The CAS Rant Club: Vent, vent and vent! (Fun thread)

Originally posted by: krystal_watz

Thank you Maddy and Shailu. Do post your old fun posts/parodies from the EDT. You can also quote other posts (in the 'originally posted by..' format.)

I'll post mine in a short while.

And yeah, FUN! 😆 Sure, Maddy.

This story was posted earlier in the EDT. I've compiled it so that it all remains in one place for the reference of those who want to read it again.

Welcome to the greatest historical musical of all times.

DHANANJAY KI MRITHYU

Originally posted by shailusri1983

Part 1

The scene opens is Agnibahu's house

Ashok: Kuthe main tera khoon peejavunga!

Agnibahu: Mujhe patha nahin ki main kutha hoon. Apko kaise patha chala?

Ashok: Ab chalo!

Cut to Keechak's palace

Karuwaki: Kabootar ja ja ja Kabootar ja ja ja

Keechak shooting at the top of his voice, "Karuwaki tum mujhseh bach nahin sakti"

Karuwaki: Heck! Why does this guy interupt me in the middle of my song? I did not even complete it!

Keechak: Pakad liya tumhe aur us chidiya ko. Kitna besura gathi ho tum. Isi vajah seh pakdi gayi tum. Sevak is chithi ko oven main dal dena aur mere liye aur Rakshas ke liye is chidiya ko pakadena.

The attendant catches hold of Karu and is about to take her to the royal cook for cooking when Keechak breaks his head into a nearby wall saying, "Maine kaha is Kabootar ko. Use daloge toh humara food poisoning hojayega!

Enter Agnibahu and Ashok

Agnibahu: Bairi piya bada re bedardi . ...aaa

Ashok: Ronna bandh karo aur chalo Keechak ke paas

Agnibahu: Patha nahin kyun is thoda samay joh Maine aap ke saath bithaye, mera man Chan chal chith van hogaya. Dil main kuch kuch hone laga hain.

Ashok: Par main vaisa types nahin hoon. Ramji types you know ek pathni ek pyar. Aur tum toh koi different types bhi ho! Toh is janam mein mera sath sirf Karuwaki ka nam likka hai.

Agnibahu: Nahin! Chan seh joh tutta koi sapna jag suna suna laga koi rahen na apna jag suna suna hai toh yeh kyun hota hai jab yeh dil rotha hai... (Agnibahu breaks down and swears vengeance at his sautan KVK in his heart)

Part 2

Keechak takes KVK to Jaggu who anachronistically becomes Jillelahi Akbar in his characterization.

Keechak: Dekho apni putri ko. Usne Ashok ke sath hath mila liya.

Jaggu: Yeh main kya sun raha hoon putri? Maine kaha that na ki hum Kalingon ko Mauryitis hai.

Takes khoda from Keechak and starts beating KVK while she continues singing

"Pyar kiya toh darna kya, jab pyar kiya toh darna kya"

Jaggu: Keechak is bathameez kanneez ko deewar main chunvado aur Ashok seh Milne seh rokko.

Keechak: Sainiko start walling KVK.

The wall is almost built and about to be closed when Agnibahu makes a heroic entry with a black mask over his face blasting off the wall as Babubali BGM starts playing,

Kaun hai woh kaun hai woh...jatta katta ha sambramam..."

KVK thanks the brave warrior who saved her. Agnibahu within himself, "I saved you because the haq to kill you is mine. You snatched Ashok from me I'll snatch your everything from you."

KVK mutters to herself, "Now I can pass on the message to Ashok that Dhananjay is hidden in the tower in the northwestern corner of Taxila."

Both KVK and Agnibahu run from there outwitting Keechak and his men.

Ashok looks at KVK and Agnibahu and raises his eyebrows to ask him where he found her here. Agnibahu tells, "It's already late. Remember your pran. This girl knows where

Dhannu is. She tells that she overheard Keechu and Rakshas saying that he is in the tower in the northwestern corner of Taxila."

Ashok: Alright I'll go to the southwestern tower. This girl always tells the opposite.

