a family issue, about my son - Page 3

Originally posted by: *Woh Ajnabee*

You need to confront your son about this situation - ignoring it, or pretending its not happening is not going to make it go away. It may not be the talk of the century between a mother and son, but it needs to happen at some point. I hope, that by now, you have discussed this with your husband and heard his thoughts on how you should go about this situation.

Whatever you decide to do at this point, do keep in mind that whenever you decide to get your son married off or when he decides to get married, the girl and her family should be informed of your son's past. If you don't have a daughter, the least you can do is remember that you yourself are someone's daughter ... what would have happened if you or your parents had to face a situation like this when they got you married off?

Why do people think that girls on the subcontinent are needy or subservient and that they will be doing them and their families a favor by marrying their non-resident sons off to them? This thought process makes me sick. Those are also people that live there ... people who love their daughters just as much as others do and who want good lives and a good future for them! Ever considered that?

I think the sons a gone case by now. The damage has been done. Not much can be salvaged at this point. But spare the girl pls

Most of the points I wanted to raise has been said by other members, but one thing I'd like to ask is - have you considered why he turned to that path, especially since - reading your posts it seems - he had a fairly good and cultural upbringing. I am asking this because sexual promiscuity, or rather hypersexuality, is often a sign of psychological disorder and is often the result of utter neglect, self abuse and depression, where the promiscuous person tries to seek happiness and fill the void by 'getting laid'. If it is so, then some counseling programs may help him. You have to confront him as soon as possible and get to know why he stepped into that path.

I would like to offer my sympathy. Like all the other members have already said, do NOT consider getting your son married at this point.

I'm close to your son's age (a year younger actually) so perhaps I can offer my two cents. I am not sure about Thai culture, but from what I've heard, sex is very much prominent there. It may be that they do not view sexual acts as gravely as other culture. I don't think it has much to do with parenting. My parents probably had the most unreasonable, strictest reign on me. I wasn't allowed to to partake at friends' sleepovers, wasn't given pocket money, nor was I allowed to go out much. Granted, I am a girl and they had much more concerns for me. Over the years they have gotten loosen their strictness. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I am grateful for all the sacrifices they've made, however, they weren't very supportive and I still came out fine (in my opinion).

I might not know all the details, but you sound like a typical mom gushing over her son. You seem to not be fond of his girlfriend based on her revealing attires. I don't intend on sounding rude, but based on what you've told us, she is no worse than your son (in terms of sexuality). If my parents found out I did anything close to what your son's doing, they would disown me, no question about it. I guess because he is a son, he gets a free pass.

There is also such thing as sex addiction. It's a real addiction, I assure you. You might want to look into that.

My parent's close friend had a son who moved out with his Italian girlfriend. At that time it was a big scandal. Years later, the mother somehow convinced the son into a trip back to Bangladesh, where he got married to a native there. They brought her over here to Canada, and for 1 year everything seemed fine. Then everything fell apart. The change in the husband was short-lived. I get where you're coming from when you think getting your son married will solve everything. The whole concept of "love conquers all" might be in your mentality. Please try to look at it from a realistic angle. Would you get your daughter married to someone like her brother?

At 21 there is veri little you can do to reform him.. so the best recourse is to cut his economic sources if thats what puts him on that path.. and push to take up some work etc...and hve him married.. in typical indian culture.. things get fixed after marriage....just ensure he has no HIV, STD or antthing.. ...depending upon which part of india you belong.. it may be different...

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

At 21 there is veri little you can do to reform him.. so the best recourse is to cut his economic sources if thats what puts him on that path.. and push to take up some work etc...and hve him married.. in typical indian culture.. things get fixed after marriage....just ensure he has no HIV, STD or antthing.. ...depending upon which part of india you belong.. it may be different...

are u for real? tell me! if u are a girl, would be willing to marry him? if not, would u be willing to marry off ur daughter or someone to him? i'm seriously perplexed!

^^ marriage seems like an over-simplified solution but the repurcussion of it is very serious. It would add more salt to the injury if it doesn't work out. The son might detach himself from his guilt and never be able to face himself.

Originally posted by: Rapier

are u for real? tell me! if u are a girl, would be willing to marry him? if not, would u be willing to marry off ur daughter or someone to him? i'm seriously perplexed!

Promiscuity typically cures by marriage.. and its a phase.. and I am not saying... about throwing a gal under the bus.. there are open minded gals and other social supports which will set him on the right path.. without having to go to a rehab... if he is a scholarship boy... he is clever and will do good in teh long run...!!!!

Originally posted by: PandorasBox

^^ marriage seems like an over-simplified solution but the repurcussion of it is very serious. It would add more salt to the injury if it doesn't work out. The son might detach himself from his guilt and never be able to face himself.

"doesnt work out" is an american fad.. seriously.. back in india.. people dont go that far to think.. it doesnt work out etc...!!People make it work,,,,😊.. again depending on which part of india he is from...

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

Promiscuity typically cures by marriage.. and its a phase.. and I am not saying... about throwing a gal under the bus.. there are open minded gals and other social supports which will set him on the right path.. without having to go to a rehab... if he is a scholarship boy... he is clever and will do good in teh long run...!!!!

the question was...will you? let's say u have a very open minded daughter in the future, if not already. will u put her in that relationship? he is a scholarship boy after all, with a minor drawback of sex addiction. will you?

and i want to know ur answer when i reverse this as well. let's say there is a promiscuous girl. will you marry her (assuming u r a guy), thinking that it will all settle after u get married?

I don't think promiscuity something that can be "cured" by marriage. As for the open-minded part, society does follow the "boys will be boys" mantra. Although it takes the blame off the men, it does cause great damage by not showing them any boundaries. Sex is something one must be emotionally prepared for. He seems to be intellectually gifted, but is he thinking of the consequences of his action? If it were a girl in that situation, how many would be as accepting? Although men and women differ physically, emotionally sex is something that affect both.