned back, wiping her fingers on a napkin.
Shaking himself from his reverie, he straightened himself up and cleared his throat. "You were talking about PCT."
"Uh, haan. She fumbled.
"Graduation ke baad, mujhe samajh hi nahi aaraha tha ke main aage kya karoon. Jobs ke liye apply kuch dher kam bhi kiya, lekin mera dil hi nahi lag raha tha. Tumhe yaad hai tumne mujhse ek baar kaha tha ke Sumo, tumhe to chef bana chahiye', phir mujhe yaad aaya k ek cheez me, main bohot acchi hoon aur wo thi cooking." Five years and her professional journey hadn't been less than a roller coaster ride.
"I would have never thought." He said, clearly smitten and somewhat apologetic for the way things had turned down as he realized the amount of efforts and time she had given to this venture.
"You don't know the half of it." She teased with a smile.
"And the car?" He asked, turning sidewise as to face her, his back pressed against the armrest.
"Initial days, main to staff bhi nahi tha aur ghari bhi nahi, to sari deliveries rikshe main beth kar karni hoti thi. Then, when I had enough money to mene ye ghadi occasion pe leli aur ahista ahista, staff bhi milgaya." She chuckled, remembering her first meeting with Preeta.
"Main bas maa ke naam se kuch shuru karna chahti thi. She mumbled, her eyes softening.
"Tumhari mom jahan bhi hai, wo tumhe dekh kar bohot proud feel karti hongi." He assured, his smile understanding. She smiled back.
"Ab tumhari baari!
"Honestly speaking, mene kabhi socha nahi tha, ke mujhe wahan itna accha lagega. Lekin phir bhi ek darr sa tha." He admitted.
"Shravan Malhotra ko darr bhi lagta hai? She asked, amusement oozing from her voice. "Kis cheez se?"
"Failure." Shravan murmured, his voice above a whisper. Her heart dropped hearing that.
"Mujhe andaza tha ke wahan ki parhai mushkil hai paar itni hogi ye nahi pata tha. Raat bhar jag tha tha, kahin bhar to mujhe lagta tha ke main fail hojaonga and I couldn't fail Sumo. Papa ne itna saal mehnat karke, itni umeedon ke sath mujhe wahan bheja tha, failing would have meant failing him." His voice was thick with emotion, sensing his inner torment, she scooted closer to him and wrapped her arm around him.
"Wahan naam banaya, to yahan sab ko laga ke Shravan ko sab kuch asaani se mil gaya, bani banayi firm milgayi. Aapne baap ke naam ke sahare aage bhar gaya. I thought that I had created my own identity paar shayad..." He shrugged, a wry smile took over his features as he looked down at his hands.
She shook head frantically, denying the claim. "Look here, Shravan." She couldn't control anymore as the need to sooth him came upon her. Her fingers crept up to caress the side of his jaw, his eyes fluttered closed at the action. "Don't let my words or anyone else's words affect you or make you doubt about who you are. Next time you do so, I'll kick you." Her words were meant to be threatening but the tone was playful. The sides of his lips lifted a bit as his eyes opened to see her looking up at him, as usual.
"Tum Shravan ho, the best friend in the world, the one person who has always my back even when he is angry at me. You are the one who saved my house even though you didn't have to. You are the brother who is willing to take a step back to let his own brother succeed. You are the son who won't let his parents bow down even if they have wronged him. You are the kick ass lawyer jo court main aate hi sab ki bolti band kardeta hain, who doesn't need a name or accolades to hold his ground."She said looking at him with a teary smile.
"And I am not done yet." She said laughing as he tried to entangle himself from her embrace, the tips of his ears turning red. "You also are the person with the most beautiful heart, I have ever known. A heart full of love and forgiveness for people who don't deserve you." She exhaled a long breath as her hand came to rest over his pounding heart.
"Sumo." There was something in his voice that made her look up at him.
As she gazed up at him, her hand resting against his chest, the longing of holding her close in her arms tore through him. Another word coming out from her mouth would be his undoing.
"Shravan-"Before she could say something, he had hurled her against his chest and his arms wound around the small of her back. He took in her scent as she snuggled deeper in the crook of his neck. "Kuch kam nahi bolti tum?" The timber of his voice and the way he was holding her as if he would crumble, gave away his emotion.
"Bachpan se." She leaned back and tried to straighten herself.
