The CAS Rant Club: Vent, vent and vent! (Fun thread) - Page 2

THE NAGAR VADHU SERIES

This is another story posted by many of us on the Nagar Vadhu scenario in the EDT. Have a nice laugh!

Originally posted by shailusri1983

Keechak: Hey, you! Get ready and wear these clothes. You're going to be the Nagar Vadhu.

KVK: Yippee! I'm going to be a Balika Vadhu and I'm going to be famous!

Keechak: Stupid child! I'm not here to get your child marriage done! I meantNagar Vadhu!

KVK: Will you kindly explain to me what that means because I need to have a correct idea of what is expected of me? I'm a bit slow on the take off!

Jaggu: Putri did your mother ever send you to school after I came over here? I thought that you were not so elementary! Keechak you may please! (Jaggu shows the way for Keechak to take KVK)

Dharma is entering Taxila while a huge exodus is happening there. People are running helter-skelter from that place.

Dharma: Oh, wow! Keechak must be so badass and terrible if people are running away from Taxila like this. I'll also get a good chance for my heroics. Putra Ashok, here I come to save you from Keechak. (She clears her voice and begins shouting Jai Janani as she starts going towards Taxila) Jai Janani! Jai Janani!

One lady stops her and says, "Where are you going?"

Dharma: Of course to Taxila to join Rajkumar Ashok and the rebels. (She gathers herself majestically before she says) I'm Dharma!

The Lady: What?

Dharma: I said I'm Dharma, Rani Dharma!

The Lady: What? Rani Dharma, you here? I'm Bahamani.

Dharma pleased at the heroine like attention she was getting: Yes! I'm here to help Ashok and save you all from Keechak.

Bahamani: Rani Dharma, it's good you came! Only you can save your son and all of us from the calamity that is going to befall us. Go to the town center. You'll understand on your own.

Keechak is threatening the few left over people in Taxila whom his soldiers have caught and asks them: Are you going to accept this Nagar Vadhu or not?

Wild horses are pulling the people towards the town centre but they keep shouting: Kadhapi Nahin!

Keechak in an aside to Rakshas: Why is Ashok not coming and saving this brat? I'm doing all this farce and becoming terribly unpopular because I thought he would come and I could arrest him!

Rakshas: I told you before itself all this will go waste. My spies told me that Ashok is too seriously injured and will not come to save this girl. I'm informed that Ashok's mother Rani Dharma is on her way to Taxila. Let's all of us leave Taxila before all hell breaks loose!

Keechak and Rakshas also leave Taxila making KVK the Nagar Vadhu!

Dharma stumbles into the town yard as she finds someone dancing feverishly with ghungroos on her feet.

"Hey Krishnaa..."

Dharma: Child, I came searching for my son, Ashok. Can you tell me where I would find him? What are those stupid things on your feet? Remove those things and come with me child!

KVK: Ghungroo uthar dhene seh sachchayi nahin badal jaathi ki main ekNagar Vadhu hoon, Matha Dharma!

Dharma: Matha? What the...

KVK: Main aayi banne Maurya Vansh ki Dulhan aur main bangayi daasi Nagar ki!

Dharma: Eh, did I miss anything? When did you plan to become Maurya Vansh's Dulhan without my knowledge?

KVK: Toh main kaun hoon? Kisi ka Paap ya kissi ka Punya?

Dharma: How would I know? Let's call ACP Pradyuman of CID. He will solve it for us. I'll go and send him to you.

KVK: Matha Dharma...Matha Dharma...don't leave...

Dharma runs from there. After some time, Dharma and Acharya Devrath stand talking before a big ship.

Devrath: Devi as a guru Dakshina for Acharya Chanakya's training, I saved Ashok by keeping him unconscious all this time and preventing him from going on a KVK saving spree. You'd better leave soon before he wakes up and decides to go and save her. You'll be in mid-ocean by that time!

Dharma: Thank you, Acharya. I'll never forget your help in this lifetime. Bye! Bye!

A ruined city pans before the view. Sounds of anklets keep echoing through its ruins.

Radhagupt: I hope I'm not too late to save Ashok from Keechak. I got hit on my head by a stone and lost my memory. I just got it back now. I've to reach there immediately.

Enter Radhagupt into the ruins of Taxila.

KVK: Are you the ACP Pradyuman Matha Dharma told she would send? Main kaun hoon? Kissi ka Paap ya kissi ka Punya?

Radhagupth falls down again and when he gets up: Devi? Who am I? And who are you?

KVK continues dancing... "Hey Krishnaa..."

Originally posted by babur 1527

Actually this is how I am imagining the whole Nagar Vadhu fiasco to pan out(I should have expected this. Pedo CVs doing Pedo things)

KVK: HIII I AM THE NEW VADHU! Mere Swami kahan hai?

