Originally posted by: RoyalLEO_Krrish
as far as putting myself in to Jhanvi's shoes..i have been questioned this SO many times that i lost the count..the thing is that i am not weak as Jhanvi..and as far as her character is concern there are so many women who lives life with abuser..i know what ur trying to explain me here..but wouldn't things change over time? if things can get better i am the type of person who give in..and make things work..rather than retalitating and causing all the mess..going with another man is NOT into my blvs and values..no matter if u have divorced the abuser or not..or calling it quit..i don't know..u can call me rigid or anything as i have been called by names for my strong belief..but i don't really get bothered with anything because i have been thinking about it..and yes may be relationship gets "scars" but would one just call it quit? even if person changes?? it's like taking away the possibilty of change...the possibility of making things better...u don't marry every several yrs..u don't just get hit by a complete stranger out of no where..u don't get help everytime u seek for one...that is the Cruel reality of world...M i supporter of Domestic Violence?? NO. I am not! M I supporter of Human Rights? YES. I am. The only thing i can say as of now..if he doesn't change yes i don't want him with Jhanvi or any other girl. but if he can change..if he can be better person yes..i want him to get what he desired..because being an OCPD doesn't come with a choice..abusive childhood doesn't come with a choice..how u addapt the things or react on also varies case to case..and depends on child's age..when that scene happend..or was it repitative is also a question..u can differentiate what is good and bad when ur old enough to understand things...if someone beats u that doesn't mean u beat him back..or u do the same with the person u love...nope it's not the way it..but i can say that...because i can sense the difference between right and wrong..but was Viraaj able to sense it? was he shown what is right and wrong at the first place?
I totally agree that yes scars are hard to heal..but not Impossible to heal. time and love can heal just about anything and that is what i am counting on.
will healing change the dynamics of relationship..yes it will..it's not gona be the same,..sure if one says that...but possibility sure stands a chance..if given a chance that is..
Nyways.."LONG" reply...but felt like replying to u...
I've been following the debate between you and Shazna. It's a very interesting debate and I'd like to throw in my two cents. I hope that you don't mind.
First of all, I think that all analysis is - in the end - based on how we interpret the character of Viraj. Personally, I don't see him as a victim, as a man who doesn't understand what is right and what is wrong -- I do, however, see him as someone who knows when he's done wrong and manipulates people around him to get what he wants. He doesn't regret any of his horrible deeds. He feels no remorse. It doesn't mean that he isn't aware of what's right or wrong. Just that he doesn't care for it, because he desires the end result for himself.
If he felt actual remorse and struggled to repeat the act, then I'd admit that he had actual redeeming qualities. But he hasn't, at any point, shown pure remorse and sheer desire to change. He hasn't shown empathy. He has, however, shown the opposite.
I believe that a mental disease or imbalance isn't enough to justify anyone's treatment of another human being. It's like saying that serial killers should be given another chance to establish their lives in our society because what they did was the consequence or result of their traumatic childhood. Now, according to the system, all serial killers should receive treatment rather than punishment for what they've done because they're all the product of some traumatizing incident from their pasts...
These are, in most cases, excuses. Lame excuses.
We're talking about people who are incapable of empathy. We're talking about people that are labelled "mentally imbalanced" and their reasons for committing the cruel act is given some fancy psychological term. But really, they're just evil.
Cruel people that find some kind of sick pleasure in dominance, violence, in hurting other people -- simply because they allow their minds to roam ominous waters rather than restrict themselves.
It's not that they don't know the difference between right and wrong - it's that they allow their drives, their desires to overpower them.
Let me give an example.
There are Catholic priests who sexually abuse children in Germany. Why? Because they are all mentally imbalanced, psychologically dented? Should they be given treatment and chances and no punishment?
Those Catholic priests abused the children because they permitted themselves to do so. They are priests. Shouldn't they fear God above anything else? How could they not stop in the middle of the act and think: "What the H am I doing?" The thing is that when you allow the drives that lie in any human nature to overpower you, to ignore what's right, to think the extreme and allow yourself explore it - then you will end up an abusive priest or an abusive husband, for that matter.
Viraj might have a disorder. His present self might be a product of his past. But in the end, it doesn't justify anything and doesn't earn him a badge, or a tenth chance -- because his issues shouldn't have the power to ruin another human's life, to change it irrevocably and turn her into a nervous wreck. It shouldn't have the power to control anyone's happiness.
If he should ever recover, which I highly doubt [since his issues are deeply rooted in his persona], then sure. He could make amends. But a woman like Jhanvi, who has suffered from his hand, whom he has ruined - body and soul - shouldn't be expected to return to him, shouldn't be given to him for his happiness or desire's sake. Honestly, if he wants to make amends, he should put aside his own desire in order to see Jhanvi happy and safe from him -- knowing what he's done to her, knowing that he doesn't deserve her.
This all presupposes that Viraj is capable of feeling actual remorse. Which he isn't.
In the end, I believe that one's past doesn't justify one's present self. When he was a child, he was a victim. But now he's a grown man. He's not a victim anymore. He's the attacker, the abuser -- and he became THAT by choice.
I agree that you don't quit on someone when they're ill. But truth be told, you have a right to protect yourself first. You have a right to protect yourself from being destroyed.
Sickness or not, childhood trauma or not -- if my man had done even half the things that Viraj has done to Jhanvi, I would've abandoned him. No questions asked. Not because I'm weak or a quitter, but because I have my self-respect and he has no right to take it from me, to ruin me, to drag me down with him.
Plus, if I didn't love him and wasn't happy with him - then why should I fight for our painful and abusive marriage to work?
Viraj can have himself treated and fight to stay a good man and let Jhanvi have her own happiness somewhere else - that would be his greatest amend of all. And then, I might just forgive him as a viewer.
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
