Did anyone grow up with abusive Indian parents ?

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

tulipbaby53

@tulipbaby53

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#31

Yeah, for the most part it's not in my family circle, but sometimes if I go to weddings and see a lot of my other family, I hear them commenting sometimes.

I think it depends on the topic and the family. I still think majority of my family in India would not be okay with most of the things my immediate family circle is okay with.

Quote

413226

Suspended

Posted: 12 years ago

#32

One thing I noticed in India is that marriage means more than a union between two individuals. Its more like two families (extended) coming together. The expectations are high from families on both sides. It can be overwhelming. The couple would be expected to follow their tradition and rituals. Inter racial marriages could be seen as an obstacle to that . Not sure but I think the opposition is mainly because of the apprehension that the parents feel about the boy or girl from a different cultural background gelling with them and their extended families.

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

Loving2011

@Loving2011

Beginner

Posted: 12 years ago

#33

I was told not to date or marry non-Indian men ,because they are apparently man-wh**es with no morals that cheat and dump their women after a few months of dating. What's funny is that I've seen South Asian men AND women that do this too, so I can't relate to the idea of goras being sex-crazed and loose.

Quote

tulipbaby53

@tulipbaby53

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#34

Yes, and we have seen the reverse. We can't do anything to change some people's narrow thinking. We can only change ourselves, and hope we don't create a new generation with the same thinking.

Quote

Believe

@-Believe-

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#35

Originally posted by: Loving2011

There's a difference between being conservative and abusive.

Whenever I would try to tell someone what was going on in my house, I was told that my parents are just typical Indian parents that want the best for me. People ask me why I didn't tell anyone what was going in my home. I tried to tell people, but nobody would listen.

I'm not going to be surprised if someone on here thinks I'm lying. I read another thread where people couldn't believe that an Indian father could rape or molest his daughter, which is what my dad did. I don't think that's helpful towards me in anyway.

Strange to know that the mother can't help daughters... If somebody is wrong he is wrong by all means.. like this case increasing daily, young girls (and many a times boys) are sexually abused by bothers, friends, neighbors, teachers, doctors and by their own parents. If father can do this to his own daughters and mother becomes a silent spectator, whom do they turn to for help?!!!

Generaly first 20/25 years,I have never seen a single parent who is soo happy about their children...they try to whole effort is to fulfill their ambitions through the child... The problem people simply go on becoming fathers and mothers not knowing what they are doing...If the child is afraid of the parent, love is not possible... If the parent is afraid of the child, love is not possible... How can u love and respect in fear...every child need privacy, they need freedom and to give birth to a child is nothing great,every animal doing that...Bt to be a parent is something extraordinary... very few people are really capable of being good parents..😊

Todays Genx : "omg my parents never let me have nything." via iPhone... I Respect & love my parents and their support being free/stupid/crazy/handsome/smart/to learn many things in life... They made it through high school without any google or wikipedia or mobile or internet... 😃

Quote

Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#36

Originally posted by: tulipbaby53

Even in my family though, a Hindu being with a Muslim is still considered "bad". I don't know why though. I told my mom once how I was dating a Muslim, and she had a fit. I didn't see what I was doing wrong, but she did not like it at all. Even my family in India do not like Muslims at all. I know there's frictions between the people, but I didn't think that the thinking would carry here to America too.

This is troubling. lol. Maybe you over stated the problem. lol. Anyway I appreciate your honesty.

First let me accept that this is true among many Muslims as well i.e. they look down at Hindus. It is not religion related but just due to past experiences perhaps. I am therefore not picking on Hindus/your family for behaving in such manner. Now to my main point.

My point is that while this is one extreme however we should not use such extremist mindest and then over correct ourselves so that we end up at the other extreme. That is what I am noticing here with criticism of people back in sub-continent.

