Moving in with prospective life patner ? - Page 5

Originally posted by: Maya_M

But haven't we debated on the same topic here https://india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=104580

Originally posted by: serialbuff

For these very "unfathomable" reasons, they would not agree to a live-in relationship. And for the same reasons, the point of this debate becomes redundant! Living-in to do a test run will never be a solution to problems that crop in married life, especially in the Indian set-up (and to some extent, in the West, too. A friend of mine lived with her boyfriend for two years, and decided to get married. Within 6 months of getting married, she found out that her husband was suffering from "lazyitis" - he developed a mysterious illness that no one could diagnose and took so long off work, that he had to be made redundant. Nary a hint of that in the two years of living together.)

Another reason I find the premise faulty, is the negative approach to the concept of marriage. For every marriage that is a disaster, there are ten that are successful without the test-run and without the innumerous compromises being bandied about. Let's not approach marriage with unnecessary trepidation and apprehension, nor with foolhardy optimism and bravado. 😊

That was eloquently put buffy...😊

Originally posted by: sowmyaa

Yes we have 😉 But it's fun to see views of new members here...😊

Also, Maya, gade murde kyun ukhad rahi ho...I think I said something different there and something different here 😡

Sowmyaa, You seem to be in fun mood.😆 Gade murde issliye ukhad raheen hoon kyunki I have posted my POV and counter-arguments😉 in that thread and I have nothing new to offer here. I am thinking of playing a devil's advocate though😳.

Originally posted by: sowmyaa

QT jeeeeeeeeee-
living in before marriage = live-in
marrying before starting to live-in = marriage
so live-in VS marriage debate = living in before mariage vs. marrying before starting to live-in
so in that case its going on right track 😉 😳

Originally posted by: raj5000

This was discussed previously, notified earlier and intend was correctly interpreted by QT " live-in prior to marriage with the hope of marrying the same person."
While discussing any topic deviation tend to happen, to visit the basics by new members 😳 or simply quoting thoughts of others, guess shouldn't be a problem. is it?

Originally posted by: Maya_M

😆😆😆 @ that
Sowmyaa, You seem to be in fun mood.😆 Gade murde issliye ukhad raheen hoon kyunki I have posted my POV and counter-arguments😉 in that thread and I have nothing new to offer here. I am thinking of playing a devil's advocate though😳.

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

That was eloquently put buffy...😊

Thank you! That's just because I am taking a break from work. 😊Let me go through some of my students' writings, then I will be spewing gobbledy gook! 😆

Why living together is not a good idea😛

Every marriage has ups and downs. If you are in a live-in relationship with no strings attached then the problems a couple face are

1.When there are compatibility issues it is easier to just drift off to find another ideal partner.

2.Even if they eventually get married the divorce rates are higher because of the confidence to defy society in the first place.

3.People who have no issues about premarital sex won't have much inhibition about extramarital affairs.

4.Since there is no social binding spouse will not inherit anything. So financial security for oneself should be a top priority.

5.Trust will always be in question since there is no actual commitment.

6.There will be more of 'I' and 'mine' than 'our' while making important decisions for children.

7. Couple might end up hurting parents and siblings as our society is not yet ready to accept this arrangement.

Originally posted by: Maya_M

Why living together is not a good idea😛

Every marriage has ups and downs. If you are in a live-in relationship with no strings attached then the problems a couple face are

1.When there are compatibility issues it is easier to just drift off to find another ideal partner.

Compatibility issues which cannot be compromised or worked out would anyway result in seperation sooner the better and yes easier to come out of a not so legally bonded relationship or family involved.

2.Even if they eventually get married the divorce rates are higher because of the confidence to defy society in the first place.

Defyin the society is a problem to start with then why go for it.

3.People who have no issues about premarital sex won't have much inhibition about extramarital affairs.

Implies individuals who don't believe in premarital sex have issues in getting into extramartial affairs?

4.Since there is no social binding spouse will not inherit anything. So financial security for oneself should be a top priority.

Financial independancy whether married or unmarried should be something for individuals to strive for.

5.Trust will always be in question since there is no actual commitment.

Does commitment is defined as being married and legally bonded?

6.There will be more of 'I' and 'mine' than 'our' while making important decisions for children.

When dating or going around and not actually staying together does things addressed as 'our'? Depends on individuals they can continue everything ours but keep finances separate. Plan for everything which involves both like buying gifts, grocery, bills etc together.

7. Couple might end up hurting parents and siblings as our society is not yet ready to accept this arrangement.

Agreed it all comes down to society and folks. Won't they be more hurt when ppl want to separate after 6 months of vows for reasons like spouse if extreme case of keeping things clean, cann't even use the restroom with peace of mind...this one am not making it up, ( I feel bad to share it but this might help where am coming from, one of my freind who is going through this, they separated for 2 years and were on the verge of D, thats when he told me about some facts, some of the things he mentioned were hard to believe, don't wanna discuss. BTW - it was a love marraige they were seeing each other for 3-4 years and these facts never came accross. Yes might sound as an exceptional case but its the truth. Good for them they got back together in July, thanks to society / family pressure / legal issues unfortunate part is , they love eachother a lot, they both are trying hard but somehow its not working OUT.. Have not heard other part of story so not being judgmental and thought of ways this situation can be avoided. Request - I don't want to discuss this part. Thanks )

Live-in will help - Identify problem areas upfront without being legally bonded. Heads up on level of compatibility issues(if any) that can be compromised or not in order to make a GO or NO-GO marraige decision.