EBB AND FLOW
Swayam- Sharon. Two people who influenced my life in a way no one had done ever. I myself am clueless as to why I am writing about Swayam and Sharon in the last moments of my long life. But when I think about it, knowingly or unknowingly, both of them changed my life without meaning to. I was brought up by a single mother and I had seen her struggle every day of her life. I grew up to be a very shy and introvert girl; like the one who gets laughed at. So when I had joined St. Louis, I had hoped my life would change, and it did, in a way I had never imagined. It taught me something which I would cherish forever.
Everyone had witnessed a Diva on the first day; Sharon Rai Prakash. Honestly, my opinion of her was not very good and I wasn't to blame for that. She was a bitch, in every sense of the word, at least on the outside she was. Every one was in awe of her as she walked into the college, her head held high. Each step of hers oozed confidence and grace and inspite of my not liking her, I realised that I admired her. That was Sharon for you. People may have hated her, but no one could stop themselves from admiring her. As days passed, she along with her best friends formed a dance group; 'Dazzlings' and soon the 6 were the most popular in the college. My admiration for her grew along with the dislike. I had nursed a secret passion for dance since my childhood and Sharon was a true Dancing Diva; and a bitch.
And it was on the audition day that I met the other half of the story; the reason the story started, Swayam Shekawat. The 'Dazzlers' were auditioning for dancers for their team and I had placed myself in the farthest seat away from the stage, scrutinising the events. No one had bothered to spare me a glance and I hadn't been disturbed by it. That is what I had always been, a face. The whole process of audition was traumatic as it was filled with insults more or less. And all of a sudden, a voice had broken through the babble, loud and clear. 'Hey Sharon!' he had said. From the back, I had seen a tall and lean boy with longish hair and I had been astounded. No one dared to talk to Sharon, except her close friends. Curious to see the caller, I had slowly walked to the front and that was when I had seen him, Swayam. He looked lovestruck in every aspect and probably didn't even notice the disgusted looks Sharon was shooting him. I waved him off as another admirer of Sharon. Little had I realised how wrong I was. As events progressed, I had found myself hating Sharon. She had just insulted Swayam; slapping him on stage.
As days passed, Swayam had begun loving Sharon more openly. Every single soul in the college was aware of Swayam's undying love for Sharon and everyone laughed at him. No one thought he could ever woo Sharon, including me. Again, we all had been so wrong.
I had noticed one thing during those days. Swayam was the only one who could bring out the extreme emotions in Sharon and vice-versa. When Kriya along with Swayam had made their own dance team 'Weaklings', Sharon had been outraged, like she couldn't believe Swayam could do this to her. I know all this because I had spent nearly all of my time snooping around both the dance teams. After that, Sharon lost no chance to insult Swayam and Swayam no chance to show his love. I was certain that they were doomed but one thing had gotten struck on my mind for many days. What was there underneath all that arrogance and bitchiness that made Swayam love Sharon like that, what could he see which was invisble to others.
I had also been there in the library when Sharon had received her first gift. One glance at the gift and I could tell it was Swayam. Whatever he had aimed to do, he had certainly accomplished. Sharon had become very happy and would be lost in the thoughts of her secret admirer. It felt to me as if there was a chance of Swayam Sharon getting together, but again; I couldn't have been more wrong.
Few days later, a new Swayam Shekawat had entered the college, one who had been ruthlessly rejected by Sharon. He had turned cold and strong, the loverboy had been buried deep inside. I had been surprised and I began to admire Swayam. A change had also come by Sharon. I could see how much she was affected by Swayam's indifference and I had come up blank as to why the girl was so messed up. The Footloose competition was to come up and that was when Shivam had entered. Sharon had seen it as a golden chance and began fliritng with him, aiming to get back at Swayam. And to my surprise, she had. Swayam had nearly decided to quit the college and had stayed back just for his friends. And then things had mellowed down, slightly till that fateful day in April.
It had been a normal day in the canteen, till Sharon stormed in, screaming curses at Swayam for insulting her, defaming her. She said a lot of unforgivable things and I had felt very angry but less than Swayam it seemed. For the first time, the college had seen him uncontrollably angry. I still remember how silent the canteen had gone when Swayam had reverted back, questioned Sharon's character. Even I had felt he had gone too far. And Sharon, she wasn't someone who would just forget an insult. And so it began again, Sharon the Diva had returned while Swayam had also shed his loverboy image for a few months.
