So some weeks ago, I wrote about having Dharma (from CAS) coming together with Sesha (from Naagin) to beat the crap out of Kaurvaki (from CAS). The idea lay hidden until Shailu brought it back up with her scene, so this one is dedicated to Shailu 😆
Scene: Little Kaurvaki is on her way to Keechak's palace. This takes place before Ashok / Bahamini / AD find out that she is a little rat.
K: (skipping, singing in loud voice, as if yelling -- this is to the tune of BINGO because it's the first song that came in my head for some weird reason;
for those that don't know what BINGO is ... listen to this) There once was a Keechak who had a spy, and Kaurvaki was my name-o. K-A-U-R-VAKI; K-A-U-R-VAKI; K-A-U-R-VAKI, and Kaurvaki was my name-o!!
D(Dharma): (She was walking along the same path towards Ashok, she knew from her spies what was happening here) Ugh, who's singing in this disgusting voice? The sound is unbearable, it's like a thousand mutant Spongebob's and a thousand mutant Patrick's came together and started laughing. (covers ears)
[[shyam09: to enhance the feeling, interaction is required. I apologize in advance: [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYxHQ39Oq1o[/YOUTUBE] ]]
K: (skipping singing) There once was a Keechak who had a spy, and Kaurvaki was my name-o. (clap)-A-U-R-VAKI; (clap)-A-U-R-VAKI; (clap)-A-U-R-VAKI, and Kaurvaki was my name-o!!
S(Sesha): (She had been walking down the path some distance behind Kaurvaki, but her sensitive Naagin ears picked up on this) This shitty sound, what kind of idiot is making an attempt to destroy the life around them using only their annoying little voice.
[[shyam09: here is a map: |---Dharma --> -- --- <-- kaurvaki --- --- -- -- -- --- --- -- --- <-Sesha --- | ]]
K: (skipping and singing): There once was a Keechak who had a spy, and Kaurvaki was my name-o. (clap)-(clap)-U-R-VAKI; (clap)-(clap)-U-R-VAKI; (clap)-(clap)-U-R-VAKI, and Kaurvaki was my naaa--- (Dharma is running towards her)
D: (runs and tackles KVK) SHUT THAT ANNOYING VOICE OF YOURS!!!
K: (finishes song) But KAURVAKI WAS MY NAME-O
D: I don't give a crap about you or your name. Look around you, everything is dying because of that insufferable voice of yours.
K: MY daddy says I have a beautiful voice.
D: Well your daddy must be an ugly piece of shit also.
K: Hey, just because he hasn't seen the light of day and no one shaves him doesn't make him ugly.
(gets up)
S: (Tackles KVK from behind): I thought that the pretty, nice lady told you to SHUT THE F**K UP you smelling human.
D: here let me help you up.
K: (weakly) Why th-th-thank you (reaches up)
D: (kicks KVK) Not you, you brat. Her. (reaches for Sesha's arm, but Sesha rolls away)
S: Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need the help of a human being like yourself (gets up)
D: Oh, so what are you a Naagin? (laughs)
S: You think it's funny right now. But when an Ichchadhari Naagin bites you --
D: When that happens, I'll have my wits about to heal myself. I'm skilled in medicine.
S: But an Ichchadhari's poison is like nothing ever felt before. You'll be fainted before you can reach for your bottle of antidote.
D: Please, who do you think I've lived with for the past 15 years of my life. I've been by Acharya Chanakya's side, I've ate what he has eaten for years. My body is immune to all sorts of poison, especially since I took it one step further. Acharya Chanakya would just take the deadliest poison available. I combined it all and took that.
S: (sniffs) You know, now that you mention it, you do smell a lot like poison. If your human smell wasn't there, I would have pegged you to be an Ichchadari myself.
D: (smiles) I take then, that you just revealed your identity as an Ichchadhari Naagin.
S: Well, I harbor no enmity towards you, and I suspect the same from you.
D: True. I'm actually non-violent in nature.
S: (laughs) Yeah right. Where'd you learn how to tackle like that?
D: (laughs) My son Ashok taught me. He's a very talented fighter.
K: I know Ashok!
D: Shut up you trash. We are trying to have a conversation.
(deep breath)
D: So we never really introduced ourselves. (extends hand) I'm Dharma.
S: (reaches hand and shakes) Dharma. Nice name. I'm Sesha. Ichchadhari Naagin Sesha.
D: Ooh an S. You know, before I got married, well actually before I met my future husband, my name was Subhadrangi.
S: Oh that's a beautiful name. Subhadrangi. I like that.
(D and S hugs! yay!)
K: I'm Kaurvaki! (smiles)
D: Chuup!!