Keechak to Amatya: You did explain to her what Nagar Vadhu means?

Amatya: Nah. Let's keep it a surprise.

Upon seeing KVK literally everyone flees Taxilla.

Random guy: I ain't touching that banshee.

Everyone else: Run for your lifeth!

Leaving Keechak alone with his Pedo entourage.

Ashok appears after being miraculously nursed back to health by Rani Dharma.

Ashok: See. Just as I planned. Now you die.

Keechak: AMATYA YOU MORON!

Originally posted by MaddyO

Shailu & Babur absolutely hilarious.


Keechak & Rakshas having seen the exodus from Taxashila are in a fix.

KVK - you promised to make me a vadhu now there is nobody here. Now one of you guys have to marry me

Rakshas - nah not me, I am bramhachari, putri Kvk

Keechak - me marry you? I love my Bahamani deeply and I just now made a vow to remain ek-patni my entire life.
You made all the citizens of Taxashila run away. Who will I rule now?

K - I don't care you promised to make me a vadhu

Rakshas - Mahanayak, why don't you make her your Senapati instead? We will go on wars and will declare the winner gets to marry kvk. Automatically everybody will lose against you. You will be vijayi always.

K - that is great idea. K we will look for your groom elsewhere.

KARUWAKI KA SWAYAMVAR SERIES

This story was also begun on the EDT but it is still not complete. All the remaining parts will be updated here. If any member wishes to continue the existing stories, you're all welcome to vent, rant, and let loose all your imagination. Please mention which story you are continuing and from which page. Anybody Can Write (ABCW)!

Originally posted by shailusri1983

Keechak has decided to get rid of KVK at all costs and holds a massive swayamvar to get her off his hands.

Keechak: Let the KVK swayamvar begin. Here Fellas and Rajas the person who wins this horse riding competition wins her hand.

All the kings start riding in opposite direction.

Rakshas changes the direction in which the contestants have to ride as quickly.

Seeing them outwitted all the contestants simultaneously jump from the horse and fall down in a position of defeat.

One of the fellows is a bit slow in getting down and he is declared the winner.

Marriage arrangements are on.

Suddenly the body of the Swayamvar winner is found dead bobbing around in the moat around Keechak's palace.

KVK screaming: Where is my Var Keechak?

Keechak: Where the hell has Ashok gone and hidden himself? On earth? In Pataal Lok? Or in Heavens? Wherever you are, I'm going to ferret you out!

INTELLIGENCE TEST OF KARUWAKI SWAYAMVAR SERIES

Originally posted by shailusri1983

Keechak being Keechak does not lose hope. This time he decides that he is going to choose the Var for KVK on the basis of an intelligence test.

Firstly, he instructs Rakshas to get a statue of Ashok to be kept at the entrance of the hall like a door keeper. For those who didn't know, Jaichand of Prithviraj Chauhan copied this idea from our very own Keechak.

Both Keechak and Rakshas don't know that Ashok has been taken back by Dharma and is by now in the mid ocean.

Rakshas presides over the proceedings by asking some brainy questions to the contestants.

R: How many years did the 37 years war last? Let's see how many of you have written the correct answer.

He goes and examines the answers of all the contestants. Everyone gives blank papers. He thinks for a moment and starts clapping and says, "Fantastic! All of you are going in the right direction till now. There was no such war at all fought in history. We'll see who gets it correct this time. Now it will be the turn of individual questions. All of you will get a chance to prove yourselves."

One of the contestants raises his hand for expressing a tiny doubt: "What if none of us want to prove ourselves?

R: Good doubt! If you don't prove yourself, it automatically means that you are so self confident and will be declared the winner without holding any contest. Got it!

This contestant slinks down on his seat. Rakshas continues with the individual round of intelligence test: Can a fish live without water?

C1: How would I know? I'm not a fish. You ought to ask this question to the fish.

Rakshas proceeds to the next contestant after shaking his head.

R: Do you wear a crown on your head or feet?

C2: Must be feet. Lock my answer as feet!

KVK gets terribly upset at the dismal performance the contestants are putting up: Don't you know the answer to this simple question?

Rakshas turns back terribly surprised. Putri do you know the right answer?

KVK: Of course I do! The right answer is hand. You wear a crown on your hands and not on the head or feet. These stupid Fellas don't know even that simple thing. Ashok, where are you?

Rakshas finds himself completely out of words after this exchange with KVK.

There in the mid ocean, KVK's voice magically reaches Ashok who jumps into the water and starts swimming for the KVK Swayamvar.

Ah BB, trying is the keyword. 😆

Originally posted by: BeingBlunt

Thanks krystal for the thread and shailu for compiling the stories here. 😃😆

I will be a silent reader most of the time because i can't write anything as a story. 😆

Awesome thread Krystal, thank you so much for posting this. Shailu - thanks for posting / compiling all the posts as well.

