rantara ff-sajda tere pyar mein[note at page 150] - Page 56

Chapter 18: wounded soul

"what the!!..." antara's eyes got widened inshock looking at the broken window and shattered glasses on the floor. She quickly turned back towards raghu and ishu who were standing behind her with poor face. "how did it happened?!..." she asked in shocked expression. "raghu!!..." ishu said quickly. " arey tu firse...!!" raghu said in irritated voice. But before he could finish he heard antara's voice. "ishan!!!.." her voice was cold and alarming. Her eyes were hard, "go inside..." She almost ordered. "hnnn..." Both of them made confused sound. "I said, go inside!! It was a very long journey... U must be tired.. so get fresh. I'll meet you later!!" antara said coldly. Looking at her posture anyone can detect that there is something seriously wrong with her. Before raghu could say anything further ishan dragged him inside. Raghu got confused and said, "abbey kahan le jaraha hain?" raghu asked "ruk mere ko yeri se..." but ishan stooped him, "abhi chalo andar... Didu ka temperature bahut garam hain... Yahan ek min bhi ruke to volcano fat jayega..." ishan muttered slowly. "kya kahe raha hain be?" raghu looked back at antara who was already busy in cleaning the broken glasses. "dekh ke toh nahi lagta!!" he said. "didu jab jyada gussa hoti hain na toh bilkul aise baat karti hain ... aab chalo baad mein baat kar lena..." ishan lead him to the way and both of them got upstairs. Antara got busy in cleaning broken pices of glasses scattered all over the floor. She looked at the floor with blank eyes. Her each and every dream was shattered just like those glass pieces. She looked back to the window. The sun rays were coming through the broken hole on the glasses and falling on her swollen face. That window was all ready broken before, while ishan and papa were playing crickets. Their puppy face, momma's angry eyes and at last, their cheer full smile, all of them seemed like the picture of another world. A tell of far dimension where happiness was spread all over, not a small glint of sorrow. Antara squeezed her eyes shut to control the overflow. She had to close the door of those memories, those pictures of past. They would do nothing rather than causing those tears to come out which she was hiding for so long. She couldn't let flow down her pain with those tears. Rather than she had to make that pain her strength. Unconsciously her hand moved to fetch the remaining glasses. "ouch!!.." she felt a sharp pain in her hand. She flinch her hand upward which was oozing blood. She looked at the red liquid in her hand spreading all over her palm. "papa!! It's nothing!!... just a cut!! It will heal just after some days." Another picture of old days hit her mind. last year she got hurt by a nail which was on her book case and she didn't saw it while arranging the books. "antara, never gives any types of wound casually, you are medical student now and u must read that even a smallest cut can spread septic." Dr kaul said. "sure doctor!! I think your lecture mode is on now!!" antara laughed and brought the first aid. "your papa is right antara. U shouldn't be so much careless always. Grow up, you are now in collage. Why do u do such works that u get injured frequently?!" Geeta said. "why everyone is giving lecture from the morning!" she made a pupy face. Dr kaul smiled looking at her daughters mischief and turned towards geeta. "my deer boby ji!!.." he probed, "u know sometimes it's good to be careless. Suppose u are learning to ride cycles or bike or may be, you are learning the tricks of footballs and cricket. Do you think u can manage not to get a single scratch on you? or the best example, just think about those soldiers and armies who are 24 hours alerted in border just to make us safe. They knew that any time a bullet can come from the other side and crash their hearts, but they don't even bother. If they would always think of their small scratches they could fight back our enemies with all courage and keep our Kashmir safe! You should take care when you get injured but u must not get afraid of the fact that u may get another injury in future!" he used to tell those words always. never get afraid of upcoming dangers, cause if you won't take them as threat, they wouldn't bother you anymore.' It was his favorite line. Antara remembered about zara and zoya. Vishal uncle was afraid to send her in that house cause, it might be dangerous for her. But since when she started to care about upcoming dangers?! Why she was so much afraid of those people in morning? Did she forget that those dangers would be always with her throughout the deathly game? Blood was dried in her hand. The cut was burning like hell but she didn't make a sound or didn't even let out a single teardrop. She took the glass shard in her wounded hand looking to that glass piece she pressed that glass harder taking in her grip. The wound again got deeper and that time blood came out even more violently. She bit her lower lip harder to bear the pain. She wanted to examine her strength. Blood flowed down from her palm and drooped on the floor slowly. "not again papa!!" she mumbled out of her breath. Her eyes was emanating hidden fire which could burn anyone, "I would never get afraid of those murdered from now on papa, I would never run away from them even if they threat to kill me, if I had to die to destroy those demons I will!! But I swear papa I won't leave them. I will avenge your death, the death of more than 1000 people whom they killed!!" her eyes burned in hatred for those merciless killers. She opened her grip and the shard which was all red in her blood drooped on the floor making sound.

