Lying about virginity - Page 9

Originally posted by: HappyJai

I can very well understand ur curiousity!!

The very first thing to suppport my answer is "How about the ONE NIGHT STAND", quite common these days. How these people manage to do all that with a person whom they do not even konw.

The second aspect is "The factor of "TRUST". SEX is not the name of marriage. Two persons are together not only for SEX. LOVE flourishs under the umbrella of trust. One of my closest friend married to a girl whom he never met earlier. But this actor is not at all affecting his married life in any way. He had showed a great trust in the dicision of his parents and leading an enjoyable life (with LOVE & SEX both).

Well intimacy on the first night with your stranger spouse is as strange as a one night stand actually. I personally can't figure both out. No offense to those who had such marriages.

Originally posted by: Aparna_BD

But then there will be some people who will never let them have a shot at happiness !! They will send anon e-mails coz they feel "damn why does she always have such good luck with men.........and look at poor plain me ......guys don't even look at my face.......... !!!!!!!!!!!!" You know like they say "morality is envy with a halo !!"

Exactly!!! i didn't say that earlier (But it was in my mind) becoz i didn't have better words to explain this fact😳😆 and Aparna di you said that very well👏

I agree with Javs. If she was not loyal to her early relationships then she would have left both the guys after one week!! Now there is a chance and i hope that she makes it and destiny helps her!😊 I tink that girl deserves happiness now (And people don't sow thorns in her way😉)

And cutefairy91.. the "9" pages show that we DMers are pretty good at "Case studies"!!😉😉😆

Originally posted by: aman8us9a6

i have a question.........if get an arranged marriage.....then how do u have sex wit the guy even though u dont know him or even love him???? i would neva do that

Well most of girls and boys in India are raised with the idea that they will have an arrange marriage. They have prepared their mind set from way long... So 1st they don't have to prepare their mind or anything to live and sleep with stranger in one day. it's a life long process. Secondly, as Aparna said, many couples today take their own sweet time after marriage to know each other before they get physical. Also, I sometime wonder how you date someone for years and sleep with that persona nd then you break up and start living with other and dating other guy if that does not work out. So basicially , human beings can be molded emotionally as they want. They are very flexible and accept their given environment very easily.

Originally posted by: Aparna_BD

I've always wanted to ask 😳but , its obviously too personal and such people are never my close friends.😳 *gigles*

😡 really? 😭

OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!!! OPPPSSSS .. Aparna di.. this case is very very touche for Sowmyaa di😉

Originally posted by: sowmyaa

😡 really? 😭

Hey Soumya i've wondered if the person is a complete stranger and after marriage they hook up on first night itself. 😳😆 That is weird. Whats not weird is getting to know each after marriage. Many of my close friends had such arranged marriages where they got to know each other a bit and then hooked up.

Sorry when i said they aren't my good friends doesn't mean they aren't good enough to be my friends.😳 Its just that i've never known people of such nature too well. 😳 I met them here in the U.S as part of Indian community. They met their hubby's on wedding day and then left with them for the U.S. Most of them belong to small cities.😳 Its just my observation. In Delhi none of my friends married absolute strangers. o.k o.k o.k i am RAMBLING !!!!!!!!!😳 Sorry if i hurt.😳😳😳 Will PM u too !!😳

well what i ment is you can always ask me what it's like 😉

I think in some big cities and familes it is hard to trust about arriange marriage and sleep with stranger, however most of India as a big whole picture are very used to arrange marriages and ofcourse, marriage includes ahem ahem physcial relation too. So it might be suprising for sure for those who did not go through this way or still are not married, but it is definetly not that huge of a big deal for us Indian woman. I would expect a shock from American or someone out of our culture, but for Indians it's not a huge deal. I am sure it would be huge deal for my children but me being raised in india i think its not uncommon. To be frank it was a scary and huge deal for me too before i got married, but as i said we humans are very flexible and adjusting than we think we are. And for someone being raised and brought up in India i dont' think it's a big of a deal.

Originally posted by: Minnie

Buffie, what that girl did was wrong, and no one is refuting that. Lying is wrong. But lying for a greater cause is not a wrong. marriages have been known to fail on filmsier grounds.

LOL,that sounds so contradictory....YES,there are marriages which have been annulled citing some most puerile reasons😕 Some marriages have gone bust for no valid reason at all....and lying,is surely not as trivial as some other reasons....Suppose,things dont really work out and the husband and the wife have reached an impasse situation....the "lie" would be the most convinient reason for the husband to blame the wife,and she surely would NOT be in a position to defend herself..Isnt that worse,than an engagement being broken/proposalbeing rejected.....a relationship which has been built on bona fide beliefs is always on a stronger foothold than a relationship which has been built on a lie

Originally posted by: Minnie

Trust me, if that girl emphatically says no to each and every charge, there is nothing that guy can do to prove otherwise. It's all in the perspective.