KVK: Nahin.

Part 3

Acharya Devrath sitting before the linga of Lord Shiva and staring at it: Tumhe aaj toh insaaf karna hi padega. Pehla aur dusra pehal bhi beethgaya. Tumhe mere viswas ko bachana padega.

He gets up and starts doing some furious tandav before Lord Shiva. A man runs and tells him that Ashok was running towards the southwest tower of Taxila with Agnibahu and KVK following on close quarters.

AD: Chalo Hume Jana padega Ashok ke madath ke liye.

Ashok reaches the tower and finds that it is empty.

He sinks down disappointed.

Ashok: Tum kabhi bhi apni character seh true nahin rahoge kya, Karuwaki? Mujhe kam seh kam bathadethi ki tum 360 degree character U turn lene wali ho?

KVK: Vahi toh bathane ki koshish kar rahi thi!

Agnibahu: Yeh ladki, chup! Galath kaun? Tum! Aur sahi kaun? Ashok aur main! Mere Akka main Himalay ki ek Pandit seh Yeh Mani haasil ki thi. Is seh gyaniyon ko kuch sabd bhi sunaiyi dethe hain. Yeh tumhe jahan chahthe ho vahan lejayega!

Ashok: Toh pehli batha detha. Hume aise bhagne ki kya zarurath thi?

KVK puts her ear to the Mani and blurts out: Mujhe kuch bhi sunayi nahin derahi hai

Agnibahu: Yeh ladki, Maine bola that gyaniyon ko sunayidhetha. Tum kisi bhi definition seh gyani dikthi nahin ho.

Agnibahu and KVK stare down at each other when Ashok seperates both of them. AD makes an entry at this point and confirms that it is indeed a Divya Mani and that they must go and kill Dhananjay before it is sunset.

Keechak and Rakshas reach there and try to catch them but before that all of them expatriate from that place to the northwestern tower.

Ashok enters the tower and comes out looking very shocked: Dhananjay margaya! Vahan khana, pani aur oxygen bina voh gut gut kar margaya.

KVK: Kya?

Agnibahu: Kya?

AD after a moment of thought raises Ashok's hand up to signal victory and whispers to them: Ashok ki pran thi Dhananjay ki mrithyu banna. Talvar seh huva ya gut gut kar hame koi farak nahin padna chahiye. Agar Ashok aisa pran nahin letha toh Dhananjay aisa chuptha nahin toh is vajah seh Ashok Hi Dhananjay ki MRITHYU bana!

AD slumps down under the weight of the tremendous logic he had spouted while all the rest continue looking on in disbelief and unconvinced.

KVK, Agnibahu and AD are fighting among themselves to be the first to do the vijay tilak of Ashok with the dharthi of Taxila while the song "Mere desh ki dharthi sona ugle ugle dheere moti mere desh ki dharthi" plays in the background.

THE END!

KARUWAKI VIVAH SAPTAH

This story was begun by shyam09, continued by Maddy, Babur, me and many others. We hardly know where it begins and where it ends. But read on if you like having a fun time and a good laugh.

Originally posted by shyam09

You know this gives me an idea ...

A = Ashok / D = Dharma / K = Kaurvaki / DV = Devi / other characters will be named appropriately.

SCENE: Ashok is lying wounded. No one is around him, everyone has died. He is struggling to get up but is too fatigued and injured to do so. He stares at the skies thinking ...

A: What a battle. Keechak dead, Rakshas dead, Kalinga freed, Kaurvaki's father freed, people freed. Now I can die in peace. Gosh, I wish Maa was here with me. I miss her so much.

Chanakya (spirit): Putra Ashok.

A: Acharya Chanakya? Is that you?

C(s): Yes, it's me. I'm here to take you to where we belong. Swarg-Pataliputra where your grandfather, the great Chandragupta Maurya is waiting eagerly to talk to you.

A: Pitamah-maharaj is waiting for me.

C(s): Yes Putra. You have done an incredible job and saved Magadh. I wish you could have lived longer, but you messed up by not killing Kaurvaki.