"Stay."He held her wrist, asking her permission in a silent way. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, she moved closer to him and rested her head against his shoulder. She smiled to herself, thinking how in the beginning of the conversation, they were sitting on the ends of the couch and as they spoke their hearts out, shared their utmost fears and insecurities, the distance between their hearts diminished - literally.
"Tumne aapne doston ke baare main nahi bataya?" She asked, genuinely interested about his circle of friends.
"Ek minute." He fetch the throw he had kept on the side and covered their bodies with it. She smiles up at him in a silent thank you.
"I didn't make many friends, lekin jitne bhi banaye pakke dost banaye. There is Eric, Riya, Rishi and some guys from the law firm."
"Is Eric the guy with the thick Irish accent?"
"Yes."
"Jiske sath tum gym jaate ho?" She asked, her eyebrows scrunched up, remembering reading his name on Shravan's wall.
"Haan. Lekin tumhe kaise pataa hai?" He asked, a hint of bewilderment riddled in his voice.
"Hamare jasoos kone kone main chupe huwe hain." She grinned, proud of her one liner.
"Ek minute, have you been stalking me?" He asked with a smirk.
Caught red-handed, she nervously smiled at him. "Uh, well stalking is a big word."
"And yet you never sent a friend request." He looked down at her with a frown. The nervous smile on her face was wiped away as if he had slapped her. "Was it out of ego or self-respect?"
"Neither." She says slowly, discarding herself from him as to face him, her fingers still enlaced with his.
"Shravan, I know ke tumhe ye self-respect ki baatein samajh nahi aati, tumhe ye meri zidd lagti hai. Lekin mere liye wo ek akeli cheez hai, jo sach main meri hai." She said firmly, remembering the weight of the debt that hovered over her, like her own shadow.
"Sharavan, dekho mene apne parents se bohot pyaar karti, lekin unn hone kuch faisle liye hain, jinn se main raazi nahi hoon. Decisions I can't accept, mistakes I don't want to repeat aur unn main se ek karz tha." Her voice slightly quavered, due to anxiety or pain or both, he couldn't tell. His heart ache seeing the lack of emotion in her eyes as she opened up on a part of her life which was supposed to be filled with laughter and innocence.
If filled with happiness and joy, childhood can buil a person otherwise it leaves life-changing scars. "Maa kabhi apne pairon pe khadi nahi huwi, wo hamesha papa pe depend karti rahi aur papa apni har mushkil ka solution karz main dhunte the the." She cringed, like the words hurt her physically.
"Tumne dekha na, Mamiji aaj bhi mujhse naraz hai. Iss liye, main kisi ki help ya ehsaan nahi le sakti, ye cheezein rishte tod ke rakh deti hoon..." Her voice broke at the end of her sentence, her words were the reflection of the volatile relationship they had shared, till now.
"Bachpan main, yahi toh karti thi main tumhare sath. Koi bhi problem hoti thi, chhoti ya bhari, tumhare paas bhag kar aajati thi. Lekin jab tumhe meri zaroorat hoti thi, to madad karna to bohot door ki baat hai, I didn't even acknowledge your presence in my life." He let her speak her heart out but gave her the support she needed, by gently squeezing her hand.
"I used you and I kept using you and I would have perhaps continued treating you in the same way, if you stayed." She whispered guilty and looked away for a moment.
"Main tumhari help iss liye nahi le sakti because it could bruise my ego, main tumhari help iss liye nahi le sakti because I don't want to feel like I used you and also because I don't want anyone to point a finger at my capabilities." She said, breaking down a little.
"Yahi farq hai uss Sumo main aur iss Sumo main. I have learnt to value people. My self-respect is the bridge between the old Sumo and this Sumo aur mujhe dobara wo Sumo kabhi nahi banna. I don't want anyone to think that our relationship is based upon the favours you bestow on me." She blinked back the tears which threatened to trickle down her face.
Not bearing to see her in this state - guilty and hurting, he engulfed her in his arms and let his hands rest over her stomach. His hands were huge, she could feel the warmth seep through the thin t-shirt as he worked to rub soothing circles on the material. He pressed a kiss atop of her head which made her sigh and lean completely against him.
"Aaj main shayad tumhe pehle se bhi zyada behtar janta hoon."He smiled, when he felt her hands coming to rest over his.
"But there is one thing you also need to understand. Ye ehsaan or help ki jo tum baat kar rahi ho wo mera haq hai."He said firmly.