LOL,😆....Pakistan refutes emphatically that it harbours terrorism..But that isnt 100% true...

an unfaithful husband might categorically refute all his wife's allegations,and would convince her into believing that he is not unfaithful....That might convince the wife for sometime,but when she gets the next inkling,and if this time around,he is caught red-handed,wouldnt it be all the more shameful 🤢....Any relationship,which is based on a lie,would get strained,when the lie is uncovered....at times,people might reconcile themselves and forgive,and some may not be able to forgive.....Yes,its all in the perspective.....

Originally posted by: Minnie

Will she be right in dong so? No. Personally, I would not even touch such a man with a bargepole if he asks me such personal questions. ut if I have to, I wouldn't hide anything.That I don't support pre marital sex is a different issue altogether. Personally, if a man has to marry me, he has to accept as I am. And I have done it in my own life.But does that mean that I go judging each and every person from my own moral high grounds?

I agree Minnie,but its hard step into the other person's shoes and ponder over the matter[:[]😕...Your point,that "a man wants to marry a woman,he has to accept her the way she is".....I dont agree...if the man feels that a woman would not suit him,or vice versa,he has every right to walk out.....What's the point in leading a saturnine life with a man(or woman) when one cannot connect to him/her.........The cliche "saccha pyaar ka mathlab accepting a person with all the flaws" is true,but only when the person is aware of all the flaws and is yet ready to accept the man/woman......But saying that one must accept a man(or vice versa),when something about him was swept under the carpet doesnt qualify for countenance😊

Originally posted by: Minnie

Just say for one moment, it's your own sister for whom the parents are desparate to find a match, and you know she has been this way. They finally find a match, and everything is set. So would you actually go and tell the guy that what a bad girl your sister is?? Would you? Would you wash all the hopes and aspirations of your whole family and your own sister for something she might have done out of naivity? For a love affair gone bad for she has already suffered? And that too do it behind her back so that no one finds out it was you who ruined the lives of so many people for what you 'perceived' as right?

INTERESTING👏

your question "would you actually go and tell the guy that what a bad girl your sister is?? ".....There are two cases here

CASE 1:..If the guy doesnt bother to ask as to whether my sister is a virin or not(maybe because he doesnt attach importance to it,or doesnt find it necessary to question),i wouldnt go out of my way and tell him😊

CASE 2:If he asks about my sister's virginity,openly to me,or my sister,then my question to him would be..." How would you react to both the answers( the answers being yes or no in this case)

• If he says,that I would break off the marriage,if you sister is a non-virgin,then I would feel that he is entitled to feel the way he likes,and I wouldnt get my sister married to him,for the plain reason that her life wouldnt be a peaceful one after marriage..Nothing would be achieved by a downright lie...If this fellow,ever,at a later stage,finds out the truth,it would be my sister who would have to go through hell....I wouldnt want that to happen to her.....

• If he says that he could care less,then there are two possibilities...he might either be speaking the truth,or might be lying....whatever might be the case,My sister wouldnt suffer because a)If he's being truthful,and if in actuality he really doesnt care a damn about virginity,then he would prove to be the perfect match for a girl like my sister(a girl whohas had no self constraint🤢)...b)...If he turns out to be a hypocrite,and if he backstabs by breaking off the marriage,I would be the happiest person because Thankfully My sister wouldnt have married a two faced hypocrite👏

PS....My belligerent sister would KILL me,if she ever reads all this...😭😆....She beats me black and blue for some piddling issues like tattling some secrets to mamma and stuff .and that too,she's only 7😆

Originally posted by: Minnie

Is not being a virgin as great a sin as being a drug addict or drunkard? Is it a sin at all? Except for personal notions, presuming that everything is fine medically, can you name one harm that loss of virgiity can bring for any girl or boy?

As you said,Its a personal belief😊...and I dont think any third person has the right to play with my emotions and feelings....i might be the most asinine person according to him/her,but whatever might be the case,I do not deserve to be taken on a ride.....

BUT,having said that no second person has the right to be judgmental,my parents or my fiance is no "THIRD" person.... ..They are completely entitled to know from A to Z about me😊

Originally posted by: Minnie

I have known girls who have led the most sheltered lives, being completely untouched even by the eyes of opposite sex cheating on their husbands even before the first year is out. I would prefer a non virgin male or female who has the ability to distinguish between wrong and right anyday to such a female who cheats in a relationship, be it marriage or friendship !!!

😆....see,one can offer a multitude of reasons to substantiate the fact that a certain deed isnt quite immoral or wrong.....Infidelity is 🤢..Not even a modicum of doubt there...But a particular sin of B,does not absolve A of a different mistake of his/her ......because B (who was a virgin till marriage) slept around after marriage,doesnt make that A's lie(who was not a virgin at the time of marriage) correct......We can take so many more farcical examples...A virgin terrorist😕 is by no means better than a non-virgin patriot😕😆..so many such analogies can be drawn....it takes us nowhere😆

Originally posted by: Minnie

yes, if she had murdered someone and hiding it, if she was drug addict and hiding it, then it would be terrible. But what she did would cause nothing more than cause a ripple among those who hold different values. I would rather have a non virgin as my own bhabhi, even if she lied about it, then have a girl who is a virgin but makes up for all she lost out after she got married 🤢 or if she turned out to be a really mean person who goes around ruining other lives to prove herself how righteous she is 🤢🤢.

another hypothetical analogy to belittle the girl's mistake😊...hypothetical examples arent quite tenable

Originally posted by: Minnie

But Buffie, the fact remains that betraying a freind's trust IS the greatest sin of all. With friends like that who would ever need enemies !!!! 🤢

Betraying a friend is a sin,but isnt betraying the " would be" a bigger sin[:?:]......I am quite sure that spousal love is definitely more solid than the affection harboured for a friend(of course,that's when both the husband and the friend are normal people with their own set of foibles...I am not saying a woman must chose her terrorist or rapist husband over her friend🤢)......