As the end of the year neared, many things had changed. I had grown to like Swayam and both Swayam and Sharon had mellowed down. Sharon had left Mumbai for three months and one fine day, Swayam found me in the corridor, telling something about dance and Vishakha. I couldn't believe my luck. With Sharon away, I thought Swayam would finally forget her and move on, giving me a chance. But, as always, I was wrong.
In the 3 months when Sharon was away, my feelings for Swayam bloomed and I had told him about them, much to my surprise and his. I had honestly thought I had a chance and somewhere I had felt I deserved one. If Swayam could love Sharon, one who is always bent on hurting him, then why not me. But all of my dreams had stayed only till Sharon's arrival. Because, the second I saw the look on Swayam's face as Sharon got down the car, I knew I had no chance. Swayam loved her deeply, and once again, she was pushing him away. I was highly annoyed. I wondered what on earth could Swayam see beneath all the rudeness which made him love her inspite of being rejected every single time. I had felt very hurt during that time. But slowly I could see what Swayam supposedly saw. Each push, each taunt of Sharon was hesitant, when it came to Swayam. She would lose her strength and confidence and become nervous inwardly, whenever she faced Swayam. If I could see that, how could Swayam possibly miss it? And by the time we had formed our own dance group, 'D3' the eqaution between them had changed. The coldness from Sharon's side had dissolved giving rise to an awkward frienship. I had wondered many times if the gang even noticed them. Because, something would have surely happened between them which led to these changes.
As time passed, Swayam and Sharon got more close, leaving me to wonder what had happened. I had learnt to let go of Swayam but some part of me still hoped for a thing with him, to experience how it would feel to be loved by him. And the Aditya Khurana problem just fuelled my hopes. Things had worsened from all sides after the AK fiasco. Rey-Swayam friensdship had been broken and Swayam-Sharon were back to shooting daggers at each other. I, on the other hand, had grown more comfident and began answering back Sharon, everytime she picked on me. It was during the time of Rey's Secret Admirer fiasco that everything fell into place for me. Sharon felt for Swayam. That is why she had always had a problem with me and that is why I had caught her in mens' clothing that day. Another realisation had struck me, shocking me to the core, the gifts were for Swayam by Sharon. And then the Announcement Room incident occured, which had shocked us all. Knowing Swayam, he would never tell a lie when it came to Sharon. Then did it mean that Sharon was lying? Why would she do so if she felt for Swayam. The entire thing had not made sense for anyone.
After that, I had felt that Swayam-Sharon's story was over for good. Swayam showed no iclination of staying with Sharon and Sharon after intial efforts had gone back to her own stony self. My own mother had fallen seriously ill at that time, due to which I missed a lot of things. And she had passed away in a few days. I was grief stricken but I realised I had no option but to move on. I also realised that it was precisely that which Swayam and Sharon were trying to but failed miserably. While Swayam's accident had started to clear things between them, it was Ruhi who brougth them together. She was a psychopath 'in love' with Swayam and she tried to kill Sharon. That had made me think of myself a lot better than before. Swayam understood after nearly losing Sharon that all his efforts were futile and he could never really move on from Sharon. And I for once had been right. After that, everything was fireworks. They both were happily together and everyone started to see what Swayam had, which made him love her; her heart. One which had been enclosed in a shell was visible to everyone and me, I felt glad I had learnt to move on from Swayam. Because I could have never taken Sharon's place, ever.
All of this had happened 9 years ago. And I don't know why I am writing about Swayam and Sharon now. Maybe it was because they had visited me yesterday in the hospital, along with their 3-year old adorable daughter, who looked extremely happy to be between those two. Well, I guess I wouls have too. I can feel the chemotherapy's effect reduce and I know it's time, time to meet the same fate as my mother. It feels unusual that two people taught me the meaning of life, love and hardships. My life is not very long now. But I knew one thing, their love was eternal; like an endless river.
[Document found in the will and Testament of Aashi Gupta]
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