A: But Acharya, she was innocent. Even Acharya Devrath told me she was confined by the bounds of love for her father. Even I would have done the same in her place.

C(s): Ashok. I told you before, and I'm telling you again, following your heart is what you do best, but sometimes you have to listen to your mind. Your heart told you to accept Kaurvaki, but in heaven, I cried that you didn't remember a single part of my teachings.

A: But Acharya, she --

C(s): She is a rajkumari, she should have known what the right choice to make was, but she chose to walk down the path of treachery. It's true you didn't know that, but when the truth was found out, you let her leave. She was a proven traitor and should have been killed. Tell me Ashok, if your father, mother, friends, family members, myself were to be killed by someone unarmed, a child, or a woman - would that have stopped you from killing them? A murderer has no gender Ashok. A murderer has no gender. If you differentiate between them now, would you have differentiated in the future?

A: Forgive me Acharya. I thought this was the best option.

C(s): Remember Ashok, you are a prince - you were someone in line for the throne of Magadh to represent these people. You were --

(Chanakya disappears)

K: Ashok!! Ashok!! You saved my father Ashok. Oh how can I thank you! (grabs Ashok and hugs him tightly).

A: Ughghhghghghg. My ribs are broken Kaurvaki. It's hurting.

K: Ohh! I'm so sorry.

A: It's okay. I'm glad to hear your father is doing alright.

K: Oh no, he's dead.

A: What? I saved him though?

K: Oh yeah you did. But as he was escaping, he fell into a moat by accident and the crocodiles ate him.

A: So I saved him for nothing?

C(s): (reappears) See what I mean.

K: Aahhh! Who are you?

C(s): I am Chanakya, a humble servant of Magadh.

K: Aren't you dead though?

C(s): Yes I am, but I came to see Ashok in his final moments. Now, if you don't mind, please leave. Ashok and I have some important things to talk about, right Ashok?

A: (to busy looking at Kaurvaki)

C(s): (clears throat) Ashok.

A: Hmm ... yes Acharya.

C(s): This is what I was talking about. Focus putra focus on what's important. Don't drool over something temporary.

A: But her father just died.

C(s): Her father was an idiot. He first got himself caught, then he was freed, and then he fell into a moat and got eaten by crocodiles. He wasn't worth saving.

A: How can you be so mean Acharya??

C(s): It's politics Ashok. Did you not pay attention to anything I said. If this man, who ended up dying anyway, was willingly sacrificed -- you could have saved so many more people.

A: But he was a king Acharya. Kaurvaki's father.

C(s): Ashok, come up in spirit form for a second pleas.e

A: Ok.

(Ashok's spirit body rises)

C(s): (slaps Ashok (spirit) and forces it to go back into his body)

A: Woah, that was weird.

C(s): I thought this mission would have been good for you because you would have been away from your mother. But when I visited Pataliputra, your mother was doing wonderful. She was intelligent and actively seeking out my killers.

A: By the way, who exactly killed you? If you had told us ...

C(s): Figure it out my boy. The clues are all there, you just have to connect the dots. But you're coming with me, so ...

A: (sighs) You know Acharya...

C(s): What?

A: I really missed you. It's good to see you again, even in your spirit form. You look much younger.

C(s): I missed you too Ashok. That's why I'm here. I didn't even come for poor Radhagupta when he died.

A: Acharya Radhagupta is dead?

C(s): That's what my sources tell me. But no one knows about it yet.

A: Oh.

D: Ashokk!! Putra!!

A: M---

K: (stands up) Sorry. You are not allowed to go near Ashok.

D: And who are you?

K: I am Kaurvaki. Ashok's friend and lover.

D: (giggles) Lover? Do you know how old you look?

K: I'm 16 and a half.

D: Yeah, sure you are. You look like 12 year old midget.

K: How dare you?

D: Whatever. Now step aside so I can bring Ashok back to health.

K: What are you medical credentials lady, huh?