Each individual has right to date/marry/like/love/interact/befriend/romance/dance/take a chance with anyone they want as long as it is not on gun point i.e. with mutual agreement. lol. However this does not mean we start demeaning all those who prefer doing all that among their own i.e. people with traits similar to them. It is not always based on hate or dislike of other. The example I will provide is presence of such issues within one religion. Their it is culture based. Even inter-ethnic marriages are an issue in Pakistan and I am sure in India as well. These days its better but I know people are not comfortable outside. Same country, same religion but still issues. Do they hate each other? No.

So lets not over correct. Lets not get over board with praises for west etc. Even here majority is still not what you guys are painting. Maybe on surface they present an act but when push comes to shove they behave in same manner. They vote on racial lines also and present election is clear example.

We should lower our expectation and stop searching for perfection. There is no such thing as integration. There is a false start when we were not made the same lol. Please please do not think I am a negative person by nature. I know love conquers all type posts are more appealing but I am trying to get to an optimal and practical point.

The point is appreciate differences, not judge people if they are uncomfortable outside of their zone but do epect a postive behavior and not hate/dislike and thats enough. There is never going to be a perfect answer. This is what I have as of today i.e. 16th November, 2012. lol.

Edited by King-Anu - 12 years ago

Quote

tulipbaby53

@tulipbaby53

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#37

I wasn't trying to offend anyone, but this just what I observe with certain relatives when I visit in India. Also, with comments my mom makes too. I feel like though from their comments they just have trust issues due to previous experiences they went through, their parents, and grandparents went through. I feel like though, it is the same for Muslims that are uncomfortable with Hindus too.

My dad has a very different thinking about people. He and I both try to see people on an individual level rather than trying to judge people as a whole. Also, there are a lot of people in my family here and even in India that are more openminded about Hindu-Muslim marriages and friendships and interracial marriages in general. I think eventually the apprehensions between both Hindus and Muslims will fade with time. The current generation (as a majority) does not care about interracial marriages and alliances. As they age and have children, they will change the negative thinking that is still strong even as of today.

I believe in, "One World, One Race, One People", but I do not know if this is achievable. I just know that I will not ever stop my future children from loving whoever they want, and I won't stop myself either.

Quote

Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#38

And you did not offend. lol.

My post was about how should we see those who are not positive like you and does not necessarily practice "one world, one race, one people" in life. My take was as long as they do not base it on dislike and hate then them wanting relationships among their own is fine with me. I think in this group lies the majority of people. They do it for many reasons other than hate/dislike of others.

That was my only point.

Quote

Loving2011

@Loving2011

Beginner

Posted: 12 years ago

#39

Originally posted by: Prometeus

Strange to know that the mother can't help daughters... If somebody is wrong he is wrong by all means.. like this case increasing daily, young girls (and many a times boys) are sexually abused by bothers, friends, neighbors, teachers, doctors and by their own parents. If father can do this to his own daughters and mother becomes a silent spectator, whom do they turn to for help?!!!

The only reason I can think of is that my mom has been so conditioned to feel that women are second-class citizens and that Indian men are gods no matter what they do. Not only does my mom minimize my dad's behavior, but she has had a history of minimizing sexually inappropriate behavior from other Indian men. When it comes to white and black men, she's the first one to say that they're rapists or that they're going to do something bad to me.

Edited by Loving2011 - 12 years ago

Quote

Loving2011

@Loving2011

Beginner

Posted: 12 years ago

#40

Speaking on marrying who you want to marry, my friend just posted a krishna consciousness quote on her facebook. " A husband and wife means there will be some sort of bonding, loving caring relationship. Otherwise there is no meaning to married life. It just feels as if some strangers are living in the same house. "

It's interesting how some people encourage a loveless marriage to please society, when you can find religious quotes mention the importance of a man and woman developing a bond. The above quote is correct.My parents want me to get an arranged marriage to the man that they want, but I have explained to them that it may be like two strangers living in the same house. It's also going to hurt a man's feelings if I tell him "I'm not attracted to you. I only married you to please my parents." I know I would be upset if a man told me that!