Bizarre Bollywood Awards: A Special Column

A recent star studded event & party gave out awards to Bollywood stars. Perturbingly, these awards were titled Brand Visionary of the Year' (ahem). And the winners are Hrithik Roshan & Shraddha Kapoor!

Why are we perturbed? Because, we simply can't fathom what do these awards mean in the first place? Or for that matter, what do many awards given out at Bollywood's glitzy nights mean?

Maybe Hrithik Roshan gets Brand Visionary' for his apparel & accessories brand. Lest we forget, Hrithik's Bang Bang' featured no less than 10 product placements in it . While some of us might have missed the film's plot (or not), none could miss the film's unique vision' on advertising! (Come to think of it, some portions DO look like photo shoots.)

Gallant and gorgeous as always, the superstar had this to say on his prize, "It means a lot to me. It means more to me than any other award that I have got so far in my life. We are all here to contribute to the world in many ways. I do it through films, brand endorsements. It is all good,". Ermmm, so, contributing to the world through brand endorsements?! HOW?

But then, he's the visionary here!

And then there's Shraddha Kapoor, who also, is a brand visionary! Considering her fat suit commercial for a tea brand has earned flak, and not gone beyond random runs online to venerated TV, I am still searching for the vision part.

Now this is Not to say that Shraddha Kapoor isnt' lovely. She is! She is pretty, warm & genuinely hard working. And Hrithik remains a droolworthy, dancing star.

But even they, like many other leading lights of the Hindi film industry, have been honoured' with awards that leave you scratching your head!

What drives these random awards? That which Kangana Ranaut has gone blue in the face explaining all this time- they are fixed' (Kudos by the way, to Kangs, for stunning everyone with the Tanu Weds Manu Returns' trailer. Once again, this Queen' seems to have no competition on the horizon).

Apart from Kangana's pet peeves, a key factor driving awards is their value as a TV broadcast product. It is the desperate need to have Bollywood stars dancing and attending so that a broadcaster shows the evening, and mints money for all concerned parties. That broadcasters have an iron grip on awards currently is evident from the prefix of a channel to their names. So unless a hottie shakes a leg onstage, these expensive affairs don't sell on TV. Therefore, everyone must be appeased, and what better bargain to strike, then to give out an award. Then there are backroom bargains- favours exchanged, deals cut, and awards given out so that maximum benefits can be obtained from the winners later (cover shoots, tv shows hosted, causes' endorsed for special broadcasts etc).

So here's a prized selection of the most random wins of Bollywood awards in recent memory; read on and scratch your head (naturally!)

Best Performance in a Comic Role for Jolly LLB'- Arshad Warsi at an international Indian award ceremony 2014

He might not have been the biggest star in contention, nor does he usually participate in hosting and compering exercises on TV. But to give out the Comic Role prize to Arshad Warsi for a heartfelt, winning act as the Meerut based underdog lawyer in a title role is simply baffling. How does this become a comic act? More importantly, why give him a (consolation) prize unless it is done to appease the man or the makers?

Pride of the Year': Anupam Kher at an awards ceremony last year

This one is mind-boggling. Why suddenly, did a master performer, with decades of experience under his belt, become annual pride? Why not before or after? Isn't he a matter of pride for Indian films always? Or was this the best way to ensure he continues to have a working relationship with the broadcaster in future?

Best Jodi- Shahid Kapur & Tabu (Haider) at an awards ceremony this year

This one makes us both laugh & cry! Firstly, has anyone watched the film here? Didn't anyone notice that this mother-son relationship was fraught with emotion, animosity & a nuanced sub text? And that they were Anything but a Jodi?Has anyone read or Googled Hamlet? Actually is there a jury in play at all?

DIGITAL STAR OF THE YEAR- SRK at an international Indian award ceremony in 2013 HUMANITY AWARD- Shabana Azmi at an international Indian award ceremony in 2013

Of course, we look at the strangest at the end, for optimum thought & subsequent gleeful laughter! So if SRK is awarded Digital Star in one year, wonder what happened to the rest of the years that he's had as a stratospheric film icon with a global following? Why did he become The Digital star on just this one year? Or did the organizers desperately need King Khan to be around to sell their astronomically priced tickets? That SRK likes collecting awards, is a known fact. But this one could have seriously done with some reinvention!

And when they give out the Humanity Award to actor- activist Shabana Azmi, in 2013, the same logic applies. Whatever happened to her humanity so far? Do such random awards ensure attendance in the first place?

On a concluding note, take a look at the awards kitty of Irrfan Khan. Paan Singh Tomar' won him just one mainstream Bollywood award (that too, in the critics category). He's a rare winner and often an after thought during these events. How valid or credible any of these awards therefore, are; we leave that to your imagination.