D: My father was a pharmacist, I am a pharmacist. And if you want evidence - the Samrat of Magadh - Bindusar, was fatally injured twice. Guess who brought him back to life?

K: Who?

D: Me. So if you don't mind, get your ass out of my way.

K: Look lady. I don't know who you are, but you aren't getting near my Ashok.

D: Before he was "your" (she says this with hot sarcasm) Ashok, he was "my" son.

K: eep. You're his mother?

D: Damn straight bi**h. Now get out of my way.

K: Hehe. So uhm, mata shri.

D: Yeah no. You aren't getting married to Ashok. Don't even dream about it you manner-less child.

C(s): Putri, stop for a second.

D: (looks up, sees Chanakya, smiles) Acharya, so nice to see you as a spirit. I missed you so much. Magadh is in a state of ruins without your presence.

C(s): But I've seen you work your way into trying to solve my murder.

D: (smiles) I think I know who it is, but I just need some evidence.

C(s): I knew you would figure it out. You just needed a push.

D: It's the least I could do Acharya.

C(s): Putri, I have a request to ask of you.

D: Yes Acharya.

C(s): Are you sure you want to bring Ashok back to health?

D: Why of course. Why do ask such a thing?

C(s): Look around you Devi. Ashok was the cause of this. He listened to this impudent brat, lost tons of soldiers, decided to not kill her and banished her instead, and then later saved her, losing more soldiers.

D: Ashok? Is this what I taught you?

A: Maa. You did teach me that ahimsa --

D: Is this ahimsa to you Ashok? I told you to walk the path of justice and peace, but you mercilessly slaughtered so many innocent people for this one little person.

A: I had to Maa, she once reminded me of you.

D: Ashok...

A: Maa...

D: Ashok, there are a lot of people that will remind you of me, but it doesn't mean you go around saving them because you think you're saving some part of me. Especially someone as - (jerks head towards KVK) her.

A: Maa ...

D: You killed so many people Ashok. I can't even heal you anymore.

Dv: Pranipath (smiles)

K: And just who (pauses to think to herself).

K: (thinks) What if she is someone else related to Ashok. I screwed up with Ashok's mom, but she might have more power than her.

K: (to Devi) Oh please come. Please come. Here have a seat next to Ashok's birth mom.

Dv: Uhm, thank you kind stranger.

K: Yes, yes, don't mention it.

K(thinks): That's right. Fall into the trap.

D: So who are you then?

K: Wait, you don't know each other?

D: No. This is the first time I'm seeing her.

Dv: No. But pranam Devi Dharma. I've heard so much about you. I want to be exactly like you. Your intelligence in ayurvedic knowledge, your kindness and gentle heart, and your love of peace. I love everything about you.

D: (smiles) I'm sorry but who are you?

Dv: I'm Devi.

D: Oh you're so adorable.

K: Huh? Hey hey, get up.

Dv: Why?

K: Because you're next to my Ashok.

Dv: Oh, I heard Ashok was wounded so I came to heal him.

K: Yeah well that's my job.

Dv: Oh are you his maidservant or something?

K: I'm his wife!

Dv: Oh you don't look like his wife. In fact, aren't you a little to young to be his wife?

K: I'm 16 and a half.

Dv: Oh, you certainly look 12 though.

D: (giggles) That's what I told her.

Dv: Hahahah

D: Hahahah

C(s): Hahahah

K: So are you getting up or not?

Dv: No, I don't think so... I'm here to save Ashok's life.

K: Yeah, well I was going to save it first.

Dv: Do you know anything about which herbs will heal Ashok?

K: No.

Dv: Do you know anything about which smells will calm Ashok down from feeling too much pain.

K: No.

Dv: Do you know anything about healing?

K: No. But you know, I know --

D: *coughs* nothing

Dv: (giggles) Hehehe

D: Hehehe

C(s): Hehehehe

K: Are you making fun of me?

D: Of course not dear. So what can you do.

K: I can take a cloth, dip it boiling water, and wash Ashok's body with it.

D: He's my son, I'm giving him a bath and washing off the blood.

