So, up with another OS but this time with a different concept.
I personally had decided never to post it but still I am posting it to dedicate to DEEPIKA dii, (deep_Tanha) as she celebrated her birthday yesterday. Sorry Dii, I am late and it is not up to the mark.
Written this in a very time pass manner when I was bored and haven't proof read it. So please bear me this time. Sorry.
LOVE- The Unexplained And The Unexpected.
Love- a word which just brings smile on anyone's face. Love- that morning sunray which can lead to flowering even on a barren land. Love ' which can turn dusk to dawn, which can turn someone's pale life to a life of vibrant and bright colors. Love- the world's most wonderful feeling which just synchronizes two heartbeats which beat for each other. Love- a feeling which is the reason for existence for many souls.
But lucky are the ones who find love for themselves in those eyes whom they love; who stay in embrace of the one which is just made for them. Many people try to find love; whereas true love is just a step away. There are people who love someone and unfortunately they do not receive back what they give. They just crave for love of that person who actually never understood what's love. In their mission to make the person whom they love, love them they overlook the person who loves them. They change themselves completely for the person whom they love, but never alter their thoughts even once for the person who loves them. They just stupidly take decisions in their life and forget that they have to compensate for it. And the compensation can be anything- which just means anything.
And I am one such fateful soul who "loved" Shivam, whereas he just played with words like love. Love meant nothing to him whereas it meant the world to me. I somewhere believed that one day he would "love" me the way I "love" him. I guess, I was very well aware that I am not his girl, but love is blind na, I still "loved" him and kept hoping that one day he would "love" me. In all such struggle in my life, I was conscious that Swayam loved me. His love for me was evident with his each move. He loved me truly and unconditionally. But yet, didn't try to force me, neither emotionally nor physically. He was very well aware that I "loved" Shivam and so he never interfered in my life. Despite, my arrogant behavior, he was always there for me.
This day, the day which I would never forget. It has something in it which will never make me forget it. It is when I found my love as well as lost my "love".
Exactly, 4 years from now, I guess it was Monday, when my life turned upside down. I failed in "love". I always imagined a beauty life and my life was exactly opposite of it. I had my life's last convo with Shivam. It had wrecked my life. He had openly just said what he felt and I witnessed tragedy at that moment.
"Get, one thing clear Sharon, I don't love you. Got it? I don't love u. So just stop all your nonsense talks about OUR future, OUR home, OUR kids and all such crap. I didn't mean to be rude, but I thought it is the high point that you should be brought back to life and you move forward. I guess U have done a big mistake. I am not the one ok..!!"
And he left. And I stood there dumbfounded. I was completely shattered. I didn't know what should be done. I just cursed myself. I laughed and cried simultaneously at my fate. Days passed by, I still acted as if my life is normal but it wasn't.
I was always a girl who had very clear thoughts about love. I was very much sensitive and conscious towards love. I was a girl who never took the word love lightly and hated guys who took so. I always had been a love guru for most of my friends when it came to true love.
But then, how could this happen to me? Was a thought that ran in my mind. I could never find an answer. But in this I discovered best lesson of my life. I had learned never try to receive love from somebody, instead give it to the person who loves u. As soon as I think about the person who loves me, the first thought that comes is SWAYAM. He definitely loved me. Then, the other part of my heart screamed at that time that why shouldn't SWAYAM given a chance.
I still was convincing myself to decide about SWAYAM soon. I had wasted many days. So my heart finally agreed, and I made myself very clear that I am just giving him a chance because he loves me and not because I love him.
But even at that time, fate wasn't by my side. I couldn't find him. He hadn't turned upto anyone after college got over. I tried each possible way to contact him; college records, social networking, his friends but all in vain.
Now I was hell restless. I wanted to meet him, talk to him, tell him, I have understood his importance in my life and I am ready to give him a chance. I also feared as thoughts like what if he doesn't love me now, came to my mind. I would be devastated if it happens and may be after that I wouldn't be able to give Love a chance in my life.
Then suddenly, exactly one year later after my first heartbreak, I saw Swayam at lake which was on the outskirts of the city. Seeing him, my heart started to pace faster. He still was the same, tall, lean but muscular, his hairs and everything. Then I mentally cursed myself for thinking so, thinking how can a person change in only a year and I laughed at my dumbness.
He hadn't noticed me, he was facing at the lake and the sunset in the evening, he was as usual lost in his thoughts. I mustered up all the courage I had and called up his name. He turned around and then suddenly his eyes sparkled, I was surprised to see the effect my mere presence had on him. He was overwhelmed and that was clearly seen in his expressions, but he tried to be formal and hide his those expressions.
He said, "Sharon, Hiee.. howz you? Seeing you after long tim?." Whereas his eyes evidently reflected true love for me, his eyes were craving to see me and they had shiny glint in them. I couldn't say anything, but tears started escaping my eyes after reading his eyes, eternal love in his eyes.
His heart ached to see me in tears and therefore he just immediately cupped my face, wiping away the tears with his thumb, even tears began to drop from his eyes. I decided to be straightforward and asked him "do u still love me SwaYam?"
And he immediately nodded his head saying, "Yes, Kya karun, bohot koshish ki tumhe bhulane ki, but ye dil hamesha tumhari side leta hai'."
And he hugged me tight. I told him that I am just giving him a chance and nothing more than that as of now.
He then said, "I understand Sharon, and I'll never force u for anything.. but it's just that I'll make you fall in love with me.." And I smiled through tears.
And today, after 3 years, I just smile at my dumbness and my fate 'how dumb was I to ignore him and how blessed am I to find him again. He proved to be a man of his words. He made me fall in love with him, in fact he does that every day when I get up seeing his face first early in the morning, in his arms.
After all this I realized and found answer to my earlier question "how did all this happen to me?" Being with Swayam I realized, that what I believed to be "love" earlier, that wasn't "love". Love is something which came to my life only when Swayam came to my life. And just couldn't thank him enough for what he has given me today. And I also don't know, that what is he upto today. I guess something definitely special as we celebrate 3 years of togetherness, 3 years of love.
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So plz tell me that it was how bad, and boring?? I would definitely try to come up with better next time. But this time would be waiting for response. Criticism most welcomed. Those who reserve their comments please make sure to unres in 24 hrs because on my last OS, still are reserved comments.
- Ria
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