"didu what happened to your hand?" ishan said worriedly looking at antara's bandage in the palm. "it's nothing ishan just a small cut!!" antara assured."didu, pls tell me you are not angry!!" ishan said looking at antara who was caressing his hair. It was almost 11 pm at night and antara was trying to get him into sleep. "ishan I am not angry. I was only sad. But everything is fine now." She said sweetly. Ishan grinned happily. "didu I want to tell you something but pls promise me that you won't get upset." Ishan said. "nope. Why should i?" antara smiled. "no it was about raghu." Ishan said sheepishly. Antara's smile faded as she heard his name. she didn't talked to him since the morning or even cared to look at him when he was near. Just that moment ago in dinner table she was seating beside him in table and quietly having her dinner. She was feeling like his eyes were fixed on her. but she didn't bother to look back. "what's the matter ishan?!" antara asked in dry voice. "didu do u think he is that much cunning and rude he looks?" ishan suddenly asked her. "what do you mean ishan?" antara seemed confused. "nothing just... you know didu when I told you that u have come here to get info about those terrorist suddenly he seemed worried..." ishan muttered. Antara's frown increased. "not just that, you know when our train was cancelled he was so restless to reach here quickly. I was just thinking... Why?! Do u think he actually cares about u?!" ishan asked in clueless expression. "you don't have to think so much about the matter ishan. It's late, now go to sleep." Antara smiled and caressed his head lovingly. "didu you are not angry na?!" ishan looked at her with questioning look. "no ishan!! Not a bit!" antara assured. Ishan closed his eyes in satisfaction. After some moments when she saw ishan was in deep sleep she covered him with the blanket. She had to inform vishal uncle about the development. She took the phone from the table and that time she noticed the wall. It seemed different. Something was there!!! her photo!! Did they remove the photo before going to Mumbai. Nope!! She didn't think so. May be she kept that anywhere else. However she dialed vishal uncle's number. She informed about the progress and the incident in handloom shop. Vishal uncle scolded her for taking such risk. She then told him that she had decided to take zoya siddiqui's offer. He forbid her to do so as they didn't taken the decision yet to send her or not. Chiefs of IB were hesitating to take such risk. Antara said that it would be just her own decision and IB will never be responsible for this move. Still vishal uncle was not ready. In between that the call got disconnected due to low network service. Antara came at the Terrence to find network. It was some four days before full moon light. So the surroundings were looking so beautiful in silver moonlight. The small lights on the dark water of daal lake at far was indicating the positions of house boats. The ice peak, which was just behind their house was glowing in moon light. Antara was engrossed for a while in nature's beauty. She missed this nature's heavenly beauty so much in Mumbai. She moved her amazed eyes all over the Terrence when she noticed a fig seating over the edge of the wall. The halogen bulb which was glowing at the side was lighting his feature even more. Antara's eyebrows got creased more. He was holding something in his hand and his eyes were fixed on it. Antara moved to him. Her photo!! Antara just understood and she felt shocked. Why did he purchase her photo? She moved towards him with heavy steps. But he didn't even bother to look at her. "tum yahan Terrence pe kya kar rahe ho?!" she asked with confusion. "kyun? Yahan ana mana hain kya?! Ya phir chat pea ne ke liye bhi madam ka permission chahiye?!" he asked in his irritating tone still keeping his gaze fixed towards that photo. "tumhare pass meri photo kaise ayi?! Wapas do mujhe." She said in a bit loud voice. "ye teri photo hain?... naaahh!!...ho hi nahi sakta...!!" he chuckled. "raghu mazak mat karo aur meri photo wapas de do..." her voice raised. Raghu lifted his eyes and looked at her face which looked slightly angry. He folded the photo frame to her. antara looked at the photo. She was holding a guitar and looking at the camera with a beautiful sunshine smile. Smile, that could never appear on her face again!! that guitar which was burned in the same fire which took away her father, her dream, her everything!! raghu looked the