K: I can smash the herbs.

Dv: Well, actually you want to use the proper ratio and the proper method of smashing and mixing herbs, otherwise the desired effect could be reduced.

K: Oh. So what can I do?

D: From what I've heard, you're better off not touching anything.

Dv: But why?

D: She was the cause of these peoples' death.

Dv: Seriously?

D: Yeah. She was a double agent for the enemy -- the one terrorizing the people.

K: HE HAD MY DADDY CAPTIVE.

C(s): And you should have sacrificed your dad for the sake of the nation. That idiot died anyway.

D: Wait Acharya, the King of Kalinga ... he's dead?

C(s): Oh, right you don't know. Yeah, idiot escaped and fell into a moat with crocodiles.

D: Wow.

Dv: Wow.

K: STOP TELLING MEAN STORIES ABOUT MY DADDY..

Ah (Ahankara): Well then get lost little girl.

K: What?

Dv: Who are you now? (hostile)

Ah: I'm Ahankara. And for the sake of your two pathetic lives, take the meaning of my name seriously. I am ego personified.

D: Ahankara, putri. Oh my goodness. Long time no see. How's your brother Babloo?

Ah: Mata Dharma! (hugs) We're doing great actually. Ujjain is slowly regaining it's former glory.

D: That's wonderful news.

C(s): Ahankara putri.

Ah: Oh Pranam Acharya Chanakya. It's wonderful seeing you again.

C(s): Likewise.

Ah: How's swarg?

C(s): I'm with Chandragupta, so it's fantastic. We have interesting talks all day.

Ah: That's fun.

C(s): So what brings you here?

Ah: Radhagupta sent word that Ashok was here dying and he needed me to save him.

C(s): Radhagupta?

D: Radhagupta?

A: Radhagupta?

Ah: Yeah, he sent a coded message. It took a while to decode, but I'm here.

C(s): So maybe Radhagupta is alive.

D: That's good, but where is he?

Ah: Last I heard, he was in the caverns of Samtika Mountains. But that was around the time Ashok left so who knows. Anyway, what's the situation here?

Dv: Well, five people seem to want to be with Ashok. One is the greatest politician of all time, Chanakya. The other is the mother of Ashok. Which leaves us two - you and me Ahankara, fighting for position of Ashok's love.

K: What about me?

Ah: I'm sure she meant to include you. But you're so ignorable that you were forgotten.

Dv: Sure. Us three.

Ah: Whatever. You play your silly games, I'll heal Ashok.

D: Actually, I'm healing Ashok. I'm the most experienced in medicine, no one touches Ashok but me.

K: (touches Ashok) Oops. (Ashok winces)

Dv: (slaps K) Watch out, you just put your finger in his wound.

K: Oops, sorry Ashok.

A: It's okay Kaurvaki. I know you didn't mean it.

D: (slaps A) What do you mean? What do you see in this girl Ashok? She's nothing like me.

KARUWAKI VIVAH SAPTAH (Contd)

Originally posted by shyam09

D: "You have saved my son ... how can I ever repay my debt to you?"

K: "It's okay maa ... can I call you maa?"

D: "Of course, you saved me from 'shok'-ing over Ashok."

K: "I want to marry him" (shy)

A: "Maa, don't say yes..."

D: "You saved Ashok, of course you can marry him."

A: "Maa whyyy..."

K: (evil eyes) "I'm going to eat you Ashok!!"

A: "she put me in this position to begin with Maa."

D: "what?! Kutti, kamini, saali sekro baap ki eklothi olaad. Tune mera Ashok ko maara. Saali chipkali."

A: "Haha you tell her Maa."

K: "It was an accident Maa. I tried to save Ashok, but Keechak and Rakshas --"

D: "Oh now you're blaming Keechak and Rakshas...

K: But it was them who played me.

A: Maa, she hates Mauryans

K: That's not true. I learned to love --

D: Shut that ugly mouth of yours.

A: She took a hundred whiplashes for me.

