The GLORY of being 'SINGLE' !!!! - Page 11

There is a saying "You know your relationship has a problem, if there never are any problems in your relationship". In the same vein I would say "The biggest indication of confusion in relationships, is being absolutely sure about your relationships".

Now I'm not talking about juvenile people randomly changing relationship statuses to seek attention. And before people jump on me I'm not going to say its perpetual confusion or no stable medium in relationships.

The reality is that relationships are complicated and not easy to decipher. We especially in our desi culture are raised and ingrained with a very black and white clear cut path of relationships. We grow up, we marry, we have kids, we raise a family. Nowadays for many there is dating before marriage, but even then its a clear unidirectional path laid out.

Now there is nothing wrong with the notion of having relationships clearly laid out like this. In fact we all need some sort of path in life to follow. The problem with that is that everything is not as black and white as it is made out to be.

Relationships are very complicated. If we honestly and openly ask our hearts, there will always be a high degree of confusion and uncertainty. After all relationships are major parts of our life and its not always easy to choose one way or another. If we are absolutely honest with ourselves, we will find that we are indeed confused about many things. We are unsure of what we want in relationships, we are unsure if we are ready to take the next step, we are confused between two people, we are confused if our feelings are love or just attachment.

Contrary to how people perceive things dating and other liberal concepts in relationships are not just about sleeping around, going around and having as much fun as possible. Yeah some people do it just for the physical pleasure or fun of it. However, for a lot of people its a means of getting to know oneself and others. Figuring out the kind of person you want to be with, what you expect from relationships and life and then slowly working your way to find the right relationship with the right person at the right time.

If you view things as black and white, you might put yourself in a marriage or in a relationship and convince yourself of your relationship status. If you allow yourself the freedom to be confused and complicated then you will make a commitment only when you are at a place when you are sure of yourself. Of course no one will be absolutely sure ever. But if you tell yourself that you don't have to force a choice, you don't have to make commitments when you are not sure, or whatever leeway it is you personally need - you will find yourself being a lot more comfortable, confident and fulfilled when you make that commitment.

Yes following the unilateral system does work too. People do follow the path grow up, get married, have kids, raise a family. People get into arranged marriages, marry the first person they dated etc and actually have completely happy fulfilled marriages. While people married this way, do not regret their choices, they will often mull over what ifs and even wish they had more freedom and space when they were younger. And in some cases there is genuine regret and feeling of entrapment or making hasty choices and fear of not knowing what to do.

Personally, I'm very pro stable and meaningful long term relationships. I truly feel it should be the ultimate goal. My only concern is that getting there should not be a forced or hasty choice. It should not be because society, family or the person we are seeing expects us to. It should be when we are ready to make a commitment. And to get to that place we all need some mistakes, some learning, some growing - that room for confusion and complications till we are at a place to make that choice.

Coming to the issue of marriage. Marriage is a means to an end, not the end itself. The end is to share a life with someone, have that meaningful relationship built on love, trust, commitment to each other. One means to that end is the socio-legal institution of marriage, another means to that end is to do it on your terms through a live in or something. Neither means will guarantee the end, unless the people involved have a shared vision towards it.

Marriage maybe the socially prescribed means, but it is not necessary. There are various reasons why people don't marry. Some people fear the official status ascribed to it. Some people are against the institution status. Some people are rebels and do their own thing. Some people cannot get married. Some people don't like how frivolous and commercialized it has become. There are various reasons.

Legally marriage is just a contract any two people with a legal license can sign. Although proponents of marriage say its more than a contract. I feel the institution can be broken down into three aspects - legal - the legal contract, being of age, being of sufficient mental capacity, meeting legal definition of marriage. Religious and cultural - the marriage ceremony and rituals. Finally social - the coming together of families, the social acceptance of two individuals as one couple.

But not everyone can fulfill these conditions of marriage. Firstly a lot of people cannot legally marry. There was a time interracial marriages were illegal too in many parts. Secondly even those who can legally marry don't have it easy. Interracial, interreligion, internationality, intercaste, interclass marriage is always a challenge. Families as well as religious-cultural institutions can be against it. People maybe able to sign the legal contract - but they will never get the social/cultural experience of the rituals, unions of family they expected. In many parts interracial couples are still not socially accepted.

Unless marriage is a purely legal contract, many people cannot get the whole experience of what marriage should be. That is why to me marriage is just a social construct we have become too dependent on. It is more about social norms, cultural perceptions and legal views and a lot less about two people being in love together. Its just a means and definitely not a means that reflects the true spirit of the end it seeks to achieve. I have a hard time accepting a social construct. I redefine marriage as two people sharing a life together, and it needs no approval beyond the two people. Of course the additional approvals would be nice and easier, but for now its not really always there.

Originally posted by: Believe

A Single's fb status: Why get married and make one woman miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable 😆

I lost my Single status recently So apun ke pass free advice ke alava aur kuch nahe hey:😆 Guys don't consider urself.. 'SINGLE & ALONE'...just consider urself ' INDEPENDENT & AVAILABLE...😃& To other groups....ACT single... keep the GLORY😉😆Happy Single-Awareness Day guys......😭!

Congratulations Vinu, for losing your status as well as independence 😆

Originally posted by: Believe

A Single's fb status: Why get married and make one woman miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable 😆

I lost my Single status recently So apun ke pass free advice ke alava aur kuch nahe hey:😆 Guys don't consider urself.. 'SINGLE & ALONE'...just consider urself ' INDEPENDENT & AVAILABLE...😃& To other groups....ACT single... keep the GLORY😉😆Happy Single-Awareness Day guys......😭!

Vinu ji 🤗 . Hum bohot khush hai aapke liye .

I turned SINGLE recently 😆 😆

Originally posted by: shaktheback

Hello Angie 😳 . Im Single ready to Mingle 😳 😆 😆 😆 😆

Hey Stb , but I m not , 😆 😆 😆 I must say some of the deep reflections here on relationships has gone over my head Had I thought so much I d probably still be thinking to be or not to be . Sometimes one just trusts ones instincts and Ive never regretted mine.

Originally posted by: Believe

A Single's fb status: Why get married and make one woman miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable 😆

I lost my Single status recently So apun ke pass free advice ke alava aur kuch nahe hey:😆 Guys don't consider urself.. 'SINGLE & ALONE'...just consider urself ' INDEPENDENT & AVAILABLE...😃& To other groups....ACT single... keep the GLORY😉😆Happy Single-Awareness Day guys......😭!

Yeh kya, 😲 abhi se rona shuru 😆