They don't understand the context: Homi Adajania to 'My Choice' critic - Page 6

@Mighty-Zeus

I feel lucky to have grown up in a family where people value each other. Yes we do not even see adults in our families or even neighbourhoods, holding hands etc so the thought of parents, uncles, aunts, and even grandparents having their own GFs, BFs etc is repulsive.
Therefore I still maintain those who make such lifestyle choices should avoid having kids. Do the kids a favour, by not bringing them to your kind of world.

I can't imagine how kids in such open marriage households deal with things and perceive the world.

One thing I must say. Avoid generalising that all men cheat. There are men who have given up on their own dreams to support their families, who tolerate everybody's nagging and whims, who might have quarrels but still stay faithful, who don't leave their spouse even if they are encouraged to throw her out. Religion and much of mass media also discourage cheating. Nobody says you're free to cheat. Their are guys who have been disowned by own families for cheating on their wife. Though, it is still hoped that guy could cone back and be forgiven if he regrets his mistake and changes, and never commits same mistake again (that I feel, is wrong. Why forgive? ).

Those who say, "boys will be boys" and justify anything, get criticised universally. I have never seen a single instance wherein a man's acts were excused and it didn't invite criticism and condemnation. Times are changing.

I can only say it's hypocrisy to ask men to respect or behave a certain way or start discourse on redefining masculinity but glorify women doing same things that men were criticised for.

Even if we accept that all men cheat, still, it is better to stop them from cheating, discourage them in every way from indulging in such behaviour instead of getting women to go same way. I don't know why focus is on s**t shaming only when men are also called tharki, casanova, player, dog and whatnot. It's not like such men are spared from all judging! Had a man been shown in this video, unzipping his pants and mouthing lines about sex, he would be criticised as well, perhaps even more than the criticism this video got. Nobody would even give him benefit of doubt or make excuses about context and interpretation.

Still, even if we accept such relationships are okay, I would request to please avoid having kids. I cannot imagine kids growing up in such an environment.

I sometimes wonder what else are people going to ask for in name of freedom of choice. Society might have many debatable rules but it doesn't mean anything goes in name of choice and there ought to be no rules at all.

Adultery is a crime in Indian law for a man and can invite upto 5 years of punishment. The woman is not penalised though, as the law assumes that man must have forced her or seduced her. Law is already lenient on her. She doesn't need to wax eloquent on #MyChoice in this aspect.

These videos of obscure poems in English are not going to have any impact at all. The message won't reach masses. And take it from me in writing, that it would have received far worse backlash than this had the exact lines been uttered in Hindi.

Originally posted by: IAmLuvBolly

That line is what this whole thread is about, and what we are all debating. I loved the video as well except for the sex outside of marriage line. Actually it seems like most people did agree with the video except for that one line. And it has completely overshadowed the message of the video as a whole since everyone is talking, discussing and debating what that one line really means. And if not debating then condemning it for advocating adultery.

I see your poing however would like to examine it further context..

Originally posted by: SRK-BEBO

It's really idiotic to think this is a PR move.

If any one think vogue is some thing , any actress can bought, she / he needs to do a heard MRI, I am pretty sure out come will be "No brain detected".

This is a major marketing campaign by Vogue in association with several brands. Milking social issues for publicity and image building are the fad these days.
Anyone who thinks it's not about PR is living in denial.

Feminist blogs have mostly criticised such stunts by likes of Vogue.

There are so many woman who are forced to bear children under the most horrific conditions. People need to look into those stories before coming up with such statement that a woman who do not chooses to have children is being selfish. In a country where child marriage still exists, in a country where woman are asked to bear as many children as possible in hope to have a male child even though her health is deteriorating with time sometimes leading to life threatning risks,in a country where miscarriages means try again without giving her time to cope up with the emotional trauma, also a country where parents of the couple decides they need to have a child without really asking their opinions on that matter. Again in a society where woman is responsible for not having a child even though the problem lies totally with the man, How are we deciding whether a woman deserves to have a say in it. You do not go through those msierable nine months the girl does. Of course the man should have a say but definitely not the entire society and the whole family. The decision needs to be logical enough for someone to not suffer through the whole thing just because your husband wants it or his family does. Not everything can be decided before hand. Sometimes medical issues arises and the whole problem with this society is that if u dare ask someone to get a medical check up done he or she will be offended as u called them out on their perverted thoughts.