K: Jai Janani

D: that's what Ashok says! (gasp)

K: Jai Janani (more force)

D: It's not Janani... it's Jambudvip. Jai Jambudvip.

K: Jai Janani

D: Jai Jambudvip

K: Jai Janani

D: Jai Jambudvip (slaps KVK across the face with extreme force)

K: Jai ...

A: Maa

K: Jai Maa.

D: (calms down) Ashok, why do you keep saving her.

A: I have to Maa, she saved me so I have to save her a few more times. Isaab barabar.

D: Then why don't you want to get married to her?

A: She betrayed and killed innocent people Maa.

D: What?! Saali Kutti, Kamini, Suvar ki olad, Tu samajti kya hai apni aapko, Chhuu ---, Teri Maa Ki!!!

A: But she was blackmailed into doing so.

D: Ashok! You have to stop doing this.

A: But Maa.

D: Okay, do you want to marry her or not.

A: She did save my life.

D: Okay, KVK, congratulations you can get married to --

A: But I don't like her anymore after the events that happened.

D: Okay, then KVK you cannot get married to --

A: But maybe it's time I settle down

D: Dammit Ashok! You're just like your father. Kabhi Iddar, Kabhi uddar. Gosh, what happened to all the brains I gave you.

A: (looks at KVK)

D: that settles it. You aren't getting married to Ashok.

Agni: Hellooo my darlings.

D: But since I promised a marriage, here, you can marry this person.

Agni: Haila, Deva re Deva... ( I don't know any of his dialogues)

Originally posted by MaddyO

Shyam with your permission would like to extend the marriage saga


Dharma - Why did you have to get into all this Ashok?

Ashok - I do not want to marry kvk ma, please help

Kvk - it is NOT easy to get rid of me, just you will see. I want to marry a Maurya

D - Ashok putra, traditionally older brother should marry first. We can get kvk married to putra Sushim

A - MAAA - what a suggestion! How come you are suddenly this smart?
(aside - it will be ultimate revenge on bhrata Sushim for flogging me )

D - One of us has to use our brain and follow Acharya Chanakya. Wonder where Radhagupta is frolicking with Ishwari? And you, did you come to Taxashila for this?

A - Ma this is brilliant idea

K - who is this Sushim? I want to marry somebody who I can lecture, find faults and correct continuously

D & A - you will have full time job doing that with Sushim. He always needs guidance

D - (aside - it is another thing Charu uses her hands more than mouth for "guiding" Sushim ) Sushim should be arriving in Taxashila anytime now.


Sushim Maurya arrives in Taxashila

A - Bhrata Sushim, how I have missed you

Sushim - W*F you are alive?!

A - Aren't you happy to see me alive bhrata?

S - yes of course (aside - idiot Rakshas, Ashok how many times have I to try to get rid of you?)

K - this is Sushim? Not bad I can borrow his jewelry also, this Ashok has nothing

A - bhrata - Ma and me have found a bride for you. Princess of Kalinga

S - very interesting, I was bored after Ahan anyway. Where is she?

A - ummm this is her kvk

S - Abe dasi ko kyo dikha raha hai, where is the princess?

A - this is her, she is also dressed like me incognito

S - Ashok
Now I can believe you are my real bhrata. I was getting nauseous with your bhrata prem jaap, but now I believe you hate me really. You are a true Maurya

A - I am serious

K - so am I

S - I may be drunk but not that drunk

A - Bhrata even you cannot hate me this much, she wants to marry a Maurya, what to do? You have to help me

S - Siyamak will be perfect for her. We will tell Pitashri he needs someone after Mata Noor's demise.

A - That will be fantastic.

S - of course it will be, it is my idea. Now we can get back to hating each other, I was so bored in PP. Missed you Tuchh Prani

A - missed you Bhrata

K - Now who is Siyamak?

Viewers - just the one who loves you as KVK, you will be perfect match. Plus you will get Dadi Sas Helena to lecture

Originally posted by shailusri1983

I just cannot stop from adding to this story now. I hope Shyam and Medha will not mind!