S (to KVK): You disgusting human. It's enough that i have to deal with that idiot Anky Raheja and his well-built, hatti-katti wife, and their stupid family of drunk, brainless, brainy, and hugsy, but you -- you are worse than them all combined. You're like one idiotic bundle of stupidity wrapped inside an even bigger idiotic bundle of foolishness. Just being in your presence makes me want to throw up.
K: Hey, why do you have to be so mean to me?
S: Mean? This is me being nice and trying to tolerate your ass. If --
D: Wait, hold on.
S: What
D: Hey you Kaurvaki was it.
K: (smiles) Yes.
D: Don't smile. You have an ugly smile.
K: (stops smiling) Yes.
D: You said you know Ashok?
K: Yes. He's my boyfrie-- Wait, who's side are you on?
D: (surprised) I'm on whoever side you're on.
K: oh yay! well, daddy is the king of kalinga but he's been captured by Keechak. So Keechak told me that I can be his little spy to release my daddy. So I'm a spy. (grins)
S: Ugh, that face. I can't stand to look at it.
D: Hold on now. Sesha, can you remember that song she was singing.
S: (bad face) Do I have to? It was so horrible.
D: Please.
S: (thinks). There was a Keechak and he had a spy and something about Kaurvaki being the name of the spy or something.
D: So you're Kaurvaki, the spy of Keechak, taking information about Ashok to Keechak, so Keechak can kill Ashok and free your father.
K: Yeah, I'm brilliant right!!
D: Definitely. Hey Sesha, did I fully introduce myself?
S: No, but I remember you saying that you're -- ahhh (evil grin)
D: (evil grin) Well maybe I should introduce myself.
S: Oh definitely
D: I am Dharma, Queen Dharma of Magadh. Wife of the Mauryan Samrat Bindusar and Mother of Ashok Maurya.
K: (oh shit face): Oh shit.
D: You want to kill my son. Watch me kill you first.
S: Well, this turned out to be something I've always been wanting to do. I'm down to kill.
D: So (cracks knuckles) How do you want to start Sesha.
S: (slaps KVK) How about this.
D: (slaps KVK) Oh this is good.
K: OOOWWW
D: ( jabs elbow in KVKs throat)
S: (punches KVK's mouth, breaking some teeth.
K:OOOWWW
[[[shyam: I know you all want me to continue this, but we all know we shouldn't so ... we'll skip ahead]]]
K (currently bones broken, mouth broken, nose broken, voice box broken) ... ooowwieee
D: Would you like to do the final touches Sesha?
S: My pleasure. Prepare for your worse nightmare you annoying bitch (crouches and transform into Naagin)
K: Ahhh!!!
S: (bites KVK repeatedly)
K: Ahh oowww.. (foam starts coming from her mouth)
D: Oh, you aren't dying like that. (Crouches and injects a dose of highly concentrated antidote into KVK's bloodstream)
K: I'm alive!!!
S (back into human form): Oh so you do have an antidote. I must say, I'm very pleased with your knowledge, but now I'm not sure about you.
D: For the sake of our newly found friendship, I'll never make another antidote again, unless there is no other choice.
S: Deal. But what about your current batch.
D: Might as well use it up. (evil grin)
S: (evil grin) Part 2 (crouches, turns into Naagin and bites KVK again)
K: Ahhh (foam starts coming from her mouth)
D: And in we go! (injects a dose of highly concentrated antidote into KVK's bloodstream)
K: I'm alive!! Dammit!! Kill me already.
S: (evil grin) Part 3 (crouches, turns into Naagin and bites KVK again)
K: Ahhh (foam starts coming from her mouth)
D: And in we go! (injects a dose of highly concentrated antidote into KVK's bloodstream)
K: I'm alive!! I won't reveal anything to Keechak. Let me go!!
D: I'm sorry, but you've already proven yourself to be too much of a problem for Ashok. Alright Sesha, I got one last one left.
S: That means two more times to have fun with this smelly fool.
S: (evil grin) (crouches, turns into Naagin and bites KVK again)
K: Ahhh (foam starts coming from her mouth)
D: And in we go! (injects a dose of highly concentrated antidote into KVK's bloodstream)
K: Yess!! Finally I get to die!!!
S: Dharma, I don't want to bite her again. She smells disgusting, and having to touch her is making me feel even more disgusted. I don't want to bite her again. It leaves a rotten stench in my mouth and all over my body...
D: Alright, well... I guess we should let her go then...
S: Or we kill her!!
D: Nah, My son Ashok is an emotional wimp. If he finds out something happened to Kaurvaki, he'd probably go insane.
S: Oh I know that type. My brother-in-law Ritik is just like that.
D: Oh gosh, I feel bad for you.
S: So ... we just leave her here?
D: I guess so.. come, I'll take you to Ashok.
S: Do you think he smells like Ritik. I couldn't stand him one bit with his romantic crap.
And the two new BFFs walk into the sunset towards the rebel camp.
THE END
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