Originally posted by: ~*sindhu*~

There are so many woman who are forced to bear children under the most horrific conditions. People need to look into those stories before coming up with such statement that a woman who do not chooses to have children is being selfish. In a country where child marriage still exists, in a country where woman are asked to bear as many children as possible in hope to have a male child even though her health is deteriorating with time sometimes leading to life threatning risks,in a country where miscarriages means try again without giving her time to cope up with the emotional trauma, also a country where parents of the couple decides they need to have a child without really asking their opinions on that matter. Again in a society where woman is responsible for not having a child even though the problem lies totally with the man, How are we deciding whether a woman deserves to have a say in it. You do not go through those msierable nine months the girl does. Of course the man should have a say but definitely not the entire society and the whole family. The decision needs to be logical enough for someone to not suffer through the whole thing just because your husband wants it or his family does. Not everything can be decided before hand. Sometimes medical issues arises and the whole problem with this society is that if u dare ask someone to get a medical check up done he or she will be offended as u called them out on their perverted thoughts.

A woman is not a child manufacturing machine. There are families that still believes its a woman's duty to bring them their heir and if she dies in the process then they can always find another wife for their son. So yes a woman needs that choice to decide when to have a child and when to stop especially in these conditions. These are not just elite issues. It happens in every corner of this country.

i think people have taken the video into unnecessary zones, the video is basically talking about a woman's freedom, and for that the creators have taken some liberties, so aren't our bollywood films not taken liberty, every film raises objection these days as form of something. as far as i am concerned...i didn't find it wrong YES THE ADULTERY part is somehthing i don't agree but that does not make the whole Video a mess, heck m not even a deepika fan ! but then again if they did not leave a video like AIB, how could this have been left. anyways if u find so much problem with the audio, mute it and watch the video its a stunning and brilliant piece of visual art.

Originally posted by: sunflower52

The biggest problem of the video is the message was worded in such a way that it did not sound right.

These kind issues can not be cramped up in 2 mins video, your wordings makes more sense then what they tried to portray.

This whole video was big generalization, there are exceptions every where. The impression this video gave was that every man is bad or their families.

oh yes whatever in the video will obviously come under the subject matter of feminism as there are various branches of feminism like radical, black, lesbian etc , so the argument that their campaign will not come under feminism is baseless. The radicals campaigning is more vigorous than this .
I am against infidelity , but I am not against the affair outside marriage with the approval of the marital partner ,it is their choice , I am fine with premarital relationship too.My moral values will not encourage me to get involve in extra/pre marital physical relationship My choice.
Regarding pregnancy , if the woman don't want to get pregnant it is her choice cause her body is bearing the pain and the risk , so it is up to her decision , and lack of decision making role in pregnancy related matter is really serious . Similarly if she is pregnant before marriage , it is up to her to continue with the pregnancy or to terminate it.

Originally posted by: ~*sindhu*~

I know right, the video wasn't scripted well enough and was left a lot to interpretation which led to such ideas. Totally agree two mins is never ever enough to describe these ideas behind it. For all we know maybe they really didn't think much about their statements either. But the reactions are so disheartning and thediscussions I have seen, its like nothing changed in this society. People are calling Deepika s**t because of a video.

What I understand is that advertisement and marketing is never really made for the entire society as a whole. There is concept called target audience for whom these contents are made. Like when they make advertisements for anti tobacco campaigns it is meant for smoker not the rest of us. Same way when these kind of woman empowerment videos are made they are targeted towards those who do not see it as such. What is going wrong is everyone is taking offence to it as if its targeted to them. If they have not ever done any of these things then it is not talking about them. Its talking about those people who believes a woman should wear a certain kind of clothes and only then she will respected in the society. Its talking about those people who think that a woman needs to be home by a certain time or else she is characterless ignoring the fact that maybe she has night sifts and thats why she ends up coming up home at 4 in the morning. Where did the question of her partner and his feelings came into picture? Did they say they were talking about only married woman in particular? Woman is only someone's wife? a mother or a daughter in law?

When the statement was made about her having sex outside marriage My first thought about the news I heard where a woman was beaten up. stripped of her clothes and shamed in public because she had an affair because people thought she commited the worse crime as a human. I don't remember if the guy she was having an affair with was punished too. But I do remember when men do the same thing its only considered a mistake that can be forgiven. How is this equality then ? They both deserve the same kind of punishment isn't it ?

Again even with my own opinions I m talking about certain people in the society and not the whole society. I don't understand why people are genralising the whole thing and are crying about the woman's partner and how is it unfair to him. Maybe because I m single and the ideas fit well with me I see it differently. I don't know its upsetting how harsh and negative comments are poring in because a woman for once said she needs to care about herself at times.