Back at Patliputra, the bride viewing ceremony is going on and Bindu is having an epileptic fit at catasysmic happenings taking place around him.

Helena: Putri, where are you from?

KVK: I'm the Princess of Kalinga.

Helena: Perfect suits me to the tee! Now I can use and manipulate the Kalingans in my revenge games. Putra Siamack you will marry this girl whoever she is as she seems to have taken a fancy for a Mauryanbride groom.

Siamack: No, Rajmata. I cannot be a part of your political chess. Why she looks older to me? Why not hook her up with Ashok or Sushim Bhratha?

Helena: You just do not understand how eligible this girl is for you. As for age, why don't you think you are setting up a new precedent by marrying a girl who is older to you. One of our Greek oracles even told me such marriages are going to be the in- thing in future times where one Sachin Tendulkar married soneone older to him.

Siamack: But the bride must have been very beautiful in that case.

KVK looks highly outraged at this comment and is about to get up when Helena sits het down reprimanding Siamack: Do you mean to tell this girl is not beautiful?

Siamack without any hesitation: Yes!

Helena: Putra in marriages you must look at internal beauty and not external beauty. Who knows she may have many good qualities in her like she may know to cook good food...

KVK: I know to eat good food not cook it!

Helena: She might entertain you with her wit and charm...

KVK: I have a very bad sense of humor and often end up hurting the people with the jokes I crack!

Helena: She might be well- versed in politics and state craft and can be a very good guide to you...

KVK: I bunked all my classes on politics and statecraft at the Rajakiya Vidhyalay to which Mom sent me and spent all my time eating roasted peanuts!

Helena: She might be very good at singing or dancing?

KVK: I'm generally used to people singing and dancing for me. So if you please I would like to have somebody entertaining me exclusively with their song and dance. For that matter I wouldn't mind if you yourself did the honors for me.

Helena: Utto!

KVK: Kya?

Helena: Is she even deaf and dumb to boot with all of this? I'm going to go mad! Putra Siamack promise me one thing...that you will never ever marry in your life and remain an ajeevan Brahmachari!

Siamack: Done! Anything for you.

KVK: But I was promised that I would marry a Mauryan. Is this the way Mauryans keep up their word? First Ashok... Then Sushim...Now Siamack... Ashok told me Mauryans will change their name before breaking a word.

Bindu has recovered by now from the fit and says: Putron come here! From today onwards your names will be Bashim, Kashok, and Miamack. Got it! Sainiko go and dump this young lady outside the frontiers of Magadh and send her description to all the frontier check posts telling them to never let this young lady into our kingdom.

KARUWAKI VIVAH SAPTAH (Contd)

Originally posted by babur1527

Ashok: No father don't!

Sushim: Lo. Firse Nautanki shuru.

Siyamak: Seriously. Bhrata I am already screwed because of this harp.

Bindusar: Why Ashok?

Ashok: Trust me. Come with me KVK.

KVK: Ashok.

KVK and Ashok walking on the second floor. Ashok gives the signal. Ishwari appears and stuffs KVK in a potato sack. Guards appear and hoist her on their back.

Ashok: Good work. Send her to Yunan. She will keep our lonely Bare Pitamha Seleucus occupied. And send a random Daasi to Kalinga. Jaggu won't notice the difference.

Originally posted by shyam09

Outside the kingdom KVK was standing alone; she had somehow managed to escape the potato sack.

K: Hello!!! Anyone there!! Hello!

Guard: Hey you little girl. SHUT UP, stop disturbing us.

K: But I want to go inside.

G: Samrat Bindusar has banned you from entering, go away. Shoo!

K: But I have no home.

G: Well that is your problem. Stop bothering us you pest.

K: ASHOOOKKK!!

(Ashok suddenly appeared on a horse, looking a bit tired)

A: You called Rajkumari Kaurvaki.

K: Call me Kaurvaki Ashok.

A: I can't, you've been promised to one of my brothers.

K: But none of them are like you.