change on her expression. Her eyes which were holding an angry expression got changed into immense pain. For a while that sad eyes took him off guard. He couldn't say a word but to stare in that dumb pain. After some moment of pin drop silence he started, "dekh issey aur bata mere ko... kya kuch bhi same hain tum dono main?!!" antara looked at his face with confused look. "kehena kya chahte ho tum?!" she asked. "mere ko bas yehi kahena hain ki ye photo wali larki tu ho hi nahi sakti. Arey dekh kaise has rahi hain battisi dikha ka... Bilkul wo dant manjan wale add ki tarah..." He said. Antara let out a sigh and nodded her head in disappointment. "kya mast lag rahi hain...!! Ekdum solid heroine jaisi.." he continued to blabber. Suddenly antara felt goose bumps. Did he just adored her picture?!! He looked towards her again with a irritating look. "aur aoun ke samne jo khari hain na... usey to smile karna ata hi nae... jab dekho bas sutli bomb ki tarah fat jati hain... humesha naak pe gussa chara reheat hain... Arey bas sakal milti hain tum dono ki par dono bilkul alag, jaise seta aur geeta ho...!!" he said. "dekho raghu main bilkul bhi mazak ki mode mein nahi hoon!! Plz mujhe meri photo wapas kar do..." antara said and tried to snatch the photo frame from him. But he jumped down from the edge and slipped. Antara looked at him with confusion. What's he up to actually? "akhir tum chahte kya ho raghu?! Kyun aisa kar rahe ho?!" she asked in helpless voice. He looked at her eyes with some determined gaze and uttered slowly. "tereko bachana chahta hoon...!!" antara again felt her heart started to run in some uneven speed. She stood there dumb for a while looking at his hard determined look. "matlab!!?" she asked. "itni sawal kyun puchti hain re?!! singer ban ne se pehele kyat u teacher thi?!!..." he started again which increased antara's irritation. "arey tereko iss pagalpan se nikalna chahta hoon. Jo junnon tere sar pe sawar ho gaya hain na un atankwadiyon ko marne ke liye usey tere sar se dho na hain mere ko!! Dekh miscall abhi bhi kuch nae bigra hain... meri baat maan le, chor de unka picha karna aur wapas chal Mumbai." He said in a single breath. Antara twitched her lips and smirked a little. "oh really?! U know I can't believe ki main raghunath naik ke samne khara hoon jo kuch dino pehele mujhe uski basti toh kya uski life se bhi nikalna chahta tha... aur aaj wohi insaan chahta hain ki main uss basti mein wapas chale jaon... usi basti mein jaha main aur meri family kabhi sar uthake jee nahi payengey..." She said coldly. "dekh miscall, topic change mat kar..." he was about to say something but antara's word mumbed him. "tumhe sabkuch bahut easy lagta hain na raghu... tumhe lagta hain puri duniya tunhare kehene pe cdhalta hain... tum jab kahoge log hasengey... tumhe lagta hain kit um jise job hi kahoge wo bina kuch argue kiye maan jayega r8?!" she asked coldly. "mereko pehele hi pata tha yeri lecture maregi!!.." he said looking at other side. "lecture dena mujhe bhi pasand nahi hain raghu... par tumhari harkate mujhe majboor kar dete hain... tumhe kya lagta hain ki main jab chahon ye mission chorke ja sakti hoon... for your kind information I can't do that. Remember is mission ke piche IB ka hath hain... This is one of their most confidential mission. Aur iss sey juri huyi hoon... Unke sare secrets jaan ti hoon main... and now if I leave everything behind that will be just ditching them. Bagawat ban jayega unke khilap. Aur tumhe pata hain ki unke khilap agar tum bagawat kar do to kya result milta hain... So that's simply mean ki main wapas nahi ja sakti... mere wapas jane ke sare raste maine khud bandh kar diye hain..." she stated in single breath. Her each and every words created shiver in his spine. She herself wanted to jump inside the fire?! Had she gone nuts? "kyun kiya tune aisa haan?!! Kya milega tujhe ye sab kar ke?!! Arey mahan ban ne ka itna sauk hain na toh aur bhi bahut sare kaam hain..." he said in little confused voice. Her face became harder. " tum nahi samjhoge... iss liye plz mera sar mat khao..." she just stated coldly. "eee kya nahi samjhunga... sab saajhta hoon main. Tujhe aunty ji ke ilach ke liye paise chahiye the na... arey maine toh pehele hi kaha tha ki main sare paise bhar doongi par nahi... madam ko khud paise kamana tha..." he made a face. Antara just listened to him silently, "tere ko kaam bhi diya tha maine... mast ajji ki caretaker bani huyi thi... Toh fir ye sab dramma kyun?!!" he asked. "kaam?! Kaisa kaam?!! Jisme