"Wo haq jo tumne mujhe diya tha. When you asked something from me, it was you acknowledging my presence in your life. You depending on me was you showing me how important I was in your life. Tum bolo ya na bolo, but these little actions made me realize how much I counted for you. When you asked me to do something for you, I felt worthy." He confessed in his most earnest voice.
What hurt me the most was you cutting me off of your life, excluding me. For me, we always figure out things together, chahe wo Khosla ka case ho ya Chachi wali baat ho, I knew that I'll have you by my side." He says slowly as he nods, like he is trying to understand. She looks up from his shoulder and navigate herself on her knees as to face him. He let her play with his hair as she brushes the strands away from his forehead to encourage him to keep talking.
"PCT lautane ka haq sirf mera tha, Sumo." He firmly said with a blend of determination and longing shining through his eyes.
"Aur... jab tumne uski help li to mujhe waise hi laga, jaise mujhe das saal pehle laga tha, I couldn't help but feel like I didn't exist for you, I was only a convenience to you." He gulped back the lump in his throat as he recalled the amount of rage, despair and betrayal he had felt. Those actions weren't just his best friend's, those were also the actions of the only girl he had ever loved.
She moved her hands to the back of his neck to make him look towards her. "Tumne kabhi mujhe bataya kyon nahi? She asked with no hesitation.
"I thought, I was thinking too much into it. Mujhe laga tumne meri jagah kisi aur ko dedi. He asnwered with a forced smile as his voice creaked in between.
"Tumhari jagah meri zindagi main koi nahi le sakta." He felt his heart melt and all the pain being washed away as she gazed at him with tenderness. He had been waiting for so long to hear these words.
"Jaanta hoon and after seeing the amount of work and effort you have poured into building PCT, I understand Sumo. His right hand came to cup her cheek and gently wiped the tears which trickled down her beautiful face.
"But if we want to make this work..." He pointed to the space between them. "You have to let me in. I am not asking you to depend on me like you used to, I am just asking you to allow me to stand by your side and not just sit and watch you from afar while you struggle." He explained himself. His voice was soft and low exactly like when he would help her resolve her sums. He was always so patient and giving with her, always ready to give her choices.
"Can you do that for me?" He asks hesitantly, vulnerability oozing from his voice as he links their forehead together, his arms resting around her waist in order to stabilize her.
"I promise you to try." She promises, intertwining their fingers together. They gaze at each other through their lashes and they can't stop smiling. She slowly moves away from him, only to lean against his shoulder and let him secure his arms around her.
"I was scared to send you a friend request because I thought that you would reject it... aur tum itne khush lag rahe the pata nahi main tumhe yaad bhi thi ke nahi." She whispered with a dejected tone.
"There wasn't a day when I didn't think about you." He whispered against the back of her head, making goosebumps appear, all over her arms.
"Really? Then what was the Kaun Sumo' all about?" She asks as she cock her head to one side in order to properly glare at him.
"Wo toh mene... Ek minute how do you know about that?"
Biting her lower lip in anticipation, she slapped herself on the forehead. What a way to go. How was she supposed to tell him that she had been ogling at him while waiting in his bathroom Kya soche ga mere bare main. Sometimes, she wished she could read his mind.
"Sumooo."He prodded
"That's another story for another time. Abhi mujhe neend aarahi hai, tum bhi sojao." Yawning loudly, she feigned sleep in a bid to thwart the question.
They revelled in the silence of their familiarity, they had each other and all was right in the world.
She felt his chest vibrate with laughter making her own lips lift upwards as she snuggled closer to him. "Haas kyon rahe ho?" She asked through half lidded eyes.
"Bas khush hoon." He murmured in his sleepy haze.
"I missed you Sumo." He whispered resting his cheek atop of her head.
"I missed you more."
In the early hours of the morning, as the first rays of sunshine peek through the gap in the curtains before finding a way to his face, Sumo adored his face with her eyes and traced every contour, every line before continuing the path with her fingers. Leaning up ever slightly and careful not to disturb him, she places a kiss on his forehead, her lips lingering a second too long.
"I love you, Shravan."----------------------------------------------------
I am extremely sorry for this delay now that holidays are here l'll be updating more regularly!
So what do you guys think about the chapter and where do you think this is heading? Confession or more trouble on the way ? 😉
Chapter 11:
https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/ek-duje-ke-vaaste/4800419/shraman-ff-holding-you-c18-pg-102?pn=58Edited by KitkitMkb - 7 years ago
Parineeti
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