A: Well, that's --

K: Hush my love (puts finger on Ashok's lips)

A: Mmrmmm

K: Silent hojao, varna mein romantic hojaungi

A: (silent)

K: Aare, tum kuch bolte kyu nahi ho? Why are you not speaking anymore.

A: You just said to be silent. So that's what I'm restraining myself to the core.

K: Waki

A: Otherwise you'll be romantic

K: Waki

A: What? That's all.

K: waki

A: What?

K: You said Kaur.

A: No I didn't

K: Yes you did, you said you're restraining yourself for your kaur.

A: I didn't say that at all.

K: But you have to finish my name.

A: I never called you by your name (exasperated)

K: Just say my name!!!!

A: I don't want to...

K: Please Ashok, pretty please. Say my name please.

D: Kaurvaki.

K: Aare tera voice ko kya hua?

D: Ashok, what are you doing here?

A: Maa, mein to bas, I mean, I was just passing by here and ...

D: Don't lie. We all heard that donkey bray your name, and the guards told us you jumped the fort.

A: I had to Maa, she was alone. What if she got kidnapped or something.

D: Aare Ashok, Ashok, Ashok. Nobody can kidnap her. If they did, they would realize how insufferable this girl is and they would return her without doing anything to her honor. Heck, they would warn their other kidnapping buddies that there is a girl outside of Magadh's boundaries and no one would even dare enter Magadh in fear that they accidentally kidnap this one.

K: (looking pleased, has stupid look on face) See. Now if you marry me Ashok, we can have babies and me and my babies will stand outside Magadh and protect everyone.

A: But Maa, we have to help her somehow. Not only are we mauryans, but we were once commoners and you have always taught me to help others.

D: You know (devilish smile) ... you're right Ashok.

A: I am?

K: He is? Of course he is. He is my future husband.

D: Tell my dear dear Kaurvaki.

K: Ammaa, chapo amma, chapo (telegu for Mom, tell me ...) (Grabs hold of Dharma's arm and pulls it)

D: Chup, why are you speaking another language. And let go of my arm. Saali nautanki.

K: Eep, sorry.

D: That's better.

A: So Maa ...

D: Right, so dear putri Kaurvaki. (bad face)

K: M-m-m-m mata dharma

D: (bad face, but continues). Putri Kaurvaki, you met Sushim and he told you that you were perfect for Siamak yeah?

K: Yes.

D: And Siamak took a baal brahmacari vrat?

K: Yes.

D: Did you meet Vahramir then?

A- Maa ...

(Ashok is being ignored)

K: No, who is that?

D: You don't know who he is?

K: No.

D: Aare, he was a friend of the king of Ujjain, and a good friend of Rajmata Helena.

K: But is he Mauryan?

D: No, but you don't want a Mauryan, you want Vahramir.

K: Why?

D: He is friends with the Mauryans and the Ujjainis. If another Keechak comes to Kalinga, you need someone strong to protect it right.

K: Yesh,

D: So with one marriage, you get two powerful kingdoms as allies - versus just one if you marry a Mauryan. In fact, he was such a macho man, that he stayed underground for a while, digging out the dirt. He did things that no one dared to even do. In fact, he supervised even the building of a Mauryan palace.

K: He did?

D: Oh yes, he is very very intelligent. So, you might as well think about it like Vahramir is part Ujjani, part Mauryan, and part underground troll.

K: Troll? You just said that --

D: He had joined a very powerful gang named "Trolls"; so you have their alliance at hand too.

K: Oh wow, he's better than the Mauryans then?

D: Better? He is better than better.

K: Wow, where is he? I can't wait to see him.

D: Yes yes. Ashok putra, go back and inform everyone in the palace of what you did, and what i did.

A: yes Maa. (leaves)

D: Well, you hang out here putri, We have to seek Samrat's permission to see if we let you enter or if we bring Vahrahmir out here.

K: Oh okay. Wow, I'm getting married to a stud.

D: Yes, yes you are.

K: Thank you so much for waiting here with me Mata Dharma.

D: yeah ... no. I'm leaving. Well Goodbye!!