din raat mujhe choti se chot galti par tana sun ne ko mile ya fir har roj kisi ka gussa jhelna pare..." her voice had started to became louder again. "arey haan pata hain... mere uban ka locha hain... iss liye kabhi kabhi wo sab nikal jata tha... par job hi kiya... apun tere ko jaan se to nahi maarta ... par ye log toh paise ke badle teri jaan mang raha hain tujhse... Arey tu samajhti kayeko nahi... Maar dalengey ye log tujhe!!!..." his voice became so much frustrated at last. Whenever he was thinking about her being death he was feeling numb. Antara shifted her eyes to the darkness ahead. "iss zindagi ka kya fayda raghu jismein main apni momma aur ishan ke liye kuch na kar sakoon!! Sahi kaha tha tumne... Kuch nahi kar sakti main un logon ke liye... Par agar mere zindagi ke badle momaa aur ishan ko ek nayi zindagi mile to yehi sahi!!..." she stated in cold voice while her lost eyes were fixed to the dark horizon. that same lifeless expression, which he saw on that day when she was standing in balcony. He also remembered the words when he said that she couldn't do anything for her family herself. He didn't had any intention to hurt her. it just came out in flow. But he didn't ever think that she would take the words that seriously. He couldn't controle his frustration anymore. He grabbed her shoulder tightly and shook her feature. "miscall hosh mein aa... Pagalon jaise harkat mat kar...!! tereko agar mere pein gussa hain na to thappar maar mere ko,dant mujhee... Nikalle apni bharas... Par khud ko kyun jala rahi hain is aag mein?!! Aisa mat kar...!!" his voice was loud and angry but also he was almost begging. Antara suddenly laughed in her hand startling her. it was not a cheerful laughter at all. Even in that sound of laughter there was touch of immense pain. And when she looked back to his face, her eyes were showing the hidden tears. "tumpe gussa nikaloon?! Kish hak se?!! ho kaun tum mere jo main tumpe apna gussa nikaloon?! Hum dono ke beach to koi rishta nahin hain... ek nafrat ka rishta tha wo bhi maine khatam kar di..." She said in broken voice hiding her tears. "antara!!..." he mumbled in amused voice. His hand slowly slid down her shoulder automatically. "main tum pe gussa nahin hoon raghu. Actually main kisi pein gussa nahin ho sakti... kyun ki maine apni sari feelings ko maar diya hain... Hasi, gussa, asoon ye sab ab mere liye nahin hain..." she answered in lost eyes. Her each and every words making him numb. What had she become in these few days? She was not even screaming or quarrelling with him. Even not accusing him like before!! Her stern mechanical voice could only be heard from someone who had lost every hope to live. "tumne sahi kaha raghu jo larki uss photo mein hain wo main nahi hoon. Wo antara koi aur thi..." she said slowly and paused for a while, "wo antara usi din uss aag mein jal gayi thi..jis aag mein uski papa ka maut huya tha uss din... aur jo tumharee samne khari hain who uss antara ki bas raag hain!! Raag!! Jismein na dil hain na koi feelings... usey bas ek hi cheez pata hain... maut!!" she stated in that same mocking tone. His dumb wide eyes were fixed to her colorless swollen face with the mixed feeling of confusion and tremendous fear. "par tumne fir se ishan ko mere saamne lake khara kar diya... ishan mera bhai... Mere sab se bari kamjori... ab main usey kaise wapas bhej doon... main usey yahan rakh bhi nahi sakti... agar un trerrorist ko kabhi mere asliyat pata chal jayein to wo ishan ko ... no!! I can't let that happen..." Fear flickered in her eyes. Raghu was all dumb for these long mins. It seemed like her words had taken away his voice. Antaara slowly moved towards the edge and looked towards the light flickering at far. "kyun aisa kar te ho raghu. Baar baar jab bhi main kuch karne jata hoon tum beach mein khare ho jate ho. Main usdin basti chorke jana chahti thi fir bhi tumne mujhe rok diya... tum toh chahte the ki main tumhare life se humesha ke liye chali jaon aur aaj jab jaa rahi hoon to kyun meri muskile bara rahe ho?!" he asked in a low voice. She paused for a while and waited for answer. But when she didn't heard anything she turned back. To her surprise no one was there. she didn't even notice when he left. Only her photo was kept at side. From the frame, that smiling beautiful lady was looking towards her. she was looking so beautiful in moonlight.

Precap: "nahi jauunga!!! Samjhi?!! Last time kahe raha hoon... gaant badh le... main tereko idhar horke nahi jaunga..." he said stubbornly.