Why is it that only girls have to go to...

Their husbands house? I know because it's a tradition going on for years, but any other reason? I hate this tradition so much because it is the girls that have to tear open their hearts and leave the home they spent their whole entire life in, and your parents and family and loved ones. Boys have it easy, forever with their mumma papa. That's not fair. Why do we girls get to endure such pain while boys don't? Don't we get enough from girl and pregnancy? Something biological and impossible to pass on to the boys?

Originally posted by: ummesulaiman

I don't live with my in-laws...nor do I live with my parents. I live with my husband and I like it that way. 😆

I think when you are older you will learn to appreciate the ability to live independently from your parents or elders.

As for husband and wife living separately...this sort of defeats the purpose of getting married doesn't it? I mean then why not stay single?

Very nice post. Now my take on the subject. My answer will be from the Indian context. When the family system started men being physically stronger were to go out and earn and women were to stay back and manage the house and children. Traditionally this was the division of labor in the patriarchal setup and since the man was earning, the woman went to his house after marriage, changed her surname, gotra etc. Her share of her father's property was given to her in the form of dowry at the time of marriage. As time passed male domination started and women not only accepted it but even helped men to reinforce the idea. In most cases woman became another woman's worst enemy.This has been going on for now close to 5000 years. The situation was expected to experience a change when women started working but it did not happen as now women not only manage the house but also contribute financially. She is doubly burdened. Now coming to your question why newly married couples have to live in joint families. The reason is again economics. During olden days agriculture was the chief occupation and all brothers with their parents stayed together. The idea was if land is divided than cultivation will become uneconomical. The MILs dominated and the DILs were compelled to take in a lot of emotional torture. Now with urbanisation people are breaking away from joint family system in villages and moving into nuclear setup with just husband, wife and children to cities. Change has started with industrial progress, better employment opportunities in cities but it will take time as 70% of India still lives in villages and smaller towns like Pushkar where Bhabos dominate and the likes of Sandhya and Emily kowtow.

In the modern times, I feel that nuclear families are the way to go. It still may make economic sense in agricultural and business families where the sons are working in family owned farms or businesses to live together but it makes life miserable for the younger generation. In the olden days, people used to have lots of children and one or two would not do so well and in a joint family system, they would be supported. These days with lesser children, this scenario is less likely. Women are territorial and insecureu by nature. I feel joint family system is very hard on the woman. MILs are hard enough to live with because of generation gap but to live with an ensemble of co- sisters and sisters in law is not at all easy.

Originally posted by: SailorMoonStar

What are you saying? Husband and wife living separately ruins the purpose of marriage? Why not just stay single? I'm sorry but that makes zero sense. This is Internet so I can't write this without sounding rude but honestly I am not being rude. I may have misunderstood what you said. Certainly when someone gets married they get married to the other person, not their in laws? Marriage is something between two people, not two families. So why living together it separately be the point of marriage?

Originally posted by: ummesulaiman

See...it all depends on your point of view.

Yes it is difficult for a girl to leave her family...but we women by nature are sympathetic and compromising. That helps us to quickly adapt to new surroundings and accept a new family as our own.

Living apart from parents doesn't mean that you are severing ties with them. They'll always be your parents. 😊 But your priorities in life will change.

When I said living separately would defeat the purpose of marriage...I meant that marriage is a union of 2 people in every sense, whether it be financial, emotional, or physical. People look for the security and benefits that such a relationship brings...which are compromised when living separately.

Marriage also often results in the starting of families, ie, children...All the more reason for the husband and wife to be living together.

So how are all of these things going to be accomplished in an orderly fashion if you live separately?

You may think boys have it easy because they don't have to leave their parent's home. But you are forgetting that the same boy is looked upon as the financial security of his family. And often the elder sons have it much harder.

Just look at Suraj...he is the primary bread winner and has to support his younger siblings too..even though they are married. The burden of saving up for the younger sister's marriage is also on him.

Then there is always the daily struggle of balancing love and responsibility you feel for your wife with that you have for he rest of your family. Sometimes the entire life will pass away living for others rather than for himself. I wouldn't call it easy by any means.

Originally posted by: SailorMoonStar

while reading this comment I realized you misunderstood what I said lol 😆 Which led me to misunderstand your reply. When I said SEPERATELY I meant the husband and wife seperate from the in laws. Not HUSBAND SEPERATE FROM WIFE. LOL. Yes in that case why not stay single? But I was talking about them living together but seperate from their parents.

I definitely think that children should support their parents financially. I mean they gave you basically life, and not just by giving birth. But if a girl is dreading to go to get in laws, she should definitely NOT. If she's going to miss her in laws terribly why not the husband come stay at his in laws? If they both miss their parents and can't come to terms with whose parents to stay with, love seperate TOGETHER though lol to make it fair in life.

i am an orthodox person