Originally posted by: atominis
For me it would be concept of childhood friends who remain lifelong loyal friends who share your likes, dislikes, know you better than yourself and stay in touch with you no matter what and do not grow apart even after going abroad or getting married. Films often show very idealistic view of friendship which transcends all boundaries of class, caste, creed, religion, status. Or show friends who are ready to sacrifice for each other or often support person more than family. Or there for friends even if friend is depressed, drugged, jailed or down in dumps.
In real life it is rare to find such lifelong friends or friends who stay true and close to you since childhood or are loyal, understanding and share same likes, dislikes, do not grow apart even after growing up or going to college or going abroad or getting a job or getting married. Even harder to find like minded friends who do not discriminate on basis of status, caste, religion or race or achievements etc or friends who keep in touch all life or friends who do not judge each other, rather help friends overcome struggles.
Interesting.
My concept of friendship has come from real life. My grandmother, who was born in pre-independence India, had a best friend who lived down the street when she was a toddler. They remained fast friends through their schooling. Even after marriage when life took them in different directions they remained best friends. This was in an era before zoom or cell phones when even phone calls were expensive - so they stayed in touch via letters and the occasional phone call. They remained best friends until my grandmother's friend passed away from cancer. It gives me hope that lasting friendships are possible.
There are a few guys in my friend circle who have been good friends since middle school - and they are almost like DCH in real life. No matter where they are - they always have a video call for NYE and other occasions recreating old gags and inside jokes. They have a cabin in the Northwoods where they meet up every few years.
And in this group, there are two who are super close. One of them has a history of depression and drug addiction. I have seen his best friend drop everything and go out in the middle of a snowstorm to take him home safely and recover from a bad trip.
Friendships can transcend all boundaries - provided there is something genuinely tying you together. But it is also important to have realistic expectations of friendship. Long-distance relationships, including friendships, are hard. Once people become adults, they develop their individual personalities, they develop their likes, interests, and values. Sometimes when this transition to adulthood takes place, you may no longer have something in common. You will naturally drift apart. That doesn't mean that your friendship when you were kids wasn't valuable or not genuine. Marriage, kids, jobs, also take up people's time and married people with kids seek other married people with kids. My best friend who has a baby hangs out with other friends with a baby more than me. And that's fine. Maybe we will drift apart, maybe we won't. Time will tell.
-----
The things I find unreal about movies
- Love at first sight. It is impossible. You can lust at first sight. You can get horny at first sight. But you simply cannot love someone. If you fall in love with someone you lusted for at first sight doesn't mean it was love at first sight all along.
- Stalking as love. It is one of the grossest, creepiest, unhealthiest things I have seen.
- Persistence as love. No means no. If someone turns you down, it means to move on, not wear them down.
- Grand gestures as love. An occasional grand gesture can be nice. But without paying attention to the little day-to-day things, grand gestures are just empty displays.
- Self-sacrifice as love. Your loved ones do not want you to hurt yourself or exhaust yourself or give up your dreams for love. In fact, most people will be irreparably hurt if you sacrifice yourself for love. Worse, you will end up resenting the people you love now because of what you sacrificed for love. Be honest about what you can and cannot do. Be honest about when you are hurting.
- Truth has to be bitter or hard-hitting. You can be honest and gentle at the same time. You can be critical of someone but still show kindness, compassion, love, and support.
- The end of a relationship is someone's fault. That is not at all true. Some people drift apart and move in different directions till the relationship breaks. It is no one's fault.
- Family is everything/Blood is thicker than water. Nah. Family can be abusive and toxic. Just because you are related to someone does not mean you have to tolerate them when they are disrespectful, mean, and unreasonable with you. Recognize the people who genuinely care for and support you. Chosen family can be more powerful than blood.
I'm sure I'll think of more. There are so many unrealistic tropes.
Book Talk
Anupamaa
38