Shyam we need you to give us more of your rocking and rollicking creative stuff here to make our day.

THE RESCUE OF KVK

Main Nagin Hoon 😆 Poor scorpions. Maybe KVK can switch shows and go pester the Nagins for a while.After all Colors love to mix and match characters.It is time someone from CAS appeared in other shows.And just in time for Valentine Day's special.

Dedicated to all those who are wondering about the whereabouts of Radhagupt...

Scene 1: University of Taxilla. Acharya Devavrat and Ashok are discussing tactics.

AD: So Ashok, you will enter via the eastern entrance while Kaurwaki is giving her dhamakedaar performance as the new Nagarvadhu. Meanwhile I will be...

(A yogi with tangled locks and a long beard attempts to enter the chamber shaking off Ashok's men who are attempting to hold him back)

Yogi: Leave me alone,you imbeciles.I'm Ashok's Chief Advisor.

AD : Ah...that position is already filled, munivar.That would be me. Acharya Devavrath.

Yogi: You (scoffs) What have you been advising him?

AD: Not that it is any of your business. But I have been teaching him (No:1)Subterfuge...

Yogi: Yeah, I can see he followed your instructions perfectly. Didn't he throw off his disguise at the worst possible moment?

AD : (No.2) How to present a blank face so that your enemies cannot predict your actions.

Yogi: The whole of Taxilla is talking about how he wears his heart on his sleeve for Kaurwaki and IIRC Keechak has already used her against him.(Turns to Ashok)Really, couldn't you find a nice sweet girl to fall in love with? I thought the daughter of Rajdrohis was bad enough.But this is the outside of enough.A Kalingan princess?Daughter of our enemy?

Ash(earnestly) : But that's my secret plan. Seduce the enemy and coerce Kaurwaki and ultimately Kalinga to be a part of Magadh.And I'll not be Samrat Ashok but instead Chakravartin Ashok.

Yogi: (mutters)Instead it appears like Magadh is going to be a part of Kalinga.

RD: Excuse me, but I think we have been super nice in answering your questions.It's time you answered ours. Beginning with, who the hell are you?

Yogi: I'm Acharya Radagupt.

Ash: Wow. Acharya Radhagupt that is one nifty disguise to sneak into Taxilla.Right under Keechak's nose.That fake beard is a nice touch( pulls at RG's beard)

RG: Oww, oww Ashok stop it. That's real.

AD: So the last we heard you were on the way to Taxilla.

RG: That was to throw dust into the eyes of our enemies.I was somewhere else

Ash: So where were you really Acharya Devavrat?

RG: I had gone to The Himalayas to see Swami Bhairav.

AD: Odd time to visit your chums.But then you have always been an odd fellow Radhagupt.

RG: Stop interrupting me, Devavrat. I visited Swami Bhairav because he is the foremost authority on Tantric vidya. I wanted to see him to...(stops dramatically)

Ash: Go on Acharya. We're on tenderhooks.

RG: BRING BACK ACHARYA CHANAKYA!!! (Thunder rumbles)

Viewers: Yesss, that's what we want

RG: I hear an echo across Time.The countless voice of millions...

AD: Oh, do stop with the theatrics, old fellow. Obviously you didn't succeed.

RG: Nope, since his body was burnt Swami Bhairav couldn't bring him back.(shoulders slump)

Ash: But isn't Tantric vidya illegal in Magadh, Acharya Radhagupt?

RG: Ashok, The Himalayas does not fall into your fathers jurisdiction.Do brush up your geography.Don't be like certain people whom I won't name(eyes Devavrath) who imagines that Taxilla is on the route to Badrinath.

AD: (pats Radhagupt) Well don't feel bad old fellow.We'll fall back to Plan A.Now Plan A calls for...

RG: Now did say that I failed completely? Don't count your chickens before they are hatched, old fellow (pats Acharya Devavrath) I succeeded in bringing back Acharya Chanakya's aatma back to earth for a short duration till the Taxilla chapter ends.(cackles menacingly) In another BODY.

AD and Ashok: Where... who?

RG : Use your brains Dev and Ashok. You were both the shikyas of Acharya Chanakya.Think back.Remember. Who has been uncovering the secrets at Pataliputra, sending spies hither and thither, upsetting the conspirators and plotting on your behalf.

Akanda Bharata music plays and Rani Dharma enters carrying a lamp with her lighting up the darkness in the chamber.

Ashok: Not Ma???

Dharma: (smiles beatifically) You were always a bright boy. Ashok mere putr. Finally uchit samay aagaya to let you all know the truth. Now does anyone want samosas with your chai?