Originally posted by: Minnie

Exactly my point Buffie. That is what I am trying to say. Lying when circustances command it is not a sin.

Lying for selfish purposes which would do no good to anyone but oneself isnt honourable...

Originally posted by: Minnie

Here no harm would come if she held this truth back from him. he would NEVER find out. Tomorrow I can write an email and say that greatest virgin in the town is a slut, and those who want to believe it, will believe. But those who don't, won't. She hasn't tucked away a child who would come and have a DNA test confirmed. Nothing is ever going to come out if she choses to hide it.

Wrong? yes.But will it harm? No.

Because ultimately, she might turn out to be a great wife, and devoted daughter in law, a great mother,whose whole family is her life. Will being a virgin before marriage matter? Hence it is not same as being a smoker or a drunkard, where smoking can kill or drinking can ruin.

see Minnie,firstly,we all are hypothesizing that the boy would break off his marriage ....Perhaps,for all we know,his respect for her might increase😊..perhaps he might be very happy to marry a truthful and straightforward woman....The cap fitted her,and she wore it...isnt that commendable👏..For some,veracity is a turn on😃 ....for some,it isnt.......At the end of the day,the boy's decision matters the most..If he feels,that her loss of virginity wouldnt hamper his life in anyway,he would marry her...and if otherwise,he wouldnt....Its his prerogative,and only he can make the choice....We are no one to say whether he is right or wrong,afterall,its not our lives...If the guy still wants to marry the girl,even after knowing that she isnt a virgin,for all the above stated reasons by you(a ka (quoting you again) ultimately, she might turn out to be a great wife, and devoted daughter in law, a great mother,whose whole family is her life. Will being a virgin before marriage matter?).....,he would marry her....and if he choses not to,he wouldnt....Forcibly getting him married to her wouldnt do any good to either parties😕

Originally posted by: Minnie

My relevance to saying this here that we tend to judge people many a times listening to just one side of the story. Mahabharata has many other facts to support it's claim, so perhaps we might give the girl a chance to defend herself as well??

SADLY Minnie,we can debate based on only what was told to us...i cannot assume things about that girl(that perhaps her intentions are noble and stuff😕).....from what sonali has told us,the girl was one who used to flaunt her sexescapes ,and a woman who dumped her boyfriends only for richer men....Now that doesnt give me a good picture of the girl....and i can articulate my thoughts only based on what has been written...I dot believe in assuming things😊

Originally posted by: Minnie

And yes, I would rather not marry a satyavadi yudhisteer who would loose me in a petty gamble. I would rather marry a man who might lie at times, but when it really comes to it, wouldn't let any harm come to me in this world.

👍🏼

Originally posted by: Aparna_BD

Exactly!!! i didn't say that earlier (But it was in my mind) becoz i didn't have better words to explain this fact😳😆 and Aparna di you said that very well👏

I agree with Javs. If she was not loyal to her early relationships then she would have left both the guys after one week!! Now there is a chance and i hope that she makes it and destiny helps her!😊 I tink that girl deserves happiness now (And people don't sow thorns in her way😉)

And cutefairy91.. the "9" pages show that we DMers are pretty good at "Case studies"!!😉😉😆

OMGGGGG😆...LOLZ,so do you'll think the virgins are all envious of the "non-virgins" only because they do everything and go scot free😕.....LOL,this has to be the funniest comment in this thread😆..Dont be judgmental people😆,just as you'll ask the conservatives not to tar the non-virgins black😃..basically,every ignoble deed would have its own repercussion😉(no point in fretting and fuming about that)

FYI,I know quite a few of my friends who have been dating the same guy ever since grade 9(and now all have completed our 12th grades) and are yet going together(because they couldnt find someone better😆 lol),and they arent really serious and they accept it....They say that just for our frivolous enjoyment,fun,glee and timepass,we date....So you see,its not always needed that every long term relationship must be a serious one

ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...I fell asleep while proofreading my reply...Yawn 🥱

Originally posted by: Buffie

OMGGGGG😆...LOLZ,so do you'll think the virgins are all envious of the "non-virgins" only because they do everything and go scot free😕.....LOL,this has to be the funniest comment in this thread😆..Dont be judgmental people😆,just as you'll ask the conservatives not to tar the non-virgins black😃..basically,every ignoble deed would have its own repercussion😉(no point in fretting and fuming about that)

Nope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i just mean ONLY those who send anon e-mails and letters to ruin a "friends" life out of sheer hate and envy........nothing else !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😉